“You want to elaborate, then?” Marcus said. “Because I’m still not sure why she’s so insistent of the formality, considering how things didn’t work out so well for her in her first marriage. I didn’t know she was sharing everything about us. Not sure how I feel about that.”
“They all talk about us,” Ryan said. “Thought you knew that. Jenny said something about you having commitment issues.”
He wasn’t sure if his eyes bugged out. “Excuse me?” he said. He found himself turning and taking in the sight through the window, wondering what Charlotte was saying to his mom. Add in Suzanne and Karen, and they all seemed so deep in conversation. “I don’t have commitment issues. If I did, I’d still be living the single life in my bachelor pad without Charlotte or Eva. I have an instant family now. Just because we haven’t officially tied the knot, with her taking my name so she can tell everyone she’s my wife, and vice versa, doesn’t mean I’m not committed.”
“So what’s holding you back?” Jack said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Marcus wasn’t sure how he felt about his brother-in-law questioning him this way, adding his opinions on anything he did with his life. “Nothing’s holding me back. I just don’t understand why she’s making such a big deal about this.” In fact, just talking about marriage had him feeling things he wasn’t entirely comfortable with.
“Well, it is a big deal, apparently, for Charlotte,” Ryan said. “Some women want marriage, and evidently, Charlotte thinks you’re not all in, is what Jenny said.”
Marcus dragged his gaze from Ryan over to Jack and Harold, who still had said nothing, which had Marcus wondering exactly where he stood in the equation with Suzanne. Were they living at his place, her place? All he knew was that they seemed to be together, but at the same time, there’d been no mention of where their future was headed.
“That’s ridiculous,” Marcus said. “So does Jenny agree with her? I mean, you two aren’t married, but you live together, and then there’s Alison. You’re her father. You’re a family. So are you and Jenny getting married anytime soon? If we’re talking commitment issues…”
From the way Ryan shook his head and the face he made, Marcus could see he’d hit a nerve. “I’ve asked Jenny, and she said no for now. She’s happy with the way things are. Don’t try to spin this my way, Marcus. At the same time, considering how things went down with Wren, can you blame her? She’s asked me to give her time. She may warm up to the idea down the road, but right now, all she wants is to maintain the status quo. I’ve pushed all I can. I sold my house and live in hers, but I can see the moment she feels cornered and panics. I’ll give her that. I’m not pushing. Charlotte wants something different, evidently. Apparently, she wants forever with you, a permanent ring, signed papers, the whole deal. So if you’re all in, why not get married? Or is there something going on, and maybe Charlotte’s right that you’re not really feeling the need to get married and head in that direction?”
How had they ever gotten on this topic? Right, so the women all talked. Great. He wondered what else they knew of the personal things that went on between him and Charlotte. Likely, he needed to have a word with her about how much she was sharing.
“Now you’re putting words in my mouth,” Marcus said, “and you know what? This is really something that should be between me and Charlotte, something we should work out and discuss and decide.”
Yes, he’d sit Charlotte down and find out what else she’d decided to share with his family. He wasn’t the bad guy here.
Then he heard the front door open, bringing in the voices of Jenny, Alison, and Owen.
“You’re right,” Jack said. “It is between you two—but you should know that Karen happens to be on your side in the matter.”
Just then, Jenny walked in, carrying a brown paper bag with buns, followed by Alison, who rested a pie on the counter. Owen stepped around her and pulled open the fridge door to take out a beer.
“Anyone start the grill?” was all Owen said as he twisted the cap off one of the amber ales, looking grungy in a faded shirt and jeans with tears in the knees. He started to the back door, taking them all in, and Marcus realized something was off about his brother.
“Just waiting on you,” he said. “Burgers are ready to go as soon as you are…”
That was all he managed to get out, as Owen kept walking out the door. He said something to the women, then walked over to the barbecue.
Marcus gestured outside toward him. “What was that about?”
All Ryan did was shake his head before leaning down and kissing Jenny.
