The Arc of Love
Page 37
Russell, B. 1930. The conquest of happiness. London: Routledge, 2006.
————. 1968. Autobiography of Bertrand Russell: 1872–World War I. New York: Bantam.
Saad, G., and T. Gill. 2014. The framing effect when evaluating prospective mates: An adaptationist perspective. Evolution and Human Behavior 35:184–92.
Schneider, J. P., R. Weiss, and C. Samenow. 2012. Is it really cheating? Understanding the emotional reactions and clinical treatment of spouses and partners affected by cybersex infidelity. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity 19:123–39.
Schwartz, B. 2004. The paradox of choice. New York: HarperCollins.
Scitovsky, T. 1976. The joyless economy. New York: Oxford University Press.
Scruton, R. 1986. Sexual desire. London: Weidenfeld and Nicolson.
————. 1997. The aesthetics of music. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
————. 2011. Beauty: A very short introduction. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Shavit, O., A. Ben-Zeev, and I. Doron. 2017. Love between couples living with Alzheimer’s disease: Narratives of spouse care-givers, Ageing & Society, 1–30.
Shaw, G. B. 1952. Don Juan in hell. New York: Dodd, Mead.
Sheff, E. 2014. The polyamorists next door. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.
Sherman, N. 1993. The virtues of common pursuit. Philosophy and Phenomenological Research 53:277–99.
Shulman, S., R. Tuval-Mashiach, E. Levran, and S. Anbar. 2006. Conflict resolution patterns and longevity of adolescent romantic couples: A 2-year follow-up study. Journal of Adolescence 29:575–88.
Simon, H. A. 1979. Rational decision making in business organizations. American Economic Review 69:493–513.
Sloman, S. A. 1996. The empirical case for two systems of reasoning. Psychological Bulletin 119:3–22.
Smith, R. H., and S. H. Kim. 2007. Comprehending envy. Psychological Bulletin 133:46–64.
Sobel, A. 1990. The structure of love. New Haven: Yale University Press.
Solomon, R. 1988. About love. New York: Simon and Schuster.
————. 1990. Love. New York: Prometheus Books.
Spinoza, B. (1677) 1985. Ethics. In E. Curley (ed.), The collected works of Spinoza. Princeton: Princeton University Press.
Sprecher, S. 1999. “I love you more today than yesterday”: Romantic partners’ perceptions of changes in love and related affect over time. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 76:46–53.
Sprecher, S., M. Schmeeckle, and D. Felmlee. 2006. The principle of least interest: Inequality in emotional involvement. Journal of Family Issues 27:1255–80.
Stafford, L. 2005. Maintaining long-distance and cross-residential relationships. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
Stanley, S. M., G. K. Rhoades, and H. J. Markman. 2006. Sliding vs. deciding: Inertia and the premarital cohabitation effect. Family Relations 55:499–509.
Sudo, P. T. 2000. Zen sex: The way of making love. San Francisco: Harper.
Sumter, S. R., L. Vandenbosch, and L. Ligtenberg. 2017. Love me Tinder: Untangling emerging adults’ motivations for using the dating application Tinder. Telematics and Informatics 34:67–78.
Sunnafrank, M., and A. Ramirez. 2004. At first sight: Persistent relational effects of get-acquainted conversations, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 21:361–79.
Suzuki, S. 1970. Zen mind, beginner’s mind. New York: Weatherhill.
Taylor, C. (1985) 2017. The concept of a person. In Ben-Ze’ ev and Krebs 2017, 1:42–56.
Thaler, R. H., and C. R. Sunstein. 2009. Nudge. Penguin Books.
Thayer, R. E. 1996. The origin of everyday moods. New York: Oxford University Press.
Thomas, M. L., et al. 2016. Paradoxical trend for improvement in mental health with aging. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry 77:e1019–e1025.
Toulmin, S. (1981) 2017. The tyranny of principles. In Ben-Ze’ ev and Krebs 2017, 3:76–92.
Valdesolo, P., and D. DeSteno. 2011. Synchrony and the social tuning of compassion. Emotion 11:262–66.
