Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 1

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

“Yes…Is it breakfast?”

  “Hnn, there’s that, too.”

  Traveling south down North Main, the two emerged into Central Park before going east.

  East Main was already filled with people. Many vendors had set up booths along the street to take advantage of the festivalgoers. Unfortunately, there were so many people that the booths were getting in the way.

  Humans, elves, dwarves, animal people, prums, and Amazons. Seeing so many men and women of all ages and races together at one place was overwhelming and inspiring at the same time. One solid block of people that wasn’t moving at all turned out to be the end of the line for the Coliseum. The circular building was still a tiny dot in the distance.

  “Ah, found it.”

  Loki and Aiz worked their way into the mass of humanity. Every single one of them was excited for the festival, their energy infectious. The two ladies weaved their way through the crowded street to the doorstep of a café.

  A small bell announced their arrival the moment Loki stepped inside. The staff greeted them right on cue. A few words from Loki and soon they were being led up to the second floor.

  Aiz couldn’t shake the feeling that time stopped the moment she entered the café.

  All of the guests seemed to be nothing more than empty shells. Mouths half open and silverware leaning against their hands, all of them were looking in the same direction.

  Aiz followed their lines of sight to a person in a navy-blue cloak sitting next to the window.

  “Yo! Sorry to keep ya waitin’!”

  “Not at all. I just got here myself.”

  Loki walked straight up to this cloaked figure with no hesitation and said hello.

  The mysterious woman’s smiling lips were visible underneath her hood.

  “Haven’t had breaky yet. Mind if I grab a bite?”

  “Do as you please.”

  The woman—a goddess, in fact—had been expecting Loki. The two must have set up this morning meeting in advance.

  Loki pulled up a chair directly across from the mysterious woman and the two began to talk like old friends. It was apparent these two had known each other before descending to Earth.

  Aiz stepped behind Loki to not get in the way, while also taking up a guard position. She happened to catch a glimpse of silver hair coming out from beneath the hood. That was all she needed to figure out the identity of this mysterious woman.

  “So when are you going to introduce that girl standing behind you?”

  “Huh? Ya need introductions?”

  “This is the first time we’ve met face-to-face.”

  The hooded goddess turned her silver eyes toward the human girl. Aiz felt her senses being blurred by some kind of illusion the moment she made eye contact.

  This goddess was the leader of what some people in Orario considered to be the strongest of all familias, one that was on equal footing with Loki Familia.

  A goddess who was both stunningly beautiful and yet scary enough to be referred to as “the Witch.”

  The Goddess Freya.

  “’Kay, then, this is my Aiz. That enough for ya? Aiz, this is a goddess—ya should at least say hello.”

  “…Nice to meet you.”

  Aiz had never met a being more beautiful than the elf Riveria. However, the goddess sitting in the chair by the window was so perfect that her looks were superior to a high elf’s.

  Freya was a diamond among diamonds. She was so alluring that no mortal could resist her charms. Even other deities couldn’t help but be attracted to her. That was why every other customer in the café sat transfixed. The cloak covering her body made almost no difference.

  Since gods didn’t age, her intimidating good looks would last for eternity whether she liked it or not. A “Goddess of Beauty.”

  Freya wasn’t the only one, but she stood out from the rest of them.

  “She is very cute. And also…Yes. I can see why you’ve taken a liking to this one.”

  Receiving permission from Loki, Aiz took a seat at the table. Freya watched the two of them with a small smile on her lips.

  Of course Aiz had heard the rumors about what happened to people when they met this goddess in person. They weren’t exaggerating. The woman’s perfectly symmetrical face and seductive proportions, barely recognizable beneath the cloak, were enough to make Aiz’s heart race. Freya’s beauty transcended gender, causing all who laid eyes on her to become enamored. Her allure was spellbinding.

  Freya’s silver gaze and Aiz’s golden eyes intertwined.

  Fear crept up within the girl for the first time in years. Her face remained expressionless as she lowered her head.

