Divide and Conquer Volume One

by Foil and Phaser

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  “So… where am I to make my claim?” I asked, considering a list of reasonable targets as I gnawed quietly on a tender leg joint. She had not only snared a nice boar while I prepared to leave, but cleaned it too. I normally just fed on the archive’s supply of salted meat or burned my kills and cooked the blood out, leaving little more than charred jerky. The change was wonderful. “Should I menace the orphanage while you pursue more aspiring riches?”

  “And do what?” she replied with a thrumming laugh. “Snatch their socks after you lull them to sleep. Lecture them on the economics behind the cotton shortage of thirteen-fourteen. That will bring lids to their eyes. I know it inspired me so strongly. Awake however, I fear they'd outnumber and overwhelm you. I can imagine the sight of you fleeing out the doors as you try to pry their tiny hands and giggling bodies from your horns and tail.”

  “Hardly,” I replied. “I'd be forced to surrender immediately. Their children are so small…and soft. I worry I'll step on one when they're around and squish them into a meaty…mash.” I swallowed and shook out my fore-claws distastefully.

  “You aren't so much larger than they. I almost worry they'll step on you.” I glared. “Luckily I had no orphans in mind for my plans-” her forked tongue curled in amusement for just and instant before she continued. “And I know the difficulty you have with the elderly.”

  “Widow Katherine,” I bristled and spat fire to the side. “Oh the things I'd do to that vile woman if my morals weren't etched in iron.”

  “More like brittle leather. I know what you did to her house as you flew over. Or is your bladder not as strong as your morals.”

  “On her dog actually.” I corrected after a moment of sputtering confusion. “That was my intention at least, but it was as spiteful as it was an unlikely attempt. It had barked and bit at my tail endlessly while I was focused on the vile hag, then had the nerve to stand open and yip at us as we flew off.” Karma only snorted once more. A long drawn out huff of air that said all she thought of this discussion before she finished with the vague assurance.

  “What I have planned is much safer than either of those. It is even an expedition of completely legal means.” I'll admit, I was a little surprised.