Divided Allegiance

by Elizabeth Moon

  "You will spend time in solitary exercises; you will need the privacy. Later, you will learn the skills of meditation even when surrounded by noise and upheaval, but for novices it's easier to learn in solitude."

  Paks nodded silently. She was still shy of her paladin sponsor; it was hard to believe that he and Cami were in the same order. He seemed more sombre, far less approachable. She unpacked her things quickly, wondering a little at the requirement that her sponsor must see everything she owned. But for that, too, he had a reason. Paladins must be willing to go anywhere, anytime—able to endure hardship, not just discipline. Those who clung to treasured possessions, favorite foods, even friends, might make fine Marshals or knights, but not paladins. So in the early days of training, they must do without accustomed possessions. Those who withdrew would have theirs restored, but those continuing had to face the possible loss of items deemed too luxurious. Paks understood the reasoning, but could not imagine anyone preferring fancy clothes or jewelry to being a paladin. She said so, and Amberion grinned at her.

  "I've seen it myself. And there is always something hard to give up. If not material things, habits and ways of thought. This may be a trivial test for you, but there are others. No one passes through this training without struggle." He looked over her gear as he spoke, and told her to keep Saben's red horse and Canna's medallion. Aris's gift, her weapons, the shining mail the elfane taig had given her—all these went into storage. Then he said, "What about money? Do you have any gold or silver?"

  Paks handed over the heavy leather sack she'd brought from Brewersbridge. "This, and some on account with the Guild in Tsaia."

  His eyebrows went up. "Did Marshal Cedfer know how much gold you had?"

  "I don't know." Paks thought back to Brewersbridge, already distant to her mind. "I told him the elfane taig had gifted me; he saw the jewel I gave the grange, and knew I had money for food, lodging, and clothes."

  Amberion frowned, and Paks wondered what she'd done wrong. "Did you know that most orders of knights charge a fee for their training, which is waived for poor applicants?" he asked. Paks shook her head. She had assumed that the training company was maintained by the Fellowship of Gird, through contributions from the granges. "Perhaps Cedfer expected you'd become a Girdsman, as you have, and didn't bother to mention it," Amberion went on. "As a paladin, you may not hold wealth. We are bound to keep this for you, and restore it if you fail, but if you are called as a paladin . . . well . . ."

  "You mean I owe the Training College?" asked Paks.

  "Not precisely owe. Cedfer sponsored you here, at first, and you accepted this chance freely, as a gift. It would be ill grace on our part to ask alms of you now. On the other hand, while we would ask nothing of a farmer's daughter who had nothing, we would ordinarily ask a fee of someone who could pay. And that gold, that fee, would not be returned, whatever happened." He shifted the bag from hand to hand. "What had you planned with this?"

  "Well—" Paks had trouble remembering the clutter of plans and dreams with which she'd ridden from Brewersbridge. "I had sent money to my family, to repay my dowry, but I'd planned to send more if I became a knight, for then I could always earn my own way. And I'd thought of a new saddle for Socks—my black horse."

  He nodded slowly. "You thought of warriors' needs ahead, and your family. Are they poor, Paksenarrion?"

  "Not really poor, like some I've seen. We had food enough, if not too much; we always had clothes and fire in winter. But there's no money, most times. It took me years to save up the copper bits I left home with. And all the other children to be raised and wed—" Paks shook her head suddenly. "But now I'm here—and if I'm a paladin, I won't need a saddle, will I? Someone else will take Socks. And I won't be looking for work. Tell me what the fee is, sir, and I can send the rest to them and be done with it."

  Amberion smiled at her with real warmth. "You choose well. Would you agree to give this bagful to the Fellowship, and send whatever is on account to your family?"

  "There's more on account," said Paks.

  "No matter. We are not here to fatten ourselves at the expense of farmers. Now—what's this—?" He pushed at the little bundle of scuffed and tattered old scrolls left in her saddlebags. "I thought you weren't a scholar."

  "I don't know," said Paks. "I found them in my things after the elfane taig. I was going to ask Ambros about them, but that's when the caravan was attacked, and after that I forgot. I couldn't read them then—maybe now—" She started to unroll one of them; the parchment crackled.

