Why Me? : A Possessive High School Romance (Young Adult Version)

by Silva Hart

  After finishing their chant, she flips forward, twirling in the air until she’s caught. I realize I was holding my breath. She made it look effortless, but learning how to do all of that had to have had its share of mishaps. How many times did she fall from that height during practice? Like boxing, I’m sure they have safety gear. But damn, that was impressive.

  I remember those long, firm legs wrapped around me, that silky hair in my hands, those plump lips on mine. She never seems to get enough. I have to admit I’m looking forward to the next time she wants me.

  “This is so boring,” Anna says. “Want to walk around?”

  I could watch Lexi and her team perform all night but follow Anna down the steps. We go under the bleachers. All the trash is sickening. People are pigs.

  “Can I have a smoke?”

  “Sure.”

  We light up. I remember coming here with some girl more than once. I think her name was Karen Carruthers or Caruso or something like that. I was a freshman and she was a senior. She latched onto me the first week of school and said she had something to show me. She did all right. It was nothing I hadn’t seen before, but then again every girl is different in their own way.

  Anna breaks my reminiscing. “How do people find this so interesting? I guess it would help if I knew the rules or cared about the players or something.”

  “Hey, Dixon.”

  I turn to find Carlton, Grant, and a kid named Roman behind me. I hadn’t heard them over the roar of the crowd.

  “Hey, Anna,” Grant smiles.

  “Hey, you guys having fun?” she asks as if she’s talking to friends.

  “We’re about to have more,” Roman sneers.

  “That’s cool. This game is so boring.”

  “Why are you hanging with Dixon?” Carlton asks as if it’s any of his business.

  She shrugs. That’s it. That’s her response. A shrug. I try not to let it bother me.

  He turns to me. “You owe Grant an apology, Dixon.”

  I take a drag of my cigarette.

  “What for?” Anna asks.

  “Grant apologized to you, right?”

  Anna nods.

  “It’s only fitting that Dixon here apologizes to Grant for punching him and not minding his own business like he should have.”

  Roman circles around behind me. Out of all of them, he’s the biggest. Carlton’s about five nine. Grant’s a couple inches taller but on the wiry side. Roman has some bulk.

  “I can’t hear you, Dixon,” Carlton says, feigning patience.

  I fling my spent butt down and grind the embers into the dirt with my heel. Adrenaline is kicking in but I stay cool and loose.

  Roman grabs me from behind, hooking his arms through mine and pinning them against my back. Now that he thinks I’m secured, Carlton steps closer. “We’re all waiting.”

  “Okay, sure,” I say.

  Surprise flashes across his face and his shoulders relax.

  “There’s a few things I’m sorry about. Grant, I’m sorry you can’t hold your liquor. I’m sorry you don’t know how to treat a girl. And I’m sorry you can’t get laid by someone who’s willing.”

  “Why you …” Grant snarls.

  I drop my weight, forcing Roman to bend forward before stepping to the side, hooking my foot behind his, and snapping forward at the waist. Roman lands in a heap at my feet. I kick him in the ribs then, without hesitating, pivot an upper-cut into Grant’s stomach. He curls over and wretches. In a flash, I snap a left cross into the side of Carlton’s face.

  A security guard shines his flashlight at us. “Hey, come out from under there. You kids aren’t allowed under the bleachers.”

  “Come on,” Anna yells, grabbing my hand.

  Without another glance at the other three, we take off running to the opposite side of the stadium. Once out from under the bleachers, we merge into the milling throng and continue around the field to the away team’s side and out their ticket gate.

  “I don’t understand those guys,” Anna fumes. “One minute they’re all buddy-buddy and super nice and the next they’re total assholes.”

  “No, they’re always total assholes. They just play nice to get in your pants.”

  She snorts.

  “Where do you want to go now?” I’m guessing The Overlook.

  “Just take me home. I’m pretty done with tonight.”

  I sigh. Am I ever going to fully understand her?

