Sweet Seas

by Scarlett Finn

  Then he’d thought of her.

  Sassi.

  She wasn’t meant for the Locker like him and the others, not now, not yet. His woman was nothing but potential and he wouldn’t be responsible for cutting that short. Her life was in his hands and he couldn’t let her down.

  Love was the only explanation for the strength of his reaction to that realization.

  And, on this new day after that epiphany, she was pissed at him… fucking great.

  Sassi was giving him the silent treatment as she put some rice out on a plate and poured him a coffee. “Waif,” he said and she ignored him. “Psyche?” What the hell else could he do to get her to talk to him? He wasn’t fucking used to this. “You know, Sass, most people respond when the captain talks to them. You can’t ignore the captain.”

  “I’m not ignoring the captain,” she said, putting the sauce on his rice and handing him the plate. “I’m ignoring my lover.”

  At least he was making progress in figuring out what bug was up her ass, incremental though it was. “Okay,” he said, his stomach rumbling at the scent of the food she’d given him. “The captain’s ordering you to talk to your lover… what the fuck is going on?”

  “That’s unfair,” she said, snatching the donuts to put them away; apparently, he’d missed his chance with those. “My captain shouldn’t meddle in my private affairs.”

  Shit, this was complicated. This was why he should never have had relations with a subordinate. Had he really just been thinking that her being aboard was a good thing?

  Giving him his coffee, Sassi was happy to turn her back and return to preparing lunch for the rest of the crew. They were getting something else that was cooking in a massive pot at the back of the stove; it smelled good.

  But him, the man in command, he was getting leftovers. Opening his mouth, he figured he should charm her, except he had no idea what the fuck to say to charm a woman. He didn’t coddle, he commanded, said what had to be said, told the truth. He didn’t pander.

  “Your captain wants to know why his crewman is upset.”

  “I’m not upset, I’m angry,” she said. “Are you going to eat your food? Supplies are low, I don’t want anything going to waste and since I’ve already heated it up, I won’t do it again.”

  There wasn’t an ounce of shame in her. No one talked to the captain like this. It was blatant insubordination.

  Tossing the plate and the coffee on the counter, he marched over to crowd in beside her. “You’re sailing damn close to the wind, Waif. Shape up or ship out, hear?”

  Throwing her spoon in the pot, she spun to face him, thrusting her fists to her hips. “Oh, don’t you worry, Captain, I’m counting the damn minutes. This is my twenty-ninth day at sea with you. We were supposed to be home tomorrow.”

  “That what you’re pissed about?”

  “I don’t give a damn about that. I give a damn about…”

  She tried to stop herself, but he wouldn’t let her off that easy. “You give a damn about what? If you don’t clue me in, I can’t fix it.”

  But, she carried on seething. “That’s just it, Captain,” she said, her jaw tight. “You can’t fix everything.”

  “On this fucking ship I can,” he said. “Try me.”

  At first, she said nothing, and he thought this might go on all day, then she inhaled. “When we met, I thought you were an idiot.”

  He snorted. “Thanks.”

  “I was scared of you. Not scared… wary… Not enough that I’d run and hide, but I was always ready to fight you.”

  Sassi was never scared, she never showed it. She’d sassed him, stood up to the punk in Miami, and never shrunk even when the crew was getting rowdy. Sassi Robins was made of iron, and had a stronger will than any man or woman he’d ever met.

  “I noticed,” he said, noting the way her fists were bunched tight. “You’re still ready.”

  Tension rattled through her. “If I thought punching you would make me feel better, I’d do it.”

  “I’d let you.”

  “I know.”

  And that quick-fire exchange was enough to take the wind from her sails. She exhaled like she’d been holding her breath underwater for three minutes, and he saw her snit seep out of her.

  “Swing told me the captain goes down with the ship,” she said. Her anger had been replaced by pain. “Would you really do that? Would you really have left me last night?”

