Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 1

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

  The gods and goddesses never aged, but they came in many forms. From old, wizened men to young, cute girls, it wasn’t strange to encounter a deity with unusual features. In this case, it might at first seem that such a little girl couldn’t possibly have such an imbalanced physique, but if she was a goddess, that wouldn’t be strange at all.

  Tiona watched the young goddess’s twin jet-black ponytails bounce from side to side as she ran as fast as her legs could carry her.

  “Now that you mention it, aren’t there a lot of goddesses out on the street today…?” Lefiya said to no one in particular while looking up and down the street.

  The other girls took a look around and, sure enough, quite a few divine women stood out from the crowd.

  “Come on, fix this for me! I know I bought it here!”

  “B-b-but my lady, we do only sales at this location…”

  “Don’t be so stingy! The Banquet is tonight. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just make it look presentable!”

  The young goddess from earlier was doing her best to convince the clerk at a nearby shop to mend a dress. “Ah!” Their conversation reminded Tione of something and the sound escaped her lips.

  “Loki was talking about that. That there’s a ‘Banquet of the Gods’ coming up. She didn’t sound too interested in going, though.”

  “‘Banquet of the Gods’…If I remember correctly, that’s a party that one god hosts for the others?”

  “Yep. I hear it’s really formal, so maybe these goddesses are picking up their dresses for the big night?”

  “Yes, that makes sense.”

  From the look on Lefiya’s face, Tione’s explanation apparently satisfied Lefiya. Taking another look, the elf saw several of the divine ladies carrying long bags designed for dresses in their arms.

  Soon after, the girls found the café and sat down at a round table.

  “Hey, let’s go to South Main Street next!”

  “The shopping center, huh…I’m fine with it.”

  “Yes, I can go as well.”

  “Come with us, Aiz! Even if it isn’t nighttime, that place is really lively and fun!”

  Tiona smiled at the girl sitting next to her, but Aiz just kept silently staring at the table.

  Her expression seemed guilty somehow. “Aiz?” Tiona called out to her to get her attention.

  She slowly opened her mouth to speak.

  “Sorry, Tiona…”

  “…”

  Her golden eyes didn’t budge. Instead, she worked up the courage to finish what she had been trying to say earlier.

  She’d figured out that everything that had transpired today was Tiona’s way of trying to cheer her up. Aiz felt guilty about having so much done for her and tried to make herself smaller, not even trying to look up.

  Tione and Lefiya didn’t know what to say. The girls were quiet, their table enveloped by the lively sounds of the restaurant around them.

  Tiona, who had been staring at Aiz, abruptly moved.

  She made a loose fist and lightly punched Aiz’s cheek.

  “…?”

  The blond girl looked up in surprise. Tiona’s eyes were half open, one eyebrow cocked high.

  “You know, I didn’t buy you a present because I wanted an apology.”

  Another light smack, a third.

  Tiona batted at Aiz’s face like a cat playing with a feather.

  The girl closed her eyes just before each hit.

  Tiona finally put down her hand and locked eyes with Aiz.

  They stared at each other for a few moments before the muscles in Aiz’s face relaxed.

  “…Thanks, Tiona.”

  A small curve in her lips, a tiny smile.

  At last, Tiona got what she wanted. Overcome with a surge of happiness, she jumped out of her chair and drew the human girl into a hug.

  “M-Miss Tiona, there is no need to hold her in public…”

  “What’s this, Lefiya? Are you jealous?”

  “I-it’s not that…!”

  “Too bad. I’m not giving up my spot next to Aiz!”

  “…?!”

  “Ho-ho, there’s no need to deny your feelings, Lefiya!”

  Tione snuck up behind the elf and grabbed both her shoulders before pushing her toward Aiz. The two girls’ faces brushed against each other.

  Aiz closed one of her eyes as her cheek rubbed against the elf’s, but she didn’t pull back or try to resist.

  Lefiya’s body trembled while Tione enjoyed herself as she watched over them.

