by Amy Cross
"You're quiet," he says as we walk.
"So are you," I reply.
"It's my nature to be quiet," he says, smiling. "But your nature is to talk, and you're not talking. It makes me think that something is wrong."
I sigh. "I guess I'm just thinking about what happens when we get to the entrance. I'm going to have to say goodbye to you, and that's going to be really weird."
"You have your world, and I have my world," he says. "It seems there is no way to overcome that problem."
"But I've spent the past year in your world," I point out, "hanging out with you. Don't you think it's only fair if you come to my world for a year and get to know it a little? Maybe you'll like it? And if you don't, you can just come back."
He shakes his head. "I have no need to see your world," he says. "I'm happy with my life in the library, and I feel that the tribe needs me."
"They don't need you," I say.
"They do!" he protests.
"Bollocks," I say. "You make yourself feel better by pretending that they need you, when in fact they can get by perfectly well without you. If you just accept that they can manage, you can let go of this need to feel like you're in charge." I look up as rain starts to fall. "Shit," I say, realizing that the oncoming storm seems to have finally arrived.
"There's no point talking about this," Thomas says a little humorlessly. "You have your view, and I have mine. I don't think we're going to come to any kind of compromise, so why don't we just try not to fight during our final hours together."
"I guess," I say, though I still feel he's being unnecessarily stubborn. He could come to the outside world for a short while, and he could at least try to live there with me. But no, he's devoted to his life in the library and it seems I won't be able to change his mind.
"We should settle somewhere for the night," he says as the rain gets heavier. "It's going to be a bad one, we need to make sure we're dry."
We don't have a tent with us, so we have to find shelves with some space. Fortunately it doesn't take long and soon we're tucked in together, packed tight as the rain hammers down in the aisles and night begins to fall. It's strange, but despite my desperate desire to get out of the library, I feel a pang of nostalgia now that I realize this will be my last night amongst the shelves. As a bolt of lightning arcs across the sky and a rumble of thunder sounds in the distance, I try to imagine what the 'real' world will be like after all this time.
"So are we going to waste our last night?" Thomas asks.
I turn to him. Although the shelf is tall and deep, we're still crammed into a very tight space, with barely enough room to breathe. "What are you thinking about?" I ask him, even though I know what he wants. He wants us to make love one final time. Hell, it'd probably help us to keep warm.
"First I want to make you promise something," he says. "If you get to the outside world, and if you find that it's not the right place for you any more, promise me you'll come back to the library. Keep hold of the map so you know you can always find the tribe."
"I promise," I say, suddenly realizing how much he wants me to stay with him. If only I could, but it's impossible. I have to go. And although I'm saying all the right things, I know deep down in my heart that there's no way I'll ever come back to the library. The thought of living in such a confined space is impossible to entertain. "But you have to promise something as well," I say. I pull a piece of paper from my pocket. "You got a pencil or something?" He hands me a pencil and I write down my phone number. "If you change your mind, and you decide you're sick of living in a fucking library and you want to come out into the real world..." I put the paper in his hand. "Promise you'll call me."
"I promise," he says.
"And if -" I start to say, but then I turn and look out at the aisle. I swear I hear a noise, but now there's nothing. Still, it reminds me of when I was out here with Duncan, right before those huge Mites attacked us.
"What's wrong?" Thomas asks.
"Nothing," I say quickly, not wanting to panic him. But the truth is: I heard something. It was that sound again, like knives being sharpened. I turn to Thomas. "I'm not sure, but I might have heard something nearby. Like... one of those Mite things."
"They move very quietly," Thomas replies. "If you heard something, perhaps it was just one of the ordinary citizens of the library. Besides, it's raining. How can you hear anything above the storm?"
"Werewolf, remember?" I say, smiling. "Highly advanced senses."
Out in the aisle, rain continues to pour down and there's still the occasional flash of lightning accompanied by rumbles of thunder.
"Jess," Thomas says, sounding a little nervous. "I want to ask you something."
I turn to him. "Shoot."