  After an uneventful weekend at the gym, I’m back at school. Anna slouches to her desk in homeroom, sits, and lays her head on her arms.

  In the hall, Lexi appears at my side. “So, a little birdie told me you were at the game Friday night, Mr. I-Don’t-Watch-Football.”

  “Who says I was watching football?” I give her a grin that lets her know what I was watching.

  This makes her look so happy, I swear light beams are going to shoot from her eyes Superman-style.

  “You guys were great. You made the stuff you were doing look easy,” I say at the risk of making her burst apart completely.

  “Thanks.” Her smile couldn’t be broader as she floats into her class.

  In the dugout during lunch, Anna says, “I still don’t understand why those guys had to do that Friday night. Everything was fine. Now, it would be awkward to go to Carlton’s again.”

  “You didn’t go there all weekend?”

  She shakes her head. “The only thing I could do to get out of the house all weekend was go on long walks.”

  “You could have called me.”

  She shrugs. “I didn’t have your number.”

  “You want it?”

  “No, that’s okay.”

  My insides twist at the rejection. Who says no to exchanging numbers? Most people who are friends have each other’s numbers. What the hell do I rank as if not even a friend? Am I just a cigarette dispenser to her? Is that it?

  After school, Anna is waiting by the Mustang. I hide my surprise. Once in the seat, she pulls a cigarette out of my pack in the center console and lights it. I chew on the inside of my cheek. If she’s going to take my smokes without asking, the least she can do is light one for me too.

  She stares out the window at the barren trees and concrete landscape. “Everything here is so dingy. In California, it’s open and sunny, everything is bright and clean. I keep trying to reconcile what I’ve seen my whole life with what I see now. Sometimes I’ll catch glimpses of home; the way sunlight reflects off a plate-glass window or flowers blooming in someone’s front yard. But then it goes away. I keep struggling to recapture it …” she trails off, running her hands through her hair. “It’s exhausting, you know?”

  I nod without really knowing. This grungy Philly suburb is the only place I’ve ever known. “Your mom any better?” I ask.

  Anna sighs. “Not really. I mean, she unpacked everything at least. That was her manic phase. Now, she’s just depressed. I can’t stand being around her.”

  “Why did you guys move here anyway?”

  “My mom. She always goes for the wrong type of guys. The last one lasted the longest. He was a doctor and everything she ever wanted. We lived in his huge house in California with a pool and everything. I thought they’d get married. I think she thought so too.”

  She’s quiet for so long, I don’t know if I’ll get the rest of the story. And I want it. Maybe it will give me a clue as to why she acts the way she does.

  She grinds the smoking butt into the ashtray and goes back to gazing out the window. If we’re doing something else, maybe she’ll open up more. She seems comfortable at The Overlook, so I head there. One-Eyed Mike can go an evening without me. Hell, he’ll probably welcome the break from my constant presence.

  After we park, she gets out as usual, as if she can’t stand being confined. She still doesn’t have a coat. Maybe she thinks buying one will commit her to a life here. A breeze has kicked up, but I put my coat around her and stuff my hands into my jeans pockets to ward off the fall air tha
t bites through my t-shirt.

  Chapter 21

  “So what happened with the doctor?” I ask. A cloud passes over her face, and I’m sorry as soon as the words come out of my mouth. “Never mind. You don’t have to talk about it.”

  “No, it’s okay. I thought we were all close. I mean, they were together since I was ten. I thought of him as a dad. Then one day, he came home and said he wanted us to leave. Just like that.”

  “That’s messed up.”

  “It sure as hell messed my mom up. She fainted. It was the weirdest thing. One minute we were standing around the kitchen island talking and then it was like her soul left her body. Her eyes went blank, and she fell backward onto the floor completely stiff. I thought she’d died. It scared the hell out of me.

  “Jesus. I’ve never seen anyone faint before.”

