The Fake Girlfriend Rules

by Penny Wylder

  “What?” I ask in shock.

  Did I hear him right? Did he really just ask me to be his girlfriend?

  My hands instantly turn clammy, and my heart races in my chest. I never thought I'd hear those words out of his mouth. Never in my life, not even in my fantasies, did I think it's possible.

  “Will you be my girlfriend?” he asks again.

  “Doug, where the hell is this coming from? I mean, seriously, this kind of came out of left field.” I'm trying to play it cool and not seem too frazzled. But I am frazzled. I can't even think straight.

  What the hell? What kind of question is that to throw at me?

  Did he lose his damn mind?

  Doug quickly holds up his hand. “Pretend girlfriend.”

  In a split second, my racing heart is now aching and bruised. The surge of excitement dwindles to a cold sludge moving through my veins. I feel stupid for even thinking there could be a chance that he's serious.

  Pushing the feelings away, I don't let him see the hurt I feel inside. I tilt my head and glare at him instead. “What the hell are you talking about? Pretend girlfriend? For what?”

  “I need a favor. I know it sounds weird, but I need you to be my pretend girlfriend tomorrow night for the business dinner. Jim says that the movie producer is a huge romance fan, and she's the one who planned this dinner for all of us. Her husband, Jim's wife, and.. .” He pauses, giving me a big, please help me, smile. “My girlfriend—you.”

  I stare at him in utter disbelief. How could he ask me to do this? On what planet does he think I'll just act like we're dating? And who would even believe it?

  I'm not going to make out with him, or snuggle him, or do all those little things a couple does. Because we'd be lying. I don't think I can carry out a lie like that.

  And what if I enjoy it?

  “Doug—”

  “Just hear me out, Lyl. It's one dinner, that's it. I'm not asking you for anything more than that. Just come with me, look at me every so often, and smile like we share more than an apartment together.”

  I rest my chin on the back of my hand, not even able to blink. Shock is holding me still, making it hard to think clearly at all. I've fantasized over the years about what it would be like if we were closer than just friends, but actually taking that step, even if it's just an act, I don't think I can do it. It's dangerous.

  Don't do it. You're not comfortable, so tell him no way.

  “No, no, I can't do it. I need to find a new job. I need to get my life back on track. I can't waste a single second on anything else, especially on playing pretend.”

  “Lyl, please. Jim said if I don't show up with someone, that if I show up alone, I can consider myself unemployed. We both need this right now—both of us. I need your help. So long as I have my job, you can take your time to find a new one for yourself. But if I get fired, then we lose everything we have.”

  I purse my lips as his words settle in my head. Is this a guilt trip? It's a fleeting thought that dissolves as quickly as it comes. Doug isn't someone who would force me to do something using guilt.

  He's right. If he loses his job, we're both screwed. He needs me. How selfish would I be to say no? Doug has always been there for me, it's only fair that I return the favor. A friendship goes two ways, it can't be one sided.

  Besides, it's not like he's asking me to do something crazy like have his baby. He's only asking me to pretend to be his girlfriend for a night. This is an easy task. I know everything about him, and he knows everything about me. We can pull this off without an issue.

  “Fine, I'll do it.”

  “You will?” he asks surprised. His eyes pop open big as saucers, and his chin jets out to the side. “You're not screwing with me?”

  “I'm not screwing with you. I'll do it. You need me, and I'm going to be there for you.”

  “Oh my God, thank you,” he says excitedly. “You're a life saver.”

  “But,” I say sharply, expanding my eyes so he knows I'm serious, “there's going to be rules.”

  “Rules?”

  “Yeah, rules. No kissing, no sex, nothing that's going to make our friendship awkward at all. Because once we cross that line, there's no going back. Can we agree on that?”

  “Yeah, of course, those are easy rules.” Doug flashes his bright white teeth as he smiles and asks, “But we do need to make it look real. Would you be all right with holding hands and maybe a kiss on the cheek or something?”

  Angling my head, I frown.