  Tiona and Aiz looked at each other once again before sharing a laugh.

  The sky turned an orangish red, sun hovering in the west.

  Tiona led the group through the long shadows on their way north toward the city wall, toward home.

  “Ahhh, that was fun!”

  A smile was still on Aiz’s lips, letting Tiona know it had been worth forcing her to go shopping. She was quite proud of herself. Even after cheering Aiz up, she and her sister thoroughly enjoyed teasing Lefiya the rest of the afternoon. It had been a long day and the girls were out of energy.

  They were still talking among themselves when they turned the last corner before home.

  “Huh?”

  “A carriage…?”

  Tiona and Lefiya stared at the fancy contraption that was strapped to a horse in front of Twilight Manor.

  As they got closer, they saw Loki, clad in a black dress, open a door between the wheels of the carriage and step inside.

  “Wha? Loki, is that you?! Your clothes, your hair?!”

  “Eh? Ohhh! Y’all are back from a day on the town? Hee-hee, how do I look?”

  “You look very nice…Are you going somewhere tonight?”

  “Meh. Thought I’d go pay that stupid party a visit.”

  “But you told me you weren’t interested in the Banquet of the Gods, right, Loki?”

  “—Fu-hee-hee. Happened ta hear something interestin’. Poor-as-rags Itty-Bitty’s gonna be there, so I’m gonna have some fun.”

  The girls tilted their heads in confusion.

  However, all of them recognized the look on Loki’s face. It was that grin. It couldn’t be anything good, that was for sure.

  It was strange to see Loki with her hair tied back into a bun as she took a seat inside the carriage and closed the door. Most likely a rental provided by a wealthy merchant, the horse-drawn cart had a roof, windows, and was very luxurious. It could comfortably seat several people. Sitting at the front of the carriage, the reins in his hand, was Raul. “Why me…?” he moaned in self-pity.

  All four girls felt a stab of sympathy for the unfortunate young man. NEIGHHH! The horse shifted its hooves, getting impatient.

  “I’m off! Plenty’a food in the kitchen, so help yerselves ta anythin’!”

  WHI-CHA! Raul snapped the reins and the carriage moved forward.

  They watched as Loki leaned out the open window, waving to the girls, and slowly disappeared down the road.

  Night had enveloped the city. Magic-stone lamps lit up the streets like thousands of stars in the sky.

  Bars and restaurants were alive with the sounds of happy customers. Horse-drawn carriages of many shapes and sizes gathered in one area of the city. Many extraordinarily beautiful men and women were gathering.

  They were deities, and they were all headed to one particular building.

  Specifically, a massive statue of a man wearing an elephant mask.

  It was a building that made people with common sense doubt their eyes. It looked like a monster at first glance, but the attention to detail and overall feel of the structure were strangely endearing. It stuck out like a sore thumb from the other buildings in the vicinity, but the gods and goddesses didn’t seem perturbed by the elephant man sitting cross-legged in the middle of the city.

  “Still as strange as ever…”

  Loki arrived at the location of tonight’s Banquet of the Gods, Ganesha Familia’s home. Raul opened the carriage door for her
and offered his hand as she stepped out.

  An expansive white fence encircled the lawn that surrounded the structure. Spotlights were set on top of several of the fence posts, lighting up the elephant man in all its glory. Loki and Raul stood side by side, taking it all in.

  “I must say, Raul, you’ve become a mighty fine escort.”

  “Ah, yes…Thank you.”

  “Sorry ta ask ya, but could ya wait up a bit with the carriage? Could be a late night, but I’ll pay ya for yer time!”

  Raul resigned himself to his fate and nodded. Loki said a brief thank-you and took off with a swish of her dress. Unfortunately, she was not used to walking in high heels and stumbled a few times on her way across the lawn and up into the structure.

  A Banquet of the Gods was exactly how it sounded: Only gods were allowed to participate.

