by Eva Brandt
If Alyssa realized this, she didn’t show it. “Good guess. Yes, they knew about it, at least up to a point. Once I left, I notified them of my choice. I wanted to give them closure.”
The way she said that made it sound like she blamed me for my parents’ suffering, for my inability to tell them that I was mostly okay. I clenched my fists and tried to not let her provoke me. “I didn’t have the luxury of a choice,” I said, keeping my voice calm and level. “But that’s not what we’re here to discuss, is it?”
“On the contrary, it’s very important,” Alyssa replied. “I could spout countless accusations at you, but that would defeat the purpose of this meeting, wouldn’t it? I’d much rather stay calm, so we can reach a compromise.”
By my side, Yeqon and Azazel fidgeted in discomfort. Michael’s magic licked over my skin, while Sariel was so still he barely seemed to be breathing.
I couldn’t blame them. This wasn’t at all what I’d expected of her. I’d thought she’d have a reaction similar to Sunrefni’s or perhaps to the way she’d acted when I’d fought Stefan. It was strange that she’d try to be polite when it was her child, not her lover, who was at risk.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m able to stay calm, why I haven’t gored you on the spot, right?” Alyssa asked, as if guessing my thoughts. “It’s quite simple. I had to resort to some outside assistance to function rationally.”
“Callum,” Azazel guessed, speaking for the first time since we entered the house. “He’s helping you.”
“Among other things, yes,” Alyssa said with a tiny, crooked smile. “We agreed that it was a bad idea for me to come here without taking some precautions.”
“I would have thought that you already took those precautions when you kidnapped my parents,” I replied.
I regretted the words almost instantly, since the last thing I wanted was to remind her of the power she had over me. Alyssa’s horns glinted and her smile widened, now showing fangs.
“That isn’t a precaution. It’s just common sense.”
“My definition of common sense is very different from yours.”
“Not particularly. In fact, I don’t think we’re very different at all. Which is why I know I have to kill you.”
That was more like it. It was weirdly comforting to go back to threats instead of the creepy banter. “I didn’t ask for this. You’re the ones who targeted me. All I wanted was to protect my family.”
Alyssa hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose that’s another thing we have in common. All right then. If you want to protect them so much, I assume you know why we took them. Tell me where my daughter is and you have my word that I’ll let your parents go.”
Oddly, I believed her. Maybe that was why she’d made those first comments in the first place, because she had mortal parents too and in a way, understood my position.
But that didn’t change the fact that I couldn’t give her the answers she sought and she would react badly to that news.
“I know this isn’t what you want to hear, Queen Alyssa, but I didn’t take your daughter. Do you really think I’m powerful enough to breach the borders of The Infernal Realm from Watcher Academy? I might have the Power of Death, but I’m still just a would-be Guardian Angel.”
I assumed the demons were aware of my connection with the divine spark, so I suspected she’d call me out on my bullshit. Surprisingly, she didn’t. Instead, she laughed. “You really believe that, don’t you? I heard it from Sunrefni, but I didn’t think it was true. You don’t know… You don’t know what you are.”
“Alyssa…” Michael started to say.
When he stepped forward, several demons manifested from the shadows. The familiar figure of Michael’s son almost made me flinch, and the appearance of the hell hound didn’t help. Together, they once again reminded me of everything that had gone wrong during my past confrontation with Alyssa.
I wished Gorgon were here. One of these days, I had to find a better way to talk to him and ask him where he went when we weren’t together.
But I couldn’t use my familiar as a crutch. I had to do this on my own. I needed to save my family. I wasn’t afraid of Alyssa and her consorts.
“Stay where you are, Father,” Mikael said, “unless you want something regrettable to happen.”
“Something regrettable has already happened,” I told him. “I can say with full honesty I regret your daughter’s disappearance. If I played any part in it, I am truly sorry and I’d love to help you find her should you—”
I didn’t expect them to take me up on my offer, so it came as no surprise when Alyssa cut me off. “Enough. I’ve played along with this game so far, but I can see now that this charade isn’t going to end until we take steps. Would you like to tell your lover the truth, or should we?”
