by Renee, Holly
“I think your dad’s going to be pissed. Why wouldn’t you stick to the plan that’s perfectly laid out in front of you instead of wasting these years, all this education, on something that you could fail at? Did Easton talk you into this?”
I pulled the sleeves of my shirt around the palms of my hands. “No. Easton has nothing to do with this.”
“Of course he does.” He stood and started pacing the room. “All he ever talks about is getting into grad school, and I know that he has a meeting scheduled with one of the professors at Columbia. I overheard him talking about it.”
This was news to me. “I didn’t know that.”
“Don’t try to fuck with me, Maddison.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what you want. I thought this was what you wanted.” He pointed between me and him.
“I thought it was too.” I nodded, and I could feel my throat closing around the words.
“So, what now?” He was so angry. I had never seen him this upset. “Now you want to run away to Columbia with Easton and forget everything that we’ve had together.”
“Of course not. Easton has nothing to do with Columbia,” I said, getting frustrated with the conversation.
“You fucked him. Didn’t you?” He was staring at me like he didn’t know who I was.
“What?” My heart was racing, and I just wanted this to stop. “That’s none of your business, Theo. Just like that girl at the formal was none of mine.”
“This is my business.” He took a step toward me, and I held my breath. “Easton is my frat brother and your fucking TA, Maddy. He should have never gotten involved with you.”
“Give me a break, Theo. He’s not my professor. He’s a student.” I was tired of hearing about Easton being my TA as if it made him some untouchable god. I knew there were rules, but I didn’t care. We hadn’t done anything wrong. At least, I hadn’t.
“And he chose to fuck the wrong one.”
I was shocked by the venom in his voice.
“Are you kidding me, Theo? What are you going to do, fight him?” I rolled my eyes. “I called him out on playing me. I’m not going to be seeing him again.”
“I don’t care about that.” He practically growled.
“You don’t care?” My brow scrunched in confusion and I could feel heat crawling up my chest in frustration. “You’re the one who told me. You’re the one who made me push him away.”
“He never deserved you, Maddison. You are mine. You were mine way before he met you.”
I turned on him then, my heart racing in anger. I had wanted to be Theo’s for so damn long, and now, here he was laying some sort of claim on me like this.
“I’m confused.” I crossed my arms. “Am I not supposed to be with Easton because he was playing me or because he’s my TA or because you just don’t want me to?”
Theo looked at me then, really looked at me, and I could see it all in his eyes. The only one playing me had been him, and I had ruined everything on the word of my best friend. I had ruined everything because he wanted me for himself when he had never really wanted me at all.
“Maddy.” He reached out and touched my arm, but I jerked out of his touch.
“Answer me, Theo.”
“Your parents will never let you go to Columbia.” He shook his head. “Your dad will never allow it.”
“I don’t give two fucks what my dad will allow. We’re not talking about my dad, Theo. We’re talking about us.”
“What do you want, Maddison? You were dry humping me like whatever Easton had been doing to you hadn’t ever hit the spot two days ago and today you’re telling me that you have some wild hair to take pictures. You’re going to ruin everything. You and I are end game, Maddy. I’ve known it for forever and so have you.”
I could barely breathe as he spoke. “So, what? You get to run around with any girl you want, fucking anyone you want, until you decided to let me in on this little secret of yours?”
“It’s not a secret. It’s a plan.” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, and I realized that he was being serious. “These other girls don’t matter. You matter. I thought I wanted to wait until at least my senior year before we settled down together, but I was wrong. I don’t want to wait.”
“You have a plan.” I said the words out loud, but I was trying to get them through my own head. I was trying to understand how my best friend thought I was some variable of his perfect life plan.
“Yes.” He reached out for me but dropped his hand when he saw my face. “After we graduate and move back home, we’d get married. Your dad’s told me a hundred times that he’d love to have me as a son-in-law.”
I didn’t even realize I was doing it until my hand connected with his face. He looked as shocked as I felt, and I didn’t even know what to say. The words I’m sorry had no risk of passing my lips because I wasn’t.
“Fuck you and your plan.” I moved toward the door, and I hated the sinking feeling that seemed to overtake me. “You’re an asshole, Theo.”
For the first time since I had known him, Theo was no longer the one who could protect me when my life started falling apart around me.
And I felt another piece of my heart break as I left his room and didn’t look back.
Twenty-One
I hadn’t talked to Easton or Theo in over three days.
Although I knew it was best to give me time away from both of them, there was an ache deep in my chest that made me miss them both.
I missed them differently, but I missed them both, all the same.
I didn’t even know what I would say to Easton. How I would make things right.
Dillon knew everything. Everything that had happened between Easton and me, everything with Theo, and she had to talk me off the ledge a couple times.
