Orc Glitch- The Mad King

by KJ Harlow

  “Have you seen Col?” Cal asked.

  Kai smirked. “I just beat him him five to zero, though he insists it was four to one. Should have gone to that dingy old cavern to drink that disgusting sweetale…” Cal swept past the werejaguar towards the door. “Hey! What do you want me–”

  “I’ll talk to you later.”

  Col and Parsh sat at a table with another soldier and eryn Cal didn’t recognise. Seeing the orc come in, Theo’s moustache bristled and his fluffy eyebrows knitted together like fuzzy caterpillars crossing paths. Otherwise, he said nothing.

  “You don’t have to go–” the soldier, Keith and his eryn, Jonty, had already left. Cal sighed then looked at Col.

  The soldier inclined his head jerkily at him. “Your Majesty.” Parsh did the same thing, except more languidly but stayed silent.

  “Cut the crap,” Cal said, resting his forearms on the table. “Being king’s hard.”

  Col stared at him stonily. “So why did you challenge Fetter?”

  Cal stared at the empty glass on the table. He considered calling Theo over but decided against it.

  “Because it was the right thing to do.”

  Col muttered something inaudibly, swirling the foam at the bottom of his glass.

  “What do you want to do?”

  Col glanced up at Cal, an eyebrow raised. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean what I mean. What do you want to do? Doesn’t have to be relating to ValorV–”

  Col slammed his hands on the table. “I want to go home!” Parsh closed her bird-like eyes but said nothing. “I thought it would have been mad fun playing in a game world, but seriously? I just miss normal things like pizza and drinking myself stupid on weekends and my girlfriend…” his eyes glazed over.

  “I was – am dying.” Col refocused his gaze on Cal. “I’ve had Muscular Dystrophy since I was a kid. Before I got trapped in ValorVale, the doc told me that I had 18 months to live, tops. I… don’t know how long it’s been. I could drop dead in front of you. Why couldn’t the devs make a sun in ValorVale like every other game?”

  Col chuckled. “Yeah. Moonshifts and cycles do my head in.” The three sat in silence while Theo kept a surreptitious eye on them from the bar.

  “C gave me a way out. She made the ‘Exit’ button clickable.” Col’s eyes became wide. “I wanted to go back too but in that moment, I realized that I had more to live for in Terrafaytum.” Natasha’s snaggle toothed smile flashed up then disappeared. “I can’t give you a way out but I promise you that I’m going to find C and make her release all of us from ValorVale.

  “In the mean time, I can make things more interesting for you. I need your help managing the soldiers and their eryn. Fetter was a piece of shit of a king. I know he killed you and the other soldiers just for kicks. I’m not going to do that.”

  Cal pushed the glass aside and leaned in. “What do you know about the Battle of Urath?”

  Col shook his head. “Barely anything. As you said, Fetter was about as good a leader as a retarded monkey. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what he actually was in real life.” Cal laughed, making Parsh and Theo jump. Col grinned. “All I know is that the other countries’ armies challenge us. The winner gets to claim more land.

  “Dresham actually used to be a lot bigger than it was now; Qestia and Warick have eaten into our territory. Eventually, there would be nothing left. Maybe our kingdom would be swallowed up by the others.”

  Cal leaned back in his chair. Parsh was staring at him unabashedly. He stared back at her. “Parsh.” She blinked in surprise. It was almost as if she thought she was invisible, though she was right in front of him.

  “Y-yes Your Highness.”

  Cal waved his hand. “Just call me Cal. What do you know about the neighbouring countries?”

  Being addressed directly made her flustered. She glanced at Col, who looked around the dingy bar in boredom.

  “It’s OK, Parsh. You can talk,” Cal said gently. He smiled at her but with his orc avatar, he didn’t know if that made him look more or less intimidating.

  “Q-Qestia is my country.” The statement seemed to unshackle a load of pressure that had been sitting on her back forever. “Qestia is eryn country,” Parsh reiterated. She looked at Col again, then around the room as if searching for hidden cameras.

