Empty Net (Madison Howlers Book 3)

by Camellia Tate

  “We’re like… siblings,” he elaborated. “We tease each other because that’s what you do. If someone hits a real nerve, they back off. Lev knows I’m not insecure about my looks.” Naomi could feel Ryan’s lips curl into a smile where they brushed against her temple. “I’ve got no reason to be,” he assured her. “He can tease me about being ugly, it doesn’t hurt anyone.”

  The explanation made Naomi bite her lip thoughtfully. She understood what Ryan was saying. She even understood how it didn’t bother him. Unlike Ryan, Naomi was not used to that kind of atmosphere. She didn’t at all mind Lev having asked her how she knew Ryan was attractive. Maybe she was being unreasonable in finding it a bit upsetting that he’d chosen to tease Ryan by using Naomi.

  It would have been easy to just pretend it didn’t bother her. Naomi briefly wondered whether that would be better. But she wasn’t the sort of woman who found things easy to let go without addressing them first.

  “But it doesn’t just tease you,” she pointed out. “It teases me, too. I get that they don’t mean anything by it but... Us dating has nothing to do with me being blind. I find the implication kind of... insulting.” And hurtful. It was easy to hide that when they were close enough on the dance floor that Ryan couldn’t see it flash over Naomi’s face.

  Ryan was quiet for a while, his hand rubbing small circles against Naomi’s hip. “I can see that,” he finally said. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I know they only meant to insult me. They’re saying I’m ugly, and you can’t tell because you happen to be blind. But I get how it’s not very nice to point that out. And it kind of insults your intelligence.”

  He seemed to be working it out as he put the words together, so Naomi let him carry on. “I’ll say something to them,” he promised. “Not now, because they’ll have had a few drinks, but tomorrow.”

  It meant a lot to Naomi that Ryan just accepted her words. He didn’t try to defend his teammates, didn’t try to tell Naomi she was overreacting. Ryan just took what Naomi said and accepted that that’s how she felt. It was... refreshing.

  “Thank you,” she said with a smile, tiptoeing to press a kiss against Ryan’s lips. The words didn’t cover just how good she felt. Naomi tried to pour as much of that feeling into the kiss as she could.

  This was very quickly becoming the best relationship Naomi had ever had. She was certain her feelings for Ryan were growing stronger each day.

  Chapter Five

  By the next day, Ryan didn’t regret promising Naomi that he’d talk to the Howlers about their jokes — but he was asking himself a lot of questions about it. The chirping had never bothered him. It definitely helped that he’d grown up with an older sister who’d loved to make fun of Ryan for nearly anything he did. His relationships with his teammates felt like an extension of that.

  It meant Ryan didn’t really have a frame of reference for how such a conversation was supposed to go. He was still determined to have it. He wanted Naomi to feel comfortable around his team. That meant making them understand that certain jokes were off-limits.

  It wasn’t like it was an alien concept. Ryan had meant what he’d said. Any genuinely sore subject would be avoided. It was just that it usually happened because people saw the reaction their teasing caused. They knew each other well enough to notice, without needing to be told. This was different.

  Training helped keep Ryan’s mind from circling round and round the same questions all morning. He focused on the ice, on getting the puck away from his opponents and shooting it down towards his team.

  “Alright,” Coach yelled. “That’s enough. Hit the showers!”

  Ryan let the hot water beat against his muscles for longer than strictly necessary. By the time he’d finished, the locker room had half-emptied. People were eager to get out and enjoy what was left of the afternoon sunshine.

  Toweling himself off, Ryan tried to find the right words. He wasn’t at all sure he’d figured them out by the time he and Lev were both ready to go.

  “Hey, wait a sec,” Ryan forced himself to say. “I wanted to talk to you about last night. About Naomi.”

  Lev pursed his lips, propping one massive shoulder against the row of lockers. “About your girlfriend?” he asked. The word made Ryan grin. They hadn’t actually discussed it in those terms. But Ryan knew Naomi wasn’t seeing anyone else.

  “You know any other Naomis?” Ryan chirped. He shook his head. He really didn’t know how to say this. He was going to have to just do it. “I need you not to make jokes about her being blind, okay?”