  "Here—wait—" Amberion took it from her. "These are old, Paksenarrion—we must be careful with them, or they'll go to pieces." He peered at the faded script. "Gird's arm, I can't—what do you think that is?" He pushed it back to Paks, who leaned close.

  "I'm not sure. 'For on this day—something—Gird came to this village where was the—the—' is that word knight?"

  "I think so," said Amberion. "I think it's 'knight of the prince's cohort, and there they—' something where that's rubbed out, and then 'and as he said to me, that he did, and called the High Lord's blessing on it'—" Amberion looked up at her for a moment "Where did you say you found these?"

  "I didn't find them, exactly," said Paks. "After the fight underground, the elfane taig got me back to the surface—somehow—and then had me pack up a whole load of things. I was too sick to notice much, but the elfane taig insisted. A day or so later, when I looked through the packs, the scrolls were there. I tried to read them, but—" Paks flushed. "I didn't read that well—and the script is odd."

  "Yes—it is." Amberion seemed abstracted. "Paks—this has nothing to do with your training, but I believe these scrolls may be valuable. They're old—very old—and I've read something like this in the archives. Would you let the Archivist see them?"

  "Of course," said Paks. "I'd be glad to know what they are and why the elfane taig gave them. I almost threw them away, but—"

  "I'm glad you didn't," said Amberion. "If they're really an old copy of Luap's writings—"

  "Luap? Is that Gird's friend?"

  "Yes. Most of what we know about Gird comes from the Chronicles of Luap. This—" he nodded toward the scroll he held, "seems to be part of that—it's talking, I think, about the battle at Seameadow." He put the scroll down and looked around the room. "That's all, then? Good. Now about your horse—what do you call him?"

  Paks felt herself blushing again. "Socks," she mumbled. She had had enough comments to know that it should have been something grander. But Amberion did not laugh.

  "Better, to my mind, than some long name you can't shout at need. You know that if you pass the trials you'll have a mount?" She nodded. She had heard more than once of the paladins' mounts that appeared after their Trials, waiting fully equipped in the courtyard outside the High Lord's Hall. No one knew whence they came; no one saw them come. "But in the meantime you can use Socks for training. Doggal says he's good enough. In fact, the Training Order would take him when you pass the trials, unless you want to sell him elsewhere."

  "Yes, sir."

  "Take the things you won't need back to the steward, and then come back here; you'll meet the other paladins and candidates."

  For some days after that, Paks heard nothing more about the scrolls. Her schedule kept her too busy to ask. It was unlike any training she'd had before. Instead of weapons drill or military theory, she found herself immersed in history and geography: which men had come to which area, and when, and why. She learned of their laws and their beliefs; she had to memorize article after article of the Code of Gird. Gradually she built in her mind a picture of the whole land about, and the beliefs of the people. She could see, as in a drawing, her father's family perched on the side of a moor north of most trade routes. They had believed in the High Lord, and the Lady of Peace, but also in the horse nomad deity Guthlac, and the Windsteed. Their boundary stones, and the rituals for keeping them, came from Aarenis; the well-sprite for whom she had plucked flowers every spring was called th
e same—Piri—from Brewersbridge to Three Firs, and south to Valdaire. But in Aarenis proper, the well-spirits were multiple, and called caoulin: they had no personal names.

  She learned that elves claimed no lands: the elvenhome kingdoms cannot be reached by unguided humans anyway. In Lyonya, where elves and humans ruled together a mortal kingdom, human land-rights were held provisionally, and any change of use had to be approved by the crown. Dwarves claimed daskgeft, a stonemass, but cared little who traveled the surface. Gnomes held all property by intricate law, and to step one foot-length on gnomish land without legal right could bring the whole kingdom down on the criminal. Even in human lands, the laws of property differed. In Tsaia, where land was granted by the crown in return for military service, those who actually farmed rarely owned the land they worked—but in Fintha nearly all farms were owned by the farmer.