  Cal frowned. “Eryn country?”

  She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Cal nodded at her slowly, giving her the space to feel comfortable. From the moment Laish spoke to Cal after they defeated Hector at Gresshia Village, he couldn’t shake the feeling the something was wrong with the eryn. The entire race seemed scared of something happening; it bugged him that no one else seemed to care that this was happening.

  “Yes.” That one word seemed to nearly exhaust Parsh. He waited until she was ready to continue. “Are you sure that…?” She looked around the bar, this time glancing over her shoulder at Theo.

  “I won’t tell Fetter, or C or anyone else. I might not be your king, but as long as you’re partnering my soldiers, your wellbeing matters to me as well.”

  She shook her head, clearly upset. “The hooded maiden told us that… if we told anyone else…” her voice dropped down to a whisper. Col too was fixated on his flying companion. He touched her shoulder.

  “Whatever’s happening, we can stop them.”

  “No you can’t!” She suddenly stood up, throwing her wings open and skittling nearly stools across the floor. Theo squawked and came out from behind the bar. Parsh covered her face with her long-fingered hands. “You can’t because he’s too strong.”

  “Who’s too strong?” Cal said, edging closer to her.

  She looked at him, her wide eyes dark pools of fear. “Leonidas.”

  Cal mouthed the name, committing to memory. He walked around the table. Gently, he rested his rough, green hands on Parsh’s shoulders and she jumped slightly. She folded her wings back and sat back down on the stool. Cal took a seat to her left while Col stayed on her right.

  “Leonidas. Is he another one? One of the Urath?” Parsh swallowed and gave the smallest of nods. “He’s stronger than Fetter then?”

  “I… I don’t know,” Parsh whispered. “But he’s got… her.”

  “He’s got your queen, doesn’t he?” Parsh made to stand up again, but Cal squeezed her shoulder, keeping her down. Her wing had begun to extend out again; he pushed it back into its folding position.

  She looked at him and gave another small nod. “If they know that we’re talking about her, they would kill her. Please,” she slipped her hands around Cal’s free hand. “Don’t tell anyone that we spoke about her.” Cal stared at the eryn, twisted his hand around and he gave hers a gentle squeeze.

  “Col, assemble the soldiers and the eryn. Have them meet me outside the castle by the start of the next moonshift. I need to have a word with them all.”

  50,000. It was hard to get your head around that many people, especially if you hadn’t even spoken in front of a group that large before. Cal wasn’t counting the eryn, which actually brought the total number up to 100,000.

  Col had done well organising everyone to meet at such short notice. They were all assembled outside the city, spilling out into the plains. They arranged themselves into a circle, closing around Cal and Kai, spanning 100 on the inner circumference and 500 deep. Cal wondered how all the soldiers were going to hear him when he realized there was a “Broadcast” button at the top of the soldier screen.

  “Try not to look so aggressive,” Cal said to Kai.

  “I’m not. This is how I always look,” he snarled. The orc smiled. He couldn’t blame his comrade. Anyone would feel threatened 100,000 to two, especially if half of those 100,000 were of a race that murdered your family.

  Cal raised an Earth Wall beneath him and Kai until they were about 30 feet in the air. A hush fell over the sea of heads that looked up at him. He could just make out Col at the front of the group.

  He pressed the ‘Broad
cast’ button. Here goes nothing.

  “Uh, can everyone hear me?”

  A warm, late Sibelle wind blew through, the only noise to ease Cal’s nerves. He saw some heads nodding sporadically.

  “OK, good. So as you probably know by now, I’m you’re king. Uh…” he chuckled awkwardly then cleared his throat.

  Kai gave him a withering look. “What is wrong with you?”

  “I suck at public speaking,” he said under his breath. Ripples of laughter made their way up the pillar. “Oh shit, did you all hear that?” He got some ‘yeahs’ and nods again and sighed.

