by Amy Cross
"We have a right passed down to us by our god," the soldier says. "Our god is all-powerful and you must accept his power or you will be killed."
"Sounds like a friendly god," I mutter.
"Shut up!" Thomas hisses at me. He turns to address the soldier. "We will accept your way of life and your god, if you will grant us mercy from your blades."
"Excellent," the soldier says. "When the light of morning comes, we shall begin to teach you how to follow the path of the Democratic Patriots of the Library. You must sleep now, so that you have energy for the tasks ahead."
I grab Thomas's arm and pull him aside. "You're just going to surrender to them?" I ask, shocked. "We have to fight for our freedom!"
"Fight with what?" he replies. "We have a few spears. That's not enough to defeat an army. It's better to just accept whatever they demand. They'll probably just tell us about their god and move on, they're hardly likely to stop and watch us to make sure we comply. It's fancy dress. It's theater. It's just a game."
"It's not a game if they kill us," I remind him, "or if they enslave us."
"If we resist, we die," he says. "I choose a chance of life over guaranteed death. Not just for me, but for the entire tribe."
I turn and look at the others. Huddled together, they look terrified. I guess fighting the soldiers would be a death sentence for most - if not all - of our tribe, and it would be irresponsible to put them in so much danger.
As the soldiers take up their positions at each end of the aisles, I can't help wondering what Duncan would do in a situation like this. He'd probably go marching up to the soldiers and start talking to them, and end up coming up with some stupid plan that wouldn't work but which would somehow solve everything. Unfortunately, I'm not quite so good at coming up with solutions, so all I can do is sit here and hope that some kind of opportunity presents itself in the morning.
But after a sleepless night, and as the sun comes up, it becomes clear that the soldiers are far too well-prepared. I take another look at our tribe's collection of elderly, ill and weak individuals who are clearly no match for armor-clad warriors. Things look pretty hopeless right now, but perhaps Thomas is right and the soldiers will just push us around a bit and then move on. After all, there seem to be less than a hundred of them, so they can't stay here and carry on spreading their empire.
"You will pick two members of your group to discuss the terms of your absorption into the Democratic Patriots of the Library," says one of the soldiers, marching over to us. "Our leader, the Grand Ent, is waiting to inform you of your new duties as loyal subjects, and to discuss your tithe."
Thomas steps forward. "Jess and I will do it," he says, turning to the others. "Trust us. This will be okay. No-one's going to get hurt, I promise."
The soldier leads us along the aisle until we reach a small tent, and we're told to stand and wait. After a moment, a short bald man emerges, eying us suspiciously. He's wearing large round sunglasses and a white robe with gold trimmings. In his hand, there's a tattered old brown book, which he holds up ceremonially.
"I am Ent of the Democratic Patriots of the Library," he says. "I am the high priest." He lowers the book. "My role is to introduce you to our god, and to explain how you might be allowed to live if you show that you are willing to embrace the one and true ruler." He stares at us for a moment. "If you refuse to recognize the Great Dukan, god of all the library, you will be executed and your blood used as we see fit. If you accept the authority of the Great Dukan, you will live simple lives of great service and obedience. Now that you understand the situation, I must ask you the ultimate question. Do you consent to give over your hearts and souls so that you might be saved by the Great Dukan?"
"We do," Thomas says.
Ent turns to me.
"Yes," I say, though I hate myself for being so easily controlled. What I really want to do is switch into my wolf form and rip this little guy's head clean off his shoulder.
"Soldiers!" Ent shouts. "Bring out Dukan!" He smiles. "Dukan is our god. He is the mighty beast who commands our armies. He is the warmth of the sun, and the cool of the rain. He is the soil, and he is the air that we breathe. When the great plague of corrupted blood arrived, he was able to protect us. He is the spirit that lives within our hearts, and he can live in your hearts too if you are willing to let him in. You must acknowledge his greatness, and you must pay a small fee to be saved."
"Whatever," I mutter under my breath.