  Lev’s thick eyebrows drew together. “The joke wasn’t her being blind,” he pointed out. “The joke was you being ugly.” And yeah, Ryan knew that. It was why he hadn’t thought of Lev’s joke as being over the line. Not at first.

  “You’ve got to admit, Lev, the joke doesn’t work if Naomi isn’t blind,” he pointed out. “Imagine if you’d said she couldn’t tell I was ugly because she was just stupid. Don’t you see how that insults me and her?”

  Slowly, Lev nodded. “It wasn’t just me,” he argued, crossing his arms.

  “I know,” Ryan assured. “I’m going to talk to the others, too.” In truth, Ryan had started with Lev because he felt they got on best. “So what do you say?” he asked, giving the Russian a grin.

  Lev smiled back. “Yeah, of course,” he agreed. “I’ll do better.” Ryan clapped a hand between Lev’s shoulder blades, giving him a friendly shove on the way to his car.

  The conversation had gone well. Better than Ryan had imagined. All afternoon, he could feel a tide of good feelings rising in him. Naomi didn’t need Ryan to look after her - but it felt good to have done it. Ryan liked thinking that next time he invited Naomi to hang out with the Howlers, she could do so secure in the knowledge that no one would make her feel bad about not being able to see.

  Maybe this all came with the territory of having a girlfriend. Ryan wouldn’t know, he’d never had one before. Not really. Outside of his family, he’d never had anyone whose feelings mattered more to him than his own.

  It felt good.

  Now that Ryan had spoken to Lev, and it had gone well, he felt more confident bringing up the topic of Naomi with more than one of his teammates at once. He, Andre and James were in front of James’ television one weekday afternoon, engaged in a low-key ‘winner stays on’ tournament of Worms. Ryan was watching, which seemed like the perfect moment to raise his point.

  “Can I ask you guys a favor?” he asked, to a nod of assent from James and a suspicious look from Andre.

  “Are you about to ask us for money, or career advice?” he asked, making Ryan immediately shake his head.

  “Neither!” he protested. “Actually, it’s about Naomi.”

  “Oh?” James said, raising an eyebrow at Ryan. Andre took it as an opportunity to bomb the shit out of James, making him yelp. “Fucking rude, Lucky,” he whined, making both Ryan and Andrew snort. It signaled the end of the game, which meant that Ryan got both of their undivided attention.

  Putting the controller down, James turned to look at Ryan properly. “So what’s up? You two aren’t fighting already are you?” he asked with a frown.

  “It’s been like, what? Three minutes?” Andre teased. Unlike James, who as far as Ryan knew had never been in a proper relationship, Andre had been with Jasmine for over a year.

  “No,” Ryan answered, with a grin. As strange as having these conversations was, he couldn’t help feeling pleased. He and Naomi were getting on well. So well that Ryan wanted to make sure she could comfortably be around the Howlers. They were, apart from Ryan’s family, the people he was closest to in the world.

  “It’s about the chirping,” he opened. “You know I don’t care if you tease me. But Naomi’s not used to it. I’m kind of asking everyone to lay off jokes that involve her.”

  Andre frowned. “Like what?” Unlike James, he hadn’t been out with them on the night this all kicked off. Ryan could understand how he might be confused.


  “You know, joking that she’s with my ugly face because she doesn’t know any better,” Ryan offered, by way of example. “It sucks for her to have to hear that shit.”

  James’ frown seemed to intensify at Ryan’s words. Andre, on the other hand, seemed just about as confused. “But that’s not about her, it’s about you. And your ugly face.” He added the last part teasingly.

  “Was she upset?” James asked. “That we joked about that?” It was hard to tell why James was asking. Ryan assumed it might be because he felt bad. For all the reputation that James had as a womanizer - and he was one - James never liked upsetting people. Ryan often wondered how he managed to go from woman to woman without upsetting them, but James did manage.

  “It’s about both of us,” Ryan pointed out. He’d already addressed that part with Lev, so he felt confident he could explain it so that Andre would understand. “If she weren’t blind, the joke wouldn’t work. It’s not just about my face.”