  He quickly says, “I just want us to look as natural as possible. If we're both stiff and awkward, we'll never pull it off. It's just pretend, and we won't do anything more than that. Just small stuff to make us look like a couple.”

  That's fair.

  If we show up to dinner and look uncomfortable, it might throw up red flags, and then the whole dinner could be ruined. And with that, so would his career. I don't want to be the reason he loses his job. If this is what he needs, the least I can do is help.

  “Fine, but that's it. We do the bare minimum to make them believe we're together.”

  “You fucking rock.” He chugs his beer, then calls to the waitress for another. “You really are saving my ass here.”

  “Yeah, well, if this is what it takes to help keep the roof over our heads, I'll do it. I don't want to see you lose your job over something stupid either. I can be your date.” I sip my beer, then pick at the fries on my plate. “I can't believe I'm agreeing to this, though. It's crazy. You know that, right? This is probably the craziest thing we've ever done?”

  “Crazy or brilliant?” he asks.

  “Crazy. Definitely crazy.” I make exaggerated nods. “Are we even going to know how to act together as a couple? Don't you think it'll feel weird?”

  “Nah, it's going to be fine. But if you're worried, I can come snuggle up to you now so we can practice. What do you think? Want to share a seat?” He wags his brows and grins. “A little practice never hurt anyone.”

  I give him a side eyed glare, my mouth crinkling up tight. “This is a one and done thing. After dinner tomorrow, we're going back to normal.”

  “All right, but we both know how bad you do when you don't study for a test. Think of this like an exam. The night before you cram, hoping you got it all down. I don't think it's a bad idea to practice, that's how we get an A.”

  I start to laugh, pulling my eyes off his and looking off into the room. “That's not me you're talking about, it's you. You were the one who sucked at tests.”

  “I think your memory is a little foggy.”

  “You're definitely wrong on this one. You had to copy my math test in eleventh grade just to pass. You used my notes for history class, and you wouldn't have passed biology without me helping you study. Remember?”

  He squints at me, rocking his head on his shoulders. “Agree to disagree. Either way, the option is there if you want to take it. These arms are good for more than lifting weights and moving video equipment around.”

  I can't stop myself from laughing as he flexes his biceps and smiles at his own muscles. This is one thing that I love about Doug, his ability to make me feel better no matter what. It doesn't matter why I'm upset, by the end of the day, he has me smiling.

  Though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little apprehensive about playing the role of his girlfriend. There's a lot riding on this. His job. Our apartment. It all falls on us making this believable.

  What if we fail? What if they notice we're faking?

  That's not going not going to happen., I tell myself.

  Because this has to work. Even if the boundaries need to get blurred in order to make it work. Sometimes you need to get dirty to get what you want. Sometimes you need to take a risk to reap the reward.

  I'm going to make sure no one questions if we're real or not. If that means holding his hand and snuggling up to him, I'll do it. If I have to give him a little kiss or look at him with love in my eyes, I'm in.

  I just hope I don
't leave the dinner wanting more.

  Like sex. . .

  Would that be so bad?

  Doug is smirking at me from across the table. He lowers his lids, and softly taps the rim of his beer. “I know what you're thinking,” he says in a sultry deep voice.

  “You do?”

  A smile dangles at the corner of his lips as he nods. “Of course, I do. I know you, Lyl.” He winks at me, his finger circling the top of his beer like he's tracing a nipple. “I know how to listen to a woman's body.”

  My breath hitches as a lump forms in the back of my throat. “Yeah? What is mine saying right now?” I ask. There's a tremble in my voice. It's subtle, but there's no denying it.

  Doug tips his head a hair as he licks his lips. “Do you really want me to say it out loud?”

  “I don't know, I can't read your mind. You're the one claiming to be a mind reader.”

  “Not a mind reader, I'm a body reader. And yours is telling me you need another beer.”

  I exhale a relieved breath, my tense muscles calming down as I shake my empty bottle. “You nailed it.”

  “Not yet I haven't,” he says with conviction. “Not yet.”

  What the hell does he mean by that? He can't mean sex.

  Can he?