  “Yeah, me neither. Scott knew what to do luckily. But I just stood there staring down at her. I couldn’t move or anything. When I finally could, I bolted out of the house and ran all the way to Connor’s apartment. It was almost two miles. He was hanging out with this Emily chick. She left when I got there. I told him what happened, and he was so sweet about it. He made me dinner. It was really good. I’ll never forget it: spaghetti and salad with Italian dressing. He even made garlic bread.”

  She’s shivering now despite my coat and goes back to the car. I turn it on and crank up the heat.

  “So what happened with Connor?” I’m prying. It’s not like me, but this is Anna. I need to know.

  “After dinner, I told him Mom would probably move us somewhere and I didn’t want to leave him. I love him so much.”

  Her use of present tense isn’t lost on me. My heart sinks to my toes in a thudding mass that vibrates through me. Okay so, yeah, a part of me already knew, but hearing her say it out loud with such intensity is too much.

  “He said I could move in with him. His apartment is cool. He’s twenty-one and in a band. You’d like him.”

  I doubt that.

  “That was Friday night. Scott only gave us the weekend to get our stuff together and get out. Mom didn’t have a job, but she has an aunt who lives here. She called her and here we are.”

  “But why are you here too?” Maybe I didn’t word my question the best, but didn’t she just tell me her boyfriend, the love of her life, had asked her to live with him?

  “Mom dropped me and my stuff off at Connor’s and drove away. I let myself in with my key. And there’s Emily. They were …” She presses both of her fists to her temples. “God, I was so blind. I didn’t even see what was going on. I thought she was just someone who went to his shows and we hung out with every once in a while.”

  “What did Connor do?”

  “He was apologetic. Didn’t think I was coming until later. Typical bullshit. He said that after she found out I was moving in with him, Emily rushed over and told him all about how much she’s always loved him and asked him to give her a chance. Evidently, he did. It must have been good because he chose her over me. Me. His girlfriend of three years.”

  “Three years?”

  “Yeah. So, I dragged all my stuff back outside and called my mom. She came and got me, and now I’m here.”

  We’re silent a few minutes before I ask, “You said you love Connor. What’s that feel like?”

  She gets a dreamy expression. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It’s like a drug, like being totally addicted. Like I want to spend every waking second with him and can’t get enough. When we’re not together, I miss him and think about him constantly. I just want everything good to happen for him. When it does, it makes me feel as if I helped make it happen somehow, like me wishing it so hard for him had something to do with it. It’s the best feeling in the world. Haven’t you ever experienced that? I mean, what is love to you?”

  She’s looking at me as if she’s genuinely expecting an answer, and I don’t want to let her down. But what do I know about love? I’ve never heard Mom and Tony say they love each another. Mom’s never said it to me. And Tony sure as hell hasn’t. “I don’t know. It’s something … special,” I finish lamely, able to repeat only what I’ve heard others say about it. Her eyes flash pity, which forms an unpleasant knot in my chest.

  The light is all but gone now and we gaze over the light-dotted landscape below, each lost in our own thoughts. It’s a hell of a suck-ass story, and I have no idea what to say. I light us each another cigarette and hand one to her before cracking the window.

  “Hey, Dixon,” a shout shatters the peace.

  I glance over my shoulder to find Carlton, Grant, and two others approaching. Shit. What do they want? Getting out, I casually lean against the door and smoke.

  “We’re still waiting for that apology,” Carlton says.

  They form a half-circle around me. Carlton comes forward and tries to peer into the car. I shove him backward and stand in front of the window.

  “You got something to hide, Dixon? You got a girl in there? That’s not Lexi.”

  Carlton is so close, I can smell the bourbon he’s been drinking. I take a drag and blow a stream of smoke into his face, sizing up the three friends. Like Carlton, they’re athletic, built for lacrosse or soccer or some shit like that. They’re not football players. It’s the wiry ones you have to be careful of though.

  “You cheating on Lexi?”

  “She’s not my girlfriend.” God, why does everyone keep thinking that?

  “Yeah? Since when?”

  “Since always.”

  “Well you need to tell her that because she thinks she is.”

  “I’m not responsible for what she thinks.”