He pauses. "My tribe..."
"Our tribe," I correct him.
He smiles. "Our tribe... has certain rituals that mean something to us. One of them is..." He pauses again. "In our culture, two people can become married if they simply agree to it. Privately, between themselves."
"Oh," I say.
Silence for a moment.
"If you'd be willing to -"
"Okay," I say, surprising myself. I mean, it feels like more of a symbolic act rather than any huge commitment, and it might be something nice to leave behind for Thomas.
"Then it's done," he says.
"Seriously?" I ask, a little shocked. I was expecting at least a couple more minutes to think it over.
He nods, grinning. "According to the customs and rituals of our tribe, we're now husband and wife."
I stare at him. "Wow," I say. "I mean... I'm your wife?"
"You are," he says.
I glance out at the storm. "And this is our wedding night, huh?"
"Let's get some sleep," Thomas says, putting an arm around me. "Tomorrow's a big day."
Surprisingly, despite the storm and despite my concerns, and despite my shock at having apparently just got married, we manage to get to sleep. It's not a particularly restful sleep, but it'll do. However, after a few hours I wake up and find that the storm is still raging; if anything, it's got worse. Thomas is still dozing next to me, but I feel wide awake, as if something nearby has set off my senses. I stare out into the aisle, and suddenly I see several large legs crawl past. It's one of the Mites, and it stops right next to our shelf.
I hold my breath, determined not to do anything that might give the Mite a clue that we're here. I've no idea if it's already detected us, or if it just happens to be out in the rain, but the last thing I want to do is help it out in any way. Hopefully it'll just carry on past us, and -
A second Mite comes into view. I can't see their bodies, not from down here on the shelf, but I can see their blade-like, spider-like legs scuttling through the rain-soaked mud, and I can hear that horrible sound of sharpening knives every time they move. Leaning forward slightly, I look along the aisle and see half a dozen more sets of legs. Somehow, we've accidentally found ourselves right in the middle of a big gathering of the creatures. I take a slow, quiet breath. Maybe it's just a coincidence that they're here, and they'll just move on in a moment. After all, they don't strike me as the smartest creatures in the world.
"Don't move," Thomas whispers in my ear. He's woken up and seen the Mites.
"Won't they be able to smell us?" I ask.
"They focus on vision," he whispers. "Sound, smell, all those things are secondary to them."
We wait as the Mites move along the aisle. It seems as if they don't know we're here, so all we have to do is wait and hopefully they'll be gone soon.
"Don't worry," Thomas whispers. "They're dangerous, but they're not very smart. They're dying off, too. Over the years we see less and less of them. They're being hunted to extinction. My guess is there are only a few hundred of them left in the whole library."
After a few more minutes, the Mites seem to give up and wander away. Whatever they're doing out there in the storm, they don't seem to be aware we're here at all. Finally, I start to relax.
"It'll be dawn soon," Thomas says. "There's no point going back to sleep."
I turn to him. "So what do you want to do?" I ask.
He smiles, looking a little embarrassed. "It's kind of cramped in here," he says.
"True," I reply, "but I've never made love on a bookshelf before, and I don't know when I'll get another opportunity." I lean in to kiss, him but suddenly I see something moving behind him. I look closer, and I see that there's something moving in the shelf that backs onto our shelf. It takes a split second before I realize it's a Mite, and suddenly the back of the shelf is smashed open and the Mite reaches its sharp legs through to try to get us.
Grabbing Thomas, I pull him out of the shelf and into the muddy aisle. It's dark and pouring with rain, but there's just enough light from the moon to see that the Mite is struggling through the shelf to try to get to us.
"Why did it attack from behind?" I ask, shocked.
"Like I said," Thomas replies, "they're not the smartest creatures."
I turn and look along the aisle. "Unless it was just trying to drive us out so the others could get to us."
"They're not capable of planning ahead like that," he says.
I reach out, take his head in my hands and force him to look along the aisle, where two Mites are watching us. There are two more in the other direction, which means we're surrounded.