  4

  Douglas

  I adjust the jacket on my suit, fixing the cuffs. My hair is combed and gelled in place. I'm opting for no tie because that's just not my style. The suit looks good without it anyway, so I don't think I need it.

  This suit really is made for me. Lyllian was right. The jacket hugs my shoulders, and the sleeves rest just below my wrist. Dressed in all black I look like the devil himself. Ready and eager to corrupt a heavenly soul.

  The only thing left to add to my outfit is a big silver watch that was my grandfather's. I clasp the buckle and give myself one last look in the mirror.

  I look fucking good.

  “Hey, you almost ready?” I ask Lyllian. “We need to be there for six.”

  “Yeah, I just need one more minute,” she calls back from inside her room.

  “The taxi is going to be here in five minutes, just so you know.”

  “Okay, I told you I just need a minute.”

  The door opens and my jaw hits the floor. Lyllian is wearing a skintight, red dress that hits just below her knees. The halter top lifts her tits, creating the perfect amount of cleavage. Silver heels are making her calves pop and her legs look a mile long.

  My mouth salivates, suddenly hungry to taste her smooth skin and lick her legs from ankle to hip. The curves on this girl are deadly, and can drop any man to his knees.

  Her brown hair is curled and pulled up into a twist that's pinned against her scalp. Loose strands of hair frame her face, and her makeup makes her look flawless. Bold, thick lashes. Tinted pink cheeks. Glossy and plump lips. She's gorgeous. Like a painting coming alive right before my very eyes. I can't look away.

  I'm staring at her. Just staring at her. I have no words.

  “What?” she asks, looking down at herself. “Is it too much? Should I go change quick? I have another outfit ready if this doesn't work.””

  I swallow hard, knocking myself out of the trance she put me in. “No, no, you look amazing.” Forcing my feet forward, I walk to her side.

  “Really?” she asks, looking up at me and giving me a look that says she doesn't believe me. Her lids lower and her lips fold into a heavy frown. “Because you were speechless when I came out.”

  “Speechless because of how incredible that dress looks on you. You look absolutely stunning, Lyl. You don't need to change a thing. You're perfect.” I take her hand and spin her in a slow circle. “You're going to turn heads tonight. Just don't forget that you have to leave with me.” I wink and chuckle.

  “Don't get any ideas. Leaving with you doesn't mean sleeping with you. But thanks, Doug.” She shakes her hands in front of her and exhales an audible breath. “Is it weird that I'm a little nervous?”

  “It's not weird. This isn't a normal situation. I don't want you to worry, though, you're going to do fine. I'd even bet you'll kill it tonight. And then tomorrow you can go back to being single.” I take a step back and hold out my arms. “What about me? Does this look good?”

  “Handsome as always,” she says. “You should wear suits more often, it's a bit of a turn on.” Her red lips peel back into a big smile, and she waggles her eyebrows. “Suits are sexy.”

  “Whoa now, don't turn on the girlfriend charm until we get there.” I flick the collar on my jacket and click my tongue against the roof of my mouth. “If you use it all now, it won’t be fresh later.”

  “I should watch what I say because I'm going to boost your ego too much.” She laughs and slips her arm around mine. Her thin fingers fall over my forearm as she holds on tight. “You're going to have to help me walk. I'm afraid I might fall down the stairs in these heels.”

  “I've got you, I won't let you fall.”

  We go down the stairs, taking each one slow. The taxi is parked out front. I open her door and watch her ass as she climbs inside. Fuck, her ass looks hot in that dress. I can see the faint outline of her panties, and it makes my dick jerk in my pants.

  Stop it! She's still just a friend!

  None of this is real, I remind myself. This isn't a real date.

  I climb in next to her, and it's torture having to keep my hands to myself. My fingers itch to touch her thighs, and my lips buzz to taste her skin. She's mouthwatering right now, and she hasn't got a clue.

  We drive the short distance to the restaurant. Her hands are nervously fumbling in her lap as she stares out the window. I take her hand and pull it onto my leg.