“He’s got girl trouble,” Alison said, jumping in. Marcus took in his precocious teenage niece, who still had a chip on her shoulder.
Ryan stepped around her, rested his hand on her shoulder-length hair, and rustled it. “You know something we don’t?”
Even Jenny was giving everything to Alison, who shrugged. For a minute, he didn’t think she would add anything more. Her prickly teenage attitude could drive them all crazy.
“If you know something, spill,” Ryan finally said, and what did she do but roll her eyes at him?
“Maybe I saw something.” She took them in and let it linger for added dramatic effect before rolling her eyes again. “The diner he stops in every day for lunch. I saw him with a waitress who works there.”
Marcus found himself leaning in. “And…?” he finally said.
“Well, seems they’re in an on-again, off-again relationship. Today they got into it. I heard her say she was done, telling him to pick up his things since he can’t get off the fence and commit one way or another. They were fighting out behind the diner in the alley. She walked away, and then he walked away. There you go: girl trouble.” She shrugged as if that answered everything.
At least they weren’t talking about him and Charlotte anymore. Alison then walked out back, and they all seemed to glance out toward Owen, who was now cleaning the grill alone. If Marcus considered it, he looked as if he were brooding.
“Did you know?” Ryan said to Jenny, who was shaking her head.
“No. There’s one thing about Owen that sets him apart from all of you O’Connells. He’s a closed book. As much as you all have your little secrets, with Owen there, if he doesn’t want you to know, he can hold on to something way better than any of you, so much so that you wouldn’t even know he was hiding anything in the first place. And that’s saying something, considering you O’Connells are about the most difficult and secretive bunch I’ve ever met.”
At the way Jenny said it, he didn’t miss the hint of amusement that tugged at Harold’s lips. Even Jack seemed to agree. He took in Ryan, who slid his arms around Jenny, pulling her back against him.
“That’s ridiculous,” Ryan said.
Jenny let her gaze land on Marcus before dragging it over to Harold and Jack. “No, it’s not. Pretty sure you two can back me up.”
Harold lifted the beer, which Marcus knew was for his sister. “You know, that’s my cue to leave and get this beer out to Suzanne.”
For a minute, he thought Jack was going to say something, but he changed his mind. “I think I’ll join you,” he said, then followed Harold out.
That just left Ryan, Jenny, and Marcus.
“Cowards,” she muttered under her breath, still leaning against Ryan, who seemed content to keep her there as he kissed her cheek. She let her gaze linger before dragging it back over to Marcus. “So much for the other halves sticking together.”
She patted Ryan’s arm as she stepped out of his embrace. Then she too went out back. He could hear the family talking, laughing, but he didn’t know what they were saying.
Ryan reached for his beer and then gestured with his chin. “Looks like Owen’s ready for the burgers. If I were you, I’d figure out this marriage thing with Charlotte. If you don’t want it, just make sure she understands, but most of all, figure out in your own mind what you do want. Because if Jenny is wondering, that means Suzanne and Karen are
too—and then there’s Mom.”
Great point. As he turned his head and glanced out the back window, he realized his mom was watching them. So what did he do but pick up the tray of raw burger patties and start to the back door?
He pressed his hand on it, about to step out, when Ryan said, “You know, as long as I’ve known you, Marcus, I’ve never seen you into another woman like you are Charlotte. Even I knew, for you, she was always the one. Is this really about not wanting to get married, or is there something else that has you thinking maybe she isn’t the one?”
Instead of answering a question he didn’t have an answer for, he pushed open the screen door. Before stepping out, he turned back to his brother and said, “Bring another beer out for me when you come.”
Then he emerged onto the patio. Everyone had been talking, but just as quickly, they all looked over and up to him, and everyone was quiet.
