He paused and faced me.
I nervously ran my fingers through my hair, which was very unlike me. I wasn’t usually this nervous around men. “Krissy and Chance want us to hang out with them tomorrow night. They were thinking dinner or bowling.”
Ryan’s brows furrowed.
“Yeah, I know bowling seems a little weird, but who knew, Chance loves it.” I tried to play it off lightheartedly.
Concern overtook his features. He let out a huge intake of air. “Charlee, I like you. I really like you.”
“I really like you, too,” I returned.
He didn’t even crack a smile. “I don’t know if I’m ready to announce to the world that I’m dating you, and I really need to talk to Victoria about it.”
Suddenly it all made sense, or at least the whole going to Boulder thing did. I wasn’t sure why he needed to talk to his ex-wife about me. “Oh, my gosh. I get it now. I guess when you said you couldn’t think of anyone that would be embarrassed to be seen with me, you should have added, except yourself.”
His face turned red. “No, it’s not like that. I meant what I said. It’s just, you were a kid and my neighbor and . . . Victoria . . . and …” he kept stuttering like an idiot.
I reached inside my bag for my keys and shook my head. I didn’t need this or him. “You know what? You don’t need to worry about it, because I don’t think we should continue dating.”
He reached for my arm. “Come on, Charlee, don’t be like that.”
I shook my head in disgust. “Don’t be like that? What? Self-respecting? Goodbye, Ryan.” I left him standing there, stunned, on my porch. I wanted to slam the door, but I didn’t want to wake up my dad. At least I hoped he was asleep. I was too upset to talk to anyone. I felt so foolish.
Chapter Fifteen
Well, that was a super short-lived dream. I knew I was stupid to even think we would ever be anything more than neighbors, but in my defense, he kind of gave me some hope. But I wasn’t desperate and I had dignity. I refused to be with someone that was embarrassed to be seen with me. I mean, really? Not once had I ever had a man behave like that toward me. Jay always was proud to have me by his side, and even Aidan seemed to think it was an enviable position.
I stomped down to my room. The first thing I saw was the dried-out bouquets from the wedding two weeks ago. I grabbed the stupid one I caught and threw it in the trash along with the ticket stubs Ryan let me keep from the concert. Ryan Tedder was back to number one Ryan, and I . . . I . . . was . . . unbelievably sad. I sat on my bed after my little tirade and willed myself not to cry. I reminded myself that I wouldn’t let a man make me cry unless it involved the happy kind of tears. I had watched my mother lose herself over not only my dad, but a string of losers after him. That would never be me.
After several minutes, I got up and readied myself for bed. I looked in the mirror at the beautifully painted moon and stars. I knew there was no hope that Ryan would ever look at me that way. For a second, the tears threatened to appear, but I held them at bay. Then I remembered Henry’s odd advice after he had painted the moon and stars on my cheek. I knew what couldn’t see the forest for the trees meant, but why would he say that to me? Oh well. I got a makeup remover wipe out and scrubbed my face with a fury.
It took forever to fall asleep; the sting of Ryan’s embarrassment of me wouldn’t let me be. Self-doubt and insecurity were running rampant, and I was cursing Krissy for being married. If she was still single, I could have called or driven to her apartment. She would be consoling me or at least stuffing my face with ice cream—anything to dull the pain of rejection and humiliation. Instead, I was left to nurse my own wounds. I took to tossing and turning and punching my pillow. When that didn’t work, I found my basketball, bounced it against the wood floor, and ran old drills in my head.
I took the ball to bed with me and kept throwing it toward the ceiling, only barely missing the ceiling fan. Finally exhaustion set in. I clung to the ball like a doll and fell asleep with it in my arms. It wasn’t the first time that had happened, but it had been years. I woke up, with basketball marks on my arms, and to the sound of chore music. Today’s selection was Kansas’ “Dust in the Wind.” It seemed fitting. My short-lived relationship with Ryan was dust.
Within minutes I joined my dad upstairs. He was busy making French toast, bless him. I loved that stuff.
“Hi, Daddy.”
