Big Chance Cowboy

by Teri Anne Stanley

  He banged his fist against his head again. “So we’re in the living room fighting, and I picked up the damned coffee table and threw it against the wall.”

  Adam couldn’t breathe.

  Jake sat with both hands over his mouth, listening.

  Zimmerman’s voice broke. “The table crashed into the wall, where the TV is. And the TV fell and broke, and everyone was screaming and crying… Shelley said maybe I should go somewhere I’d be out of everyone’s misery.” With that, Zimmerman put his head against his knees and sobbed.

  Adam rubbed his hands over his face, wishing he knew what to do to help this damaged soul.

  A snuffling, scratching sound drew Adam’s attention, and he turned to look at Jake, who had drawn a puppy out of the tote bag he’d insisted on bringing with him. He put the little guy on Zimmerman’s lap.

  After a moment, Zimm looked up and tried to understand what was happening. He wiped his eyes as the little dog clambered around and put his paws on Zimm’s chest. Zimmerman smiled hesitantly and lifted the puppy to peer into its face. Garth—Adam was pretty sure it was Garth—licked Zimmerman’s face with enthusiasm.

  Within a couple of minutes, both Zimm and the puppy were asleep.

  Adam looked at Jake, who shrugged innocently. “I don’t know how it got in there, Sar’nt.”

  Adam snorted.

  Jake grinned, and pretty soon, they were shushing each other as they cracked up, trying not to wake up Zimm or alert the nursing staff.

  Once they had both regained their composure, Jake said, “They’re both sleeping kind of nice together, aren’t they?”

  “Yeah,” Adam said. “I guess we can sit here a little longer until one of them wakes up.”

  “Or we get evicted,” Jake said.

  The bout of euphoria brought about by the laughing fit was squashed by the weight of everything Adam was carrying around with him.

  He carried a financial burden for his granddad’s care and his sister—whether she wanted him to or not, he was going to help her. He felt responsible for his friends’ physical and mental conditions. Even if he hadn’t intentionally—even neglectfully—missed that bomb, even if it had been a complete freak incident, Adam had been the man with the detection dog. The one everyone trusted to clear a room. They were all taught that they had to be able to count on the soldier next to them.

  Then there were all those dogs. As he and Jake were turning from the ranch onto Wild Wager Road on the way to the hospital, Adam could have sworn he saw a black-and-white-spotted something move through the brush. With his luck, there’d be another damned dog on his front porch when they got home tonight.

  And then there was Lizzie. Who was so smart and funny and beautiful and caring. And for some crazy reason, she loved Adam. He wanted to deny it, had tried like hell to convince her and himself it wasn’t happening, but there it was. And damn it, since he was exhausted and without defenses, he’d admit it. He loved her, too.

  As though he were following Adam’s train of thought, Jake, in his incomparable, straightforward style, said, “I wish I knew what was going to happen after you sell the ranch.”

  Adam sighed. “Jake, you don’t know what’ll happen in the future no matter what.”

  “Maybe, but I really like it here. I like doing all the work and taking care of the dogs. I feel…okay with you and Marcus.”

  “Really? You must be hard up if you like hanging out with me.”

  “Sometimes you’re even fun,” Jake told him, then grinned.

  “Jake, you’re gonna be okay. You’re getting better all the time, right?”

  “I don’t know, Sar’nt. It’s like…I’m not a real person anymore. I say shit I shouldn’t say, and I get lost. I’m like…Forrest Gump without Jenny.”

  Adam snorted. “Well, you’ve got a great Lieutenant Dan in Marcus Talbott.”

  “Yeah, like he wants to babysit me for the rest of our lives.” Jake shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I should let my parents find me some place to stay where I can’t cause trouble. I don’t think I could even get a job right now.”

  Adam’s heart clenched. No. Jake couldn’t give up. What did he say he looked forward to? Working at the ranch. Taking care of the dogs. Being part of a team.

