Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 1

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

  “Stop embarrassing yourself. And keep your distance; it’s too hot out.”

  Tione held out her hand to keep the whimpering deity from hugging her. The rest of the adventurers walked around them to go inside. Loki might be respected, but she wasn’t worshipped with absolute reverence and esteem.

  Despite her all-powerful, all-knowing abilities being sealed, Loki never aged no matter how long she stayed on Earth. Rather than being treated like a supreme entity, she was more like the head of a family who treated all her children well and received their love in return.

  The last of the tension finally left the adventurers’ shoulders as they were finally back inside the familiar walls of home.

  “Aiz! Welcome home!”

  “I’m back, Loki…”

  The eyes of the goddess fell on Aiz, who responded to her greeting right away.

  Loki seemed really happy to see her—at first. Then the goddess’s narrow eyes opened a little bit wider. “Ah, you’re in quite a bit of pain there. Gotta get your rest, don’t ya know?”

  “…”

  The blond girl’s magic had taken its toll on her body. Her joints groaned with every step. Even Loki could see that it was best for Aiz to take it slow.

  The goddess’s eyes, the same color as her hair, regarded the girl as though they could see right through her. Loki smiled at Aiz without saying another word, turned away from her, and went to go greet the other members.

  “Aiz, what’s wrong? Loki try to feel you up again?”

  “No…It’s nothing.”

  The blond girl responded to Tiona, but she was watching a very irritated Riveria trying her best to tolerate Loki just in front of the gate. Then she turned to go inside.

  Members of Loki Familia who hadn’t joined the expedition came out of the manor to help bring inside the bags. “Welcome home.” “Good to see you.” They said their hellos to their returning comrades as they passed by.

  There was no entrance hall, but some of the tower walls had been removed to create an open common space. Indeed, it was very welcoming. On the other hand, rooms and passageways within the towers were quite narrow. As for Aiz, she had no complaints.

  Anyone using the shower room was ordered to finish before Aiz, Tiona, and the others finished unpacking. The returnees took priority. There were others waiting, but it was common sense to give up their place in line. The girls felt a little bad jumping to the front, but they weren’t about to turn down a hot shower.

  Dropping their remaining weapons and armor in their personal rooms, they made their way to the shower room at the top of the tower.

  “…You wear some real flashy clothes, Aiz.”

  “Loki said she’d bite off my tongue if I didn’t.”

  Aiz started to disrobe as she responded to Tiona’s comment, eyebrows sinking.

  Her undershirt was completely open in the back, revealing all the curves from her shoulders to her lower back and even the base of her breasts. There was nothing to conceal the girl’s smooth skin. Tiona thought it was strange for someone with Aiz’s personality to wear something that revealing. “…Oh, that makes sense.” But all her questions disappeared upon hearing Aiz’s explanation.

  Every member of a familia had to put up with their god’s or goddess’s more interesting personality traits.

  “Lefiya, strip already. The others are waiting.”

  “Ah, yes…”

  Compared to the already naked Tiona, Lefiya was much more reserved when it came to her body. The Amazon had thrown her clothing to the floor the moment she came in, but the elf took her time, slowly disrobing at her own pace.

  This showed a major difference between the two different races. Amazons had absolutely no reservations when it came to showing skin, while elves were very reluctant to bare any of it. With many different races living under the same roof, these differences were a daily occurrence.

  Aiz quickly slipped her panties down her legs while she listened to the two of them. Placing her clothes neatly in a basket, she went inside the shower room.

  A row of ten showerheads jutted out from one side of the wall. There was a small tub at the end of the line in the corner of the room, but it could fit only two or three people at most.

  “Aiz, is something bothering you?”

  “…?”

  “It’s just…after the Minotaur roundup, you seemed a bit…I don’t know…dark?”

  Aiz was genuinely surprised by Tiona’s observation. Was it that obvious?

  …Because, actually, she was a little depressed.