  The more he talked about it, the more Ryan got where Naomi had been coming from.

  “She knows that no one meant it that way,” he added, turning his attention to James. “But that doesn’t make it any more fun for her to have to listen to. That’s why I promised I’d say something.”

  “Right,” James nodded before biting his lip thoughtfully. “I guess, I can see why it might seem to her like it’s more towards her than you,” he commented. Ryan wasn’t sure James meant that. For all of them, chirping was just part of the sport. It was team building. But Naomi wasn’t like them.

  “I don’t really get it,” Andre said. “Blame it on English.” He shrugged. It was just an excuse. While Andre’s first language wasn’t English, there weren’t enough guys on the team for him to only speak French to. Ryan knew his English was a lot better than Andre gave himself credit for. “What did she take offense to? The fact that someone called you ugly?”

  Ryan felt a flare of annoyance, both because he’d explained this and because he knew Andre’s English wasn’t really at fault. He fought it down. As much as he liked Naomi, he didn’t want to fall out with his team. That meant he had to keep his cool and explain her point the best way he knew how.

  “It’s not about that,” he said, shaking his head. “It - It makes it sound like being blind is bad. Imagine if we told Devon’s girlfriend that she was only dating him because she was too crazy to know how weird he is. It’s the same thing. You make being blind into a personal failing.”

  Ryan knew that being blind was a disadvantage. It made life harder for Naomi. Through being with her, he’d learned that it wasn’t because she was less than anyone else. It was because the world was built for people who could see.

  “Devon’s girlfriend is crazy, though,” Andre muttered.

  “No, no, I think I get it. It’s saying that she doesn’t know better because she’s blind, right?” James said, sweeping past Andre’s comment. “Like it’s not about you being ugly as fuck, it’s about her being the punchline. Or well, her blindness, I guess.” Now that James rephrased it, Andre seemed to get it a little bit more.

  Ryan loved his teammates. They meant a lot to him. He didn’t want them to think he was being sensitive or anything. But at the same time, it meant a lot to him that Naomi felt comfortable, that she didn’t have to meet his teammates as a chore.

  “We won’t make jokes about your girlfriend’s disability,” Andre promised.

  “Ugh, when you say it like that we do sound like real assholes,” James whined, before giving Ryan an apologetic look. “I really am sorry that she felt uncomfortable. You know we didn’t mean it like that.”

  Ryan leaned over, giving James’ arm a friendly punch. “Yeah, I know,” he confirmed. “I told her, and I think she gets it.” Naomi had said she understood. Ryan took her word for it. It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to stick up for her if it ever happened again.

  “She didn’t grow up with siblings,” he offered. He knew that both James and Andre had. Like him, they’d been used to teasing even before they got into hockey.

  “Does Jasmine find it weird?” he asked, turning to Andre. He had honestly no idea whether Jasmine had brothers and sisters. She wasn’t a professional athlete. Maybe the culture of chirping had seemed weird to her, too.

  Andre snorted at that. “I don’t let her hang out with the team. That solves that problem,” he informed them making both Ryan and James laugh. It was kind of true, Ryan supposed. He saw Jasmine at parties but those weren’t that often. He’d brought Naomi with him for post-game drinks because he had wanted her to meet everyone.

  Some of the other guys brought their girlfriends. Ashley, for one, was now more part of the team than she was Connor’s girlfriend, Ryan was sure. But Ashley also got chirped and gave as good as she got. Ryan could see why not everyone wanted that or wanted to put their girlfriends through it.

  “I just avoid it altogether by not having a girlfriend,” James announced with a grin. “I thought it was going to be me and you, Newell,” he said slapping Ryan’s back playfully. “But now look at you, all girlfriended-up,” he teased.

  “Is it weird?” Andre asked. “The blind thing, though I guess also the you having a girlfriend thing.”

  That made Ryan laugh. “The me having a girlfriend thing is kind of weird,” he replied. He felt like he had to show that he was still fine being chirped when it wasn’t about Naomi’s blindness.