He turned from the griddle. “Hey, kiddo. How was your night out?”
I sank into the stool nearest me and leaned my head against my hand. “Which part?” I sighed.
His eyes narrowed in concern before he turned back to the griddle and flipped a couple of pieces of French toast onto a plate. He turned back around and served them to me. “What happened? Trouble in Loveland?”
“Oh, ha ha.” I don’t know how many times people in Kansas thought I was joking when I said I grew up in Loveland. I thought about whether or not I should tell my dad what happened. Would he be upset that Ryan was embarrassed to be seen with me? How would that affect their friendship and partnership? “Don’t worry about it, Dad. Just know that Ryan and I won’t be seeing each other anymore. Oh, and thanks for the French toast.” I reached for the syrup bottle near me.
My dad stood there, apparently at a loss for words.
I, on the other hand, dug in. “Mmmm . . . This is good.” My mouth was somewhat full.
“CJ, you can talk to me.”
“Really, there’s no need.”
He didn’t believe me. “Do you want to go for a bike ride or hang out on the boat? I had plans, but I’ll change them if you need me.”
“Daddy, I’m fine, really. Don’t change your plans on account of me.”
He reached over the counter and tipped up my chin. “Charlee, you are the priority in my life.”
A dumb tear escaped. I supposed a dad was worth crying over. “Thank you, but really, I already had plans. Go enjoy your day.” I was planning on taking the second part of that ridiculous CPA exam.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. What do you have planned?”
He pinked a little and stood up straighter. “Just hitting the golf course.”
Odd. Very odd. “That sounds like fun.”
He turned around hastily. “Just golf.”
I was curious about his strange behavior, but I was still too wrapped up in my own thoughts about Ryan, so I didn’t fish for details. I lazily ate and chatted with my dad about all subjects non-Ryan related. I could tell my dad wanted to broach the subject, but I got the feeling he, too, felt like the less he knew the better. I cleaned up the kitchen while he got ready.
He was ready before I even had a chance to mop the floor.
“So how does your old man look?”
I looked him over from head to toe. He was awfully dressed up to be going golfing. He was wearing nice dress shorts and a button-up, collared shirt. “You look very distinguished. What’s the occasion?”
“No occasion,” he waved off my scrutiny, which only made me scrutinize him more. He was acting different.
“If you say so.”
He briskly walked my way and met me at the sink where he kissed my head. “Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving?”
“Yes, Daddy. I’ve been on my own for a long time now.”
“All right. Well, have a good day, and don’t let Ryan bother you. I’m sure whatever it is, you two kids will work it out.” He was too chipper.
I didn’t disagree with him, at least not out loud. I knew we wouldn’t be working it out, and I’ll be honest, that thought sucked, because I really liked him. At least I really liked him when I wasn’t an embarrassment to him. I tried my best not to think about him as I cleaned and started laundry. Unfortunately, my blouse from the previous night smelled like him and I couldn’t help but drink it in. After I tortured myself, I threw it in my basket and decided I better start looking for my own place. I knew I would have to work with Ryan for a while. My dad paid me too well, and I neede
d that money if I wanted to go back to school and not go into major debt. As an accountant, and someone that could calculate interest, I instructed myself not to go that route. But the less I had to be around Ryan, the better I would be.
Krissy called as soon as I settled on the couch in the basement with my laptop, ready to take part two of my exam. I sighed and debated answering. I wanted to talk to her and even vent, but it was kind of humiliating that Ryan was embarrassed to be seen with me. It wasn’t helping my self-esteem, I’ll tell you that.
I answered.
“Chance called the bowling alley in Loveland and got us a time at seven. Will that work for you guys?” She only let me get in a hello.
“I’m sorry, but it will only be the two of you.”
“What? Why?”
I threw my pride out the window and told her the whole mortifying tale.
“Oooo. Should I bring ice cream over?”
“Thanks, but no. I don’t think ice cream will cure this.”
“CJ, maybe it’s not as bad as you say. You have to admit, it’s got to be a little weird for him. I mean, you served punch at his wedding.”
