by Eden Tyler
* * *
When I’m almost to the part where I get to open my present, I come out of my memory and recognize the song that’s playing. Swallowing, my throat hurts due to the giant lump that has magically appeared. Of course … because this is how much music affects me—I don’t even have to know I’m listening and it will change how I feel. My thoughts weren’t exactly happy a moment ago, but that was pure confusion. I was attempting to see my relationship objectively and logically. No such luck.
But, “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Cry (Over You)” has been playing and I find myself thinking, ‘Man, if he ever tries to leave…’ The song makes me feel I can’t be without him and that I’ll fight his jackass friend every step of the way. I went from hating my fights with Blake, and our relationship overall, to feeling I have to have him in my life.
Blake started acting strangely only about a month or so ago. He hasn’t reminded me—or anyone for that matter—of the same, decent guy I’ve dated for the last three years. I sometimes have a feeling he’s trying to break up with me but doesn’t have the nerve. Or like he’s pulling one of those boy things—acting mean and distant to get me to dump him. But then he opened up and it makes even less sense. Except for that he wasn’t lying about being a jerk only when Andrew is around. Now when it happens, Blake comes to me after and apologizes, but we still can’t understand it. I haven’t asked, but I highly doubt he has talked to Andrew.
I wish everything could be like before. Before, when Blake had always thought me being late was an adorable quirk and he’d let it slide – maybe even make fun of me a little. Especially when it was only seven measly minutes.
But seven minutes might as well be seven hours based on Andrew’s demeanor. He is definitely pissed—leaning forward, tapping his fingers on the console, and sighing every point three seconds. I’m ignoring him because I don’t much care if he’s angry. He’s an ass and not worth my time worrying about, except when it comes to my guy.
When we get to the parking lot, Blake finds an open spot as if by magic. This happens every day and I’ve never understood it. Maybe he gets a handful of pixie dust every morning just like Tinkerbell. No matter how it happens, he’s always been a lucky bastard that way. And I can’t complain that it’s not fair because I get to reap the rewards, too.
Blake parks and then turns off the car. Everyone climbs out. But Andrew—he slips out of the car so fast he’s almost a blur. He slams his door shut harder than hell and I take a step back. Did the sound scare me, or does he? My stomach feels queasy. I guess I forgot to eat during the ride since I was too busy thinking about Blake.
The look I see on Blake’s face screams he feels the same as his friend, which doesn’t surprise me, since they’re together this morning. Who knows what they were up to before picking up Hols.
Afraid that Blake might be too angry, I swallow my pride. “Babe, I said I was sorry first thing. If that’s not enough, I don’t know what will be. I didn’t do anything on purpose to piss you off or anything and you know it.”
Hollie gives me a quick wave before rushing to the building’s main doors. Blake starts after Hollie, but I grab his arm gently to pull him back and push the subject further. He shakes me off, but at least he stays to listen.
“OK, what was that? I’d have to be a complete idiot to be late on purpose. What’s really wrong? Is it Andrew again?”
“I know you didn’t plan to be late, but you never plan not to be late, either. It’s a pain in the ass and doesn’t just affect you.”
He’s right. I know he is but being shook off like that and the look—or rather non-look—in his eyes … my pride doesn’t want to stay down. “I get why you’re upset right now but it’s more than that. We both know it is. Your idiot friend is obviously rubbing off on you too much and I’m starting to get really sick of the back and forth of sweet Blake and mean Blake. Something’s gotta give here.”
Although it’s the truth, this is hard to say while staring at his amber eyes. Even when expressionless, those eyes never fail to draw me in and weaken my knees. The light in them spreads out and penetrates me, and I just feel lost—like only he can save me.
Blake looks away, ignoring me, and strides back in the direction the others went. I trail, not worried I’m walking the opposite way of my homeroom class. I feel like a pathetic puppy dog but he’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had so I’m at a loss. Just watching his cute butt walking is a joy for me. I like all those little things about him.
We arrive at the entrance by his class and I direct my eyes up at his face as he turns around. My heart skips a beat and is fluttering, but not in a good way. As strange as it is, since she’s the only one I’ve ever been able to read, but … just like with Hollie, I can sense what Blake is going to say. And it’s nothing I want to hear. I take a breath and brace myself.
“You know, if you’re so fed up with me, Alexis, maybe we should spend the weekend apart. I’m damned tired of you getting on my case when you’re the one who’s always late. I know I’m a good guy.”
Letting the breath out, I focus on not screaming at the Universe, asking why this is happening. Instead I ask Blake, “This is really how you’re going to be? Then I can honestly say you’re wrong. Yeah, you were a good guy—but not anymore. I can’t deal with your ups and downs, and I can’t ask you not to be friends with Andrew, either. So as much as I hate it, I think your idea not to see each other is a pretty decent one.”
I hug my journal to my chest and take another deep breath. Blake shakes his head—his new thing, I suppose—and I feel the disappointment and disgust radiating off of him. Like I was supposed to fight for him or something. (Wait—didn’t I just decide I wanted to do that?) But I keep my mouth shut.
After a long look, he turns toward the door and slips inside the building. The glass swings shut as I spin around and exhale, ducking my head to hide the welling of tears.