  “Yeah, this isn’t me. My real name’s Callahan Rogers. Like you all, I also got trapped in ValorVale. Don’t ask me why I’m an orc, some sort of glitch. You’re all trapped here with me, waging some sort of war with neighbouring countries in ValorVale called the Battle of Urath. Am I right?” More nods of assent.

  “I still don’t really know what it’s about, but I do know a few things. One: Fetter was the biggest cuntlord most of us had ever known.” Whoops, wolf whistles and wild applause filled the air. “No one likes the OP guy who beats up on the noobs, so I’m glad that he’s out of the picture for now.” Kai shot him an amused look but didn’t say anything.

  “Two: most, if not all of you want to go home.” Silence descended upon the group again but this time, it contained a different vibe. Cal held the attentions of all 50,000 soldiers because for the first time, they had a leader who understood their hopes and fears. “I hear you. It sucks that we can’t leave but as I said to your Commander Colin before, I can’t give you a way out, but I know who is responsible and I won’t rest until we’re all back home.”

  Rapturous applause filled the air. Cal flipped back to the soldier screen and made sure to turn ‘Broadcast’ off. “How am I doing?” He asked Kai.

  “How are you doing what? Talking to your soldiers?”

  Cal laughed. “Don’t worry.” He flipped the ‘Broadcast’ back on.

  “Three: you have all been part of previous Battles of Urath. We’ve sucked ass and lost every single time, no thanks to King Farquad.” More applause. Glad they got the Shrek reference. “ValorVale is just a game, but we’re not going anywhere any time soon. Thaylia is our city and Dresham is our country. We can’t let outsiders take over our land. This is our home, I want to protect it, but I need your help.” He looked around the ring of soldiers and eryn, turning a full circle before arriving back at the same place. “We have a battle coming up soon. Can I count on you to fight for me and fight for us?”

  Silence blanketed the group one more time. He heard one ‘yeah’, then two. It only took ten seconds before the soldiers all voiced their support for Cal. Even Kai looked impressed. Cal waited until all the noise died down before continuing.

  “Thank you for supporting me. I know how shitty it must have been to have been led by Fetter and now you’ve got some orc. This whole trapped-in-a-game thing is a mess, but I’m determined to get to the bottom of it. If you’ve got any questions about anything, you’ll know where to find me.”

  Cal started dropping his Earth Wall when he caught sight of a familiar eryn looking up at him. Laish was standing in the inner ring of the circle, Hector whispering something into her ear. “Wait, wait, wait.” The soldiers stopped and looked back up at Cal. He licked his lips, trying to put together what he wanted to say before it left his mouth.

  Ah, fuck it.

  “To the eryn who fight by the side of Dresham’s soldiers, thank you.” The eryn all stared up blankly at Cal. There was scattered applause from a few soldiers, which quickly dissipated. “I know that something is wrong at home in Qestia.” The air seemed to become several degrees cooler. Some of the flying warriors rose up into the air. “I know you can’t talk about it, I respect that. I also know that it’s none of my business, but as long as you are Dresham’s ally, I will take an interest in your affairs, especially those that threaten the peace of your people and by extension, mine.”

  “Do not meddle.” Feer, Susannah’s eryn flapped up until he was at Cal’s height. “With all due respect, we have the situation under control.” Laish, Parsh and numerous other eryn joined Feer, floating at Cal’s eye level. Kai gripped his Blood Lance, fur rising on the back of his neck.

  “Something is wrong.” Cal said, gazing at Feer. He looked across at Parsh for support, but her expression was completely closed. She gripped her weapon in an aggressive stance. “I know that you have a queen–”

  -20 Damage!

  Cal was plummeting through the air. The silhouettes of dozens of eryn were printed against the fire moon. Kai drove his flaming lance through the air but the eryn kept dodging and flying just out of reach. Cal twisted, pointing his hand at the ground. An Earth Wall shot up and softened, catching him just as he collided into it.

  This is going to take some work.

  “They were the ones who attacked you!” Kai roared.

