He blinks, taking a second to process my words. Then his arms tighten around me again. “Wait, seriously? No one else? Ever?”
I shake my head. “I was a single mom. I didn’t have time to date. I didn’t want to bring random strangers in and out of Maddie’s life. And besides … I was still in love with you. I didn’t want anyone else.”
He kisses me then, no longer making any pretense of dancing. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and I open for him, sagging against him, completely oblivious to everyone around us.
When he breaks the kiss, both of us breathing hard, he lowers his mouth to my ear again. “God, I’m so ready to go. Right now. I want you so bad.”
Giggling, I glance over in time to catch Maddie mid-yawn. “You know, kids make a great excuse to duck out of parties early. And Maddie probably won’t take long to go to sleep after this.”
With a wicked grin, he shoves one hand in his pocket and laces the fingers of his other hand through mine. “Then let’s get out of here."
Chapter Forty-One
Aaron
Maddie protests, not wanting to leave her new friend or his iPad. But Sam gathers her in her arms and carries her to the waiting car. I try to calm myself down, because I know that getting back to the hotel is only step one. We have to get Maddie to bed in a strange place before I can have my way with Sam.
The wait is its own kind of foreplay. The tease and promise of Sam changing into the soft shirt and lounge pants she favors for relaxing. The knowing smile on her lips when our eyes meet in the mirror while she brushes Maddie’s teeth. Sitting side by side while Maddie snuggles into her for bedtime stories.
And then I leave her and Maddie alone in the bedroom, gritting my teeth and trying not to pace while I wait for Sam to emerge after Maddie finally gives up and conks out. It shouldn’t take long given how much Maddie was yawning on the way home, but each second feels like an eternity of impatience and unfulfilled lust.
Knowing that my waiting will eventually be rewarded is the only saving grace.
My impatience won’t let me sit still, so I busy myself with undressing. No need to drag things out longer than necessary. I leave my shirt and pants in a pile on top of my socks and shoes, keeping my boxer briefs on just in case. Not that they hide the tent pole I appear to be smuggling, but at least I’m not totally naked if Maddie comes out for some reason.
When the door opens, I hold my breath, holding a pillow at the ready to whip over my lap if I need to.
But Sam slips out of the room. Alone.
Turning to face me, she claps a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggle, and a lazy grin spreads across my own face. “What’s so funny?”
She shakes her head, her hand still covering her mouth, and she moves closer to me. “Starting without me?”
“Never. Just wanted to get a head start on the preliminaries.” I slip my hand around her wrist and pull her close till she topples into my lap. Tipping her head back with one hand, I kiss her mouth, letting my other hand roam over her body, sliding under her shirt to get to her skin. We both sigh at the contact.
Then she’s pushing me back, sitting up, and as I’m opening my mouth to protest, she whips her shirt off and tosses it behind her. Her shoulders hunch around her ears, and her hands go to her mouth again when her shirt knocks something off the coffee table with a loud thunk.
We both freeze, listening for any telltale signs that the sound might’ve woken Maddie, but all is still.
I move her arms out of my way so I can get to her chest, lowering my head to suck one nipple into my mouth and then the other. She arches, planting her arms behind her, giving me full access.
“God, I want inside you so bad,” I whisper against her skin.
“What are you waiting for?” The question is breathless.
I lift my head. “You sure? You’re ready?”
“I’m dying to feel you,” she says, her eyes locked with mine. Then we’re fighting over who gets to take her pants off. I slap her hands away, yanking at the fabric till it clears her feet, taking care to toss it toward an empty space so it doesn’t knock anything else over and risk waking our daughter.
I stand and push my underwear down, bending to grab the condom I left on the side table. Thank goodness it wasn’t part of the mess Sam made when she tossed her shirt at the coffee table. She watches me roll it on with hungry eyes, leaning back on her elbows again when I kneel between her parted legs. With one hand, I guide myself to her opening, notching myself at her entrance and locking eyes with her before sinking in.
