We’re the last ones to arrive to the restaurant that’s been rented out just for this evening. I’m feeling flustered and embarrassed to be late, but Aaron wraps his arm around my waist and leans in close to whisper in my ear, “Relax. It’s a party, not a regular wedding. They’re not starting the ceremony for a while anyway.” He has Maddie propped in his other arm in her fluffy dress, her hair kept out of her face by French braid pigtails.
When we walk in all together, making something of a grand entrance, everyone stops to look at us. Chatter quickly resumes, mostly in the form of greetings. I scan the room, getting the lay of the land while the lead singer, Marcus, steps forward and claps Aaron on the shoulder, his girlfriend following close behind him. Aaron’s mostly right—no one cares that we’re late, least of all the apparent bride and groom, who are approaching us with smiles on their faces. But I don’t miss the shocked expression on the short blonde who I recognize from tabloid photos of her posing with Aaron and Mason on either side of her. Her eyes dart from me to Aaron and back to the way Aaron’s hand slides to my back to pull me close again.
But I’m distracted from her shock by Aaron saying, “And this is Sam.”
Marcus offers me a dazzling smile and his hand to shake. “Yes. I remember you from our Philly concert. Nice to see you again.”
I slap a polite smile on my face. “You too.”
“I don’t know if you remember me,” says the woman behind him. “I’m Kendra. We talked for a second backstage at that concert too.”
I nod, still smiling, hoping I look friendly instead of maniacal. “I remember. That was an eventful night.”
Aaron lets out a rueful chuckle, and Kendra’s smile deepens, her eyes cutting to Aaron and Maddie. “I guess so.” She steps closer to me, leaving the guys to talk more. “How are things going, though? Your little girl is adorable.” She lays her hand over her chest. “And seeing her with Aaron like that.” She sighs. “Sooo cute. They’ve obviously gotten pretty comfortable with each other.”
My smile becomes more genuine as I look over at them, Maddie chatting animatedly with Marcus, who’s been joined by Danny and Ava. “They are. He’s great with her.”
“He looks really happy.” She touches my arm, and I turn to look at her, taking in her warm smile. “I’m glad he found you again.”
“Me too,” I murmur, but my gut churns with acid, because I glance around the room again and my gaze lands on Blaire, who’s staring at Aaron with naked longing on her face. And Aaron’s going to be back on tour soon. With a woman who clearly wants him. Who’ll be with him twenty-four-seven for the next several months. Even if he wants to make things work between us right now, we’re living in a fantasy world where we’re together as often as we want. Will that change once he’s back on the road? What if he decides that our relationship is too much work?
But then I’m being introduced to Danny and Ava, and Ava’s cooing over Maddie and offering to introduce her to Eli, her soon-to-be stepson who’s running around zooming two little planes through the air, an older woman with a neat bob haircut trailing behind him.
Soon I’ve been introduced to everyone, including Blaire, who’s polite and friendly to my face, even if I caught her in an unguarded moment earlier when she didn’t realize anyone was paying attention.
We’re plied with drinks and appetizers, and the kids run around while the grownups chat. Aaron stays close for a while, but eventually leaves me in the care of Kendra and Ava. Ava rests her hands on her protruding belly, looking the embodiment of the gorgeous, glowing pregnant lady stereotype in her simple white knit wrap dress, her hair styled in artful curls, a white lace butterfly brooch clipped over one ear, holding her hair away from her face.
She and Kendra are friendly and welcoming, making me think that maybe Aaron wasn’t so far off. After a little while, Danny comes over and leans down to kiss Ava. “It’s time,” he says, holding out a hand to help her to her feet and lead her to the front of the room.