Four soldiers emerge from the tent, carrying a small stone statue. It takes me a moment to realize what I'm looking at, but a sudden feeling of absolute shock washes over me as I recognize the face of the statue. I lean forward, narrowing my eyes to get a better look. It can't be... But it is! I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out. This is... impossible...
"You recognize the power of Dukan immediately?" Ent asks.
"Duncan!" I blurt out.
"Dukan!" Ent says, correcting me.
"I..." I start to say, but words fail me. The statue is quite clearly an image of Duncan. It's a figure with two heads: one of the heads is a wolf, and the other is absolutely a likeness of Duncan. There's no mistake here. This isn't a statue that looks a bit like Duncan; it's a statue of Duncan, right down to capturing that slight grin of his. "This..." I mutter, but my heart is racing. "Where is he?" I ask. "Where's the man you based this statue on?"
"He came to us many centuries ago," Ent replies. "He taught us great wisdom and then he left us to spread his word. We do not know where he is now, or what he is doing, but his spirit remains with us always. He nourishes us with the wisdom he left behind. As both man and beast, he was able to see the truth about our world, and he showed us what little of that truth our paltry brains could handle." He pauses. "He and Ahn left to explore the world together."
"Ahn?" I ask, and suddenly a moment of realization hits me. "Do you mean Anna?"
"Ahn!" Ent says.
I pause. Was Duncan here with the mysterious Anna? I guess it's totally believable that Duncan would end up inspiring a tribe to think he's a god, and I'm sure he enjoyed the experience a great deal. "Typical Duncan," I mutter.
"Enough" Ent shouts. "The past is the past. We must discuss the future, and the tithe you will pay to our forces."
"Uh-huh," I say, finding it hard to believe that Duncan - or 'Dukan', as these idiots seem to know him - could ever have imparted 'great wisdom' to anyone. Clearly there's been some kind of massive misunderstanding here, but it's one that I can definitely use to my advantage. "So what's the wolf about?" I ask. "Where does the wolf fit into all this?"
"Dukan had the ability to take the form of a wolf," Ent says.
Thomas looks over at me. Clearly he's realized that something is very wrong here.
"So you like wolves?" I ask.
"Wolves are sacred animals," Ent continues. "They are not seen in the library, but we believe that one day Dukan will return to us. When that moment comes, we must be able to show him that we have conquered the library and spread the word of Dukan to all four corners."
I stare at the statue. It's been more than a year since I last saw Duncan, and it's kind of strange to see this image of him. Although I'd almost managed to persuade myself that I didn't miss him, I find that I'm now desperately wanting to see his face again - properly, though, rather than as a statue.
"You are in awe of the Great Dukan!" Ent says. He holds out a cloth hat. "Perhaps you would like to pay a donation of gold coins to show your esteem?"
"We have no gold," Thomas says.
Ent sighs. "You must have something," he says.
"We have food," Thomas says. "Our tribe does not think of money. We think only of feeding ourselves and tending to our land between the shelves."
Grunting, Ent clearly isn't happy with what Thomas is saying. "Everyone's got a bit of gold stashed away somewhere," he sneers.
"Not us," Thomas replies. "You're welcome to share in our meals today, but we have no gold to give you."
I step forward.
"Get back!" Ent shouts. "You are not fit to approach Dukan's image!"
"You reckon?" I say, switching to my wolf form.
Ent and the soldiers step back, clearly shocked. There's a moment where they seem to be completely uncertain as to what they should do, and then finally Ent drops to his knees. "Dukan, you have returned! We have spread your work. There is still much work to be done, but we are moving across the library and converting the savages! Let me..." He pauses, and it's obvious that he's thinking on his feet. "Let me fetch proof!" he stammers. He gets to his feet and hurries into the tent. Moments later, there's a strange sound from inside, almost as if someone is pouring coins into a bag, and then I spot Ent sneaking out the back of the tent with a large cloth sack over his shoulder. He runs off into the distance. Apparently the 'high priest' of the Democratic Patriots of the Library was only in it for the money after all, and now his 'god' has shown up, he just wants to get away as fast as possible.