  Cal massaged his temples. “They’re trying to protect their queen. They’re scared.”

  “It doesn’t making attacking you right!”

  “Just… go and train, or do something useful or… whatever.” Cal took the top leaf of his increasingly high pile of parchments. The entire room shook as Kai slammed the door on his way out. Cal sprang out of his chair and wrapped his arms around a pile that had started to keel over, only to let another pile topple to the ground.

  “Grrr...”

  He bent down and started picking the papers. After collecting a stack of about 20, he slapped it back onto the table. The rallying speech with the soldiers had taken a lot out of him. Making sure not to step on the remaining papers, he shuffled over to the squashy, maroon lounge on the side of the room. He sat down.

  “Cal.”

  He jumped up like he had been stung in the buttocks. His axe was on the other side of the room, against the wall. Fists clenched, he stared suspiciously at the seat.

  “Cal, it’s me, Gram.”

  “Gram?” He relaxed his fists. Cal moved one of the puffed up cushions and saw Keizen’s amulet nestled between the seats. Kai had been lying down there before and must have forgotten it in his haste. He picked the amulet up, draping it around his neck.

  “Gram.”

  “Hi Cal.” It was like she was in the room with him. “How are you?”

  Cal laughed tiredly. “I’m… the king of Dresham.” There was silence on the other line. “What’s new with you?”

  “It is much the same in the forest and in the village. Men are urging Keizen to select a new chief, but she is adamant that they wait for Kai,” Gram said. “What did you mean? Did you meet the king?”

  Cal lay back on the lounge and stared at up the ceiling, telling her everything that happened from the the moment they left Rawdriad Forest to the argument he had just had with Kai. He intentionally left out the parts about Natasha. She was a good listener, interrupting only to clarifying minor things.

  “This means I have to refer to you as ‘Your Majesty’, doesn’t it?”

  “No, you don’t. Cal’s fine.”

  The werejaguar and the orc indulged in the comfortable silence. “You’re growing,” Gram said.

  “I’m levelling up.”

  “You’re growing up too and so is Kai.”

  “He’s still throwing tantrums.”

  “It’s only because he cares about you,” Gram reassured. “Remember that he killed you twice.”

  Cal laughed out loud. “How could I forget?”

  “And now he’s defending you.” He had no comment for that.

  “So are you just going to be king then?” Gram asked.

  “I guess so.”

  “What about this hooded maiden you spoke of? Do you plan to defeat her?”

  The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. Defeating the admin of a game? Not sure if that was even possible. She would never let that happen anyway.

  “Not right now.”

  “So how are you going to get you and all the soldier
s home?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

  She laughed, deep and purry. “You don’t always have to know what to do next.”

  Cal sat up, ice water trickling down his spine. “What did you say?” He took the amulet off and stared at it. “Gram?”

  “Cal? What’s wrong?”

  “I… sorry,” he laughed sheepishly. “For a sec, it sounded like…” he stared at the amulet. C had said those exact same words before she disappeared without a trace. “Nevermind. All this king business must be taking its toll on me.”

  “I should be going. It was nice talking.”

  “Gram wait.” The amulet pulsed expectantly. “Karst imbues you.”

  There was a brief pause. “Goodbye Cal.”

  He put the amulet back down. Man, that was weird. There was a knock at the door, one he hadn’t heard before: once, then twice, a little louder. Wasn’t Cist, definitely not Kai; he would just barge in like Kramer on old school Seinfeld.

  “Come in.”

  There was more hesitation before the door swung in. An eryn stood in the doorway, wings folded back. He recognised the red and gold short, spiked hair immediately.

  “Parsh? Hello, how can I help…” the eryn closed the door behind her with a click. Colin wasn’t with her. She turned around, pale blue eyes regarding Cal. She drew her blade from the casket at her hip.

  “Parsh?” His eyes darted over to the minotaur axe, which was leaning against the wall behind her. “Whatever the problem is, we can discuss it.”

  “No, we cannot.” Her wings burst open and she lunged at the new king.

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