  Damnit, now he couldn’t be mad at her either. She had been worried about him. It wasn’t anger, it was protection. She’d been protecting herself because whatever the idiot Swing had said to her had made her fear losing him.

  “Sweetheart,” he said, stroking his hands up her arms to cup her face. “Last night wasn’t that bad. We were never at risk of going down.”

  “I wasn’t afraid,” she said, edging nearer. “Not until he made that comment and it made me think, one day… you might…”

  “He shouldn’t have said anything to upset you. He’ll get a dressing down, don’t worry, Waif.”

  But, she shook her head. “No, it’s not his fault. He didn’t mean to get in my head. But, I just got this vision of…”

  Her gaze dropped. Swain put a finger under her chin to bring it back up. “Saying goodbye.” Her simple smile was agreement, not happiness. “This vessel and everyone on it are my responsibility.”

  “I know, but just promise me you’ll never—”

  “I can’t promise you that, Waif, because chances are if I order everyone to abandon ship, I will be staying behind.” She opened her mouth to object. “That doesn’t mean I’ll die… but I’m willing to.”

  “You’re willing to die for Eros,” she murmured.

  Swain hated the thread of hurt in her voice, like she believed it was a done deal, like he was telling her he was going to walk out there and jump overboard.

  “Yes,” he said. “As I would for Foist or Tune or Fidget.”

  “And Jockey?”

  “And you,” he said, brushing the pad of his thumb over her cheek. “You don’t accept command of a vessel unless you’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep everyone safe.”

  “I respect that so much,” she whispered. “But, it scares me too.”

  On any other day, with any other woman, he’d either make a joke to shrug her off or propose to keep her. But, if his calculations were right, in less than four days this magnificent, enigmatic woman would slip through his fingers.

  She might be reacting like his woman now, but their time was trickling away and it made him see what she’d meant after Miami about time.

  Distance meant nothing, because they were on a bungee rope, set to boomerang right on back to where they’d started. Time was their enemy, space their ally, but even that was working against them now.

  When they docked and she departed, it would be like she was never here. He’d had zero impact on her life. Sassi would drift away like salt washed from the hull and the only record they’d have of their time together would be their fading memories.

  TWENTY

  Sassi had moved her backpack from the captain’s cabin down to her original cabin while the rest of the crew was securing their lines.

  The galley was spotless. She hadn’t needed to feed anyone since breakfast though it was mid-afternoon now. In deference to their proximity to shore, the crew had chosen to forego lunch. Both to give her an opportunity to clean up and because they were eager to get back to the mainland. No one wanted to delay, even for food, so they forged on full-steam ahead.

  The captain didn’t give her any indication that he was reluctant to return home either. This had been a tough trip for him and he had preparations to make before he could turn around and go right back to where they’d come from.

  Swain would soon be meeting with the client to present his findings and negotiate the next step of the job. They might have a short turn around, so the crew was desperate to make the most of their time on land while they had it.

  For
her though, it was over. Thirty-three days on the water. It wasn’t bad for her first nautical billet, especially given that she hadn’t missed the shore, not once.

  There was so much more noise on the land than she remembered. There were so many sailors going about their lives, loading and unloading cargo, preparing for departure, and returning home. The seagulls were wailing and noise from engines and machinery razed the air too.

  Sassi hadn’t even left the ship yet and she already wanted to be back on the ocean.

  “Where’s the rest of your dunnage?” Swain’s voice asked from behind her and she turned to see him leaning against the doorframe, his hands in his pockets.

  Foist passed in the passageway behind him, slapping the captain’s shoulder and then holding a hand up to her in a wave. “See ya on the roundtrip, Shortcake.”

  Smiling at the man who didn’t miss a step in his rush to get to shore, she felt a pang of sorrow. “He’s in a hurry.”

  “Tune and Hector already split. Swing took Fidget into town, he says for ice-cream, but that’s their code for hitting a bar.”

  “I guess the guys have got some time to make up,” she said. “They’ve had a lot of lonely nights.”