  High Marshal Garris taught them the lore of the gods—all that was known of the great powers of good and evil. Paks learned that Achrya, the Webmistress, had not been known in Aare—proof, according to Marshal Garris, that Achrya was a minor god, for the great gods had power everywhere in the known world. Liart, on the other hand, had been known in old Aare, but not to the northern nomads or the Seafolk until they met the men from Aarenis. She learned that her fear of the Kuakkgani came from mistaking them for kuaknom, a race related to elves but devoted to evil; the Kuakkgani, Garris insisted, were never wholly evil, and often good. Of the greatest evils, Marshal Garris taught only their names and general attacks: Nayda, the Unnamer, who threatened forgetfulness, and Gitres, the Unmaker.

  "They are one in destruction," he said firmly. "They try to enforce despair, and convince you that nothing matters, for they will wipe out all. Never believe it. The elves call them A-Iynisi, the Unsinger who unravels the Song of the Singer, but they know as well as we that the Singer lives, and living must create."

  "But are they really one, or two?" asked Harbin, the yeoman-marshal sponsored by Cami.

  High Marshal Garris shrugged. "No man knows, Harbin; no man needs to know. I think—but it is only my thought—that it is only one, but one who appears in the guise you most fear. One fears the loss of fame, of being unknown and forgotten, and another fears having all his works unmade. All mortals have some form of this fear, and in search of immortality among men may do great evil without intention. It is hard to trust that the High Lord's court will remember and reward a good life, hard to risk fame or lifework when those are at stake."

  Along with this, all the candidates were encouraged to learn languages. Paks had already found, in her travels, that she was quick to pick up new phrases. Since she had made friends among the elves and dwarves in Fin Panir, Amberion urged her to spend her evenings with them, speaking elven and dwarvish in turn. At first this went quickly: she could ask for food and drink, and greet her friends politely, after only a few lessons. But the more she wanted to say, the harder it got. A simple question, like "where are you from?" would bring on a flurry of discussion. Paks found the dwarves more willing to explain than the elves, but she could not follow their explanations.

  "It is simple," said Balkon one night, the third time of trying to explain dwarf clan rankings. "Let us begin with the Goldenaxe." They had begun with the Goldenaxe before, but Paks nodded. "The Goldenaxe has two sons and a daughter."

  "Yes, but—" Paks knew that something difficult was coming.

  "Wait. The Goldenaxe that was, before this, had a sister who had a son, and so this Goldenaxe is the sister-son of the Goldenaxe that was."

  "His nephew?" ventured Paks.

  Balkon scowled. "No—not. In Common that is son of either brother or sister, yes? And this is only for sister-son. Brother-son is mother's clan."

  Paks started to ask why, and thought better of it.

  "Now—this Goldenaxe has no sister, only brother, and brother has no sons. But a daughter. It is clear?"

  Paks nodded. She still had a thread to follow. The current Goldenaxe had a brother, with a daughter, and two sons and a daughter of his own.

  "So will inherit to the title either the son of his brother's daughter, or his oldest son, or the son of his daughter."

  "But why not just his son?" asked Paks.

  "Because that is not his blood," said Balkon. "His son's son is not his clan, you see that—only his daughter's son—"

  "Then why not his daughter?" asked Paks again.

  "What? She be the Goldenaxe? No—that would rive the rock indeed. No dwarfmaid wields coldmetal—"

  "They don't fight?"

  "I did not say that. They wield not the coldmetal, the weaponsteel, once it is forged. You, lady, would not stand long against a dwarven warrior-maid in her own hall."

  Paks went back to asking the names of common objects after that. With elves the trouble was different but equally impenetrable. Some questions were simply ignored, others answered in a spate of elven that drowned her mind in lovely sound. Ardhiel gladly taught her songs, and encouraged her to learn the elaborate elven courtesies, but as for learning more about elves themselves, it was "Lady, the trees learn water by drinking rain, and stars learn night by shining." Paks found individual words easy to speak and remember, but her best efforts at stringing them together sounded nothing like Ardhiel's speech, though he praised her.