Someone clinks a water glass with a spoon, and conversations finish, all eyes going to the front. “Thank you everyone for coming,” Danny says in a loud, clear voice, the crowd small enough that he doesn’t need a mic. “I know we’re all supposed to be having our separate breaks so we don’t want to kill each other, but Ava and I decided we didn’t want to wait to get married any longer. And there’s no one we want to share our day with more than all of you. Neither of us is that big on elaborate ceremonies, so we’re keeping it simple.” He turns to Ava. “Ava, since you came into my life, you’ve only made it better. You’re the best Mom Eli could ask for.” His hand slides to cup her belly. “And I’m so excited to be adding to our family already. I love you.”
Her smile turns watery, and she blinks rapidly before kissing him. “I love you too.” Her voice doesn’t carry quite as clearly as his, but I can still hear her. “I found you when my world was crashing down around me. You gave me a new home. A new family. And helped me find my way back to myself. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to see where our journey takes us next.”
Everyone claps as they kiss, and then an older man in a suit steps up to them. He waits for quiet and then starts a traditional secular ceremony. A few short minutes later, after an exchange of vows and rings, everyone claps and whistles as they kiss once more, now officially married. Uniformed waitstaff remove the covers from dishes in the buffet line off to one side, and Mason and Blaire lead everyone over.
I watch them for a moment, taking in the way they banter and seem comfortable with each other. Would Aaron be joining them if I weren’t here?
“Let’s get in line,” Aaron says. “There’s prime rib. I want some before Mason eats it all.”
I laugh. “Surely he’s not going to eat the whole thing by himself.”
He gives me a look that says I don’t know Mason well enough to make that kind of call. With a laugh, I shake my head. “Get in line. I’ll get Maddie so we can make her a plate too.”
The casual way he kisses me before we separate drives my worries from my brain.
For now.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Aaron
Two plates of food, cake, and uncountable toasts later, and I’m overfull and a little buzzed from all the champagne. My tolerance level is way down from spending the last six weeks with Sam and Maddie and barely drinking at all. A beer or two every once in a while, but that’s it. And for some reason, champagne goes to my head faster than beer.
Sam’s laughter fills the air from the seat next to mine where she’s talking with Kendra. I smile over at them, happy she’s making friends, hoping it’ll bolster my case that she and Maddie should come with me. If she already has another friend, maybe she won’t feel like she’s taking such a big risk packing up and coming with me.
But I’m not going to go there until we’re back home.
Home …
Funny, I haven’t thought of Pottstown as home since after Dad’s funeral. But being there hasn’t been so painful this time. Not anymore, anyway. Going to visit my mom regularly, seeing my brothers, spending my time away from Sam and Maddie revisiting the most painful places has helped me work through them. The tattoo on my arm commemorating my dad feels more comfortable now. I can look at it without having to separate myself from it. Think about it and what it means without my throat feeling tight, without it becoming hard to breathe, to think. Without needing to push all the feelings away so I can get through the rest of the day.
I visited his grave, actually. I haven’t done that since we buried him. It was … hard. But good. I told him about Sam. About Maddie. About how much I missed him, how much I’m trying to be as good of a dad as he was.
Which circles me back to convincing Sam and Maddie to come with me. How can I be there for them if I’m traveling around the country for months at a time? Sending them money isn’t good enough. Not for me, anyway.
My eyes go back to Sam, drinking in her profile, the curve of her lips, the sweet sound of her voice.
But the champagne is making its way through me, so I give her a quick kiss on the cheek and make sure Maddie’s still comfortably ensconced with Eli and his grandma watching videos on an iPad before heading to the bathroom.
When I come out, I almost run into Blaire, who’s looking the other direction as she walks toward me. I catch her by the shoulders at the last minute to keep us from a head on collision.
Her head whips toward me, her eyes wide and surprised. Then she relaxes, and, sure that she’s steady on her feet, I drop my hands.
“Hey,” she says.
“Hey.” I stuff my hands in my pockets, feeling unaccountably awkward to be alone with Blaire right now. Which is stupid. We’ve known each other for years. We’re friends. We’ve been more than just friends, but friendship has always been the base.