Chapter Three
“Are you still taking me to see my mom tomorrow, Marcus?” Eva said. She was on the bottom bunk, and he pulled up the ladybug quilt, a gift from his mom. The matching sheets were from Karen, and the two teddy bears she slept with were from Jenny and Alison. Suzanne, he knew, was responsible for the light pink walls. There was something about this room, completely stamped with the personality of this little girl who’d stolen his heart.
“I told you I would. We’ll leave first thing in the morning. Do you want to talk about seeing your mom and where she is in jail?”
The fact was that each time he’d taken Eva to see her mother in prison, he’d had to carry her out as they left, her crying into his shoulder. It was a place filled with despair, anger, and nothing that would have her sleeping peacefully at night. He hated how it affected her, but at the same time, not seeing her mother would’ve been that much worse.
He knew Charlotte wished he’d consider not taking her, but seeing her daughter gave Reine hope that there was someone on the outside who loved her and was waiting for her. However, as he watched the little girl that he and Charlotte had taken in, Marcus couldn’t imagine a time when she wouldn’t be with them.
“Is she okay?” Eva said. “Mommy looks so sad every time we see her. I don’t like her having to stay there in jail. How come I can’t hug her? And the scary police there, they yelled at Mommy. They scare me…”
He could see her fear. How could he explain the cruelty of a system that stripped away every right a person had? “Well, Eva, we talked about this. There are rules in prison. Your mom can hug you only once before the visit and once after. She has to sit across the table, and those police are guards. They’re there to make sure everyone follows the rules. Of course she’s sad because she doesn’t get to live with you, but I do know your mom is happy that you’re here with me and Charlotte and that we’re looking after you. She cries because she’s so happy to see you.”
Every Saturday morning, they took Eva to see Reine. Something about taking her into that place made him wish she’d never have to experience it again, but at the same time, this was what he did as a sheriff, putting people away. Except Reine was someone he’d never have arrested if he’d had the power not to. Everything about her situation had been out of his hands.
He sat at the edge of the bed, tucking in this sweet little girl who’d seen too much fear and heartache, far too much, more than a six-year-old should have experienced.
“But we didn’t see Mommy last week,” she said. “They wouldn’t let us see her. How come, Marcus? I want to see her.”
What was he supposed to say? Reine had been put in solitary for reasons he still didn’t know, and finding out once they’d got there had been the worst thing for Eva. He couldn’t explain it to her, and the warden still hadn’t called him back after the three messages he’d left. It was a side of the system he’d never had to face, cruel and uninformed, leaving him not knowing what was happening inside to a woman who’d only experienced the worst side of life.
“I wish I could tell you, Eva. I wish you didn’t have to see your mommy in that place. But you know I’ll be there with you, and so will Charlotte. We won’t let anything happen to you. I know it’s loud and scary, and your mommy has to sleep there, but it won’t be forever. I just need you to be strong, and you know you can talk to me and Charlotte about it, and if there’s ever a time you don’t want to go, you just say so.”
She just nodded. He wished he didn’t have to take her, but at the same, he couldn’t not. Reine was her mother, and as bad a place as it was, she still needed to see her.
“You promise I’ll see her tomorrow?” Eva said.
He just took in the innocence and how sweet she was. “I promise you I’ll do my very best to make sure you see her,” he said. He knew that was all he could do. Even being a sheriff didn’t give him any say in the prison. It was an entirely different system, with different rules, the kind of place that bred a different way of life. He didn’t know how anyone could come out of there rehabilitated and not permanently scarred and damaged.
“Okay, go to sleep,” Marcus said. “Do you want me to put the nightlight on?” He stood up, touching the Tinkerbell lamp that Luke had given Eva, which was on the white dresser Owen had bought and put together for her. Everything in this room was for Eva, from his family—her family.
“Yes, and can you leave the door open?” she said.
Of course he would. He picked up the nightlight and plugged it into the outlet before turning off the lamp.
“How’s that?”
“Did you lock the window?” she said.
He rested his hand on it, seeing that the latch was set and it was locked.