  “Don't worry, it's just dinner.” I give her hand a strong squeeze. “You're not going to be interrogated, Jim and I are. All you have to do is just be you.”

  She feigns a smile. “I know, it's just scary that we have to lie about our relationship the entire night. I'm hoping we can pull it off.”

  “We will, so long as Mrs. Gadory doesn't ask us to make out.”

  Her mouth opens wide. “Doug—”

  “I'm only kidding, just trying to loosen you up some. I'm serious though, just relax. It's all going to be fine. We're lying, but we also aren't strangers. I think all the years we've known each other is really going to help.”

  “Yeah, you might be right about that.”

  “I am right.”

  Lyl lets me hold her hand as the taxi finds a spot to pull over. I don't let go of her hand as we get out, instead I hold her tighter.

  “Time to shine,” I say, whispering in her ear as I braid my fingers around hers, leading us into the restaurant.

  We follow the hostess to a large table in the back. Jim and his wife are laughing with Mrs. Gadory and her husband. He spots me and jumps up from his seat.

  “Doug, hey, right on time. We just got seated.” He comes around the table and slaps me on the back. “And who's this?” he asks as his attention falls on Lyllian.

  She's standing shyly behind me. I pull her around front and rest my hands on her shoulders. “This is my girlfriend, Lyllian.” The sentence comes out of my mouth far too easily, causing my chest to tighten.

  I stun myself silent, trying to process how easy it is for me to just call her that. I expected to hesitate or lose my words, but I didn't. I said it without a hitch. I said it like it's the truth and not a bold face lie we concocted yesterday.

  “Lyllian, it's so nice to meet you.” Jim turns to everyone else and introduces us. “Mrs. Gadory, this is Doug. Doug this is Mrs. Gadory, her husband Tony, and my wife Meg.”

  “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Gadory,” I say, holding out my hand. “This is my girlfriend Lyllian.”

  Lyl leans over and shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Gadory.”

  “Please, call me Eileen. I might be almost seventy, but Mrs. Gadory just makes me think of Tony's mother. Bless her soul.” She chuckles and shakes my hand. “Please, sit,” she says. �
�I'm really excited to finally get the chance to talk with you both.”

  I pull out Lyllian's chair, and push it in as she sits. Taking the seat next to her, I instinctively rest my hand on her thigh. She gives me a quick look, but it quickly fades. Her hands sit on the table, folded together like she's in grade school.

  She's so nervous. I can feel her anxiety. Her leg is shaking rapidly as she taps her heel against the floor. Her chest is rising and falling quickly, and every few breaths she lets out a long slow exhale. Leaning in, I whisper in her ear. “You're doing fine, just relax.”

  “You see that, honey,” Eileen says. “Chivalry still exists. Why don't you pull out my chair for me anymore?”

  “Because we have almost forty-five years under our belt. All those niceties are what happens with young love.” Her husband turns to me and smirks. “After this many years of marriage, she's lucky if I use the bathroom with the door shut anymore.”

  Eileen slaps his chest and rolls her eyes. “Don't mind him, he thinks romance has an expiration date. I, on the other hand, do not. Which is probably why I make the movies I do.” Her eyes fall on Lyllian. “What about you, dear? Do you like romance?”

  “I think every girl dreams of that classic romance at some point in her life. The sweep you off your feet, make you feel like the only girl in the world kind of romance. But only some of us are lucky enough to have it.” She smiles at me, laying her head on my shoulder for a second.

  In that brief moment, a million different emotions flood my body. Excitement, happiness, fullness, desire, lust, and everything in between. My heart gallops in my chest, forcing the blood to pump through my ears and drown out the room around me.

  All I feel is her. The weight of her head on me, the scent of her shampoo, the smooth plane of her neck that looks so damn kissable. I want to wrap my arm around her body and hold her. Something about this feels so right.

  It's wrong! It's very, very wrong!

  I give her a peck on the top of her head, and nod. “I have to agree, she got lucky my mother taught me right.”

  Jim's wife glares at him and frowns. “You see, you should be taking notes.”