I switch back to my human form and step towards the soldiers. "I'm not Dukan," I say. "Actually, you've got his name wrong. It's Duncan, not Dukan, and he's not here. But I'm... I'm like him. I come from the same place. And my message to you is that it's time to stop spreading your crap all over the library. Go home and be peaceful."
The soldiers get up and hurry away.
"Wait!" I call out after them. "Tell me, when was the last time that any of your people saw Dukan?"
One of the soldiers turns back for a moment. "It has been more than two centuries since he came to our people." He bows, and then he follows the others.
"I thought you said you only came to the library a little over a year ago?" Thomas says.
"Duncan said he'd been here before," I reply. "I guess all this Dukan business must have happened back then. I'll have to ask him about it, if I ever see him again."
"You saved us," Thomas says. "You saved our people. We don't have gods, but we will be forever in your debt."
Stepping into the little tent left behind by the soldiers, we find there are lots of papers left scattered around. That little Ent guy grabbed as much money as he could, but he took off without most of the other stuff he was carrying around. Looking through the papers, I find what appears to be a map. I spread it out and quickly realize that we've got a map of the entire library. It's huge, with each section marked out, plus annotations that seem to show where certain dangers should be avoided.
"This is it," I say. "This is everything. We can use this to get out of here."
Thomas comes over and examines the map with me. "Yes," he says simply, though he doesn't sound very impressed. In fact, if anything, he seems a little sad at the prospect of getting out of here. While I want to jump about and celebrate, Thomas seems to be devastated that there's now a chance to leave the library.
"You don't want to go," I say, turning to him, "do you?"
"The tribe has accepted that we must live out the rest of our days here, in the library. Our ancestors are buried here. Our stories are about this place. The idea of leaving has always been abstract. Now that there's a real chance, I'm not sure that it's a good idea." He pauses. "Please, don't tell the others about the map. Not yet. I need time to think."
"You have to tell them," I say. "You have to give them a choice."
"The prospect of leaving the library is daunting," he says. "I think perhaps my people would prefer to stay here. We've become used to this life, and there would be little to gain from changing everything."
I want to argue with him, to tell him about the world out there and all the things he could see. But I know my pressure wouldn't work, and perhaps it's unfair of me to assume that I know what's best for these people. If they really want to stay in the library, who am I to argue otherwise? Examining the map, I start to make out a route back to the entrance. "How long will it take me to get over there?" I ask.
Thomas traces the line with his finger. "Many weeks," he says. "If you wish, I can escort you to the gate."
"Are you sure you won't come through the gate with me?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "If it's your desire to leave the library, I would be honored to accompany you on your journey. But once you reach the outside world, you will have to proceed on your own, and I'll come back to my people."
"Then we'll set off tomorrow," I say.
Thomas still seems a little sad. "We'll miss you," he says.
"I'll miss you too," I reply. "All of you, I mean. But you especially, 'cause you were the first one I met." That day when I first encountered Thomas and Lewis now seems so long ago. A year has passed, and although I haven't completely settled into life in the library, I've become very accustomed to spending time with Thomas.
Later that night, as I prepare for an early-morning departure, Thomas persuades me to take a walk with him. We eventually climb up onto the top of the bookshelves, which is something Thomas says he's never done. Among his tribe, such behavior has long been considered bad luck. Now, finally looking out over the library, he's shocked by the scale of the place.
"That smoke," he says, pointing at the plume of smoke that has been burning more or less consistently ever since I first came to the library. "That's the great war, isn't it?"
"Apparently," I say. "I don't think I want to go and find out."
"And over there," he says, looking in another direction, "that's the ocean in the middle of the library."