  It was up to the deity hosting the event to decide when it began and if it would come to an official end. These parties almost never had a purpose other than to have a good time—purely for entertainment. For some, it was a way to overcome homesickness by drinking and laughing with other beings from Tenkai.

  Several gods and goddesses in attendance would talk about their familias or exchange information in an attempt to maintain good relationships. Living in this world was nothing more than a game, but these Banquets were the best places to recruit powerful allies for the more competitive deities.

  “I am Ganesha!”

  “YAY!!”

  Loki emerged from the long front hallway into a wide-open ballroom. A muscular male deity wearing a mask that matched the building stood on top of a stage at the opposite end of the room. Known throughout the city for his elephant mask and overenthusiasm, this god was none other than the host for the evening, Ganesha. The deities around the stage met his unbelievably loud voice with cheers.

  Each Banquet varied in terms of location and style, depending on the host’s tastes and their familia’s economic status. Ganesha Familia was one of Orario’s most powerful groups in terms of sheer numbers, which meant that they wielded considerable influence inside the city. The decor of the ballroom reflected their financial prowess with expensive ornaments and absolutely gorgeous color schemes.

  An expansive yet intricate magic-stone chandelier hung from the ceiling. Long tables were covered in exotic cuisine collected from distant mountains and oceans. A few tables even had food prepared with ingredients from the Dungeon, like mruit. Members of Ganesha Familia walked among the royally dressed deities, serving drinks and replacing food as necessary.

  “Now this is the high life.”

  Ker-tap ker-tap. Loki’s high heels echoed off the floor as she had a look around inside. The overall atmosphere was quiet but brimming with energy.

  Other gods and goddesses were very quick to notice a face that almost never appeared at a Banquet. Loki left a trail of conversations in her wake.

  “Rats, Loki’s here…”

  “The downer goddess has arrived…”

  “Hey, hey, no making fun of Lolo!”

  “She’ll kill you guys, seriously.”

  “But look, Loki is in a…a dress…?!”

  “Hell must’ve frozen over.”

  “Still, I think she’s got the boobs to pull it off.”

  “No, she’s got nothing.”

  “You’re telling me! I’ve never seen a rack more depressing than that one!”

  “Moron, what’s wrong with smaller tits?”

  All right, I’ve committed it to memory…

  When I go home, you’re all dead.

  Loki happened to overhear a group of gods snickering among themselves. A quick glance over her shoulder and they all immediately fell silent before running out of the ballroom in such a panic that they tripped over their shoes on the way out. “Keh.” Loki spat in their direction before snagging a glass of wine from a passing waiter and jamming it to her lips.

  In general, gods and goddesses were unpredictable. Their actions didn’t make much sense.

  They came to this world for entertainment. Acting completely on whims and impulses, they didn’t take much seriously. Most of them were considered insane by the mortals on Earth. The ones who were so quick to pick a fight were also the ones who knew how to run fast.

  “Don’t see Itty-Bitty anywhere…She chicken out?”

  Loki hadn’t been planning on coming to this Banquet, but she’d changed her mind.

  The reason: She’d heard that a certain bottom-of-the-barrel deity she couldn’t stand was making preparations to attend the party.

  If she wasn’t here, then oh, well. But if she was here, Loki would torment the moneyless goddess, her sad excuse for a “dress,” and laugh to her heart’s content.

  An evil grin started to grow on her face as her eyes scanned the room like a hawk’s.

  “Oh, if it isn’t Loki!”

  “Hnn?”

  A voice called out to her as she made her way through the groups of deities.

  A slender god with thin eyes was smiling at her when she turned to look.

  He was the spitting image of a young prince from some far-off country.

  He wore an innocent smile and had luscious golden locks of hair smooth enough to make goddesses jealous. His frame was delicate, with long arms and legs.

  The youthful god was dressed just as formally as everyone else. But unlike them, he had no qualms with walking right up to Loki and saying, “Shall we have a chat?”

  “Yo, Dionysus. You’re here, too.”

  “Indeed. I thought this Banquet would be a good chance to catch up on everyone’s news. Without a familia as strong as yours, Loki, I cannot afford to pick and choose.”