  Pushing his shoulder off the door, he stepped into the cabin. “Yeah, they have. We were lucky to have each other taking the edge off.”

  It might have been hope she heard in his tone, but she didn’t know what he wanted. If it was reassurance that this had been more than a casual affair, she couldn’t give it to him.

  “I guess we were,” she said.

  Swain came to a stop in front of her, his hands still in his pockets. “I think this is the first time I’ve made landfall clean-shaven.”

  Laughing, she brushed a hand over his stubble. “And, only you would call this clean-shaven.”

  Taking her hand, he turned his head and kissed her palm, closing his eyes as he did. “You don’t have to rush off. There’s a grill down the dock, The Port Hole, does great steak and…” Sassi withdrew her hand from his. “Or not.”

  “It’s sweet of you to offer,” she said. “But, you don’t have to worry. We both knew what this was. I’m not expecting you to call.”

  Bobbing his head, he slid his hand back into his pocket. “Good, ‘cause signal in the South Atlantic sucks and you don’t get a discount on overseas charges based on how far over the sea you are.”

  The man who’d been ready to give Sassi her marching orders before she’d ever set foot on his vessel was standing in front of her now making her laugh, it was a remarkable evolution.

  Last night they’d gone to bed early and he’d made love to her, really made love to her before holding her for hours like he didn’t want to dare close his eyes. Sassi hadn’t wanted the night to end either. But, at some point, they must have drifted off. She’d woken up to his rough hands demanding more from her and then this morning she got another dose of his gentler touch.

  Breakfast had been a rush, then her captain had to be on watch in the wheelhouse. The day had been a frenzy of activity. There had been no time to talk. Except there was really nothing to say. Maybe that was why they’d both avoided the subject of today.

  They’d known it was coming and now it was here. There was nothing either of them could do to change the circumstances they were in.

  “Well…” he said and slid a folded piece of paper from his pocket to hand it over to her. “Made it out to cash like you asked.”

  Opening it, she read the check was for eighteen thousand and she narrowed her eyes on his. “If you’re paying me for the sex, I’m insulted,” she said, playing it straight before letting her sass curl her lips. “Thank you.”

  Pulling him down, she touched a kiss to his jaw. “You said you were leaving all that equipment in the kitchen. Figured I should round up.”

  The cookware and utensils were hardly worth the extra he’d put on her check, but she wasn’t going to make a big deal of it when she knew everyone was being paid for a full five weeks even though they were a few days shy. Swain was a generous captain, more generous than she ever could’ve begun to imagine when they’d first met.

  She couldn’t bear to take her lips from his jaw. When his mouth began to drift, she knew he was going to kiss her. Sassi closed her eyes and accepted his mouth. Relishing the feel of those bold hands sinking into her hair to cradle the back of her head, she wanted him to never let go.

  Sassi wasn’t ready to open her eyes when he drew back. “I’ve had an amazing time, Captain,” she whispered. “Thank you for taking me on your adventure.”

  “We’re here, okay?” he replied, his cheek caressing hers. “Could be for two weeks, could be for six months. There’s always a berth for you on Eros and I’ll put out word with the fleet… If you ever need a bolt-hole or a billet, look for the Swain name. Anywhere it is, you’re welcome.”

  “Don’t make me cry,” she muttered, giving him a light push to part them as she dropped onto her heels again.

  But, he kept cupping her face. “I’m proud of you, Waif. You stuck it and you didn’t complain… and you didn’t get sick.”

  “I wanted my ten grand,” she said and his flat smile broadened a little.

  Putting off the inevitable only hurt both of them. Picking up her backpack, she started to pull it on. He grabbed the top to take its weight. “Let me help you with—”

  “No, I’ve got it,” she said, and pulled the weight onto her shoulders then tightened the straps.

  The suitcases she’d brought were useless to her. They’d held kitchen equipment and food, none of which she had anymore. Without a fixed address, there was no point in her carting empty luggage anywhere.