  She had also much to learn of paladins, as did the other candidates. Most of them had thought, like Paks, that being Gird's holy warrior meant gaining vast arcane powers—they would be nearly invincible against any foe. Their paladin sponsors quickly set them straight. Although paladins must be skilled at fighting, that, their sponsors insisted, was the least of their abilities. A quest might involve no fighting at all, or a battle against beings no steel could pierce.

  "Paladins show that courage is possible," Cami said to them one day. "It is easy enough to find reasons to give in to evil. War is ugly, as Paks knows well," she nodded toward Paks, who suddenly remembered the worst of Aarenis, the dead baby in Rotengre, the murdered farmfolk, Ferrault dying, Alured's tortures. "We do not argue that war is better than peace; we are not so stupid as that. But it is not peace when cruelty reigns, when stronger men steal from farmers and craftworkers, when the child can be enslaved or the old thrown out to starve, and no one lifts a hand. That is not peace: that is conquest, and evil. We start no quarrels in peaceful lands; we never display our weaponskills to earn applause. But we are Gird's cudgel, defending the helpless, and teaching by our example that one person can dare greater force to break evil's grasp on the innocent. Sometimes we can do that without fighting, without killing, and that's best."

  "But we're warriors first," said Paks before she thought. She wished she'd kept still. She had already noticed that the others, with their years in the Fellowship and service in the granges, had different views. Now they all looked at her, and she fixed her gaze on Cami.

  "Yes," said Cami slowly. "Some evils need that direct attack, and we must be able to do it, and to lead others in battle. Did you ever wonder why paladins are so likeable?" It seemed an odd remark, and threw Paks off-balance. Apparently others were confused as well, by the stirring in the room. "It's important," said Cami, now with that grin that pulled them all together. "We come to a town, perhaps, where nothing has gone right for a dozen years. Perhaps there's a grange of Gird, perhaps not. But the people are frightened, and they've lost trust in each other, in themselves. We may lead them into danger; some will be killed or wounded. Why should they trust us?" No one answered, and she went on. "Because we are likeable, and other people will follow us willingly. And that's why we are more likely to choose a popular yeoman-marshal as a candidate than the best fighter in the grange."

  Paks dared a sideways glance. From the thoughtful and even puzzled faces around her, the others had never considered this. She herself, remembering the paladin in Aarenis, realized that she had trusted him at once, without reservation, although the Marshal with him had annoyed her.

  "But you see how dangerous that could be, if someone wante
d to do evil," said Cami, breaking into her thoughts. "We choose from those with a gift for leadership, those people will follow happily. Therefore we must be sure that you will never use that gift wrongly. Another thing: because we come and go, we make demands on those we help for only a short time. It's easier for them to follow us quickly, and then go home. Never scorn Marshals: when we have left, they must maintain their yeomen's faith. Perhaps we showed them what was possible—but we left them with years of work."

  As for the powers legend had grafted onto paladins, in reality there were four.

  "We all have powers, but not all of us have them equally," said Amberion one day. "Any paladin can call light—" A glow lit the end of his finger. "It is not fire, which gives light by burning, but true light, the essence of seeing. There are greater lights—" At his nod, Cami suddenly seemed to catch fire, wreathed in a white radiance too bright to watch. Then it was gone; all the candidates blinked. "More than that," Amberion went on, "some paladins—but not all—can call light that will spread across a whole battlefield." Paks remembered the light in Sibili. "It is the duty and power of a paladin," said Amberion, "to show the truth of good and evil—to make clear—and that is what our light is for. It is a tool. Sometimes we use it to prove our call, but it must never be used for the paladin's own convenience or pride."

  "But how do you make the light?" asked Clevis, one of the other candidates.

  "We do not make it. We call it—ask it, in Gird's name. Later in your training we will graft this power onto you, for awhile, so that you can learn to use it—but it will not be your power until you are invested as a paladin, in the Trials, and the gods give or withhold your gifts."

  "You mean we won't know until then?" asked Harbin.

  "You knew that, surely?"

  "Well, yes, but—" He shook his head. "It seems a long time wasted, if we don't become paladins. Can't you tell earlier?"