  Rage ripples across Carlton’s face and his hands ball into fists. “You kind of are. I’ve seen you making out with her in the hallway. You leading her on?”

  “No.”

  “Sure as hell doesn’t look that way to everyone else.”

  I shrug. What does he want from me?

  “You sleeping with her, Dixon?”

  I give him a smirk. “Sleep? No. I wouldn’t call it that.” It feels good to get one up on golden-boy.

  His face contorts. He gives a guttural cry of frustration and fury and swings at me. I’ve been expecting it and easily duck. His buddies rush me as one.

  I kick one in the side of the knee and am rewarded with the sensation of cartilage giving. He screams and falls to the side, clutching it to his chest. My fist connects with another one’s solar plexus. He staggers back. Fighting for his next breath has suddenly taken priority over fighting me.

  While all of this is happening, I’m trying to dodge Carlton’s frenzied punches. He lands a few but nothing I’m not used to taking. Grant steps back after seeing what I did to the other two so quickly. I lose sight of him as Carlton continues to pummel me.

  Now that I can turn my full attention to Carlton, I pivot a hook into his ribs, rotate a cross punch under his left eye, then shift, bend my knees, and blast a powerful upper-cut to his chin. His head snaps back. I know he sees stars.

  A sharp kick catches me in the ribs and sends me flying into the Mustang. God, it hurts. I turn. Grant has a rock in his hand and swings it at my head. I try to duck but Galloway tackles me from behind, wrapping his arms around me to hold me in place. It’s only for an instant, but that’s all Grant needs to slam the rock into my temple.

  Anna screams from inside the car. The two boys turn toward her. No! I struggle to reach for the car, but my vision fades to black as my body meets asphalt.

  “Jett?” Anna’s sobs sound as if I’m lying in the bottom of a well and she’s calling down to me from high above. “Jett? Say something? Can you hear me? Wake up.”

  Her hands caress my cheek then give my shoulder a shake, but I can’t open my eyes. I want to tell her it’s okay, but my mouth won’t work. Darkness.

  I come to and slowly open my eyes to find Anna huddled in a ball next to me. She has to be freezing. Even with my coat she’s draped over me, I still feel as if rigor mor
tis is setting in.

  “Hey,” I say, my tongue thick in my mouth. “Are you okay? Did they do anything to you?” Energy surges through me at the idea something might have happened to her.

  Her tear-streaked face raises, and she kneels over me. “Jett, oh thank God you’re awake. I’m fine. They tried, but I locked the doors before they could get in. Can you move?”

  I raise my head, but the stars overhead start spinning and nausea grips me. Rolling to my side, I vomit. The smell of sour stomach bile fills the air. I’m embarrassed. How many times does Anna need to see me get my ass kicked?

  She hands me a half-full bottle of water. I take a swig, swish, and spit before drinking the rest. The water refreshes me, making it so I can at least move my stiff limbs. Anna helps me stand. My legs have never been this unsteady. With my head still spinning from the vicious blow to my skull, I stagger to the car. Assholes. Trust them to fight dirty in a pinch. I would have won too.

  “Let me drive,” she says.

  That sounds like a damn fine idea. I throw her the keys. She starts the car, and I crank the heat, blowing into my frozen fists to warm them.

  “Where am I going?” she asks.

  “You know where One-Eyed Mike’s is?”

  “The place where you fought before?”

  “Yeah.”

  She nods and starts the car. I lean back and close my eyes.

  At the gym, I let myself in with the key One-Eyed Mike gave me and flip the lights on. Anna walks behind me to the room where my cot is. I like that she doesn’t try to help me and doesn’t ask any questions when she sees how I’m living.

  Dropping my jacket to the floor, I gingerly peel my shirt off. The effort sends the room whirling, and I collapse onto the cot. Now that she’s sure I need her, Anna steps in and removes my shoes and socks before unfastening my jeans and pulling them off. She pulls the blankets over me then, when she sees I’m still shivering, lays my coat over me too.