  Ryan wouldn’t talk to Andre and James about why it was so weird. Neither of them knew he didn’t have a soulmark. He wasn’t about to tell them. He paused to think about the questions, giving a small shrug.

  “I’ve never had a girlfriend who wasn’t blind,” Ryan pointed out. He had nothing to compare it to. Not as an adult, anyway. “It makes less of a difference than I thought it would. Naomi gets around fine without my help. She can still enjoy television and movies, which I wouldn’t have thought she would. She doesn’t play video games.” That earned him a laugh from Andre.

  “Neither does Jasmine,” he assured. “I think that’s a personality thing, not a blind thing.” Ryan nodded. He suspected that it was partly a not-being-able-to-see thing. Video games were definitely not designed for people unable to see the screen.

  “What do you think would be different, if Jasmine couldn’t see?” Ryan asked.

  Andre seemed to think about that before he shrugged. “I have no idea. Sex?” He offered, making James laugh. Ryan, too, gave an amused grin. “Is it different? The sex?” Andre asked curiously. Ryan couldn’t even really blame him. He could see how that would be something he, too, would ask if the tables were reversed.

  This was something where Ryan could make a fair comparison. He’d had sex with plenty of women who weren’t blind. “I guess I think more about her?” he offered. He wasn’t sure that was because Naomi couldn’t see. “Like, I try to keep it in mind that she can’t see, so I can’t rely on her getting information that way.”

  It was easy to think of an example. “The first time her dog walked in on us,” he said, earning him a chuckle from Andre. “I had to think about how she couldn’t see him. So I asked if it would make her uncomfortable.” It wasn’t something that came up often.

  “Is it different having sex with Jasmine because she’s not just a fling?” Ryan asked. That, to him, seemed far greater than the difference he experienced because of Naomi being blind.

  “Yeah, definitely,” Andre answered straight away, nodding his head. James gave Andre an interested look at that. Ryan knew that like him - before Naomi - James had never had a serious girlfriend. “I suppose I... care more? But also, like, it’s okay to make mistakes? There’s a lot less pressure on doing everything in one way,” Andre commented.

  Ryan could definitely see Andre’s point. Sex with Naomi was great. It was better because he didn’t have to worry as much. Laughter was something Ryan had only learned could be part of sex with Naomi.

  It made him wonder if the same was true outside of the bedroom. Ryan did his best not to
fuck up, but he didn’t think Naomi expected him to be perfect. She’d already gently pointed out a few of his mistakes. It hadn’t been the end of their relationship, or even anything close.

  “Do you still fuck up with relationship stuff?” Ryan asked. Jasmine and Andre had been together a year, which seemed like forever from where Ryan was standing. On the other hand, he knew that rookies who joined the Howlers would still be making mistakes after a year. Not big ones, but no one’s game was ever perfect.

  Andre laughed, giving a nod. “Oh yeah,” he confirmed. “That’s just a part of being in a relationship, I think. When you’re a man, at least. I don’t think Jaz thinks she fucks up,” he told them both, giving a wink that clearly meant sometimes Jasmine did. It was nice to hear Andre talk about her. It made Ryan realize that he didn’t often hear Andre talk about his girlfriend.

  It made sense, of course, that maybe it didn’t come up the same way if no one else was in a relationship. That, in turn, made Ryan glance at James. As if sensing whatever question went unasked, James shook his head,

  “I’m fine without a girlfriend,” he announced.

  Ryan nodded. He’d always been fine without a girlfriend, too, until he’d met Naomi. He wouldn’t necessarily have wanted to spend all afternoon talking about it, though.

  It was interesting to get Andre’s take. Ryan didn’t know yet if he and Naomi were going to last long enough for having a girlfriend to stop feeling new. If they did, maybe he’d see if Andre had any further tips for him.

  For now, Ryan felt like he’d done what he set out to do. “Are you going to be a good host and get the drinks in while I show Andre who’s boss?” Ryan asked, gesturing for the controller.

  He was glad he’d spoken up. Caring about how Naomi felt wasn’t something Ryan had a lot of experience with. He had to admit that it felt pretty good.