  Aiz was looking at the table, but she knew Freya was grinning. She could feel it.

  “Can I ask why you brought the Kenki here with you?”

  “He-he-he-he-heeee…! It’s the fair, yeah? What better time for a date with my Aizuu?”

  Loki had gone into her own little world, completely ignoring the presence of Freya and Aiz. She was back to her old self.

  She reached out to her human follower.

  “…Well, that, and she’s finally back from an expedition. If I leave her alone, she’ll be back in the Dungeon in no time. That’s just who she is.”

  “…”

  “Someone’s gotta tell her to relax, don’t they?”

  Aiz couldn’t say anything in response.

  Caught completely off guard by Loki’s kind words, she looked at her goddess for a moment before letting her gaze fall to the floor. Pat-pat. Loki lightly petted the back of Aiz’s head. She didn’t try to resist.

  A slightly broken smile grew on the luscious lips visible beneath the hood.

  Then the atmosphere surrounding the two deities became heavy. Their conversation was about to become much more serious.

  Loki asked Freya to explain why she’d invited her to this café. She’d had enough small talk and wanted to get right to the point. She could tell something was strange about Freya and it was making her nervous. Her first indication was the Banquet a few days ago. Freya hadn’t attended one in eons. Why the sudden change?

  Loki Familia and Freya Familia.

  There was a lot of competition in the Labyrinth City, and those two groups currently held the most prestige and influence in a never-ending power struggle.

  Should one of them show weakness, the other would jump at the first opportunity to gain an advantage. The two goddesses had a relatively good relationship, but that also meant they couldn’t afford to ignore each other. Loki was here to make sure that Freya knew there would be consequences should she try to stir up trouble.

  The second floor of the café was suddenly empty. The aura emanating from the two deities had become ominously overwhelming and the patrons wanted to avoid the oncoming storm. The only mortal left was Aiz. She calmly watched the two goddesses from her side of the table, her aloof expression still intact.

  The only sound that could be heard was the commotion coming in from the street outside.

  “Ah man, isn’t it…?”

  Finally, Loki realized what was going on.

  The tension in the room suddenly lifted as Freya smiled from ear to ear. Loki just sighed and massaged her temple.

  “So…Ya got an eye for a child already in another familia, I take it?”

  Loki mumbled a few things under her breath—how pointless this was, a few other things. The realization hit Aiz a second later.

  She didn’t have much to go on, but it appeared that Freya had fallen in love with a mortal already following a different god. That meant that she’d attended the Banquet to collect more information on him.

  Aiz glanced over in Freya’s direction, replaying the conversation in her mind. The Goddess of Beauty didn’t say if Loki was right or wrong, only giggled to herself as if enjoying Loki’s confusion.

  “Geez, woman, is that all ya think about? Ya go after anyone, young or old?”

  “How rude. I do have standards.”

  “Leavin�
�� out all the bumblin’ idiots from Tenkai you pull fast ones on?”

  “They have their uses. It’s so easy to get money out of them.”

  The two goddesses paused, the air thick once again.

  Loki grinned.

  “And?”

  “…?”

  “Who’s the guy? What child are ya after now? When’d ya find ’im?”

  “…”

  “I came all the way out here, changed my plans, got worked up for no reason. I have the right ta know.”

  Freya just glanced out the window as Loki went on a short rant.

  One lock of her silver hair tumbled out from under the hood.

  “…He’s not that strong. Weak, if you compare him to the children in our familias. Easily upset, he starts bawling at the simplest of problems…That kind of child.

  “But he’s beautiful, pure. I’ve never seen anything like him. Took my breath away, and I couldn’t help but fall for him…”

  Freya’s voice sounded like that of a mother bragging about her beloved son, but Aiz could sense an incredible passion burning within her.

  The silver-haired goddess kept talking, her gaze never once leaving the scene outside the window.

  “I found him by accident. He just happened to walk across my line of sight…It was just like this…”

  —That’s when it happened.