But she sat beside me on my bed as my phone rang six times before I finally reached the secretary of the admissions department at Columbia University. She didn’t move an inch as I spoke with one of the admissions counselors about my scholarship and the slim chance I may have had of transferring to Columbia for the next semester.
My heart was racing as the admissions counselor talked about their policies and how she would have to speak with someone within the journalism department before a decision could be made, but all I could think about was Easton.
Without him, I would have never called.
Without him, I would have never been brave enough to even think I could do this.
Even though everything with us seemed impossibly fucked up, he taught me that trying to be what other people thought I should be was a waste. I only had one life, and so far, I had been living it for everyone except me.
I hung up the phone and looked at Dillon. “They’re going to call me back.”
“That’s good, right? They didn’t say no.”
“Right.” I nodded even though I didn’t feel as confident as she did.
There was a loud knock on our door, an insistent pounding, and Dillon and I looked at each other before she stood and opened the door to our small dorm room.
“Where is Maddison?” I heard Easton’s voice, a voice filled with anger, and I leaned forward on my bed to see him filling the doorway with Dillon blocking his path. “Where is she?” he asked again before giving Dillon a chance to respond.
“Easton.” I stood from the bed where he could see me, and his eyes burned with anger when he did.
He pushed past Dillon, not caring one bit, and he was so close to me as the next words left his mouth. “I can’t believe you.” He cleared his throat as if he was trying to rein himself in. “I can’t believe that I let you in, that I let myself fall in love with you.”
I inhaled, an audibly shocked breath, at his words, and my heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest.
“How could you?”
He had every right to be mad at me. I was mad at myself, but I was still surprised by his anger. It had been days since I had ruined everything. It had been
days since I chose Theo over him.
“I’m sorry.” I shook my head as my voice began to shake. “I should have talked to you. What Theo told me—”
“I don’t give a fuck about Theo.” His voice boomed through the room, and I took a step back. “I trusted you. I told you things I had never told anyone.”
“We can figure this out.” I stepped toward him, but he escaped my touch as if I’d burn him as he laughed.
“So, what? You thought you’d cause me to lose my TA position then we’d run off into the sunset?”
His words hit me like a ton of bricks. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t act stupid, Maddison. You’re too damn smart for that.”
Dillon had left the room, and I didn’t blame her. His anger was stifling.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Easton. What happened?” I wasn’t lying. I had no idea what he was talking about, but he was looking at me like I was the biggest liar he had ever met.
And maybe I was.
“I fucked with the wrong girl apparently.” He threw his arms out to his sides, and Theo’s words rang through my head.
And he chose to fuck the wrong one.
I pressed my hand against my chest and tried to catch my breath. “Easton, I didn’t.” I shook my head. “I would never.”
“I don’t care anymore, Maddison.” He shook his head and stepped back from me. “I thought you were different. I thought you were special. Turns out, you were the one taking advantage of me.”
Hatred filled his expression, and even though I regretted the fact that I was the one who put it there, I couldn’t look away.
I didn’t look away when the door to my dorm room opened and Dillon said my name with worry.
And I didn’t look away when I heard her curse under her breath when Theo pushed past her.
“Maddy.” Theo said my name with desperation on his lips, and it was clear he knew that I was aware of what he’d done.
That I knew he’d betrayed me.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Easton turned in Theo’s direction, but I reached my hand out against his arm to stop him. His gaze jerked to where my skin touched his before he finally looked back up at me. “Are you two finally at thing?” He pointed his hand between me and Theo. “After all the shit he’s put you through?”
“Fuck you, dude.” Theo took a step toward Easton, but there was no way in hell I was letting the two of them fight. Not over me.
I stepped in front of Easton, and Theo’s hostile stare dropped to me.
“You need to leave.” I could barely believe the words coming out of my mouth. “I’ll call you later.”
He jolted back as if I had slapped him and pointed to his chest. “Me. You want me to leave?”
“What did you do, Theo?” I just needed some honesty from him. One moment of honesty in what felt like a sea of tiptoeing around the truth.
“You’re not supposed to be with him, Maddy.”
I felt Easton’s already tense body go stock-still behind me.
“I wasn’t going to sit by and watch him take advantage of you.”
Easton started to say something, but I didn’t let him. “Get out.”
Theo looked as shocked as I felt. “You’re choosing him over me?” He narrowed his eyes, and I despised everything about this Theo. This guy in front of me wasn’t the same guy who had been my best friend for the past six years. He wasn’t the guy I had fallen in love with.
“No.” I shook my head, and even though I knew Easton probably felt the same about me as I did about Theo in that moment, I used the strength of him behind me to say my next words. “I’m choosing me.”
Theo stared at me, and I counted to ten in my head before he finally looked behind me to Easton. Easton didn’t say a word. He didn’t move an inch. He just stood behind me and let Theo take his fill.