“Up tight,” he said. “You know I’m going to keep you safe. We’re right next door, and we can hear you. I’ll check on you again before I go to bed.”
He hoped she’d sleep through the night tonight. He never knew when she’d have a bad dream.
She nodded again. “Goodnight, Marcus.”
He stopped in the doorway, seeing her watching him. “Goodnight, sweet pea,” he said.
Then he started down the hall and into their bedroom, seeing Charlotte sitting on the bed in a T-shirt and pajama shorts, brushing out her hair, damp from the shower. She flicked her hazel eyes up to him, and there was something there, a hesitation, before she said, “Eva all settled in?”
He nodded as he leaned in the doorway, taking in this woman he loved, her round face. Everything about her was passionate and kind. She gave everything to Eva, to him, and he couldn’t imagine being without them. Everything he had now was exactly what he wanted, yet he didn’t know if he could give her what she wanted.
“She’s asking about seeing Reine tomorrow, about whether she’s going to be able to see her. I know she’s worried the same thing will happen this week and she won’t get to.”
Charlotte let out a sigh and rested her brush on the bed. “The warden still hasn’t called you back?”
He shook his head. “Only thing I was able to find out was some ridiculous write-up for behavior, which could mean anything. Maybe she talked back to a guard, looked at someone the wrong way, said the wrong thing, or none of the above…” He’d already been warned off once by the warden, who’d told him that his interference wouldn’t be tolerated.
“So we don’t know if we’ll be able to see Reine,” Charlotte said. “Marcus, I don’t want to put Eva through that. She cried all the way home. She was heartbroken, not being able to see her mom. Maybe until we know for sure, we shouldn’t go…”
Marcus stepped into the room and up to the bed, shaking his head. “No, Charlotte. What would we say to her? She needs to see her mother. She wants to see her. Us keeping her here and saying no to a visit would be worse. I’m not going to tell her no. I’ll call again first thing in the morning before we go…”
“And if we get there and we can’t see her, then what?” she said, cutting him off, and he didn’t miss the edge in her tone.
“The truth, that at least we tried. That’s all we can do, Cha
rlotte—but why don’t we talk now about the fact that you seem to think I have commitment issues, or is that not what you told Jenny?”
She glanced away and seemed to hesitate as she tapped the brush on the bed, then rested it on the bedside table. He wondered if she was trying to figure out what to say. Then she lifted her gaze to him. “I’m sorry, Marcus, but don’t you?”
There it was, getting right to the point.
“If I did, we wouldn’t be living together,” he said. “I guess I don’t understand why you went to Jenny. And, for that matter, what is this about you, my sisters, my mom, and Jenny all sharing all kinds of personal stuff? I’m not sure how I feel about that, Charlotte, having everyone knowing what’s going on between us. It’s private, you and me…”
“I didn’t share anything personal,” she said. “Jenny asked me what was wrong. She knew my divorce was final, and so did your sisters and your mom. We were talking a few weeks back, and Karen had said something about how long it was taking for the judge to clear divorce decrees through his court, longer than usual. Then Suzanne asked when you and I were planning on getting married now that it was final. I said we hadn’t really talked about it. I guess that planted a seed in my mind, so then when you said nothing, it bothered me. Bringing it up last night, I never expected the response I got. I guess when I saw Jenny today, she knew something was wrong, so I told her I brought up marriage and you shot it down. Is it that you don’t want me talking to anyone about how I feel? I don’t see how that’s personal or private…” She shrugged.
He was still stuck on what she’d said, the fact that she’d been thinking about it for so long. “I didn’t shoot you down, Charlotte. I said I’m happy with how things are right now with you and me and Eva. I still don’t know how a piece of paper changes anything.”
She lifted her chin, then pulled the covers back and slid under the sheets. “Marcus, if that isn’t commitment issues, I don’t know what is. It’s fine, as I said. Yes, I’m bothered, but let’s just go to bed. You want to leave things as they are? Consider them left.”
#5--The Commitment--O’Connells Page 2
