Hard Times in Happilyeverafter

by W Kangas

  In time, the snakes, all fifty or there about, fell to the onslaught with the new defenders of the magical stream the victors. They came at ease and wanted new directions from their new chief, Alisia, who was just pretending to be her mother.

  “I have some news for you,” she said. “This cave was their breeding ground. If you touch the soil, you will see how warm it is. That tells me something important; that there are eggs all beneath us in this warm ground. If you look at the sediment in a circle over there, you will see how the cave is heated. A hot spot in the earth is heating water in a chamber that blows out this vent as a geyser. I would bet the eggs are a certain distance from the geyser to hatch them properly. I’m sorry to say there are probably thousands in this ground below us.”

  “How would we find the eggs?” asked the spiders, feeling hungry.

  “I would guess the soil would be cultivated and much less packed where the eggs are located. Walk around and look for loose soil.”

  The spiders checked the soil and found where the soil had been worked. They dug down below the surface and there were the orbs in the hundreds, if not thousands.

  “If I had to decide, I would get the spiders to make this room their new home and use the eggs and hatchlings for food until they are no more,” said Alisia.

  “It is a comfortable temperature,” said the lead spider.

  “There is one more thing. You will have to explore every inch of the catacombs to make sure they are not also nesting somewhere else.”

  “If I were the lead spider, I would make an alliance with the potbellies to help patrol these caves. Maybe the potbellies could live by the warm stream in peace with the spiders. When the eggs run out, there are plenty of giant bugs down here.”

  “And what will happen to you, Alisia?” asked the Whatyoucallit Beast.

  “I will have to go home and back to school.”

  “It all sounds like a good plan, but you didn’t mention us,” said Whistle Head.

  “I think we can get the townspeople to adopt you and use your great skills to build things they need. You will be in great demand and some of the most popular people who live up there.”

  “I like this plan,” said Whistle Head. “Will you speak for us, Alisia?”

  “I will, if you all promise to always control your tempers.”

  “We promise,” said the Whatyoucallit.

  “I must have a meeting with the spiders and the potbellies before we leave this labyrinth. I owe you all a chance to live in peace for what you have done down here. Can you get all the spiders down to this room, spider leader?”

  “I can and quickly if you please.”

  “I do please and thank you.”

  They took off with great speed while Alisia and the half-baked cartoons stood their ground.

  “We need to go see what happened to the nuts who were down here with us and blocked the stream,” said Whistle Head.

  “Why don’t you go, Whistle Head, and leave the Whatyoucallit and me to watch the cave?” suggested Alisia, still pretending to be her mother.

  “Okay,” said Whistle Head. “I know you need some protection if more of them show, so I will go by myself.”

  “I’m hoping we have dealt with all of them, but this maze down here could easily hide many. I think they fertilize their own eggs with the heads seeming to be of different sexes, so one could overpopulate the whole cave again in a year.”

  “We’ll get them,” said the spiders.

  “I’m going to find the rest of my people” said Whistle Head. “Be safe.”

  “If you can bring the Hatter, Ducker, the potbellies, and the dragonette, we can have a proper meeting and see what will happen to the catacombs. When we get this sorted out, it will be time for me to go home,” said Alisia.

  “We don’t want you to go, Alisia,” said Whatyoucallit. “We just can’t get a fair deal from the village people.”

  “I don’t think you tried the right way, because they are pretty forgiving up there. Don’t worry. I will help you get things right before I leave. This meeting should help a lot.”

  Suddenly, a great sound of rushing animals set fear in Alisia’s heart. The beast got prepared for an attack from the hall outside the room. They watched the geyser come rushing to the surface and blow hot water all over the area where the eggs were. They jumped back from the water that cooled quite a bit by flowing through the air in the cave.

  “Wow, that sounded like an army coming after us,” said Alisia. Then there was another sound that was different, but just as frightening, and twenty hatchlings started making their way out of the loose soil. “The geyser must make them transfer to their final stage,” said Alisia. “Smite them, Whatyoucallit, before some of them get past us.”

  They were glad they stayed behind to watch the cave. It was going to be hard enough hunting down those already in the cave.

  They waited some more, with Alisia starving for a good meal. As she fell asleep sitting on a rock, the spiders entered the cave, followed by the potbellies. And soon thereafter, the dragonette flew to the entrance and walked inside the cave carrying her son.

  Alisia suddenly became aware that she was running the meeting and was definitely on the spot. She was a young girl who was far from a deep thinker yet and still playing with kid things not long ago, like making sandcastles on the beach.

  She thought for a second and decided she would fake being like her mother again. She kind of knew what was needed down deep in these caves and thought she would just present it like it was fact. She hoped she could pull it off, and everyone could live happily ever after.

  “If everybody is here, I want to start this meeting,” said Alisia. “The first thing I want to say is you have to work together and quit eating one another. This magical stream is important to the whole planet. If you protect it, you will gain many of the things needed for a comfortable life—warmth and light, which then promotes life and things you like to eat. But there are many properties that I can’t describe and one of them is that it promotes health.

