Mistress Masham's Repose

by T. H. White

  “For such was the secondary Effect of our Visit from the Man Mountain, whose Name, it was later discover’d, had been Culliver or Gulliban. He, Ma’am, Y’r Honour, Miss, unlike Y’r Honour, had made no Efforts to conceal our Whereabouts from the greater World. He had committed the Indiscretion of confiding the Whole of our Oeconomy to the Mariners who convey’d him Home. He had presented a Pair of our Cattle to the Captain of the Ship, the said Captain Biddel; and the Latter, premising the extreme Value of their Fleeces owing to the Fineness of the Wool, had return’d to Lilliput for his next Cargo, without finding any Difficulty in raising the Island, by running down the Latitude.

  “Captain Biddel, Ma’am, according to our Annals, was a Seaman of his Æra and Country, neither better nor worse than others of his Rank. To him, Ma’am, and, I must beg Leave to add with honest Gratitude that we have found no Occasion as yet to notice such a Disposition in Yourself, to him our broken and distrackted People were Creatures not possessed of human Rights, nor shelter’d by the Laws of Nations. Our Cattle were for his Profit, because we could not defend them; our very Persons were an Object of Cupidity, for he had determined to show us in his native Land, as Puppet Shews and Mimes.

  “Ma’am, Y’r Honour, Miss, we fled, such as could still flee, from the Pyratts of his monstrous Vessel. We conceal’d ourselves in Rocks and Woods, breaking off the internecine, fratricidal Strife too late. Our few remaining Herds stampeded, some finding their own Destruction in the Sea, others falling into the Hands of these unprincipled Mariners, who joyfully collected them into Enclosures or Corrales, made from the grog-barrels of their ship. The capital City of Mendendo was ransack’d for the last Time, in Search of Slaves, but, such had been the Desperation of the People, even before the Arrival of Biddel, that only thirteen Refugees were found surviving, and these promptly empanell’d into the Possession of their future Master. Lilliput, Madam, and Blefuscu, ceased at that ill-fated Epocha from their Existence among the Nations of Antiquity.”

  There was a sigh from the listeners when the Schoolmaster had got to this, and he himself looked inquiringly at Maria, as if he were ready to hear some apology. After all, Captain Biddel had been a mountain like her.

  “Was nobody left?” she asked.

  “That, Ma’am, is a Question, which has agitated the Speculations of Lilliput in Exile. Naturally, however, we have no Means by which to reach a Determination. Our Philosophers have hoped, Y’r Honour, perhaps deceived by the delusive Dreams of Hearts which could not wish to be entirely cut off from the remember’d Home of their admired Progenitors, that some small Remnant of our Consanguinity survived, and that perchance, on the old Latitude, there still exists a Lilliput Redivivus, rebuilt, by them, in Splendour suited to the Genius of our Kind.”

  “When I am rich,” she said, “we will buy a yacht, and go to find them. The Professor is making a translation of the Hexameron of Ambrose, which will make his fortune when it is published, and then we will all go together.”

  The People sighed and looked away—they knew nothing about the commercial demand for St. Ambrose—and the Schoolmaster continued his story. (“Fetch the Lock for the Receptacle,” he said to the porters. “We shall have Occasion for it shortly.” Later, when he was talking about the captivity, it was displayed before her—a cheap, pewter lock with an expression which said: Well, you won’t undo me.)

  “The Captives of Mendendo,” said he, “included Flimnap the Treasurer and two Gentlemen of the Rank of Snilpall, beside seven Women and three men. These Persons, the Ancestors of all here present, together with the Flocks and Herds collected by the Pyratts, were taken to the Vessel. Captain Biddel weigh’d Anchor with a favorable Wind; and proceeded for the distant Shores of his own Land, well satisfy’d with future Hopes of Advancement and Prosperity.

  “How miserable, Madam, was the Condition of our Countrymen, cut off from all Recourse to the Cradle of their Fathers, disillusion’d by the long Series of Disasters which had attended the War of Eggs, surrounded by Beings out of all Proportion incompatible with themselves, and convey’d, in an insanitary Box, to the Servitude of a foreign Clime!