Valdesolo, P., J. Ouyang, and D. DeSteno. 2010. The rhythm of joint action: Synchrony promotes cooperative ability. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 46:693–95.
Velleman, J. D. 1999. Love as a moral emotion. Ethics 109:338–74.
Watson, D., E. C. Klohnen, A. Casillas, E. Nus Simms, J. Haig, and D. S. Berry. 2004. Match makers and deal breakers: Analyses of assortative mating in newlywed couples. Journal of Personality 72:1029–68.
Wentland, J. J., and E. D. Reissing. 2011. Taking casual sex not too casually: Exploring definitions of casual sexual relationships. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality 20:75–91.
Whelan, C. B. 2006. Why smart men marry smart women. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Whillans, A. V., E. W. Dunn, G. M. Sandstrom, S. S. Dickerson, and K. M. Madden. 2016. Is spending money on others good for your heart? Health Psychology 35:574–83.
Wiltermuth, S. S., and C. Heath. 2009. Synchrony and cooperation. Psychological Science 20:1–5.
Wood, J., S. Desmarais, T. Burleigh, and R. Milhausen. 2018. Reasons for sex and relational outcomes in consensually nonmonogamous and monogamous relationships: A self-determination theory approach. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 35:632–54.
Yee, N. 2014. The Proteus paradox. New Haven: Yale University Press.
Index
Acevedo, Bianca, 4, 245n6
Ackerman, Joshua M., 250n15
actualization, degree of, 92
addiction, 39, 43–44, 58, 111, 150–52, 155–56, 162, 177–79, 185, 188
adultery, 162, 205, 207, 214–15
affective attitudes and states, 21–22, 231
affective time, 20
afterglow, 180–81, 188
Agnew, Christopher R., 248n23
Ajzen, Icek, 246n15
Alder, Shannon L., 131
alternative, availability of, 18, 74, 99–100, 110–11, 115–17, 153, 185, 193, 224, 236
Alzheimer’s disease, 172, 198–99
ambivalence, 23, 25, 65, 90, 208
Amichai-Hamburger, Yair, 251n26
Amodio, David M., 245n12
Anapol, Deborah, 251n7
Anderson, Jared R., 248n9
anger, 20–21, 23, 103, 159, 173–74
Angier, Tom, 252n1
Anglo-Saxon tradition, 205–6
Anouilh, Jean, 9
Apple, Fiona, 96
Ariely, Dan, 223, 252n3
Aristotle, 2, 28, 46, 53–54, 62, 101, 146, 154, 167, 247n7, 247n29, 252n1; eudaimonia, 27, 221–22; hedone, 27
Armenta, Christina N., 247n14
Arnett, Jeffrey Jensen, 245n3
Aron, Arthur, 173, 250n10, 252n19
Aron, Elaine, 222, 252n2
arousal, 181; continuum, 231; transfer, 173–74
attachment theory, 252n15
attractiveness, 7, 32–41, 49, 65–66, 94, 99, 103, 111–13, 117, 134–35, 137, 173, 180–81, 224
Auden, Wystan Hugh, 78, 104
Austen, Jane, 17
autonomy, 47, 49, 63, 96, 106–7, 131, 135, 157, 171, 225, 229
Averill, James R., 252n17
backup mates, 93–95
Bailey, Philip James, 221
Baker, Levi R., 249n4