  Sure, the incident had ended with Bete laughing up a storm, but this was the first time that anyone she had saved from a monster ran away from her in terror. On the other hand, she could count the number of times that a defeated opponent had done the same thing…

  Was the sight of her turning a Minotaur into cold cuts that frightening?—A piece of her, a very small piece, was sad.

  She saw that rabbit-like boy—more specifically, the look of horror on his face moments before he ran—every time she closed her eyes.

  Aiz sighed under her breath, quietly enough not to be overheard by the other girls. Standing in front of a showerhead, her skin turned a light shade of pink as the powerful jet of hot water ran down her body. Streams of water worked their way around her curves, tracing the hourglass shape of her hips and dripping down her thighs.

  No one said anything for a while. The room started to fog up with four showerheads on full blast.

  “…Grrrr.”

  “What are you growling at?”

  Tiona ignored her older sister’s voice as she looked down the line, specifically at their chests.

  Big, average, and small.

  She clenched her fists as her eyes jumped from Tione on the far right and Aiz standing next to her. An unmistakably irritated groan worked its way out from between her clenched teeth. Swish. Glancing to the left, she watched the form of Lefiya’s sizable breasts shift as the elf washed her arms and face.

  “Lefiya, you traitor…”

  “Whaa?!”

  “Ignore her, Lefiya.”

  The tone of Tiona’s groan turned to jealousy, eyes jumping between her own flat figure and Lefiya’s feminine form.

  Gashaaa! The door to the shower room slid open, revealing a beastly silhouette on the other side.

  “Oh, ho-ho…Don’cha worry ’bout a thing, Tiona! I’ll massage ’em until they’re nice an’ plump!”

  “I wonder what’s for dinner tonight…”

  Tiona very casually dodged the “attack” from behind and tripped her would-be assailant on the way past.

  The attacker fell to the floor faster than the other girls could see, crashing headfirst onto the tile floor.

  “Ugaaah…Y-ya gotten pretty good, Tiona.”

  “Loki, you’re in the way.”

  “Kuuuuh! So harsh—Lefiya, comfort m​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​e​!​!”

  “Huh, ​w​h​a​—​K​Y​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​!”

  Aiz and the Amazons left the shower room behind as if this sort of thing had happened many times before.

  They could sense the danger from the moment they realized their goddess hadn’t taken the time to remove her own clothes, and they offered their ally as a sacrifice to make a clean escape.

  Ignoring the high-pitched pleas for help coming from the other side of the shower room door, the three girls put on their clothes and left her behind.

  “That was so cruel…”

  “Sorry, sorry. We just weren’t in the mood to put up with Loki.”

  The group had arrived at the dining room of their home. Several long tables were lined up inside.

  Visiting their own rooms after their shower, they came down to enjoy dinner with the entire familia.

  “We live together, we eat together.” Loki had always encouraged them to eat as a group. Now that the exped
ition was over, only the lookouts on patrol were absent from the feast unfolding inside Twilight Manor. It went without saying that the narrow hall was very crowded. Even Aiz had difficulty squeezing between chair and wall on her way to an open seat.

  While the returnees didn’t have enough energy to be the life of the party, they were more than happy to recount the events of their expedition over burgeoning plates of food and glasses of delicious wine. Those who stayed behind were eager to hear stories about the courageous acts and incredible bravery of their allies.

  At long last, the exhausted adventurers felt the last of the tension leave their shoulders.

  “Tione, is there a meeting after dinner?”

  “The general said to take it easy tonight. We’ll take care of it in the morning.”

  “That’s our Finn!”

  Members of the familia who’d finished eating cleaned up their plates and started disappearing from the dining hall one by one.

  Loki was halfway through another glass of wine when she suddenly jumped to her feet as though she’d remembered something important.

  “Almost forgot. Anyone wantin’ a Status update today should come ta my room. Doin’ everybody one after another tomorrow would take a lot out of me. So how ’bout ten of ya tonight?”