  Grabbing the hobo bag she’d barely looked at for weeks, she slung it over her head across her body, and then took a deep breath. “Got it?” her captain asked.

  Snared in his gaze, Sassi was reminded of the night they’d sat opposite each other in Miami. Wishing she could reverse time and go through their whole journey again, she was left with nothing but a painful longing in her heart.

  “Fair winds and following seas,” she said.

  He licked his lips to hide his amusement. “Jockey gave you that one?”

  Laughing, she nodded. “I was worried that I wouldn’t know what to say… But, I like it… I’m jealous you get to go back out there while I have to be a landlubber again.”

  “You’ve been a pirate’s wench,” he said, touching her nose. “Don’t be surprised if it feels like the sea calls to you now. If it does, don’t fight it. The ocean grounds you; it helped you through this. If you need a friend, the waves will comfort you. Listen to them.”

  Sassi did feel an affinity with the water that had surrounded them for so long. The time she’d spent on deck, especially in the evening, had been the time she’d really bonded with Eros and her position onboard.

  Opening her hand against the wall of the head that abutted the foot of the berth, Sassi bit her lip to restrain her emotion before she spoke. “Thank you, Eros,” she said to the ship, smoothing her hand down the cool wall. “Look after her, Captain, like she looked after me.”

  “She’ll miss you,” he said.

  They weren’t talking about only the ship anymore, not from the way he looked through her. “I’ll miss her too.”

  “Be good, Waif.”

  “Stay out of trouble, Pirate,” she said.

  Swain backed out to let her move past him into the passageway.

  Going out onto the deck, Sassi found Jockey unlashing the gangplank. “Expecting guests?” she asked, startling him from the task.

  “Thought you’d like it, lass,” he said. “You didn’t say goodbye to the crew?”

  Because all of them thought that she was coming back for the next leg of the job and she didn’t want to explain why she wasn’t. Sassi couldn’t tell Swain the whole truth and she trusted him more than any other person on the planet. There was no way she could explain it to the crew. It would raise too many questions that she
wouldn’t be able to answer. Why wouldn’t someone want to go on a trip that could earn them so much money? Especially when that person had relished her role and been devoted to her captain.

  How did she explain to her crew that she couldn’t go because her fiancé wouldn’t let her? Not that Sassi would ever ask. She wouldn’t mention the name Eros in front of Dario for fear of making the crew she’d come to love vulnerable.

  “Those boys have their fun to get to,” she said. “No need for me to hold them back.”

  “Don’t be a stranger. They’ll miss you,” Jockey said, surprised when she hugged him.

  “Take care of him, Jock,” she whispered and kissed his cheek before meeting his eye and accepting his nod.

  Widening her smile, she moved toward the gangway, taking one last look over the ship. Damn, she was going to miss this place and these men, but it was time for life to catch up with her.

  Jumping off the ship to land on the dock, she was so proud of herself for taking the leap. But, ending up in the water would be the least of her troubles. It might actually be a reprieve.

  Turning around, she saluted at Jockey just as Swain stepped out of the passageway behind his first-mate. With one last look at her captain, she came about and strode away.

  “If you’re thinking about going after her, now’s the time,” Jockey said.

  Swain didn’t know what to think or what to do. Sassi had been around every day for weeks. There was still a part of him that expected he’d find her in the galley at breakfast time, like maybe this wasn’t really real.

  Jockey could be right, and he considered heading after her.

  Watching her progress up the dock, Swain thought about what she might do if he ran after her and told her to stay. But, before he could decide if he had the balls to do it, Sassi stopped walking. Concern, and hope, made him step forward. Was she going to come back? Had she realized that leaving Eros was a mistake?

  No. Apparently not. She let out a loud shriek that was a gasp of elated surprise. It carried through the salty air, stopping several sailors in their tracks. Sassi started moving forward, away from Eros again, fast, faster than before. She ran down the dock, unclipping her backpack as she went, throwing it off her back onto the ground just before she leapt into the arms of a dark-haired guy who was standing there with his arms open.