Alyssa was talking to my Watchers now, and I suddenly had a very bad feeling. “The truth about what?”
“You. The real reason why you were chosen by the Grim Reaper.” Mikael gave me a look I might have deemed compassionate had I not known any better. “Or did you think he and Morrigan actually care about you?”
It sounded like a rhetorical question, but I still decided to answer. “They care, in their own way, but I know their interest isn’t in me as a person. I’m not angry about that.”
“How selfless,” Stefan said. “I can see why you have so many people fooled. But redemption isn’t so easily earned.”
“Stefan, stop this,” Yeqon told him. “You don’t understand the weight of your actions.”
“Oh, I assure you we do.”
They were going around in circles, still arguing about the mysterious secret. I wanted to scream at them, to tell them to stop and just spit it out already. But I couldn’t find my voice. I was too afraid to ask.
My mysterious flashbacks painted a dreadful image, one I’d never understood. There was an answer there, and it explained a lot of the things that had happened in my life, including my lovers’ behavior toward me. But I didn’t want to hear it.
In the end, I didn’t get a choice. The serpentine familiar I’d once attacked emerged from under Mikael’s clothes. She had lost her patience. “You carry Satan’s soul, female,” she told me. “That’s why you’re a threat to The Infernal Realm and you cannot be allowed to exist.”
I froze. “W-What?” I stammered.
The argument between the others stopped as they realized what the familiar had revealed. “You heard TB,” Mikael said. “You are Satan. The first one, whom Lucifer took down after he left The Celestial Realm with the Watchers. And I’m pretty sure they’ve known about it for ages.”
In my heart, I wasn’t surprised. Maybe I’d known all along. There had been too many clues in those memories, glimpses into my life as a demon. And there had been strange flickers of emotion I couldn’t explain, a wariness and a secret hatred toward the others that wasn’t completely warranted.
So the words themselves didn’t hurt me. They washed over me like a wave, clearing the fog in my brain.
All of a sudden, I could see my lovers in a different position, standing in front of me, carrying fiery swords. I was on my knees, once again bound in chains, while Lucifer sat on my throne, smirking in visible satisfaction. “Any last words, Satan?”
“You’ll pay for this one day,” I told him, tasting blood in my mouth. “You’ll be betrayed, just like I was.”
Lucifer laughed. “Don’t be such a cliché. Even if that’s true, you won’t be around to enjoy it.”
What could I possibly say to that? The bastard was right. I would die here today, in the worst way possible.
I’d made my peace with my unavoidable demise. It would have been stupid not to, considering all the time I’d spent in the dungeons of The Seven Circles of Hell.
But at one point, something had changed in my view of the future. And I knew exactly what had caused it—the Watchers in front of me.
Ignoring Lucifer, I directed my attention to the three men. There was no shado
w of regret on their faces and no sign that they even remembered what we’d shared. Maybe I’d imagined it all in my head and in truth, the only thing I’d been for them was a plaything.
Well, fuck that. Fuck them. I’d burn in the fires of Heaven before I let them see how much they’d hurt me.
“Go on then,” I said, grinning. “Do your worst.”
I straightened my back, and this time, it had nothing to do with sexual appeal. I doubted I could be considered pretty anymore. Lucifer and his minions had made sure of that.
My face was half-melted off and my wings were gone. It was a miracle he’d waited for as long as he had to get rid of them. But I knew it was all for a reason—the same reason why no one except these three Watchers had dared to have sex with me.
They were afraid that I’d twist them up in knots all over again if they gave me the chance, and Lucifer was no different.
“I don’t fear you,” I told him, “but you fear me. You’re nothing but a coward pretending to be something he is not.”
Lucifer clenched his jaw in anger. “And what does that say about you? I won and you lost.”