  “For Captain Biddel had caused the Ship’s Carpenter to construct a single Receptacle, whose Lock you see, for Man and Beast, in which all together were assembled promiscuously; and there they were kept on a Diet of Ship’s Biscuit crumbled in Water, which had previously been found to answer with the Cattle carried off by Surgeon Gulliban in former Moons.

  “Madam and Y’r Honor, I need not distress your tender Susceptibilities, by describing the Hardships of the Voyage, during which the greater Number of the Cattle were lost of a Murrain, nor even by dwelling upon the Indignities to which our Forbears were subjected, after they had landed on the alien Shore.

  “Captain Biddel made Sale of his Command, anticipating a larger Prosperity from the Exhibition of his Captives among the Fair Grounds of the Kingdom; and, in this Manner, for more than fifteen Moons, the High Treasurer of Lilliput, the two Snilpally, and the eight surviving Commoners, two of whom had died on Passage, were shewn about the Wakes and Ales of Neptune’s Isle.

  “Musical Instruments, Ma’am, which you have heard already, were constructed to the Directions of their Master. The English Language, to them excessively difficult owing to the Inequalities of Pronunciation, was ruthlessly impress’d upon them by the insatiable Avarice of their Proprietor. The ancient Skills of Lilliput, such as Leaping and Creaping, or Dancing upon the Strait Rope, were exploited for the Entertainment of the Vulgar. And all the Performance, for which the miserable Captives were rewarded with no other Guerdon than the Lash, their Tyrant being by then accustom’d to punish Misdemeanors by a Flogging with a Sprig of Heather, was attended by no other Prospect of Amelioration, than the Amelioration of the Grave. Madam, it was under these Conditions that the Exhibits were taught to cry: God save the King! It was under these Conditions, Madam, that the Banner of St. George was flown—a Climax, as we learn, to the Spectacle promoted by the Mariner Biddel.

  “These Facts, Y’r Honor,” continued the Schoolmaster kindly, “are mention’d not from any Thought of Bitterness toward yourself, but merely as a Measure of our own Respect; for we were willing to return your Kindness with any Exhibition calculated to divert the Species.”

  Maria bowed.

  “Captain Biddel,” he went on, “was satisfy’d in his Expectation of Profit. Numerous Crouds were collected on every Fair Ground by the Reputation of his Shew; and the Exertions of the People, constantly urged forward to greater displays of their gymnastick Abilities, soon added a handsome Fortune to their Master’s Pocket. Captain Biddel, Ma’am, insufficiently educated to the Temptations of a comfortable Station, and passing his Time, as he was forced to do, among the Gin Shops of the country Fairs, now grew addicted to the Bottle. Perswaded as he was that our People fear’d his Race too much to seek Escape among them—and indeed, beside the Annoyance of their Breath, our Ancestors were much terrify’d by the vast Faces which crouded about on every Occasion, by the Stink of their Persons and by the bucolick Covetousness which they exhibited—Captain Biddel had grown remiss in locking the Receptacle at Night, particularly on those Nights, now becoming imperceptibly more frequent, during which he had amus’d himself with Licquor.

  “The People, Ma’am, suffer’d, however, in an even greater Measure from their Master’s Tyranny, the more his Constitution was exasperated by the Effects of this Debauchery. The aged Flimnap, forced to perform his dangerous Acrobaticks on the Rope, dreaded an Accident with more Reason every Day. The others, long dejeckted by the Toils of their Performance and by the Menace of the Heather Whip, were accustom’d to consider, more and more anxiously, whether Death itself, if attended by the least Chance of Liberation, might not be preferable to the Miseries of their Condition.

  “It was at this Stage in our History that the Captain was summon’d to the Palace of Malplaquet, in order to demonstrate his Puppets before the Household of the reigning Duke.

  “Captain
Biddel, Ma’am, dined at Northampton on the Night before the Exhibition, with more than customary Indulgence. Proposing to himself a handsome Remuneration from so great a Patron, attended probably by a valued Recommendation to the World of Fashion, he celebrated his Fortune in several Bowls of Grog. Then, calling for his Horse and for a final Bottle as a Vade Mecum, he set out for Malplaquet, where he was to sleep that Night.