She glances over her shoulder at the half-full dining room where people have split off into groups, some at tables chatting and laughing, others dancing. Danny and Ava are part of the group of people dancing. Except they’re clearly in their own world. The song they’re dancing to is upbeat, but you couldn’t tell from the way they’re slowly swaying together, Danny’s hand rubbing over Ava’s growing belly, the smiles on their faces the look of two people deeply in love.
Blaire sighs next to me, the sound wistful and melancholy.
I glance at her to see that she’s watching the same unfolding scene, though her reaction is different from mine. I’m happy for them. Blaire’s … sad?
“Hey,” I say softly, bumping her shoulder with my arm. “What’s wrong?”
The look she levels at me makes it clear that she thinks I’m an idiot. And maybe I am, because I have no idea why asking what’s wrong is a bad question.
With another sigh she shakes her head. “Nothing.”
“Come on, Blaire. We’re close enough that you don’t need to lie to me about how you’re feeling. Why are you upset that Danny and Ava are happy?”
That produces an eye roll. “Are you serious right now?”
Pulling my hands out of my pockets, I hold them up in surrender. “You’re going to have to fill me in on exactly how and why I’m an idiot, because I’m not following at all.”
Her lips twist in something that resembles a smile, but the rest of her face is too sad for that to be an accurate description. “I know.” Shaking her head, she looks away and clears her throat. “Congratulations, by the way.”
“Uh, thanks?” I scratch the back of my neck, thrown by the sudden change in conversation, not sure what to make of Blaire’s strange behavior. She’s usually straightforward and doesn’t hesitate to make her opinion known or ask for what she wants.
Another sad little smile. “You’re welcome. You seem really happy with Sam. You two are a couple now I take it?”
I rock back on my heels, puzzle pieces starting to assemble themselves in my brain. “Yeah,” I say softly.
She spears me with her blue eyes, her gaze no less piercing from the shine of unshed tears. “Even after lying to you about your daughter for years?”
“Yeah. She thought she was making the right decision. Trying to protect me, let me have the life I always wanted.” And she didn’t realize that the life I always wanted was with her. But I leave off that last sentence. Blaire’s clearly processing the end of the benefits part of our relationship.
And I feel like a colossal asshole, because I didn’t realize she’d be this upset. She’s always taken everything in stride. And I thought we were on the same page. Did she have real feelings for me?
“I always thought you were just biding your time. With me.”
“Blaire …” But she shakes her head, clearly not wanting to hear whatever else I might have to say.
Stepping closer, she presses a kiss to my cheek, then wipes off the lipstick with her thumb. “I’m glad you’re happy, Aaron. Even if it’s not with me.”
Before I can do more than open my mouth, she slips away, leaving me stunned. It’s not until Mason comes back to the bathroom that I finally stop acting like a statue and move out of the way.
He lifts his chin in greeting. “Sam’s pretty awesome. And that Maddie’s a cutie. Who knew we’d have two dads on tour this time around?” With a tipsy sounding laugh, he shoves through the door to the men’s room. I shake myself out of my daze, and head back to the table where Sam’s still talking to Kendra. Marcus has joined them.
When I sit down, Sam gives me a concerned look, her eyes examining my face and her hand sliding over my knee. “Everything alright?” she murmurs.
I force a smile and a nod. “Yup.” Grabbing my drink, I take a healthy swallow, giving her another reassuring smile when I set down my glass. “I’m fine. I promise.”
Her face doesn’t look like she really believes me, but she doesn’t press the issue at least, turning back to whatever she was talking about with Kendra. I try to pay attention, but I’m too busy trying to figure out how to make things right with Blaire. I’ve obviously hurt her, which wasn’t my intention. And now I’m afraid of how things might be on the next leg of the tour. Especially if I succeed in convincing Sam and Maddie to come with me.
Chapter Forty
Samantha
Aaron never joins the conversation between Kendra, Marcus, and me. He sits there staring into space, chewing on the ice from his soda, his leg bouncing under my hand. I caught a glimpse of him talking to Blaire over by the bathrooms, and now he’s acting weird.