“That’s true. I made mistakes. But you’ll make the same ones, Lucifer. You’ll put your faith in the wrong person and you’ll pay the price. And that goes for your friends too.”
My eyes met those of my Watchers, and for the first time, a flicker of emotion flashed over their faces. Their wings twitched in an involuntary gesture of discomfort.
As far as I could tell, Lucifer didn’t notice. But he had disfigured me specifically because he’d been aware of the threat I posed, so I could have been wrong.
If he did realize something was wrong, he didn’t care about their opinion. He flicked his fingers, fire still dancing over his skin. “Sariel, let’s end this, shall we?”
Distantly, I was grateful that he’d asked Sariel and not Azazel or Yeqon. He kept a straight face when he replied, “Of course, Brightest Star.”
Together, the trio made their way to my side. Azazel and Yeqon grabbed my arms, keeping me from struggling or trying to escape. It wasn’t necessary, since I was already chained, but maybe they just wanted to make sure.
I looked up at Sariel and smiled. He lifted his blade. The sword fell and with it, so did my head.
And then, there was darkness, and fire, and a different life, another existence I’d lost because of The Infernal Realm. Delilah St. John, the woman who had wanted to be a Guardian Angel, who was secretly Satan.
I staggered away from my lovers—from the men who had once killed me on Lucifer’s command. “I wondered… I wondered why you were acting so strangely. It all makes sense now. You… How could you?”
All color drained from their faces. “W-We can explain, Delilah,” Sariel stammered.
“You really can’t,” I replied coldly, squaring my shoulders. My back ached, as if I could still feel the echoes of the torture Lucifer had inflicted upon me. But that pain was nothing compared to the anguish caused by their lies.
Nothing could change the fact that they’d killed me, but I didn’t blame them for it. I understood war, conflict, and having to make hard choices. They’d been in a tough position and our incipient connection hadn’t erased my past.
I was also realistic enough to admit that I’d made my own bed. If I’d lost the war with Lucifer, it had been at least in part because of my foolishness and arrogance. I’d pissed off the High Lords of Hell, to the point that they’d decided to throw their lot in with someone else.
Back then, my lovers had never made me any promises and I’d never intended for our relationship to last beyond a fuck I could use to manipulate them. An unidentifiable, defiant spark of… something had been born between us. But it had never been that important, not enough to make them betray Lucifer.
Things had changed now. We’d been in a relationship for two years. I’d shared my body and my soul with them in a way I never had as Satan. And all the while, they had been laughing at me, controlling me, waiting to see when they could stab me in the back again.
“I should have known better than to believe you’d accept everything I did without having a secondary motive,” I said. “I feel like an idiot now.”
“It’s not like that!” Yeqon shouted. “You don’t—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” I interrupted him. “I don’t care!”
My argument with my lovers was exactly what Alyssa had been waiting for. “Now, since we’ve established that, why don’t you show me all your secrets?”
All of a sudden, Alyssa was very close to me, far closer than before. I hadn’t even seen her move. My instincts started to scream, warning me of the danger. But I didn’t have the energy to push her away.
“You can still win this fight,” a voice screamed at the back of my mind. This time, I ignored it. I knew what it was. I didn’t want it. I couldn’t want it.
If Alyssa killed me, it wouldn’t be so bad. I’d never asked for this. I’d never wanted to come back as a human, not really. I didn’t understand who and what I was, not anymore. Giving up would be so much easier.
Sariel cursed and tried to reach for me, but the white wolf jumped between us, blocking his path. The room exploded into a chaotic blend of shadows, feathers, demons, and angels. My lovers were doing their best to reach me, but Mikael, Stefan, and the two familiars were keeping them away.
Alyssa pinned my unresisting form against the wall and cupped my cheek. “Show me the divine spark,” she whispered in my ear. “Give me your power.”
I almost obeyed. I almost listened to her. After all, why shouldn’t I? She needed it to find her daughter, which was a worthy goal. And once that happened, she would return my parents to me.
