But this … we’re not hand-holding friends. We’re not friends with benefits. We never have been. Sure, we’re affectionate, but it’s not significantly different than with Kami—occasional hugs and friendly touches, but nothing unusual. Not as much as he’s been touching me tonight, and now …
He straightens, clearing his throat, his eyes darting to the side as he takes a deep breath like he’s gathering his courage to say something.
His blue eyes find mine again, and he brings his other hand into play, clasping my hand more securely between his. “Samantha, we’ve been friends for a while now.”
I nod. “Yes. You’ve been a great friend.”
“Thank you.” He gives me another closed-mouth smile. “It’s been my pleasure. I’ve loved getting to know you and Maddie, spend time with you, watch her learn and grow and discover the world, and watch you become more confident and strong as you navigate being a mom and working full-time. You’re amazing.” His eyes bore into mine with an intensity I’ve never seen in him before, and his voice turns hushed. “I’ve waited patiently for you to be ready to date again, knowing you needed time to get your feet under you. For Maddie to get a little older. And I’ve made sure to be there for you as much as possible so that when you were ready for a partner, you’d know you didn’t have to look any further than right in front of you.”
A rising flood of panic makes it hard to draw a full breath. “Kyle …” I try to interrupt, not wanting him to go on. Not wanting to hear this. Not wanting him to ruin our friendship forever in one awful dinner. All of Kami’s weird comments about the way Kyle looks at me or how he wants me that I dismissed as her goofing around flash through my head. My conversation the other night with Aaron after Kyle watched Maddie where Aaron asked if we’d ever dated …
They were right.
I’m shaking my head in reflexive denial, hoping, praying, that Kyle will just shut up. Stop talking. Not go any further. Then we can pretend that none of this happened and go back to being friends. But if he keeps talking …
“Let me finish,” he says, sealing our fate. “I know you and Maddie’s dad are …”
“Aaron,” I correct, ignoring the slight downturn of the corners of his mouth that I know indicates frustration. “His name is Aaron. Not Maddie’s dad or Maddie’s father. And we’re working things out between us. You should know that I never really got over him. The reason I wasn’t ready to date had nothing to do with being a single mom of a baby or toddler or preschooler. Not directly. That’s a convenient excuse that I’ve happily used anytime anyone suggested I start dating again. I tried, that one time, in an attempt to move on. But it wasn’t worth it.” With a deep breath, I pull my hand free from Kyle’s grasp, which has gone limp. “I’m sorry, Kyle. I don’t feel that way about you. I’m in love with Aaron. I’ve always been in love with Aaron.”
His face twists, anger and frustration warring for dominance, and his hands clench into fists. “I thought you said he was leaving again soon.” His voice is a study in controlled calm, but I can tell that it’s costing him.
“He is. But he’s not leaving forever. People make long distance relationships work all the time.”
His lip curls in a sneer. “You’d rather continue in this weird limbo than—”
I hold up my hand, shaking my head. “Stop. No. Whatever it is you want to say, don’t. Just don’t. You’re my friend, Kyle. And I love you, as a friend. You’ve been there for me in so many ways. But you’ve never been in the running as Maddie’s stepdad. That was never in the cards. I’m sorry if you feel like you’re getting cheated out of something here, but that’s not the way it works. You don’t get to pay your dues as my friend to get the ultimate payoff of landing me as your … what? Girlfriend? Wife? Friend with benefits? Whatever fantasy you’ve built up in your head, it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry.” Standing, I dig in my purse for my wallet, thankful I have some cash on hand. “I should go. Because if I stay, one or both of us will say something we’ll regret. I don’t want to lose your friendship.” Even though I’m afraid I already have. Regardless, things will never be quite the same between us after this. And we still have to work together.
I don’t give him the opportunity to accept or refuse the single twenty dollar bill I happen to have in my wallet. I simply drop it on the table and walk away, pulling out my phone to get an Uber home, sadness pulling at me.
I knew things would change with Aaron in the picture.