"Clever bastards," Thomas says.
"Up!" I shout, pushing him to the shelf. "Climb up!"
As the Mites rumble towards us, we climb up onto the top of one of the bookshelves. We're soon a good ten meters up above the Mites, but they're slowly starting to climb after us.
"I thought you said they weren't that smart!" I say as lightning flashing above us.
"I guess they're learning, "Thomas says.
We back away along the shelf as the first Mite reaches the top.
"Stay back," I say, switching to my wolf form and launching myself at the creature. I manage to sink my fangs into its head, forcing blood to burst out into my mouth. I feel the creature immediately go limp, and then I turn and growl at another as if climbs up onto the top of the shelf. Ignoring my threats, the Mite lashes out at me, catching my arm and cutting the skin open. The wound'll heal fast enough, but right now I have to protect Thomas. I throw myself into the Mite, biting hard into its neck as we tumble from the bookshelf and land down in the mud again.
What happens next is a blur. There are still two Mites left to fight, and they're quickly all over me. Although I bite and scratch at them, it's hard to overpower two of the creatures at once. Their blade-like legs rip and slice at me, and eventually one of them thrusts out one of its straw-like tubes, puncturing my chest. I feel it start to suck blood and other matter out of me, and it's a horrific feeling. For a moment, I feel all the fight start to leave my body, but then I realize how important it is that I survive so I get to my feet and bite down hard on the Mite's head, killing it. It doesn't take me long to kill the other creature, either, and finally I'm standing in the rain with dead Mites all around me. I'm badly hurt, and bleeding heavily, but my werewolf physiology should heal things pretty soon.
"Jess!" Thomas shouts from up on the bookshelf.
I switch to my human form, but I'm still injured and there's not much more I can do. I collapse into the mud, and everything goes black.
When I wake up, it's light and Thomas is sitting next to me. All the fury of my battle with the Mites has gone, replaced by a kind of peace and calm that I've long missed.
"Hey," Thomas says. "How are you feeling?"
I sit up and run my hands over my body. All the injuries seem to have healed, but I still feel kind of rough. "I'm good," I say.
"I thought you were dead," he says. "You were bleeding so badly, and you had such bad injuries, but then I realized you were healing. I sat here and watched as your wounds slowly knitted together and then, finally, healed up completely."
"One of the perks of being a werewolf," I say. "Sorry to give you a fright."
He smiles. "It was strange seeing you in action. You're pretty wild when you're angry." He pauses. "I guess you saved us both. I had no idea you could be so powerful. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you were rather majestic."
"I know it sounds crazy," I say, "but I feel more comfortable when I'm a wolf. I don't have to think so much. When I'm human, I have to think about everything I do. When I'm a wolf, I just follow my instincts."
"I guess that's another good reason you have to leave the library," he says.
I don't know what to say. He's right. Thomas and I are so different, in many ways we're complete opposites. He likes the conformity and thoughtfulness of life in the library, and I like the freedom of being a wolf in the wilderness. It's crazy to think that we could ever have contemplated trying to find a lifestyle that would allow us to be together.
As we start walking, it seems like we've run out of things to talk about. I guess we're both thinking about the fact that we're soon going to be parted forever, and about the fact that fate seems to have made us so different to one another yet also so good together. I don't understand why people can't just fall in love with people who are exactly like them. Instead of a crazy werewolf like Duncan, or a Library dweller like Thomas, why can't I just fall for another werewolf who wants to live in the wild? Life would be so much easier.
Finally, I see the entrance ahead of us. The huge wooden door hasn't changed a bit, still set into the high stone wall, and still with that little bell hanging nearby. Relief is tinged with sadness, because the last time I was here I was with Duncan. I've tried not to dwell too much on the question of what happened to him, but I'm fairly sure he's fine. He's either exploring the library and inspiring more tribes to think he's a god, or he back in the outside world getting on with his life and looking for Excalibur. I doubt he'd have spent the whole of the past year looking for me. He probably thinks that if we're destined to meet again, then we'll meet again, and I suppose that's fine with me. It was stupid of me to think that he and I could ever be together permanently. Besides, I've got myself a husband now! It's so weird; this whole period of time in the library has been like a dream.