  Just like a whimsical deity, Loki didn’t have much of a plan. However, her followers were used to this and didn’t complain.

  “What are everyone’s intentions?”

  “I’m calling it a night. My bed’s calling out to me…”

  “Good question. There’s nothing in particular for me to do, but I don’t think I got enough excelia for my Status to change all that much…Huh. I’ll go if I feel like it. What about you, Lefiya?”

  “Today’s a little…”

  “Aiz…do I even have to ask?”

  “I’m going.”

  Tione glanced across the table at the blond-haired girl. She gave a quick nod.

  Leaving the others seated at the table, Aiz stood up. Seeing that Loki had disappeared, she left the dining hall.

  Loki Familia’s home was made from a row of towers. They were all connected at the base and by several stone bridges higher up. There was no difficulty traveling from tower to tower.

  Aiz traveled across one of these bridges, looking down at the gardens as she went. She raised her gaze. The sun had completely set, making the night sky a dark blue blanket filled with thousands of twinkling stars and a golden moon high above. As for the city, it was filled with just as many twinkling lights coming from each of the buildings. At the same time, she could hear the lively melodies of stringed instruments accompanied by joyful voices rising from the streets below. She stopped for a moment to take in the view before continuing on her way.

  Loki’s quarters were located on the highest floor of the middle tower. Aiz walked up the spiral staircase, all the way to the top, and knocked on the wooden door.

  “Come on in.”

  She opened it and stepped inside.

  Loki was in the middle of cleaning up. “Sorry ’bout this. Hang on a sec,” she said with a stool in her arms and a smile on her face.

  Her quarters were more like an assemblage of random items rather than a living space. Bottles of many types of wine and liquor were all over the place. The bottles themselves came in many sizes and shapes, as well as colors. It was impossible not to see five or six of them in each corner of the room, some of which were open.

  An expensive-looking pen and the crystal reflecting seven colors of light sat on top of her desk. A bizarre assortment of old shoes and hats decorated her walls. Spots and shelves not occupied by wine bottles held thick books or small blades like daggers and knives. Loki must’ve been in the middle of reorganizing because her bed was absently covered with pieces of literature and weapons. It wouldn’t be surprising if one or two extremely rare items were lurking in the pile.

  “That’s good enough. Let’s do this.” Just as she’d promised, Loki put everything down and turned to face Aiz.

  The girl had found a place to sit at the corner of her bed. Loki patted the stool a few times to indicate Aiz should have a seat.

  “Aiz, you’re such a go-getter. No one wants ta cut in front of ya in line.”

  “I wonder if that’s true.”

  “Ask ’round if you’re curious. Ya know, communication and all that. Now, off with the shirt.”

  Aiz turned her back to Loki and did what she was told.

  Pulling her shirt off over her head, she gathered her long blond hair and guided it over her shoulder. She bore no scars; only smooth white skin covered her delicate frame.

  “Heh-heh-heh. Took quite a nip from that last bottle. I’m feelin’ a bit tipsy. My hands might slip once or twice…!”

  The goddess’s fingers reached forward, twitching excitedly as her eyes traced Aiz’s body line.

  Sensing the imminent threat, Aiz drew a small dagger in her boot halfway from its sheath, making sure that Loki could hear the sharp blade sliding against the steel case.

  “Ah, totally sober. No problem.”

  “Please get on with it.”

  “Ah, right away.”

  The pupils of Loki’s eyes were nothing more than needle points as she broke out in a cold sweat. The deity set to work.

  Taking one of the weapons off her bed, Loki pricked her pointer finger on the tip of the blade.

  Then the goddess placed her finger just below Aiz’s neck as soon as the first few drops of blood came out.

  Then she traced a series of movements on the girl’s back with a steady hand, almost as if she were writing her signature. Her blood flowed out, forming straight lines and intricate patterns before: “Hoi!”