balance, 16–17, 28, 31, 41, 43, 48–49, 56, 62–63, 67–68, 81, 86, 114, 129, 154, 166–67, 178–79, 200, 220–21, 223, 229–31, 235–39, 243
Ball, Lucille, 133
Bardot, Brigitte, 43, 126
Barelds, Dick P. H., 250n8
Barelds-Dijkstra, Pieternel, 250n8
Barker, Meg-John, 251n10
Bar-Nadav, Ofri, 196, 251n8
Bauman, Zygmunt, 248n9, 249n3
Baumeister, Roy F., 83–84, 245n4, 246n10, 246n18, 247n3, 247n4, 248n1, 248n2, 248n3, 252n6
Beatles, 9, 14, 83
beauty, 6, 34–37, 49, 51, 78, 118
Beauvoir, Simone de, 172, 203
Becker, Gary S., 250n5
Beckett, Samuel, 49
&n
bsp; Beedie, Christopher, 246n8
Bee Gees, 144
behavioral complexity, 23, 25
belonging, 10, 82–84, 106, 178, 187, 197
Benjamin, Le, 248n23
Ben-Ze’ev, Avinoam, 85, 237
Ben-Ze’ev, Yehuda, 230
Bergen, Karla Mason, 227, 252n5, 252n7
Berggren, Niclas, 246n5
Bergman, Ingrid, 16
Berscheid, Ellen, 245n4, 246n10
Biermann, Wolf, 206
Binstock, Georgina, 248n7, 249n25, 252n18
Birditt, Kira S., 245n8, 248n9, 248n10, 251n6
Birnbaum, Gurit, 42, 60, 246n16, 246n17, 247n20, 247n21, 247n22
Bishop, Stephen, 30
Blake, William, 160
Bogaert, Anthony F., 251n11
Boyle, Paul J., 249n26
Bradsell, June, 88
Brand, Russell, 202
Bratslavsky, Ellen, 245n4, 246n10
Brel, Jacques, 235
Brewis, Alexandra, 245n4
bringing out the best, 13, 56–57, 62, 90, 96, 132, 137–38, 143
Brodsky, Archie, 156, 250n14
Brogaard, Berit, 171, 247n19, 250n7
Brothers, Joyce, 232
Brown, H. Jackson, Jr., 17, 249n3
Brown, John Mason, 179
Browning, Elizabeth Barrett, 53, 126
Bruch, Elizabeth E., 249n31
Bruckner, Pascal, 85, 248n6
Brunning, Luke, 246n10, 251n6, 251n14
Buber, Martin, 46, 247n23
Buddha, 209
Bush, George W., 141
Buss, David, 4, 93, 245n4, 248n18, 248n19
Byrne, Donn, 248n8
Cacioppo, John T., 251n23
Cacioppo, Stephanie, 246n10
Caine, Rachel, 11
Calderón de la Barca, Pedro, 150
Call, Vaughn, 245n4
calmness, 11, 15, 72–73, 79–80, 121, 162, 190–91, 200, 218, 220, 225, 230–33, 238–39, 242
Campbell, Joseph, 237
Cannarella, Rich, 154
care model, 32, 45, 47–49, 60–61, 64, 82, 199
Carmichael, Cheryl L., 251n2
Carstensen, Laura, 8, 192–93, 245n17, 251n3, 251n4, 251n5, 251n6
Castro, Fidel, 156
Chan, Micaela Y., 251n13
Chanel, Coco, 83
change, 2–3, 5–8, 13, 15, 17–19, 21, 28, 30, 33, 40–41, 50, 55–58, 63–65, 68, 74–75, 77, 96, 98, 107, 111, 116, 128, 147–48, 151, 173, 177, 184–87, 190–92, 195–96, 198, 200–201, 203, 207, 211, 224–25, 232, 235–36
Charles, Ray, 70
Charles, Susan T., 251n5, 251n6
checklist, 131–33, 136, 138, 143
Chekhov, Anton, 50
Cho, Margaret, 99
choosing a partner, 91, 100, 106, 108, 117, 126, 131–43, 154
Churchill, Winston, 32, 181
Cialdini, Robert, B., 252n17
Ciardi, John, 192
Cicero, 62
Cicero, Roger, 34–35
Clanton, Gordon, 250n2
Clark, Jean Illsley, 214
Clark, Margaret, 59–61, 247n19, 247n23
Clarke, John Cooper, 115
closeness, 47, 51, 178, 220, 225–30
Coburn, William J., 247n24