  Adam waited to feel the weight from that realization press him down, but either he was at maximum capacity or something had changed. It occurred to him that he’d been planning to give up, too. He thought taking care of those to-do items would fulfill his duties, and then he could float through the rest of his life in a way that no one would give a shit, untethered, going with the flow.

  But these people he insisted on feeling responsible for—what would happen if they were no longer in his life or he in theirs? A strong, stubborn part of him wanted to believe that he was more expendable than Jake—and more blame-worthy. But he realized they were all part of one big crazy team, all working together to keep one another’s heads above water.

  Jake, Talbott, Emma, Granddad, even Clint and Zimmerman. D-Day—the dog who made it possible for him to manage everyday activities, for crying out loud. And God help him, Lizzie. Most of all, Lizzie, who loved him, even as she saw everything ugly inside him—and made him look, too.

  Well, damn. This clarity thing was painful.

  Adam had enlisted in the U.S. Army because he wanted to train dogs to find terrorists, because he knew how to work with dogs and wanted to get better at it.

  Because he wanted to do something that mattered.

  After his first deployment, his goals shifted, and his sole purpose was to keep the soldier next to him alive. He thought he’d failed on that last mission, but for the first time, he understood that he’d done his job. He’d kept a hell of a lot of soldiers alive, on a lot of missions. And now he had a chance to keep them alive, here in Big Chance, with his messed-up family and broken-down brotherhood. It might not be perfect, but it was a home and a family nonetheless. A team. He had people who could need him, if he’d let them. A purpose, if he’d accept the call.

  A future appeared in his mind’s eye—fuzzy in parts, but the first few miles of the road visible. A lightness started to dawn within him as a plan took shape.

  He got to his feet. “Jake, slide that pup away from Zimmerman. Let’s head home. There’s something I need to do.”

  Within minutes, they were in Adam’s truck, and a few more things had become clear. “Hey, Jake, what if I told you that I could get you a job for as long as you wanted it?”

  A spark bloomed in Jake’s eyes for the briefest moment before it fizzled and his expression fogged over. “Don’t mess with me, okay?”

  “I’m not messing with you.” Adam began to talk.

  Reluctantly, Jake listened. “I’m not sure I can—”

  “Yes, you can. And we’re all gonna be there to make sure, because we’ve still got one another’s backs, right?”

  Jake blew out a breath and ran a hand over his head, barely even hesitating over his scar. Finally, he nodded.

  “Great.” They’d reached the ranch, and Adam jumped out and jogged to the house, calling to D-Day as he went. “Put on your nice collar,” he told his dog. “We’ve got a mission.”

  Chapter 36

  “Thanks, Mom,” Lizzie said and shoved the last of her toiletries into the zipper bag, ready to head home. “It’s just until I can get my own place.”

  “I still don’t want a dog, but I understand it’s not up to me whether you choose to have an animal as a significant other or not.”

  “Um, I’m not sure ‘significant other’ is the term I’d choose,” Lizzie said, although she fully expected to use Loretta to fill the Adam-shaped hole in her heart.

  Mom waved her hand dismissively. “You know what I mean. Companion, life partner, whatever.”

  “Well, anyway, I think you and Loretta will get along fine.�
� Lizzie had decided that the pit bull was coming home with her, as soon as those puppies were old enough to find new homes. When Adam left, he’d take D-Day with him, Marcus would keep Patton, and the puppies would be easy to re-home. Jake would surely take one. But poor Loretta, so afraid of everyone, needed a family who understood her, and Lizzie wanted to provide that.

  “Are you ready to leave?” Mom asked. “I do wish they’d keep you overnight,” she said for the eleventeenth time.

  “I’m glad they’re letting me go tonight,” Lizzie said. Again.

  “Okay, I’ll go down and watch for your dad.”

  Lizzie thanked the nurses for taking care of her and gingerly moved to the wheelchair a nursing assistant brought. Her feet still hurt like hell, so she’d be moving slowly for a few days at least.