A little laugh escaped. “Yeah, that is weird, but do I look and act like some teenage girl?”
“No. You’re all woman, honey. Ask all of Chance’s friends who, by the way, would all love to show you a good time.”
“Pass.”
“Why don’t you come out with us anyway? I think they even do karaoke at this bowling alley.”
“I love you guys, but I can’t bear to be the single friend of newlyweds. Maybe once you’re over the whole honeymoon phase we’ll talk.”
She sighed deeply.
“Yeah, I know.” I wasn’t sure those two would ever get out of that phase. “By the way, good luck at your audition on Monday.”
“I’m so nervous, but excited,” she squealed.
“You’ll be terrific. And maybe if you make it, you can introduce me to an attractive single football player.”
“You know I will.”
I’m sure she would, but knowing me, I wouldn’t be interested.
On that dismal note, I started taking my exam. Was it conceited to say it was easy? Long and boring, yes, but definitely not challenging. To make myself feel better, I opened my Psychology Today issue online and read a fascinating article on how conflicting goals can make you a better decision maker. It was a timely article for me. Then I read the nine most common mistakes couples make in a relationship. There wasn’t anything helpful, as we weren’t a couple or in a relationship.
My dad came home late for just golfing—it was dinner time. He was wearing a big ol’ grin and sporting a nice little sunburn, but I hadn’t seen him happy like that in years. He was even whistling to himself.
“Wow, you must have shot like a seventy.”
“Nope.” He kissed my head. “Ninety.”
“Then why are you so happy?”
“Because it’s a beautiful day and my beautiful daughter and I are going to go to dinner.”
“We are?”
“Yes, we are, so go get ready. I made reservations at the 4th Street Chophouse.”
“You really are in a good mood.”
I ran down to my room and put on my pretty red sundress, threw up my hair, and touched up my makeup. I had just put on my lip stain when my phone’s text alert chimed. I reached into my bag and pulled it out. It said I had two missed calls in addition to the text, all from my neighbor.
Charlee, I wish you would answer my calls.
I threw my phone back in my bag. I had no intention of answering his calls. I was surprised he’d called. I guess talking on the phone could be done privately, without anyone knowing that he was actually talking to me.
I walked upstairs to find my dad dressed well in pressed slacks and a dress shirt. He was still wearing his smile too.
“There’s my beauty.”
His smile and compliments were infectious. Dads were way better than ice cream, I decided. We laughed and talked our way through filet mignon, salmon, and six-layer chocolate cake. I had made up for the six weeks of limiting my calorie intake. I needed to run, but I would have to start doing it at night or hit my dad’s treadmill in the basement.
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about Ryan?” my dad asked on the way home.
I blew out a large breath. “Ryan has some reservations about dating me.”
“Too beautiful, too smart?”
“No, Dad.”
“Ahhh . . . too young.”
“Bingo.”
“He’ll get over it.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I told you this wouldn’t be easy, kiddo.”
“You were right. But you failed to mention how short-lived it would be.”
“You think so, huh?”
“I know so.”
He reached over and patted my knee.
I grabbed his hand. “I love you, Dad.”
He squeezed my hand tight. “I love you, kiddo.”
Fixing my relationship with my dad righted my world in a lot of ways. It brought me a peace that I had long missed and that sense of belonging I craved. I wondered how he was going to take it when I told him I didn’t want to be an accountant and that I was planning on moving out.
Sunday was a rare day in Colorado; it rained all day. It fit my mood perfectly. As much as I didn’t want to care about Ryan, I did. I spent most of the day as a slug on the couch holding onto a throw pillow and watching old westerns with my dad. I was about ready to get on the treadmill and run, when the doorbell rang. I looked over and my dad was sound asleep on his chair, snoring away. A bomb could have gone off and he wouldn’t have stirred. I guess that meant I was getting the door. I dragged my lazy butt off the couch and ran up to tell the poor solicitor we weren’t interested. I opened the door and found I was interested, well, at least partially interested.