She lifts her hips to meet me, her lips parted, her eyelids at half mast, her hair mussed—the picture of unreserved pleasure. She’s always been like that with me. And the fact that I’m the only one who’s ever seen that look on her face—ever put that look on her face—fills me with smug pride.
“I love you so much,” I whisper, coming down on my elbows over her, taking her mouth for a sensual kiss.
I rock into her slowly, wanting to make this last, loving every second of the way we fit together. The way her hips lift. The way our skin slides. The way her tongue curls around mine. Wishing I could feel this connected, this fulfilled, all the time. Wishing that my time with her weren’t coming to a fast-approaching end.
Pushing aside all thoughts of anything other than now, I match the faster rhythm she’s setting, torn between objecting to reaching the end sooner and relishing how good it feels.
The demands of her body—of my body—overcome my resistance, and I meet her hips with mine, pushing harder, cherishing the soft Oh of pleasure she makes each time I drive home.
She’s arching, her hands scrabbling for purchase on the couch cushions as her hips move, seeking the perfect amount of stimulation. I rear back, placing my thumb just above where our bodies meet, giving her something to grind against. She bites back a moan, and I grit my teeth, trying to hold back the tingle that’s starting in my spine, my balls, wanting to get her to the finish before I blow.
“Come on,” I encourage her. “Come all over my cock. Let me feel you squeezing me with your tight little pussy.”
When I start the dirty talk, her eyes widen a fraction before drooping again. She grinds her hips on my thumb, on my dick, and then she’s obeying my command, her pussy squeezing me like a vise. My balls tighten, and I pump into her a few more times, holding tight against her as I spill myself into the condom.
Collapsing on top of her, but trying to lean to the side so I don’t crush her, I press a kiss to her cheek, the side of her mouth. “Come with me,” I whisper. “On tour. You and Maddie. Danny’s got Eli, so she’ll have a built-in playmate. Ava knows the tricks of helping a kid adjust to life on tour. I don’t want to leave you two behind. I love you, and I’ll miss you too much.” I should shut up. Let her answer me. Give her a second to process. But her open mouth, the shock on her face, the deafening sound of my heart drumming in my ears has me trying to answer all objections before she can give them voice. “I know you’re used to being independent, but you don’t need to worry about money anymore. I’m happy to provide for you and Maddie both. You’re my family now, and I plan on taking care of you regardless of your answer. And I know I’m asking you to leave behind your friends and your parents, and I know that’s asking a lot, but we’re our own family on tour. We’re there for each other. You wouldn’t be alone. You’d have plenty of help. And I saw you hitting it off with Kendra tonight. Once Danny and Ava emerge from their newlywed cocoon, I’m sure you and Ava will get along great too.”
Her chest inflates under mine, and her eyes go soft. “Aaron …”
And I know. I know what her answer’s going to be. I know she’s going to say no.
“Sam.” I kiss her again. “Please … don’t say no. If you can’t say yes right now, I understand. But just don’t say no. Say you’ll think about it.”
She stares at me for another long moment, her lips pursed. Then she sighs. “Alright.” Her fingers push through the hair above my ear
then slide down to cup my jaw. “I’ll think about it.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Samantha
Saying goodbye to Aaron when it’s time for him to go back on tour is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. For both Maddie and me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I hug him at the airport, fighting back tears. “I just can’t uproot Maddie on such short notice.”
“Hey. Don’t apologize. I get it. That’s what makes you such a great mom. You always put Maddie’s needs first. You don’t ever need to be sorry for that.”
Sniffing, I nod, running my ring fingers under my eyes to catch the tears trying to escape. He hugs me tighter, trapping my arms between us, pressing his mouth to the top of my head.
Maddie’s in his other arm, her little arms wrapped around his neck as tight as possible. I have to peel her off him so he doesn’t miss his flight, and then sit on one of the terminal benches to hold her while she sobs.
My phone dings with a text, and I adjust my grip on Maddie so I can dig it out of my pocket. It’s a text from Aaron. I miss you both already.