  “Let’s hit it,” she told the assistant, who pushed her toward the elevators.

  She planned to go to her room at her parents’ house, crawl under the covers with a laptop and the Netflix password, and stay there for a long time. Like until Adam left town, so she wouldn’t have to run into him.

  She’d be okay. She really would. She’d started over when she’d come back to Big Chance, and this broken heart thing was just a tiny blip. She had plenty to keep her occupied. She would throw herself into the Mill Creek project. Learn to make sushi. She’d buy a used guitar on eBay and teach herself protest songs.

  “Did you say your mom and dad were meeting you here?” the assistant asked her when they approached the automatic doors.

  “Yes. They’ve got a big blue Buick. Aren’t they—” She broke off when she saw the vehicle idling at the curb.

  It was not a Buick. There was a big, white pickup truck parked at the curb, with a long, tall cowboy leaning against it. He seemed to be staring through the glass doors, but his eyes were shadowed beneath the brim of an old cowboy hat. His arms, crossed over his chest, strained the sleeves of his black-and-gold T-shirt, and his boots were dusty.

  How was this happening? She hadn’t even started her Adam-free life, and she was off the wagon. He was probably here to pick up his granddad or Zimmerman. She made a mental note to write a letter to the hospital staff suggesting staggered release times so patients could avoid running into former lovers.

  The doors slid open, and Lizzie pretended not to notice Adam as she peered off to the side, looking for her parents. Mom and Dad were nowhere to be seen, and the well-lit parking lot was nearly deserted.

  “Are you sure this is the right exit?” she asked the assistant.

  “Mm-hmm.”

  Her wheelchair stopped right in front of two long legs. Looked like this interaction wasn’t avoidable. Looking up—way up—she met Adam’s eyes. “What brings you here?” she asked.

  “I came to see you.” His gaze suggested that he had things to say to her, but what hadn’t already been said?

  “Don’t you have things to do? Like pack for parts unknown?”

  He shook his head. “Not right this minute.”

  No, of course not. She hadn’t even brokered the sale of the ranch with Rob Chance, and she didn’t have anything in writing about Mill Creek farm. She was going to have a tough time instituting her Adam-abstinence plan.

  “Can you give us a minute?” he asked the nursing assistant, who moved around the wheelchair to look at Lizzie with a questioning glance.

  “I’m fine,” Lizzie assured her. “Thank you.”

  The doors opened and closed with a whoosh, and then it was just Lizzie, Adam, and a few thousand flying insects trying to commit suicide by light bulb.

  Adam watched Lizzie with an intense focus that made her shift uncomfortably.

  “What are you looking at me for?”

  “I like to look at you,” he said.

  “Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” she told him.

  “The real thing’s better.”

  She rolled her eyes. “That’s going to suck for you in a few weeks.”

  “God, I hope not,” he said.

  That stung. A lot. She took a deep breath, channeling the anticrying anger gods, and said, “Listen. I’m at a distinct disadvantage here. I’m tired, my feet hurt, and my parents don’t seem to be here to drive me home. Oh. And I got my heart broken today. Can you tell me what you want?”

  He blew out a breath. “This shit’s not easy for me, you know?”

  “No. I don’t. Because you’re not telling me.”

  He smiled then. “You’re amazing.”

  She tried to ignore the nice little wiggle that went through her soul, because it didn’t matter how amazing she was, she needed to not be another brick in the burden that Adam insisted carrying around.

  “Fine.” He uncrossed his arms, shoved his hands in his pockets, pulled them out again, finally rested them on his lean hips, and said, “Today was nuts.”

  “To say the least.”

  “And I still had a lot of time to think. Usually, that’s not a good thing.”

  “Usually?”

  He shrugged. “I guess it depends. I got out of bed this morning with every intention of doing the right thing. You know, help Emma with Granddad, find out about selling the ranch, try to talk to Jake and Talbott about their plans, maybe teach D-Day to fold laundry.”

  At the sound of his name, a black head appeared over the side of the truck bed.