My favorite redheaded three-year-old stood under the cover of our porch as the thunderstorm raged. “Cherry!” He ran straight to me and hugged my legs.
I picked him up and held him to me. “Hey, big guy.”
I glanced at his daddy, who looked hopeful. He wore a tentative smile. “Charlee,” he started to say.
I turned my attention back to his son.
“Will you play with me, Cherry?”
“Of course.” I snuggled him close and shut the door on his daddy. I walked Josh downstairs to the family room to the sound of the knocking door. I nudged my dad awake and he startled. “Sorry, Dad, but someone’s at the door.”
He was still groggy when he sat up. “Josh?”
“Josh is here to play.”
My dad rubbed his face. “Then who’s knocking on the door?”
I grinned wickedly and walked off with my playdate.
“Bye-bye.” Josh waved at my dad.
I heard the doorbell ring a few more times, but I ignored it and walked Josh down to the basement. “I’ve missed you this week.” I rubbed his nose with mine, making him giggle. I loved this kid. His dad, not so much. I looked over the basement, not sure what we would do. It wasn’t exactly a kiddie haven. I eyed the pool table and thought that could be fun. I set Josh down. “Okay, big guy, you’re going to have your first lesson on how to shoot pool. Believe me, you’ll thank me someday, the chicks dig a man who can shoot pool.”
“Is that so?”
I looked up to find a smug looking Ryan walking down the stairs.
I turned from him and tried to find the shortest cue stick we had for Josh.
“I’m going to play pool, Daddy.” Josh informed his dad.
Ryan picked up his son and tickled him. “Why don’t you let Charlee and me play and you can watch.”
“I don’t think so.” I nixed that idea.
Ryan smiled over at me. I was working on properly racking the balls, not that Josh would know the difference. “Come on, Charlee.” He walked over to me with Josh in his arms and stopped inches away from me.
I really hated that he smelled and looked so good. It wasn’t fair. “Why are you even here? I would hate to ruin your reputation.”
His dazzling smile faded. “So I’m an idiot and I’m sorry.”
“Now that we’ve settled that, I guess you can go home.”
He caught me off guard and pulled me to him and Josh. Thankfully, Josh giggled about it because Ryan’s look was my undoing. It was a mix of serious and impassioned, and whoa, did it work for him. It almost made me feel lightheaded. Why did he have such an effect on me? I tried to play it cool, but I’m pretty sure I failed miserably. I cracked a small smile. I tried to cover it up with indifference, but he noticed and grinned.
“Please forgive me and come out to dinner with us.”
“Where? Denver?” That was at least a good hour away.
He pressed his lips together. “Charlee, I’m sorry.”
“Fine, I forgive you, but I still don’t think we should date.”
He thought for a moment. He still held me and Josh to him. I thought I should probably back away, but I was conflicted and the butterflies were vetoing my mind.
“How’s this? We play one game of pool and if I win, you agree to go out to dinner with us.”
“What if I win?”
“That’s your choice.”
“Fine, you’re on.” I was great at pool, so I liked my odds.
Ryan set Josh on the couch. “Watch and learn, buddy.”
“I want to play,” Josh whined.
“You can help me,” his daddy offered as an alternative. He let Josh chalk the end of his cue stick. It sort of appeased him.
Ryan met me back at the table where the balls were racked tight and perfectly.
“I’ll let you break.” I was more than cocky.
“Oh, no. We’re going to flip for it, so when I beat you, it will be fair and square.” He pulled a quarter out of his pocket. “I’ll flip, you call.”
I had to admit I was kind of turned on by this in-control Ryan, but I shrugged my shoulders. “Have it your way.”
“Believe me, I plan to.” He flipped the coin high in the air.
“Heads,” I called.
He caught the coin and laid it flat against his left hand with his right hand hiding it from view. He grinned at me before he lifted his hand to reveal the coin tail side up. His eyes lit up, and he wasted no time positioning his cue on the table. He used the open bridge method and his stance was perfect. He lined the cue ball up and broke the balls with commanding force. So, maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.
Trouble in Loveland (The Loveland Series Book 1) Page 19