  “A Bridge, Ma’am, spans the Torrent, four hundred Blus-trugs to our West, below the Other Sea.”

  “H’m,” said Maria. “That would be the Oriental Bridge, I suppose. It is the one on the Northampton Avenue, at any rate.”

  “It was at this colossal Structure, Madam, or so our Histories relate, that Captain Biddel fell Victim to Intoxication, and dismounted from his Nag to seek the Safety of the Terra Firma, on which he instantly composed himself to Slumber.

  “The People, in their horrid Receptacle, which was strapp’d, as usual, to the Horse’s Crupper, and whose Lock he had omitted to turn, came out upon the Saddle to survey the Night, the Horse meanwhile being content to graze at Ease beside its Owner. It was a moonlit Eve. The Torrent could be plainly seen, issueing from the Other Sea, and all about the Land appear’d deserted. The Resolution to escape was taken on the Spot, all solemnly asseverating their desperate Intention to perish by their own Hands, rather than submit to Capture.

  “Cables were rapidly made fast, the Strait Ropes of their Exhibition proving suitable. The Sheep and Cattle, slung from these, were quickly lower’d to the Ground. And the Receptacle itself, being unstrapp’d with Difficulty, was also taken down. It was the Plan of Flimnap to transport his little World by Sea, until some Refuge on the further Shores could be discover’d.

  “I will not, Madam, tire you further with the Tale of our Migration. Towing the Receptacle against the Stream, the Torrent was surmounted. The quiet Waters of the Other Sea permitted the driven Cattle to be embark’d within it, and all together made their Way by Navigation to the eastern Bank; where, as the Morning dawn’d, the Expedition was conceal’d beneath the overhanging Branches of a prodigious Tree. Some slight Attempts at Search were noticed during the Hours of Daylight from this Refuge, but without Commotion. It was conjectured that the bemus’d Biddel, having been addled since his Setting Out, might not retain the slightest Recollection of his Actions, and might retrace his Steps at least toward the Tavern where he dined, still seeking the Receptacle along his Way. Next Evening, shelter’d by the Darkness, our Ark, as we may call it, having been hoisted with incredible Pains along the Cascade to the Upper Sea, a Scout, who had been sent ahead in Order to survey the Country, return’d with Informations about the secret Island where we have ever since continued, and on which, Y’r Honour, Madam, Miss, you stand today.”

  CHAPTER VIII

  MARIA could not help feeling relieved when the History was over. Her head was buzzing with capital letters, and she secretly thought that it was more fun to ask questions, instead of listening to lectures. She was also doubtful about being called “Ma’am, Y’r Honour, Miss,” knowing that her proper name was Maria, and she was determined to keep the proceedings on a less formal level. The best thing would be to get away with the Schoolmaster, so that they could talk to each other sensibly, instead of being a public meeting.

  On the other hand, she saw at once that there would be a difficulty about exploring with her guide, since even the most versatile human would find it complicated to go for a walk with a person who did not reach much further than her ankle. For one thing, there was the problem of taking steps. One step of hers would have covered about twelve steps of his, so he would have been forced to run very fast, to keep up. But she did not like to suggest the idea of carrying him. There was something babyish about being carried, and she did not want to humiliate him; for she had a certain amount of good taste, in spite of being only ten. She was also afraid of holding him, for fear of squeezing too much, and she guessed that he would be afraid of being dropped.

  Maria had finished her elderberry wine while listening to the History. She now suggested that, if he were going to show her round, he might prefer to stand in the barrel, as seamen do in the crow’s-nest of a man-of-war, while she carried it in her hand. He was delighted with the scheme, which saved him from being mauled by the big fingers, and which left him his dignity. While she washed the barrel in the lake, and dried it with the remains of her handkerchief —not the new one—he dispersed the crowds in a short address, advising them not to stare, and not to get trodden on.

  With the Schoolmaster in the barrel, there was a good deal more to see as they went round the green, and of course there were a number of questions to be asked.

  One of the things which she had not discovered before was the underground rat stable, hidden by a part of the shrubbery.