  The key had been turned.

  There had been nothing on Aiz’s back a moment ago. But now a series of letters and characters that looked like an epitaph appeared right between her shoulders.

  “I’m pretty good at keepin’ it locked up, but it sounds like there are other ways to pick it than usin’ god’s blood. So don’t go showin’ yer back to no one. I know I’ve said it too many times already, but it’s important.”

  “Yes.”

  “Then again, probably worried ’bout nothin’ with you.”

  The characters ran in horizontal lines across the girl’s back.

  The intricate lines looked like something that would’ve been carved into a stone monument. But in fact, this was the thing that bound this “family” together—Loki’s Blessing, a Status.

  Gods and goddesses wrote these hieroglyphs in their own blood, allowing the “ichor” within it to unlock the limitless possibilities of their mortal followers. Every person who had received a Blessing had their Status engraved on their back. Since this was the livelihood of a familia, the deities liked to keep their children’s Statuses a secret.

  “Some of us who just came to Gekai don’t know how ta lock. Poor kids, their secrets out in the open like that. Aizuu, be grateful I found ya first!”

  “I don’t think many people can read hieroglyphs…”

  “Ah, good point there.”

  Loki started a conversation so that Aiz wouldn’t get bored as she continued with the Status update.

  The ichor rippled through the epitaph, creating a wave that expanded from Aiz’s back—her Status was exposed. Loki looked through the series of hieroglyphs to find any faded characters or numbers and wrote new ones over them.

  Adventurers like Aiz gained excelia through experience. Then their god or goddess would bring it to life with their own hands. The hieroglyphs recorded their deeds and accomplishments, forming the foundation on which their Status was based.

  Adventurers went to their deity for a Status update, adding new excelia to the existing foundation. However, this could be done only one at a time. Large groups like Loki Familia had to find a way to create a pecking order, allowing adventurers at all levels to receive Status updates, while still giving more motivated members the ability to grow as fast as possible.
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  “’Kay, all done. Sit tight while I jot this down.”

  Loki reversed the process, the red light fading before she locked the Status again, hiding it from view. Then she grabbed her feather pen from the desk and a spare sheet of paper. It took only a moment to write down the important details of Aiz’s Status.

  It was almost impossible for a person to read their Status looking over their shoulder into a mirror. What’s more, only a handful of people on Gekai could read hieroglyphs, so the gods used a universal language called Koine to convey the information.

  Aiz slipped her shirt on over her head and turned around. Loki was standing there, holding out the sheet of paper and smiling.

  “Here.”

  Aiz took the paper from her and had a look.

  Aiz Wallenstein

  LEVEL 5

  Strength: D 549->555 Defense: D540-> 547

  Dexterity: A 823 -> 825 Agility: A 821-> 822 Magic: A 899

  Hunter: G Immunity: G Knight:I

  Each Ability’s level was expressed using ten letters: S, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, and I.

  For Basic Abilities, 0–99 was an I rank, 100–199 was H, and so on. The higher the number, the more powerful the ability. Excelia was directly expressed in these numbers. For example, an adventurer received Defense Excelia every time they survived a hit. For Magic, their spells would increase in power and range the more they used them in battle.

  However, every fight didn’t necessarily result in excelia. Should their opponent be at their level or stronger, excelia came in bunches and said adventurer would grow quickly. However, defeating thousands of weaker monsters would have no effect on their Status.

  Additionally, adventurers could learn Advanced Abilities—in Aiz’s case, Hunter, Immunity, and Knight—along with Skills and Magic when they raised their Level.

  “…”

  Aiz fought back disappointment as she looked at her new Status.

  This was far too low.

  She had slain hundreds of the strong monsters that lurked in the Deep Levels of the Dungeon over the last two weeks. And yet, her Status went up only a few points in each area.

  At this rate, she could kill thousands of the things and barely see a difference.