  “The people in the valley depend on it, and if you decide you want to cut the water off to them, you will be in turn destroying the stream for yourself. The main thing is you must get along with your friends here. Look around you! We are the ones who saved the magical stream, so you must protect one another. Don’t forget the magic fish, and don’t even think about eating them. They provide a service to the stream we can’t fully understand. I will tell the people of the valley that it is forbidden to eat the magic fish anymore.”

  She paused and looked at her friends.

  “I think the spiders should control this room and eat the hatchlings when they crawl to the surface. They are the only group powerful enough to control them. Remember, spiders, you can’t get lax and let some get past you.”

  The spiders liked the idea and were squeaking with happiness.

  “I think the potbellies should guard the stream in the room where it glows. Don’t let anything happen to it. Keep all foreign things out of the water, and please listen to the fish. They know what will hurt it.”

  She turned to speak to a different group.

  “Hatter, I will speak for you in the valley along with the half-baked cartoons. I won’t let them know you were instrumental in shutting the stream down. And I should think you would keep that under your hat, because they won’t trust you if you mention it.”

  Alisia looked at the spiders.

  “Spiders, I hope you haven’t marinated the humans hanging from the ceiling in your old quarters.”

  “No, we listened to you and decided you were right to warn us about drinking them. We will cut them down and give them back their things,” said the spider leader.

  “Are they still alive?”

  “Yes, we made sure of that,” said the spider leader. “The alien dance you showed us saved many lives, and we are grateful. Not to mention the way you regulated the battlefield.”

  Alisia asked, “Can you live without
eating the potbellies, spider leader?”

  “It will be taboo for us to eat a potbelly from now on. They have helped us, and we have a newfound appreciation for them.”

  “Potbelly leader, can you live close to the spiders and help them patrol these caves?”

  “If they quit eating us, we will gladly help patrol the catacombs.”

  “Will you live on the banks of the magical stream and protect it?”

  “We will joyfully live there,” said the potbelly leader.

  “It will be up to you to keep the peace among your groups so the stream stays alive. Yes, I said alive and that is what the magic fish told me; the stream is alive. It will nurture you, if you cherish it and be good to one another.”

  Alisia stopped smiling and got serious.

  “These tridents are evil. There is no other word that describes them. I do think they are some kind of alien beings that look to destroy our kind. If you think you can live with them, be prepared to lose everything you have. I am going to begin my journey home soon and it is up to you to be fair, unlike the tridents. There are probably thousands of eggs buried under this soil. I hope you spiders can eat well for a long time.

  “To you, dragonette, who almost gave your life for the cause, if you can be allies with these creatures in this room, you will gain protection and an easier life. You will always know that the spiders and the potbellies appreciate you.”

  “I will keep that motto,” said the dragonette.

  “And lastly, I thank you all for helping me. We had to stand together against almost impossible odds, and we made it. Spider leader, please give us a safe journey and send a troop with us to cut down the humans.”

  Alisia hoped she had covered everything, at least she thought she had, and the magic water should flow for everyone throughout time.

  The nuts were quite awake and shaped themselves into a boat and motor to get the party through the lake. Alisia knew the nuts could help build things in the valley and would be most important to break the monotony.

  They were headed toward the exit to the cave but had to stop at the spider’s den for the humans. When they got there, spiders climbed the walls, cutting the spider thread that held them to the ceiling and down they were lowered.

  With their jaws, the spiders cut the threads that wrapped the humans. Edna and Dobson struggled to move.

  “Can you talk?” asked Alisia.

  “Yes, but we are so very weak. Please ask the spiders if we can have our packs. There is food in them, and we haven’t eaten for a long time.”

  Alisia made some spider squeaks she had heard many times, and the spiders all stopped and looked at her. She didn’t know what the squeaks meant but it got their attention. “Can these people have their packs?” Alisia asked the spiders in English.

  Their packs were carried back to them, and Dobson said, “We’ve been doing our best to keep each other alive, just in case someone came to save us. Are you a spider girl?”

  “No, I speak for the spiders, but I work for the people of the valley. I have come to take you to the valley and maybe you can tell me your story on the way. How in the world did you ever make it here and what were you planning?”

  “I might as well tell you we were trying to steal a water supply. I saw what it did for Star and her mother, and we wanted to be young again, so much so that we couldn’t think of anything else. When the spiders wrapped us, we didn’t have much hope. I guess we’ll be treated like criminals and punished in some way when we get to the valley.”

  “Just who is Star?”

  “She’s a movie star, and I was her servant. I saw the water make her young and overheard where the water came from. We were getting to the end of our lives and wanted to push the reset button.”

  “I think your boss is trapped in the valley as you are.”

  “She’s not going to like this story,” said Dobson.

  “I don’t know what will happen to you,” said Alisia, “but I heard there is no way back to the outside world. The path and cave were destroyed by the citizens to keep people out of the valley. You will probably be here for the rest of your lives and that could be a long time. Don’t think that it is all so wonderful, because the people in the valley are suffering from boredom. Just think of the same thing happening day after day with no real change.”

  “I see your point, but at least the water will take away the pain of arthritis, and my wife and I have some pain. Edna was once a bombshell, and I’d do anything to see her like that again.”