Theo turned to leave as his eyes met mine again, and I saw it then, the urge to say he was sorry, the urge to make things right. But I knew he wouldn’t do it here.
Not in front of Easton.
Not when I was asking him to leave and for Easton to stay.
He jerked the door open, and when it closed behind him, I felt his absence instantly.
Regardless of who I chose, I knew my heart was going to break either way.
I was in love with two different men.
And I could only have one.
But the one I wanted was still looking at me like I was a mistake, and even though he had said he was falling for me, I feared that the two of us didn’t fall the same.
Falling for Easton felt like I was falling again and again. There was no end in sight. No life raft to help bring me back to the surface for a quick pull of air.
But he looked like he was breathing fine.
“I should go.” He didn’t move even after he said the words. He was staring down at me, and I knew that he wanted to say more. I begged him to say more.
“Please don’t.” I reached out for his hand, but his fingers slipped through mine before I could ever grip them. “I’ll fix this.”
“It’s too late.” He held his arms out to his sides, and that small moment where his anger had slipped away was gone. “I’m not like you and Theo. My position, my scholarship, that was all that I had. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.”
His words stung, but they were true, and I deserved them.
I was fucking up everything for him. I had fucked up everything.
“I’m sorry.” My voice cracked as I said the only thing I knew to say.
Easton shook his head, and I knew that it was the last thing he wanted to hear from me. He moved toward the door, the same door Theo had just left through, but he hesitated.
“I’m sorry too. You know?” He didn’t wait for my reply. Before I could even muster up the courage to ask him to stay, he was gone.
Twenty-Two
It felt odd coming to the frat house without Theo or Easton at my side. But I hadn’t spoken to either of them. Not a single call. Not a measly text. Nothing.
I didn’t knock on the door before entering. There were a couple guys sitting in the living room when I walked by, but I didn’t pay them any attention. I wasn’t here for them.
I climbed up the stairs and knocked on the third door to the left. At first, I didn’t think he was there, but I knew that his car was in the driveway and practice ended hours ago. After a couple minutes, his door finally opened, and my best friend stood on the other side.
I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder and looked up at him for the first time in days. “I talked to Professor Bryant.”
“You did?” His hand was still on the door, and I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to come in or not, but I didn’t care.
I pushed past him and set my bag down on his desk as he closed the door behind him.
“He told me that you came and talked to him.”
He ran his hand over the back of his head, and I hated how uneasy he looked. We were never like this with each other. “I don’t know if it helped. I just... I just regretted what I did. I shouldn’t… I’m sorry.”
It had helped. When I barged into Professor Bryant’s office, the same office I had been in with Easton just a few days before, he told me that Easton was fired from his position. I begged him to change his decision. I lied. I told him that Easton and I were nothing more than friends, a position he had forced us into when he paired us up as group project partners.
He didn’t let me get much further than that. He held his hand up to cut me off. He told me that Theo had retracted what he said about Easton, that he said he had made a mistake, but it was too late.
Easton lost his TA position, but the professor assured me that it wouldn’t affect his scholarships.
And even though I knew that didn’t change everything, I still breathed easier than I had moments before I walked in.
“You’ve been a shitty friend, Theo.”
“I know.” The wor
ds rushed out of him.
“But so have I.”
His eyes searched mine.
“I shouldn’t have lied to you about Easton. I should have been honest with you from the beginning. About everything. Easton, school, Columbia.”
He nodded, but he still looked like someone kicked his puppy. “Can we make up? I’ve felt like shit the last couple days not talking to you.”
I smiled because I knew the feeling. Theo had been an integral part of my life for so long, and no other guy would be able to change that. No other guy would be able to replace him.
“We can, but I need to tell you something first.”
“You and Easton?” He cocked his head to the side, but he didn’t seem nearly as upset as I would have expected.
I shook my head at his assumption. “We haven’t talked. I need to tell you about school. I’m transferring to Columbia at the end of this semester.”
“What?”
“I heard back from them yesterday. They’re going to honor the original scholarship they offered me.”
He watched me for a second and I could see him trying to figure out what to say to me.
“You’re sure about this?”
“I am.” I felt more sure about this decision than I ever had before.
“And your parents?” He winced as he said it. Whether it was because he knew I wouldn’t want to talk about them or because he knew what their reaction would be, I didn’t know.
“They’re pissed.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Dad said he won’t support me, and I told him that I’d get a job.”
Theo laughed, a loud boisterous sound, and I couldn’t help but join in. “I bet that went over well.”
“They were scrambling after that.” I shrugged. “But they had nothing left to threaten me with.”
“So, New York?” He finally moved closer to me and sat down on the bed in front of me.
“Yeah. I hear I still get good reception for FaceTime there.”
“Yeah?” He grinned and every ounce of anger I had toward him melted away.