  Freya’s silver eyes saw something in the mass of humans and demi-humans on the street below. She forgot to breathe.

  Aiz took a look outside, curious.

  Sure enough, there was a white head of hair making its way through the crowd, its owner bounding like a rabbit making its way through a field. Freya wasn’t even blinking.

  “—”

  The deity’s mind went blank.

  Aiz followed the boy’s path and looked up toward where he was going.

  “I apologize. Something has come up.”

  “Ehh?”

  “Let’s do this again soon.”

  Freya stood up from her chair. Loki sounded irritated, but Aiz didn’t notice. She was too busy watching the white rabbit disappear into the crowd.

  It didn’t take Loki long to notice.

  “What’s up, Aiz? Somethin’ wrong?”

  “…No.”

  She answered, but her eyes were still trained toward the window.

  She could be wrong. There was no way to know for sure. But he might be here, at the Monsterphilia.

  The white rabbit had disappeared from sight, but Aiz noticed something about herself in that moment. She hoped that he was.

  There was a chance to meet him.

  “Seriously, Aiz. Somebody outside? You’re scarin’ me.”

  “…I’m sorry. It’s nothing.”

  Aiz finally looked away from the window, only to see Loki looking at her with the utmost suspicion. The goddess was silent, but her message came across loud and clear: No hidin’ anythin’! Loki let it sink in. A few moments of silence passed before the food they’d ordered arrived at their table.

  She kept an eye on her follower but started to eat the bread, soup, and salad anyway.

  After they finished eating, Loki paid the bill and led Aiz back outside.

  “All right, then, if ya insist on bein’ close-lipped, that’s fine. But in exchange, I’m gonna take us all around the fair until I’m satisfied, Aizuu!”

  “Understood.”

  “Hee-hee, let’s get goin’!”

  The two walked down East Main Street, riding the waves of humanity along the way.

  The street was so full that it was difficult to move forward. However, the abundance of beautiful fresh flowers and other decorations not normally seen on the buildings made it worth the hassle. Long ropes ran from rooftop to rooftop across the street above everyone’s heads. Flags bearing the official logo of the Monsterphilia and the elephant mask of Ganesha Familia hung down from them in such abundance that they cast shadows over the crowd while dancing in the breeze.

  The food stalls in the middle of the road drew in many lines of customers with an appetizing mix of amazing smells and the sound of searing meat. Juicy fried chicken and fresh beef came off the flames of grills at a record pace, the vendors trying to keep up with the ravenous fairgoers.

  The Monsterphilia was in full swing. There wasn’t a frowning face to be seen.

  “Aizuu, Jyaga Marukun is first on our list!”

  “…!”

  Loki guided Aiz to a food stall that was serving fried potato puffs. This food was actually one of Aiz’s secret guilty pleasures. Even the name Jyaga Marukun made her eyes go wide with anticipation.

  “Hmmm, one original Jyaga and…”

  “Azuki sweet cream, please.”

  Loki walked up to the counter and placed her order. The cashier handed her two of the freshly fried puffs a moment later. The one that she handed to Aiz was the original recipe with a delicious filling.

  Loki asked her how it was, but the girl couldn’t respond. Enjoying every second of the flavor flooding her mouth, Aiz only nodded to her goddess before taking another bite of her treat.

  “Aizuu! Aizuu!”

  “?”

  The blond girl looked up at Loki, a piece of the potato puff’s flaky crust on her lip. Chomp! The goddess’s teeth dove straight into her own Jyaga Marukun.

  Loki started chewing with her mouth open, brazenly licking her lips before smiling at Aiz. Then she thrust out the rest of the potato pastry in front of the girl’s face.

  “Say ‘ahh’!”

  “No.”

  Rejected.

  “Why the hell not?! I told ya, ya gotta satisfy me!”

  “No.”

  “Come on, I’ve been dreamin’ ’bout this for years! Please?”

  “No.”

  Loki kept trying to convince Aiz to take a bite.