I narrow my eyes a little and see what he's talking about. Far, far away, there's a dark patch that appears to be a body of water. I saw an ocean marked on the map, but it never occurred to me until this moment what that means: this entire library is like a country, with hills and valleys, oceans, fields, and everything else you'd expect. The only different is that the entire place is lined with bookshelves. In the far distance, there's a large structure that seems to loom out from among the shelves.
"That's the librarian's office," Thomas says. "Everyone knows about the office. You don't go there. Not ever. The librarian is not to be disturbed."
"Let me guess," I say, "there's a yellow-brick road that leads up to the gate?"
Thomas frowns. "I don't think so," he says. "What makes you say that?"
I laugh. "It's a joke. And it wouldn't be funny if I had to explain it." I take a deep breath; the air in the library is much cleaner than the air in the outside world. In some ways, this is a great place: there's a kind of order here that stands as a marked contrast to the chaos of the world I come from, and you'd definitely never run out of stuff to read. Sitting here with Thomas, it occurs to me that maybe I'm wrong to run away. If I can't find Duncan, what's the point of just leaving the library and going back to the world I come from. After all, I kind of fucked up my life back there, and there are a lot of dangers. Couldn't I be happy here, with Thomas? I could help the tribe to improve their encampment, and I could teach them to be stronger and fitter. Then again, they're all human and as a werewolf I'd have to watch them get older and die. Thomas would die eventually, and I'd have to raise another generation of humans, and another, and another. No, I have to get back to 'my' world, where I can at least be free.
"You look thoughtful," Thomas says.
"I'm just thinking about how much I'll miss this place," I say. "It's crazy, but this time a year ago I felt trapped, and I was desperate to get out. Now we've got the map, I'm realizing that there are things about the library that I wish I could take with me."
There's a pause, and then Thomas leans over and kisses me. It's a slow, tender kiss, and it's one that has been threatening to take place for most of the past year. I've felt attracted to Thomas all this time, but I've always resisted doing anything about it because I knew I'd leave one day. Now that I'm about to actually, finally get out of here, I've let my guard down for a moment and the kiss is happening.
That night, up on top of a wide bookshelf, under the stars, and overlooking the whole of the library, Thomas and I make love. We both know we don't have long left, and we both kno
w that we shouldn't be doing this. But I guess we can't help it. Some things don't have to last forever in order to be beautiful or important. For us, all that matters is the moment. A few hours later, as dawn breaks across the library, I say farewell to the other members of the tribe and Thomas escorts me on the road back to the entrance.
Epilogue
Three weeks later...
The sky above is dark, threatening rain any minute, as Thomas and I walk along yet another aisle. We've been on the move for weeks, following the map and getting closer to the entrance. Unfortunately, there's not much variation in the scenery as we pass by seemingly never-ending rows of books. Adding to the problem is the fact that the map is marked with various dangers which we've decided to avoid, so we don't take the quickest route possible. Still, the journey so far has been fairly uneventful, and Thomas and I have been getting on pretty well. Since leaving the tribe, we've become much closer than I expected, to the extent that I'm starting to worry about what it'll be like when we have to say goodbye to one another at the entrance.
Thomas, too, seems to be dreading the farewell. According to the map, we're probably less than a day from getting to our destination, which means that we won't be together for much longer. Consequently, both Thomas and I have started to create a little distance in our relationship. We don't hold hands any more as we walk, and we barely talk. It's as if we're getting ready for the end by starting to separate physically and emotionally from one another. I guess there's no point being close when we're just going to have to split up soon anyway.
But there's an idea forming in the back of my mind; an idea that could help me persuade Thomas to leave the library and come with me. I'm sure the tribe would be fine without him, and I know that Thomas would be able to survive in the outside world, especially with me to help him. Plus, now that I've become separated from Duncan, I kind of feel like I still want to be around someone. I know that's crazy after I spent so long wanting to live purely as a wolf, and that is still my ultimate aim. Kind of. Sort of. Hell, I don't know any more. If I can persuade Thomas to leave the library and come with me, life could be very different.