  No horses had been brought from Lilliput. Gulliver had not troubled to do so, and Captain Biddel had not been able to obtain any, because the final wars had almost destroyed the breed, in cavalry battles. The people of Lilliput in Exile had therefore been forced to turn to the rats of their adopted country, which were used for farm work at harvest times and for carrying urgent messages on the mainland. They were swift, but not stayers, when ridden; for farm work they were strong and intelligent. The Schoolmaster said that they were not vicious when taken young or bred in captivity, that they were cleverer than the other domestic animals, and that they were not dirty when properly groomed. They were fed on the scraps of the community. Several were brought for her inspection, and promenaded in a circle on the lead rein. They were always ridden on short leathers, as jockeys do for flat races nowadays, because of the shortness of their legs.

  She wanted to know about the food of the People: about the way they lived, their enemies and dangers, and about all the other things which her guide insisted on calling Oeconomy.

  One thing which interested her was that they ate a good many insects, and that they kept the green fly, as the ants do, for syrup. The difference was that the ants thought of these creatures as cows, while the Lilliputians thought of them as bees. She did not like the idea of eating insects, at first, but when she remembered that the Professor had told her how a lobster was practically an insect, she began to see that there was not much difference. The Schoolmaster told her that his people used to boil wood lice just as we boil lobsters, and that they turned red when boiled, and gave people bad dreams.

  As for keeping the toy cattle and getting food for five hundred people on the green, she learned that the colony owned a proper frigate as well as the canoes—he was taking her to see it—and that, in this, they carried cows to pasture on the mainland every night. Indeed, the whole life of Lilliput was really a night life—he explained that talking to her in the daytime was like staying up late for them—and they gathered their harvests of Yorkshire Fog or Rye Grass or Cock’s Foot, for flour, by cutting them in the Jubilee Field, under a harvest moon, and bringing them back in the frigate. They also fished at night. In the winter the frigate was used as a whaler, to catch pike, because the winter was the main season for living on fish. This also was done at night.

  The Lilliputians had trappers. These brave men would go off on long treks into the Park, sometimes being away for a moon, and would come back with stores of furs or salted meats. They trapped voles, shrews, mice, and even live rats, but were in constant danger from cats and weasels. Every year, one or two of the bravest hunters failed to return. Many of them had been able to snare rabbits; but then they needed to be in bands, to carry back the meat.

  One of the foods which they valued most was the leg of a frog, which was eaten, like turkey, for Christmas.

  The grass snakes, which are perfectly harmless and beautiful to us, were dangerous to the Lilliputians, because, like boa constrictors, they were inclined to eat any animal the size of a frog, on the rare occasions when they were hungry. On the other hand, they were good to eat themselves.

  In the winter, when times were hard, the trappers sometimes caught wild ducks on t
he lake, by leaving baited hooks firmly secured, and of these they often had mallards, tufted duck, pochard, and teal. The coots and dabchicks gave bad meat. Even in the winter, the difficulty of the season was relieved by the greater length of the nights, which left more time for hunting.

  Maria’s Schoolmaster told her that an interesting experiment had been tried in the lifetime of his father. It had been nothing less than to use the birds of our world as airplanes. A young jackdaw had been found, too young to fly, and had been kept alive with difficulty, on insects and sliced worms. It had grown up tame, though snappish, but had at first refused to fly at all. They had been forced to starve it, and finally to drag it to the top of the cupola, with its wings brailed, and then the man who usually fed it on a lure, as falconers do, had waved the lure energetically from the ground. Finally somebody had pushed it off, and it had flown to be fed. When it had grown accustomed to flight, and had got some power in its wings, a strap had been fitted round the base of each wing, and under and over the breast, and the daring aeronaut had sat on its back for some time every day, gripping the strap, which had loops, like stirrups, for the feet. Of course, it had been kept tethered all the time, except for meals. The aeronaut had been forced to pad himself, as people do who are teaching Alsatians to be police dogs, because it was inclined to peck at him, over its shoulder. In the end, he had flown on it several times, from the top of the cupola, but the experiment had collapsed on the question of navigation. They had found that it was possible to make the bird fly in circles, or to left or right, by means of a bridle in its mouth, if used with a light hand. But they had never discovered a way to make it start flying, or stop flying, when wanted. So all flights on it had been in the nature of balloon ascents, which might come down anywhere, and the enterprise had been dropped.