  The god named Dionysus smiled again as he answered.

  His body language and choice of words mirrored that of the royal families and upper class of human societies on Earth. Even among the gods and goddesses playing dress-up, he stood out from the crowd like the genuine article.

  The man had an air of calm about him that matched his persona perfectly. But above all else, there was a power behind his glass-like eyes, as though he could see to the very core of any being.

  Loki couldn’t stand him.

  “My, my, Loki, it’s been too long. Have you been well?”

  “Ohh……Demeter. Didn’t see ya there.”

  “Yes, we were engaged in conversation just a moment ago.”

  A ridiculously curvy goddess emerged from the crowd carrying two glasses of wine.

  She had curly hair the color of honey flowing down her back. Her soft, gentle eyes gave her a pleasant, friendly aura.

  The long, billowy dress around her body was wide open in the front. Even now, her breasts could burst free from their insufficient restraints at any moment. Confronted with a kind of pride she would never know, Loki leaned back out of reflex, lips twitching at the sight.

  Demeter had a big heart, which needed an even bigger chest to contain her generosity. Loki couldn’t embrace even a shred of animosity toward her.

  “Loki, how is your familia coming along? I have heard so much about the deeds of your children. I do hope you’re not pushing them too hard?”

  “Yeah, they’re a bunch’a go-getters. Some, a little bit too much, so they make me worry all the time…How ’bout yours, Demeter?”

  “My beloved children have a lot of enthusiasm for my work. I am so grateful. This year’s harvest was absolutely spectacular. I will share some of our bounty with yours, Loki.”

  “Why, thank you!”

  Demeter Familia specialized in agriculture, growing a wide range of fruits and vegetables to sell within Orario.

  Their farms outside the city walls provided most of the ingredients used by bars and restaurants.

  “The grapes used in tonight’s wine were grown on your farm, if I’m not mistaken? I am very particular when it comes to grape wine, and this is absolutely superb.”

  “Fu-fu, thank you kindly, Dionysus.”

  “Huh! No kiddin’!”
>
  Loki accepted a glass of wine from Demeter as she listened to the two deities’ conversation. She grew bored of their banter and took a sip.

  The inside of her mouth came alive the moment the wine hit her taste buds. The rich fragrance of the grapes wafted through her nose as the sweet taste of the alcohol danced its way down her throat. Loki had tried many different types of wine in her day and she had to admit this was one of the best.

  “So, what ’bout yours, Dionysus? Haven’t heard anything special.”

  “My familia? We’ve tried our hands at this and that. I try to encourage my children to work at their own pace but remain nearby to provide motivation.”

  “Ehh? What kinda answer is that? Play fair, Dionysus.”

  According to the Guild’s records, Dionysus Familia was in the middle of the pack in terms of strength within the Labyrinth City. Quite a few of his adventurers were upper-class, third tier—Level 2—but none of them had accomplished any notable achievements. Just as Loki said, there was nothing particularly good or bad about the group, nothing special.

  “Your children just returned from an expedition, yes? Care to regale us with stories of their exploits in the Deep Levels?”

  “You give me jack squat an’ expect a gem in return? Keep dreamin’.”

  The golden-haired deity raised his glass as a way of saying, Touché. Loki cocked an eyebrow in response, but their conversation picked up soon after.

  It wasn’t long before a group of musicians made their way into the hall. Ganesha must have planned a dance for his guests. Melodies were filling the ballroom within a matter of minutes and the more adventurous gods and goddesses were showing off their best moves onstage. Their host was still onstage, making the same declaration between more serious announcements, but no one was paying any attention.

  “Ganesha’s Banquets always have such an elegant touch. That must be why most of us in Orario come to these get-togethers.”

  “In his case, Ganesha has done a lot to ensure that the Monsterphilia festival goes smoothly. It’s difficult to turn a blind eye to his invitations. They have come to make certain that their own familias won’t be bothered during the festivities.”