Cocker, Joe, 34
Cohen, Leonard, 12
Cole, Nat King, 65, 111
commitment, 6, 14, 38, 60, 62, 84, 91–94, 99–100, 107, 111–12, 149, 157–58, 161–62, 164, 167, 182, 185, 207, 209, 227
commuter marriage, 226–28
companionate love, 4, 106, 162, 193
compassion, 73, 90, 115, 172, 198, 214
compatibility, 48–49, 91, 96, 99, 134, 137
compersion, 215–19
complement, 57, 61–62, 131, 182, 186, 208, 234
complexity, 23–27, 30, 40, 68, 88, 90–92, 112, 142, 151, 208–9, 212, 237–38
conflict, 2, 10, 13, 31–32, 43–44, 49, 58, 69–70, 79–80, 97, 112–14, 116–17, 128, 154, 169–70, 184, 191, 193–94, 196, 208, 215, 223, 225, 227
Confucius, 50, 122–23
Conley, Terri, D., 251n11
Conroy, Pat, 157
consistency, 50, 64–66, 69, 164, 171, 191, 238
Coolidge, Calvin, 5–6
Coolidge Effect, 6
cooling-off behaviors, “in-due-course” policy and “playing hard to get,” 79–80
Coombs, Robert H., 248n2
Coontz, Stephanie, 85, 248n5
Croce, Jim, 70
Crosby, Stills & Nash, 115
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly, 247n10
Cuppy, Will, 204
curiosity, 146–48; window-shopping, 94–95, 149–50, 162
Curtis, Chris, 4
cybersex, 181–92
cyberspace, 135–36, 146, 181–92
dancing, 22, 24, 53, 61, 121, 151
Dangerfield, Rodney, 38, 91, 163, 174
Danovich, Tove K., 251n17
Day, Lisa C., 250n4
death, 3, 5, 43, 75, 106–7, 172, 180, 190, 192, 194–99
Deitz, Bibi, 167, 250n3
deliberative thinking, 53, 63, 97–98, 138
del Mar Salinas-Jiménez, M., 246n24
dementia, 198–200
de Rabutin, Roger, 229
Deresiewicz, William, 186–87, 251n25
Deri, Jillian, 251n7
de Sousa, Ronnie, 246n15, 247n19, 252n21
DeSteno, David A., 247n18, 252n20
development, 16, 20–22, 29–31, 41–43, 47–48, 50, 55–58, 60, 68, 71, 78, 85, 90, 92, 96–97, 106, 113, 129, 138, 143, 151–52, 155–57, 161, 166–67, 191, 198, 210, 220–21, 223, 242
Dew, Jeffrey, 250n6
dialogue model, 45–49, 60, 84, 126, 198–99
Diamond, Lisa M., 251n14
Diana, Princess, 10
Diener, Ed, 29, 246n21, 251n13
Diller, Phyllis, 51
Diogenes the Cynic, 177
Dion, Celine, 65
dispositional, 17, 21–22, 30, 71, 157
dissatisfaction, 14, 28–31, 63, 112, 145, 153–54, 212, 223, 234
distance, 35, 58, 77, 79, 158, 185, 188, 220, 225–30, 238
diversity, 8, 23–30, 92, 130, 136, 190, 201, 203–4, 208, 219–20, 237–39
Drifters, 121
drifting, 96–101, 107, 167
Drigotas, Stephen M., 247n15
Dubin, Al, 224
Dushku, Eliza, 34
Dutton, Donald, 173, 250n10
Dwyer, Ryan J., 247n28
Dylan, Bob, 96
Eagles, 111
Eastwick, Paul, 129, 249n4
eating, 39, 80, 176–79, 184, 188, 240
effort, 9, 43, 74, 79, 95, 98, 105–6, 109, 116, 168, 185, 194, 196, 210, 214, 225–26, 232, 237–38
egalitarianism, 102, 123
Einstein, Albert, 201
Ellison, Christopher G., 247n27
Elster, Jon, 44, 247n18
emotional characteristics and concerns: acute emotions, 17–21, 30, 38, 43, 55–56, 98, 159; emotional intelligence, 26, 43; enduring emotions, 6, 17, 20–22, 30; expanded emotions, 17, 20–21
