by Eden Tyler
* * *
Sitting with Hollie and eating pizza, she makes fun of me for drinking milk instead of pop. I laugh so hard that I spit the milk out and reach for my napkin. As my hand finds it, I feel a presence behind me. My arm stops moving and someone rests their warm palm on the top of my wrist. I know it’s Blake’s hand without even looking. Sometimes I think we’re connected on an undiscovered level. Even if we are fighting, like we are tonight.
He doesn’t say a word until I look up at him. He asks me if we can go talk somewhere and, ignoring Hollie’s warning look—stern expression with an arched eyebrow, I allow him to keep hold of my hand as I stand up. I grab the napkin with my other hand and wipe my face, taking longer than I need to. Giving Hollie a ‘wish me luck’ glance, I follow Blake as he maneuvers us through the crowd and into a semi-empty hallway. He finds an open bedroom door but knocks to make sure. No one answers, so we go in.
I pull my hand away and walk over to the bed and sit down, for fear of my legs buckling under me. I wait for him to speak first. He approached me, after all, and I am not about to give him the satisfaction of talking any more than is needed. Not after the crap he said to me earlier.
I sit perfectly still as Blake walks over to a pile of hoodies and spring jackets, digging until he finds his own. He reaches into the inside pocket and pulls out a box with a bow on it. Not a ring-sized box, but definitely a jewelry box. I wonder what the heck it is.
Giving me a look like he’s asking permission to sit down, I nod and he perches on the edge of the bed.
“Baby, I know things have been not so great between us lately,” he starts, “but I really want that to change. I don’t want to be without you.”
Blake isn’t exactly a mushy type of guy so hearing him say this is strange. I remember it verbatim and I’m pretty sure I always will. He’s never really talked about feelings. And since my policy is to avoid such things, it hasn’t ever bothered me much.
“OK.” It comes out almost like a question. “Well, I’m not really sure what to say. You’ve just been acting so distant and, well, like a jerk. And I don’t get it. Is there a reason for it or…” I let myself trail off.
He shakes his head. “No. No reason that I know of for sure. All I can figure is just that I feel different when I’m around Andrew lately. I can’t explain it but he seems powerful and important in some way, and when we hang out I feel more independent and I don’t really care about much of anything. It sounds so stupid, hearing myself say it right now, but it’s the truth.
“And he keeps mentioning things that make me irritated with you. At the time it all makes sense and I don’t even feel bad about what I’m saying or doing. But then I go home or get away from him, and the reality of my actions hits me. By then I don’t know how to apologize or make it right.”
Blake absentmindedly wraps a stray ribbon around his finger as he speaks.
“I do really care about you and couldn’t stand losing you. But I also don’t want to piss off my best friend, and I feel like I will if I don’t go along with him. I’m not even sure what’s going on, let alone what to do.”
After taking a deep breath and absorbing Blake’s words, I say the only thing I can think of that sounds rational. “Well … I suppose you should talk to Andrew like you’re talking to me. And ask yourself what’s more important if they can’t both work.”
I have no clue what all of this means, like Andrew could be controlling Blake with his magical super powers or something. Sure, that’s likely! I try to laugh a little on the inside at the thought of Andrew using super powers on something as petty as making Blake be mean to me. But, the reality is that Blake might actually have to choose between me and Andrew, and that thought scares me shitless.
As much as my heart is aching, there is something about the tone of Blake’s voice, and his uncharacteristic fidgeting, that makes me want to fix this in any way possible. Here he is, talking to me and being honest, and I know he’s confused as can be. But then again, so am I. What did I do to deserve a crappy situation like this?