But this isn’t something I thought I’d need to worry about.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Aaron
When I bring Maddie back to Sam’s place at the agreed upon time, I’m surprised—but not upset—to discover her in lounge pants, an oversized T-shirt, and no bra. She turns off the TV and holds her arms out to Maddie, who squeals, “Mommy!” and runs to her. “I missed you!”
“I missed you too, sweet girl.” She kisses Maddie’s cheeks a bunch of times, eliciting more giggles and squeals until Maddie wriggles out of her arms.
I stand with my hands in my pockets and a smile on my face while Maddie fills her mom in on all the fun things we did tonight—making brownies together for dessert, licking the spoon, eating warm brownies with ice cream after pizza while watching Finding Nemo, her favorite movie. The fact that we’ve all watched it enough times that we can recite it in our sleep is beside the point. That’s what she wanted, so that’s what we did.
“Wow,” Sam says, meeting my eyes with a smile over Maddie’s head. “Sounds like you two had lots of fun.”
“It was so much fun!” Maddie jumps up and down, then squeezes Sam’s legs in another enthusiastic hug.
Sam scoops her up and gives her another squeeze. “I’m so glad. Now it’s time to get ready for bed, though.”
“Ohh.” Maddie pokes out her lower lip in a pout.
“Go pick out your PJs. I’ll be in to help brush your teeth in a minute.”
Maddie twists to look at me. “I want Daddy to brush my teeth.”
I step forward and smooth a hand down her back. “No problem. Do what your mom says, though. Go pick out PJs. I’ll be right there.”
Sam sets Maddie down, and I take my opportunity to finally greet her, stepping close and wrapping my arms around her, dropping an all-too-brief kiss on her lips. But parenthood is calling, and we only have a moment right now.
“Hey,” I say, smiling down at her. It’s my default expression whenever Sam’s around. “Been home a while?”
She looks away and nods, sniffing. “Yeah.”
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. I mean, I can’t say I was thrilled to find out she was going out to dinner with another man tonight, but she repeatedly assured me that they were just friends, that they’ve been friends for ages, and that neither of them has ever had any romantic interest in each other. I didn’t quite buy it—not after the way he acted the other night—but I believe that she’s never had any interest in him. So even I if I wasn’t thrilled, I wasn’t worried.
“What happened?” I ask softly.
She shakes her head, huffing out a breath and crossing her arms between us. “You were right.”
“About?”
“He …” She bites her lip, finally looking up at me again and sighing. “He treated tonight like a date, rather than just a friendly hangout dinner. Even though he asked me to a friendly hangout dinner, and I said yes to that. Not to a date. I would’ve said no to a date. I don’t want to date Kyle.”
“And why’s that?” I keep my voice pitched low, but can’t help the edge of smugness that creeps in.
One corner of her mouth twists up in a reluctant smile. “You know why.”
“Mmm.” I tighten my grip around her, and her crossed arms loosen, her hands going to my biceps. “Is it because you have the sexiest man you could imagine right here?”
She laughs, the sound somehow both light and sad. “Yes. That’s part of it.” She shrugs, looking away and chewing on her lower lip again. “I’ve never thought of Kyle that
way. Ever. He’s a nice guy—a great guy—and he’s cute. Honestly, there isn’t really a reason why I shouldn’t be attracted to him. I’m just …” She faces me again, her eyes looking helpless and sad. “Not,” she finishes. “And the real reason I’m not—that I haven’t ever been interested in anyone else, really—is that I’ve been hung up on you the entire time.”
“Oh yeah?”
She nods. “Yeah,” she whispers.
I kiss her, needing to taste her after that declaration. “That’s good,” I whisper against her mouth. “Because I’ve been hung up on you the entire time too.”
“Daddy!” Maddie calls. “Come brush my teeth!”
I pull back with a smile, and Sam gives me a gentle push away. “Go. We’ll finish this conversation when she’s in bed.”
Her eyes go hot when I reach down to adjust myself, and I smirk as I walk backwards across the living room. “Just so you know, I don’t plan on having much of a conversation once she’s in bed.”