"You must go," Thomas says as we reach the gate. "No long goodbyes."
I turn to him. "One last chance to come with me," I say.
He shakes his head. "I belong here, in the library. And you belong out there in the other world. It's how things are meant to be. Let's just be thankful that we had this time together." He steps over to the wall and rings a small bell, and moments later a group of peasants appear from a small doorway.
"You want to go out?" one of the peasants asks wearily.
"Yes," I say.
The peasant sighs and, with his colleagues, starting pushing the huge door open.
"I'll miss you," I say to Thomas. It's hard to believe that I've been in this library for over a year. When Duncan and I arrived, we were just supposed to be here for a day or two, but so much has happened. I got separated from Duncan, I joined a small tribe, I got married... all during a trip to the library.
"I'll miss you too," Thomas says, and we hug. After a moment, the hug becomes a kiss.
"Door's open!" the peasant shouts.
"You should go," Thomas says.
I nod. There's a part of me that really wants to stay. After all, I've no idea where Duncan is, and I don't really have anything to go back to in the other world. But I can't live between the bookshelves. I need to go somewhere wide open and free and wild. I know I'd be unhappy here, and eventually Thomas would get old and die. I can't face seeing that. I'd rather remember him as he is now: young and strong.
"Maybe I'll see you again some time," I say, stepping towards the door.
"Maybe," he replies.
I pause. "And if you happen to ever bump into a strange guy named Duncan, tell him I'm fine without him. Tell him he doesn't have to come looking for me. Tell him... Tell him I'm living the way I want to live, and I'd appreciate it if he would
n't disturb me."
"I'll do that," Thomas says.
"Bye," I say, fighting the urge to rush back over to him. Instead, I turn and walk out through the gate, finally leaving the library after almost a year and a half. I stop and look back. The peasants have already started pulling the door shut, and Thomas and I stare at each other until the door slams close and we're separated forever. Deep down, I know that I'll never see him again. He's where he belongs and, like it or not, I'm where I belong. All that's left for me to do now is switch to my wolf form and make my way to the Scottish Highlands, where I can live as a wolf and never have to worry about my human side again. The great thing about being a wolf is that after a while, your human memories seem to fade to the back of your mind. It's simple. It's uncomplicated. It's like being free.
"About bloody time," says a voice behind me.
I spin around to see Duncan standing a few meters away.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask.
"Waiting for you," he says, sounding slightly annoyed. "Where the hell have you been? I've been sat out here for more than a year!"
"You've been waiting for me?" I say, finding it hard to believe that he could have been just sitting around for so long. "Are you serious?"
"Absolutely," he says. "Well, actually I buggered off a couple of times to do a few things, but I left a note." He holds up a large sword. "Look! Excalibur! What do you think?"
"You found it?" I say, shocked.
"Yeah," he replies, as if it's the most normal thing in the world. "I know I said it didn't exist, but it turns out I was wrong." He frowns. "Weird, that. It wasn't even that hard to locate once I'd looked up the details in the book."
I take a deep breath. "So the quest is over? You've found Excalibur and now we can stop looking for it, right?"
"Yes!" he says. He pauses. "No. Well, kind of. It turns out I shouldn't have found it. Terrible idea. Big mistake. It's absolutely vital that we hide it again."
I stare at him. "We have to hide it?"
"Yes!" he says again. "It's a very dangerous item. I understand now why someone went to all that trouble to try and make sure that people like me wouldn't come along and find it. It was well-hidden, too. It's a miracle I found it. Now we have to find an even better hiding place, because there are lots of very nasty people who'd like to get hold of it and use its power for evil." He admires the sword. "To be honest, if I'd known it was real, I'd never have spent such a long time looking for it. Some things are never meant to be found." He looks up at me. "So where the hell have you been?"