I don’t like it.
I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t like it one bit.
There’s a lull in the conversation at the same time a new song starts over the sound system. “Oh, I love this song.” I squeeze Aaron’s knee to get his attention. “Let’s go dance.” I don’t actually care that much about this song, but it sounds better to say I love it than saying, I think I heard this song once. Let’s dance.
He blinks, his vacant stare coming back into focus. “Huh?”
“I want to dance. Come on.” I stand, tugging on his hand.
He blinks a few more times. “Dance. Right.” Then he gives me a real smile for the first time since he sat back down. “I’d love to.”
Rising to his feet, he links his fingers with mine and leads me to the dance floor. I’m already breathing easier about getting him out of his distracted funk. He places my hands on his shoulders and slides his arms around my waist, holding me close as we move with the slow song playing. I’m vaguely aware of Marcus and Kendra doing the same thing a few feet away.
I wait until his shoulders relax by inches under my hands before revealing the real reason I wanted to dance. “What happened?” I ask. “Earlier. I saw you talking to Blaire, and then she disappeared, and you’ve been off ever since.”
He looks down at me, and his brows lift in surprise, then furrow together before his gaze slides away from mine again. “You saw that, huh?”
“Yes.” I don’t like the guilty way he won’t look at me. “That’s not all I saw.”
That brings his eyes back to mine, surprise on his face again. “What do you mean by that?”
Sighing, it’s my turn to look away. “When we first got here, Blaire seemed a little upset that I was here with you.”
His brows still crinkled, he shakes his head. “She shouldn’t be. She’s the one who organized everything, and I let her know that you and Maddie were coming.”
“Okay.” I drag the word out. “Then she was upset that we’re obviously together. The look on her face when she looked at you …”
“Was she mad?” His voice is small, tense, like he’s not sure if he needs to be contrite or upset.
“No. It was … it was the look of a woman who can look but not touch.” I’m familiar with that look from years of experience. Years of seeing pictures and videos of Aaron. Wishing things could be different between us. That I could tell him the truth and he wouldn’t hate me. That we could be together again.
It never occurred to me during all those years that it might be possible …<
br />
So I’m very familiar with that particular type of longing.
Aaron grunts. Swallows. Licks his lips. “Look, there’s something I need to tell you about Blaire and me.” His hands tighten on my hips, and I hold my breath. “We used to be … involved. Sexually. It wasn’t serious. More of a friends with benefits thing.” His brows pull together again. “Or at least that’s what I thought. I mean, she was sleeping with Mason too, so I didn’t think it was serious with any of us.”
I swallow, let my breath out in a slow, controlled exhale, and nod. “I know. Or at least, I figured as much.”
“What?”
I offer him a half smile. “I’ve loosely followed you the last few years. I saw the articles pairing her with both you and Mason, the speculation about her relationship with the two of you.”
He bites back a groan. “Oh, god. Those articles were awful, and bore very little resemblance to reality. It wasn’t anything as tawdry or kinky as they made it out to be. Like I said, it was casual. After the whole thing with Danny, we all sort of lost our taste for groupies …” With a guilty look on his face, he trails off.
I muster up a full smile this time. “I didn’t expect you to be celibate after I broke up with you and refused to see you again.”
With a soft, rueful chuckle, he pulls me close and buries his face in my hair. “That doesn’t mean you want to hear about me sleeping with groupies and our band’s assistant either.”
I reciprocate his hug. “Well, no, but you’re not going to do that anymore, are you?”
He shakes his head. “No.” The denial is soft, but no less vehement for the low volume.
“Then that’s all I need to know.”
We dance in silence for a few seconds before he loosens his hold and looks down at me. In a timid voice, he asks, “Do you want to tell me about who you were with while we were apart?”
I let out a loud laugh, though it barely registers above the ambient noise, thankfully. “Oh, Aaron. You should know, it’s always only been you.”
Everything I Want Page 23