  Dobson tried to stand but found moving was not something he could readily do. Alisia asked the nuts if they could turn into wagons and carry them all to the surface. It was soon done, with the nuts changing shape a few times to better care for the weak humans. Dobson and Edna opened their packs and took out crackers and started eating like they had never eaten before.

  “Do you have something for me? I haven’t eaten for as long as you, I’m thinking,” said Alisia.

  “Here,” said Dobson handing her a package of fig bars.

  “How are you going to explain this to your boss? I guess I really don’t have to, seeing how we’re all here for good. I know she would like me to still be her servant, but how could she pay me? Her money is probably no good here.”

  “Edna, I have a question for you. How did you decide to come here? You don’t look like the adventurous type.”

  “Look at this flabby skin and that should tell you,” said Edna, holding up her arm.

  “We’re all going to get that way,” said Alisia.

  “Yes, but you’re never ready for it to happen,” said Edna.

  When they reached the surface, the air was cool but not cold. “The stream is warming the air,” said Alisia. “It was getting cold when I went under the mountain but now it feels good. Where is everybody?”

  No one was there to greet them, but no one knew they were coming out when they did. As they got close to the fountain, they noticed a multitude of citizens in festive good spirits as they danced to the cartoon trio of Betty Boop, Bullwinkle as the bass singer and Pepé Le Pew as the lead male. Mona Lisa soon joined in, and the sound was magical with her deep female voice added.

  When the crowd saw Alisia coming, they stopped what they were doing and circled her. They started clapping and many kissed her on her cheeks. Alisia thought it felt funny being kissed by a cartoon.

  “How did you start the water in the fountain?” one of the Old Woman’s kids asked, who now looked young and healthy again.

  “I crawled into the belly of the beast.” Of course, she didn’t elaborate but just smiled. It was such a drastic thing to do that she still hadn’t come to terms with the feeling she had inside the snake’s digestive tract.

  “Who are these people you have with you?” asked some of the citizens.

  “They came out of the caves with me to help you here in the valley,” said Alisia.

  Star saw Dobson and his wife and stepped forward, saying, “You got the path closed just in time, citizens. You would have been overrun by now. This man was my servant back at my house and saw what the water could do. He must have pretended not to be interested. What will you do with them?”

  “Into the dungeon with their worthless hides,” said Quick Draw McGraw, “and take the Hatter and half-baked cartoons with them.”

  “Some of them will become our new citizens,” said Humpty, looking seriously at Quick Draw.

  Alisia said, “I have to tell you about my experience, just in case there is a problem in the future and to help those that have helped you. In the caverns live a colony of very large poisonous spiders. Without them, I couldn’t have gotten it done. They helped attack the young tridents, which are three-headed snakes.

  “These tridents lay thousands of eggs in a room where a geyser warms the soil. Every time it erupts, a certain number of hatchlings crawl out of the soil and look for food. The spiders are down there controlling them right now. The thing is, these snakes grow fast, and if they become adu
lts, they’re almost impossible to defeat.

  “I tricked the one that was making all the eggs by letting it swallow me whole. I had a very sharp knife in my pocket and when it pushed me past its heart, I cut its heart in half with my knife. I had to save the valley and that was the only way.

  “I was also helped by a couple of potbellied lizards. One was eaten and one I saved by letting the snake swallow me instead. It was a chance I had to take but couldn’t quite bring myself to do it until it cornered my good friend, Ducker, the potbellied lizard. I bargained with the Trident and could see it wanted me more than Ducker. By saving Ducker, it forced my plan into action and luckily for me it agreed to swallow me whole instead of biting me with the poison.

  “There is a dragonette down in the grottos that gave her life for the cause but was revived by the magic water. If you are to wander down there, you should mention my name and this will give you safe passage.

  “Now, for their excellent help, the half-baked cartoons are wanting to be part of the valley society. They were instrumental in defeating the juvenile tridents that numbered in the thousands. The nuts are great at building and want to start by plowing up some pickleball courts. Nuts are builders not crazies.

  “Whistle Head wants to help them and has promised to be kind and gentle. All that he and the Whatyoucallit Beast want is a chance. They could bring you lots of recreation and things wouldn’t be so boring. The Hatter I know has been in trouble with you before, but it’s lonely down in the caverns. He would like to supervise the half-baked cartoons and make many improvements for all.

  “There is something very important that you must stick to and that is not eating the magic fish. If you do, it could kill the magical stream. And I do mean kill it, because it is alive.”

  A hush went over all the citizens of Happilyeverafter.

  “But I am thinking the actresses can come up with a party food for all of you. I would like to say my fairy godmother stayed with me as long as she could, but alas she had to leave. So, thank the fairies for all they do to help us and always be kind to them. I could not have succeeded without Bella.

  “That is pretty much what I wanted to say before I return to my home. I’m hoping that Peter Pan is not far and could take me sometime today. I long to see my family. I forgot to mention the fuzzy slippers that helped me stay warm deep in the cave. They like to ride on your skin and keep warm but in doing so they keep you warm. Just tell them to stay off your face and they will do so.