  But all her attempts were immediately shot down. Even her goddess’s tears couldn’t sway Aiz’s iron will.

  “Okay then, Aizu. I’ll say, ‘ahh’! Can’t refuse that, now can ya?”

  “…”

  “One bite, one bite’s enough!”

  Aiz looked down at her Jyaga Marukun and then up at her desperate goddess. Loki had no problem making a scene, and this would be better than her “hands-on approach” in public. So the girl slowly extended the half-eaten pastry toward the goddess.

  One heartbeat later—chomp!

  Loki’s jaws closed like a guillotine around the pastry in Aiz’s hands. Then the deity looked up like an extremely satisfied squirrel, savoring every second of the flavor before dramatically swallowing.

  “Fu-hee-fu-hee-hee-hee……A secondhand kiss from my Aizuu!”

  The girl instantly regretted her decision.

  Every fiber of her being wanted to look away.

  “Goddess, what are you doing?!”

  “What you mean? Say ‘ah’! It’s my turn to feed you! Ready, ahh-nn!”

  Two voices not too far away cut through the din of the crowd. Aiz didn’t know who it was, but she instantly felt that she wasn’t alone in this struggle.

  “Okay, Aizuu! There’s still a lot to see!”

  Loki grabbed hold of Aiz’s wrist and pulled her through the crowd. The goddess’s head was on a swivel as she looked for an interesting shop along the street.

  There were so many stands in the area that it was impossible to see everything at once. Juice stands, festival food, handcrafted item and accessory shops—the list went on. Loki went from stand to shop and back to stand, vigorously bartering with anyone behind the counter. Aiz watched the goddess’s enthusiasm and couldn’t help but smile more than once.

  Even though she didn’t realize it, Aiz was enjoying Loki’s almost comical behavior.

  “…”

  “Hnn, what’s wrong, Aizuu?”

  The girl’s feet had suddenly stopped. Her gaze was locked onto a stand that was selling weapons.

  The stand specialized in swords. Blades as small as daggers and as large as claymores were neatl
y lined up behind two experienced-looking adventurers. Most likely, the weapons were forged by smiths with experience in the Dungeon. They also tried to appeal to average citizens of the Labyrinth City by offering decorative weapons with inlaid gems and crystals.

  Aiz had handled many different kinds of swords since she first became an adventurer. She knew exactly what she liked as well as how to tell a good weapon from a bad one. Instincts taking over, her eyes flew up and down the rows of blades. She felt excited for the first time today, searching for a diamond in the rough.

  Loki had seen that look on her face many times before and it made her grimace.

  “Would it kill ya to be more ladylike, Aizuu?…’Kay, now, that’s enough, let’s get goin’.”

  “…Okay.”

  “What’cha makin’ the long face for? There’re stands like that all over the place. Not just here.”

  Aiz slowly nodded and drifted away from the weapon stand.

  There was still so much that Loki wanted to see. The goddess pulled her follower through the lively crowd with unyielding vigor.

  Drip. A drop of water fell, splashing into smaller droplets on the floor.

  Another one dropped from the ceiling, the light splash sending echoes through the silence.

  Something woke up.

  Sluggish movements rattled its narrow cage.

  The silence was heavy, deafening.

  Darkness continued in every direction. The air felt cold on its skin.

  A new sound broke the silence, the footsteps of a mouse. It must’ve wandered in here, but the moment it caught sight of the thing, the rodent wasted no time in running away.

  It didn’t try to get up right away.

  Whether it was groggy after a long sleep or it was trying to assess its surroundings without giving itself away, it didn’t make a sound. The thing simply was enveloped in the tranquil silence.

  Then, it noticed.

  The black bars holding it prisoner were open.

  Something else, too.

  There were other cages like its own nearby, their occupants breathing quietly in the darkness.

  The thing made its way to the open door of the cage.

  Leaving its claustrophobic prison behind, new echoes filled the silence. The others sensed its presence and emerged from their own cages.

  Outside.

  The urge to go outside.