Sam’s sexy laughter follows me down the hall, and I’m smiling the entire time I brush Maddie’s teeth.
The bedtime routine goes by without too much trouble, except I’m struggling to keep my patience while Maddie waffles about which books to read for story time, begging for four or five instead of the usual two or three. We compromise on four, mostly because I just want the arguments to be over so she can go to sleep and Sam and I can pick up where we left off.
I also want to make sure Sam’s not too upset over how her dinner went with Kyle. He might not be my favorite person, but he’s been a good friend to Sam and Maddie for a long time. And I can’t help but appreciate the guy for looking out for them when I couldn’t.
That’s all changed now. Even when I’m not here, I’ll be making sure they’re okay in every way I can. Which reminds me, Sam and I still haven’t successfully discussed finances …
Shoving those worries aside, I focus on the storybook retelling of Frozen that Maddie picked first, proceeding through the rest of the books and snuggling her into bed with a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Sam comes in and tucks her in, singing softly to her and waiting for her to fall asleep.
Unwilling to leave either of them, I sit in the doorway, enjoying the quiet domesticity of the scene, my heart lurching as I realize how much I’ll miss these simple daily routines when I’m on tour.
When I mentioned the idea of the two of them joining me, Sam dismissed the idea almost immediately. She treated it like a joke. But that was before things progressed more between us.
Might she be open to it now?
Before I have time to dwell on that idea, Sam stands from her place next to Maddie’s bed and tiptoes toward me, making shooing motions to get me out of the doorway so she can close it behind her.
I wait in the hallway, stepping close and sliding my arms around her like I’ve wanted to since I let her go to brush Maddie’s teeth a half an hour ago. “That went pretty easily,” I whisper in her ear.
“I know,” she whispers back. “Don’t talk about it, though, or you’ll jinx it and she’ll wake up and yell for me in ten minutes.”
“Right. No talking.” To shut us both up, I slide my lips over hers. She opens for me immediately, her arms wrapping around my neck as I deepen the kiss, luxuriating for a moment in the feel of her body against mine.
The kiss turns from slow and sensual to hot and hungry, her hips pressing forward, seeking friction. I pin her hips to mine with my hands and take slow shuffling steps backward, hoping I’m aiming for her bedroom door.
When she trips over my feet, she breaks the kiss, clapping a hand over her mouth to cover her giggle, clinging to me with the other hand. With my arms wrapped around her to hold her up, my shoulders shake with silent laughter. She looks up, her eyes dancing in the dim light from the hallway nightlight, and if I weren’t already sure that I’m in love with this woman, this moment would clench it.
“I love you,” I murmur, speaking the thought.
She sobers, straightening, her lips parted as she examines my face. I hold my breath, loosening my hold on her, waiting for her reaction, uncertainty burrowing into my gut. I said it before, but didn’t give her the chance to say it back. Or not say it back. Wanting to cover my sudden vulnerability that time. But now …
Now I just want to hear those words on her lips again.
Her fingers tighten in the fabric of my shirt, and she pulls me close, kissing me hard. My arms tighten around her again, reacting to the ferocity of her kiss, but not sure exactly what it means.
She pushes me toward her door, and my foot connects with the wood, making a hollow thud, and pushing it open to bang against the doorstop.
Taking over, I soften the kiss. “Easy,” I whisper against her lips. “Don’t wake Maddie.”
Her lips curve under mine. “I love you too,” she whispers back, and the knot of anxiety lodged in my stomach dissolves, warmth taking its place.
I sigh against her mouth, maneuvering us closer to the bed. Laying her down, I push up her shirt and kiss the bare skin of her abdomen, nuzzling my way up between her breasts. Her muscles tighten and goosebumps shimmer across her skin. I follow them with my tongue until she pushes me away and pulls her shirt off over her head and tosses it on the floor.
“Hey. I was going to do that,” I object.
She lets out a light laugh and reaches for me. “You were taking too long. C’mere.”