Empedocles, 62
envy, 82, 101–4, 107, 170, 201, 214–16, 219
Ephron, Nora, 33
Epstein, Brian, 14
equality/inequality, 10, 45, 47–48, 63, 82, 84, 101–7, 112, 115
equity theory, 103
Esch, Tobias, 245n18
Etcoff, Nancy, 33, 246n2
Evans, Elizabeth, 89
excitement, 15–16, 39, 77, 83, 92, 111, 120–21, 147, 173, 175, 181, 184, 188, 190–92, 200, 225, 230–32, 238–39, 242
exclusivity, 38–39, 44–45, 66, 100, 108, 179, 182–88, 196–97, 204–6, 212, 218–19, 234, 237–38
ex-lovers, 70, 73–78, 121, 236
extramarital affairs, 3, 25, 39–40, 67, 93, 103, 107, 118, 120–21, 131, 138, 148, 178, 181, 185, 194, 199, 204–6, 215–19, 227
eyes, significance of, 16, 35, 51, 68, 89, 121, 133, 135, 224, 230–31, 240
familiarity, 2, 4–7, 23, 33, 40–41, 57, 77, 89, 98, 111, 129, 191, 203, 231
fantasy, 33, 75, 93, 111, 182, 213
Faulkner, William, 74
Finkel, Eli, 85, 87, 137, 245n4, 245n7, 245n12, 247n16, 248n7, 248n8, 248n11, 250n13, 250n14, 250n16
Fisher, Helen, 147, 201, 250n4
Flaubert, Gustave, 3, 110
Fletcher, Garth, 224, 252n4
flexibility, 86, 111, 183–84, 201, 203–4, 220, 235–36, 238–39
flirting, 64, 94, 145, 150
Floyd, Kory, 251n16
Foreigner, 146
forgiveness, 73, 198
Forste, Renata, 249n15
Francis of Assisi, 169
Frank, Robert H., 249n1
Frankfurt, Harry, 247n20, 249n3, 249n17; doctrine of sufficiency, 123
Franklin, Benjamin, 133
Frederick, Shane, 246n20
Fredrickson, Barbara, 210, 247n24, 247n29, 251n8
Freud, Sigmund, 64
Friedan, Betty, 180
friendship, 3, 16, 24, 101, 113, 158–59, 164–65, 193, 200, 223, 233; and sex, 38–41, 49, 93; value, compared with romantic love, 237–38
friendship with benefits, 140–41, 163–65, 186–87, 202–3
Frijda, N. H., 246n1, 246n6, 246n7, 246n16, 246n20
Fromm, Erich, 45, 247n21
Frost, Robert, 110
Fugère, Madeleine A., 246n1
Fuller, Thomas, 122
Furtak, Rick Anthony, 246n9
fusion, 3, 45, 84, 225, 239
Gable, Clark, 47
Gabor, Zsa Zsa, 49, 86, 91, 130
Galinsky, Adam D., 249n13
Gaver, William W., 246n11
Gayle, Crystal, 93, 233
generosity, sexual, 169–73, 188, 211, 250
Gerstel, Naomi, 252n6
Gibran, Kahlil, 225
Gigerenzer, Gerd, 133, 248n20, 249n6
Gilbert, Daniel T., 245n14, 246n22
Gill, Tripat, 247n5
Gillibrand, Kirsten, 58
Gilovich, Thomas, 245n15
Girme, Yuthika U., 247n2, 247n26
Glasgow, Ellen, 55
globalization, 183, 235
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von, 222
good-enough partner, 11, 13, 85–87, 108–9, 111, 117, 122–25, 152–53, 221
Goodin, Robert, 116, 249n9
Gordon, A., 249n7
Gore, Lesley, 82
Gottlieb, Lori, 136, 250n11
Gottman, John M., 52, 128, 247n5, 249n2, 249n8
Goussinsky, Ruhama, 245n2, 246n17, 248n12, 248n34, 251n3, 251n7
Granovetter, Mark, 237
gratification, 71, 77, 79, 117, 167, 221
gratitude, 73, 115