And the tight hold I’ve been keeping on my tears slips completely. I can barely see my phone as I type, We miss you too. Then I slide it under my leg, wrap my arms around my daughter, and cry with her.
My resolve to keep things as normal for Maddie as possible lasts less than two weeks. Twelve days after Aaron left, I go to my parents’ house to pick up Maddie after another in a string of unpleasant days at work. Kyle will barely look at me, much less speak to me, after our terrible dinner. Kami obviously feels torn between the two of us. I’ve not only lost my best friend for the last few years, but I’m dangerously close to losing another good friend. And that after the blow of Aaron leaving.
I haven’t lost him, at least. We talk every night, text multiple times a day, and he does video chats with Madde as often as humanly possible. To the point where she points to my phone any time I have it out and says, “I want to see Daddy.”
My mom greets me at the door with a sympathetic smile. “Rough day?”
Sighing, I drop my bag inside the door and toe off my shoes. “Rough couple of weeks.”
She holds out her arms, and I gratefully accept the comfort of her hug. Stroking my hair, she tells me, “Maddie’s been moping too. You both miss Aaron so much, I know.”
Sniffing, I blink away the tears that have been too close to the surface for the last two weeks. “Yeah. It’s been hard on both of us.”
Nodding, she releases me and steps back. “Can you go visit him somewhere? Or will he have time to come visit you anytime soon?”
I bite my lip, contemplating her question. And the fact that we could just be with Aaron anywhere and everywhere if I weren’t so stubborn.
Taking a deep breath, I move to the couch and sit down. “Where’s Maddie?”
“Downstairs playing with your dad. Want me to let them know you’re here?”
I shake my head. “Not yet.” Before I go on, I wait for Mom to claim the recliner across from me. She perches on the edge, leaning forward, her face expectant like she can tell I want to discuss something. “The thing is …” I start, spacing the words out. “Aaron asked me to bring Maddie and go with him on tour.”
Mom’s eyebrows jump up her forehead. “When was this? And why didn’t you go?”
I throw up my hands. “It was after the wedding we went to. And he was so close to leaving. I felt like it wouldn’t be fair to Maddie to just spring that on her, pull her out of preschool, and drag her around the country.”
Mom sits back in the chair, crossing one leg over the other, her gaze abstracted as she considers that. “That is a hard call.” She refocuses on me. “But since you’re bringing it up now, does that mean you’re reconsidering?”
Biting my lip again, I nod. With a sigh, I deflate completely. “I don’t know what to do. I thought I was making the right call. I thought we’d be okay. We could still talk and video chat and text and everything. That Maddie should finish preschool. He’d be back in a few months. Maybe we could join him during the summer. And even though he’s said multiple times that I could quit whenever I want, that he’s already stuffed a bank account full of money for Maddie and he’s fine with adding me to his credit card, I just didn’t feel right about it.”
Mom’s poker face is admirable, but she can’t quite hide the slight widening of her eyes and flare of her nostrils that means she’s got definite opinions about all of this. I could guess at them pretty accurately, because she was one of the main pushers for me to tell Aaron when I decided to keep Maddie. Not that I knew she was Maddie at the time. But mostly, she wants Maddie and me to be happy.
She leans forward in her chair again. “Honey, this is your decision, and you’re the only one who can make it. But I think you know what you want to do. If you want my permission to go, or my blessing or whatever, then you have it. You’ve given up so much for your child, and that’s admirable. Necessary. But this sacrifice? It isn’t. You don’t need to deny your happiness to give your child a better life. Her life will be better with both of her parents. Preschool’s great, but she’s a smart little girl and already at or almost at the kindergarten readiness milestones. You can easily cover anything that’s left while you’re on tour.”
I fill my lungs with air, feeling lighter already. “What about when she’s ready to start kindergarten, though?”