Grabbing the neck of my shirt, I strip it off before settling over her, tucking my arms under her shoulders to press us skin to skin, loving the feel of her against me, and hating that we both have pants on still.
Despite her comment earlier about Maddie waking up in ten minutes and interrupting us, I’m taking my sweet time. I’ve learned that she typically sleeps for several hours before waking up. That time she walked in on us was the exception. And I’m fully prepared to exploit this time with Sam as much as possible. The ticking countdown clock in the back of my mind reminds me that we won’t get to do this many more times before we’re separated. Unless I can somehow change her mind about coming with me …
But something tells me that tonight’s not the night to push it. Maybe after Danny’s wedding this weekend, once she’s met everyone, she’ll be more open to the idea.
For now, I focus on the feel of her skin, her sweet mouth, the aching friction she creates when I drag my cock between her legs. Crawling down her body, I peel off her lounge pants and spread her thighs, diving in and licking her to orgasm before shucking my jeans and chasing my own.
Afterward, we talk quietly in bed, wrapped around each other before drifting off to sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Samantha
“Fill me in on what I should know.” I twist a strand of hair that I’ve pulled from my simple updo around the curling iron, giving myself some face-framing ringlets, determined to look my best for this wedding-slash-party-slash-this isn’t like any wedding I’ve ever heard of before.
Aaron steps into the bathroom of our suite with me after casting a glance at where Maddie’s sprawled on the bed, watching cartoons on TV. He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his slim-fitting slacks, his eyes scanning up and down my body in my fit and flare dress. He looks hungry, and I can’t help thinking his hands are in his pockets so he doesn’t reach for me while I’m wielding hot hair styling tools.
“What do you want to know?” he asks after finishing his leisurely perusal that makes my temperature match the curling iron.
I meet his eyes in the mirror and roll mine, then move to curl the hair on the other side of my face. “Any rivalries between anyone? Fights on the verge of breaking out? Things I shouldn’t mention? People I should avoid? I don’t know anyone except you. I’m nervous.”
“You met Kendra and Ava at the concert.”
Pursing my lips, I give him a Seriously look. “That hardly counts.”
He grins. “Fine. You’re right. You were distracted that night by being face to face with my a
wesomeness again.”
I have to stifle a laugh so I don’t jiggle and accidentally burn myself. Finished with my hair, I set the curling iron out of the way on the speckled granite counter to cool off and pull my makeup bag to me so I can finish getting ready. “Right. Yes. Your awesomeness is always distracting.”
He lays a hand over his chest. “I know. It’s a cross we all have to bear.”
“Uh-huh. So back to my question—you mentioned it was going to be small, more like a cocktail party than a traditional wedding ceremony. But that doesn’t help me at all. I have no idea what to expect.” Turning, I point at him with the end of the makeup brush in my hand. “You better not abandon me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he reassures me, his voice soothing. He shrugs. “It’ll be us. Danny and Ava, of course. The other guys. Kendra. Blaire. Ava’s family. Danny’s parents. Eli. Don’t worry, I’ll introduce you to everyone. By the end of the night, you’ll be one of us.” He gives me his boyish smile, like if he says it and wishes it hard enough, it’ll actually be true.
I make a noncommittal sound, not so convinced, and poke around my makeup bag to hide my misgivings. He’s talked about everyone enough that I feel like I know them. But the fact is that I don’t. I’m the outsider. And I’m acutely aware of that fact. He’s convinced they’ll be thrilled I’m with him, that they’ll welcome me with open arms. But I know he’s had a relationship with Blaire. He’s alluded to it indirectly a few times when we’ve been talking, though we still haven’t actually talked about our relationships during our time apart. Like we’re pretending that if we don’t acknowledge anything, it’ll just poof! Cease to exist.
And until now, that’s been an easy delusion to live in. That our time apart didn’t really happen. That we’re a family, if a slightly unconventional one.
But this is a bitter dose of reality. He has a life apart from me, apart from Maddie. And he’ll be heading back to it soon.
Everything I Want Page 22