  “Hey, D-Day,” Lizzie said.

  “Shhh,” Adam said. “Not yet.”

  D-Day’s head disappeared again.

  “Anyway, the point is,” Adam continued, “I try to do the right thing most of the time. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work out.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up about today,” Lizzie said. “You did do the right thing. It’s not your fault that everything went wonky. It turned out mostly okay, right?”

  “That’s what I’m trying to say. I do try to do the right thing, but stuff doesn’t always work out.”

  At her blank look, he went on, “After we got blown up, everyone said it wasn’t my fault. Emma says it’s not my fault that Granddad’s a challenge, and whatever went wrong with Todd wasn’t my problem.”

  If he was going to tell her, again, how he was responsible for fixing everything, she was going to scream.

  Instead, he said, “For some reason, I think I finally got that today.”

  Lizzie felt a smile break out. Her heart was still leaking all over the place, but she was glad Adam had found a little closure.

  “But that’s not all,” he said. “I’m responsible for everyone I care about.”

  Okay, maybe the It’s not your fault lesson hadn’t sunk in.

  “I don’t want to add to that burden you feel,” she said.

  “Understood.” He nodded as if to himself. “But here’s the thing. The more people I care about, the more people I’m responsible for, the more people who are on my team. They’re also responsible for me.”

  “Whoa,” Lizzie said, absorbing this line of thinking. “That’s kind of deep.”

  “Right?” He outright laughed now. “I see now that Emma needs me—my help with Granddad—more than she needs money. And I’ve got a chance—a big one, if you’ll forgive the pun—to do something good here for my guys. Something I know how to do, and something they can help me with.”

  She felt her mouth tilt up at the corners. “What, exactly, do you have in mind?”

  “Well, I seem to have a ranch full of army veteran, wannabe cowboy dog trainers.”

  “That’s quite a job title. ‘Army veteran wannabe cowboy dog trainers.’”

  “Yeah, I might leave the ‘wannabe’ part off after a few weeks. They seem to be settling in fairly well. Not sure I’m ready to turn them loose with any steers or horses, though.”

  “Especially since you don’t have any. Maybe let them practice on dogs?”

&
nbsp; “Something like that. We got lucky, and a few good dogs found us. That doesn’t happen much. But there are a million dogs out there who need homes. A lot of them get ditched because they have simple-to-fix behavior problems, and some of them just get thrown out for no good reason. We can take some of them in, rehabilitate the ones who need work. Some might be able to work as service animals or emotional support dogs or therapy dogs to serve other vets. Hell, we can even have the guys come out and stay for a while, do some of the basic training themselves.”

  “Basic training. You are punny.”

  “And you’re beautiful,” he said, leaning over to kiss her.

  “Oh.” She pulled back, startled. “What was that for?”

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I guess I left something out.”

  She just looked at him, at his strong, lean jaw, at the deep blue eyes, so full of emotion. How could she have ever thought he was remote? Or maybe he’d just managed to open up recently. With her.

  “I’m sticking around for another reason. There’s this girl I kinda have a crush on.”

  “A crush?”

  “I met her a while ago, and I think she was into me, but it wasn’t the right time. Then I ran into her again, and at first, I still didn’t think it was a good time, but now I’m reevaluating my options.”

  “You are?” She crossed her arms.

  “Yeah.”

  Adam crouched in front of Lizzie. “Listen, I know you’re going to be really busy with your job and the Mill Creek park, but I wanted to ask you—”

  “Okay.”

  He raised that eyebrow again. “Okay? You don’t even know what I’m going to ask.”

  “I don’t really care,” she laughed. “If it’s you and me, I’m in.”

  “Damn, I love you,” he said.

  “Oh.” Lizzie’s heart, which had felt so empty a little bit ago, was overflowing now. She was short of breath and feeling flushed.

  “Ah, hell,” Adam said, looking at her with concern, taking her hand in his. “Are you okay? Are you having more heat exhaustion?”