But on the other hand, I couldn’t give up. If nothing else, Demogorgon would be disappointed in me. He’d always been loyal to me and if he hadn’t managed to save me back then, it hadn’t been out of lack of trying.
Everything happened so fast after that. Alyssa screeched and let go of my arm. She staggered away from me, as white as a sheet.
I straightened my back and looked down, only to see Demogorgon on the floor in front of me.
Alyssa went down like a rock and started seizing, her body convulsing and twisting, making the whole building shake. “Lyssa!” the white wolf howled.
“Do something!” Stefan shouted.
I couldn’t tell who he was talking to. He’d stopped fighting my lovers and was trying to focus on his queen. Either way, this was my cue to disappear.
Demogorgon wrapped his serpentine body around me. “Run,” he whispered. “Go now, while they’re distracted, while you still can.”
A tiny part of me wanted to reach out and help. For a few seconds, I entertained the hope that if I did that, the demons would return my parents.
But then, Mikael turned toward me and shot me a poisonous glare. Just like that, I knew there was no way for me to fix this.
Disregarding my hesitation, I followed Demogorgon’s advice and vanished. It was time to find my own answers and maybe, to start over.
An Unlikely Ally
Since I had no idea where to take refuge after leaving my house, I let Demogorgon guide me. It came as no surprise that, upon following the thread of his distinctive magic, I ended up in Sodom.
The last time I’d been here, the whole city had been in flames. Lucifer had put out the fire, but hadn’t bothered to rebuild any of the buildings.
I looked around at the desolate landscape and grimaced. “Are you sure about this?” Once, Sodom had been my Watchers’ home, and the last thing I wanted was to be in a place that reminded me so much of them.
“It’s our best bet,” Demogorgon insisted. “They’ll figure out you might have come here eventually, but for the moment, it’ll be a good hiding place.”
I didn’t have the energy to argue with him, so I silently took refuge inside the first building that didn’t look like it was going to fall on top of me. I plopped down onto the ground, mentally and ph
ysically exhausted.
“Why did this have to happen, Gorgon?” I asked, tears trailing down my cheeks. “Why couldn’t they just leave me alone?”
“Some things are meant to be,” Gorgon replied. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for the part I played in your deception.”
I shook my head and wiped my eyes. “I don’t blame you. You did what you could. It’s not like you were in the best position.”
Demogorgon nodded. “To be honest, I only managed to wriggle my way into The Celestial Realm recently, seventeen years ago. If I’m not mistaken, it was shortly after you were born. I suspect someone must have known from the beginning that this would happen and that’s why they accepted a primordial demon in The Celestial Realm.”
That made far too much sense for my comfort, and it also did nothing to reassure me that I’d have an actual future. “What does that mean for me?”
“I’m not sure. I assume the Grim Reaper and Morrigan thought your background would help you wield the Power of Death against The Infernal Realm. Beyond that, I’m as confused as you are.”
I doubted anyone could be as confused as I was right now, but I didn’t argue with him. He wasn’t looking down on me and my pain. He was just making a point.
But all that aside, I couldn’t afford to languish in my hatred and self-pity. Regardless of who and what I was, the fact remained that my parents were still missing. I couldn’t leave them at Alyssa’s mercy, especially not now.
Then again, was Alyssa even the one I was supposed to worry about? That thing earlier had been as surprising as it had been scary. Demogorgon might have been a demon, but his bite shouldn’t have had such a bad effect, not on the queen of The Infernal Realm.
“Question. Why did Alyssa start seizing like that when you bit her?”
“It’s because she was epileptic as a human,” a familiar voice replied in Demogorgon’s stead.
Epilepsy? I frowned, trying to remember if my lovers had mentioned it before. I couldn’t be sure. Gorgon had said he’d almost killed Alyssa, but he hadn’t gone into detail and at the time, I’d been too busy worrying about my future to think about her past.