Mom shrugs. “Homeschooling exists for a reason. And if Aaron’s got enough money to”—she makes air quotes with her fingers—“‘stuff a bank account full of money’ for Maddie and give you unlimited access to his credit cards, then he can probably hire a tutor too. Didn’t you say one of the other band members has a child on tour too?” She spreads her hands. “Then maybe they can split the cost. It works for everyone.”
I can’t help but grin at how simple she makes it all seem. “Right. So easy. Just like that.” I snap my fingers.
She smiles back and nods. “Glad you see things my way.” Standing, she crosses the room and pats my shoulder. “I’ll let Maddie know you’re here. She’ll be happy to see you.”
“Wait. Mom.” I stand too, but she ignores me and breezes out of the room, leaving me to stew in the whirlwind of my thoughts.
Is it that easy? I can just show up and say, “Hi, Aaron. Maddie and I are joining you on tour now.”
I look down at my phone, pulling up my texts to remind myself of where Aaron is right now and where he’ll be over the next few weeks.
I’ll need to give notice at work. I don’t want to just leave them in the lurch after working there for so long. And I’ll need to figure out what to do about my apartment. And get in touch with Kendra. She gave me her number when we met at the wedding, and we’ve texted a few times since.
A plan starts forming in my mind. A checklist of things that need to be taken care of and a timeline to make it work. First, I’ll text Kendra. Before I do anything else, I need some information.
Chapter Forty-Three
Aaron
I press my phone to my ear, pacing inside my closet-sized dressing room at the venue in Atlanta. “Pick up pick up pick up,” I whisper. I haven’t talked to Sam all day. We’ve texted a few times this morning, but for some reason she hasn’t responded in hours.
I’m trying not to overreact and assume something terrible has happened to her or Maddie. Or both. Like a car accident. Or a mass shooting. Or …
“Hey!” Sam’s cheerful voice enters my ear and shuts down my panic-fueled worst-case-scenario imaginings.
“Hey,” I breathe, relief and love mixing into an overwhelming tide of emotion. “I haven’t talked to you all day. Everything alright?”
“Everything’s great. We’ve just been crazy busy, and I haven’t been able to get on my phone at all.”
There are voices in the background. Maddie’s voice is clear, her high pitched squeals of “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” overlaying the rest of the noise.
“Where are you? It sounds real
ly busy there.”
She lets out a laugh. “It is. Hey, can I call you back in like five or ten minutes? Let me get out of here and get somewhere quieter, okay?”
“Okay.” I can’t keep the grudging note out of my voice. I haven’t talked to her at all, and she’s getting off the phone after like thirty seconds. “The opening act is going on in five minutes, though. Pretty soon after that, I’ll be on stage and then I won’t be able to talk.”
Another low chuckle reaches my ear. “Oh, I’m well aware of that. Talk soon, okay? Love you.”
“Love you too,” I say to dead air. She hung up before I could even respond.
Disgruntled, I run my hands through my hair, pacing some more. There’s a knock on the door and Blaire pokes her head in. Her brows wrinkle, concerned. “You alright?”
“No,” I grunt. “I’m frustrated.”
She watches me take three steps one way, pivot, three steps the other, pivot, repeat ad nauseam. “I can see that,” she says.
“Do you need something, Blaire?” Deep down I feel like an asshole for growling at her, but I’m thirty minutes out from getting on stage and I think that something’s wrong with Sam or Maddie and all I want is to talk to her. It’s part of my pre-show ritual now, and if I don’t talk to her soon, I’m going to lose my shit. Or the show’s going to suck. Or both.
Blaire holds up her hands, a sly look coming over her face. “Nope. I’m good. I was just checking to see if you need anything.”
I stop and face her head on. “Unless you can get my girlfriend to talk to me, then no. I don’t think there’s anything you can do for me.”
She stifles a snort of laughter that makes my blood pressure climb, because I know she wasn’t thrilled about Sam and me as a development, but she hasn’t been bitchy about it before now. “I’ll see what I can do,” she says, still grinning as she pulls the door closed.
Everything I Want Page 24
