All I Want For Autumn

by Clare Lydon

  “You know, sometimes I wonder if anything I’ve said to you about people ever sinks into your brain.”

  “I’m not sure I like your tone.”

  She ignored his warning, despite the fact she could see the mist forming in his eyes. This was something that had to be said. “We’re in a people-business, Gordon — I’m not sure if you know that. We butter up clients, we butter up individuals, our job is to make sure that everyone’s happy — our corporate clients and the people we place there. If they’re happy, our business thrives and that should make you happy. But you seem far from happy, and I’m not sure I or anyone else is ever going to change that.

  “You’re driven, but not in a good way. You’re trampling over people to achieve your goals, their goals be damned. But the thing is, you’re hurting yourself by stamping on the people who can make it happen for you. Treat me well and I’ll work harder for you. If I treat my staff well and reward them, they want to stay and do more for me. It’s a really simple equation, but one you’ve failed to grasp.”

  Gordon stood up, his cheeks burning red, his eyes watery. His face looked like a kettle about to boil. “How dare you question my methods.”

  But if Gordon was about to boil, so was Holly. She needed to get this out in the open. “They need to be questioned. You’re a bully, plain and simple.”

  Their argument was turning heads outside Gordon’s office: Holly wasn’t surprised, they weren’t holding back and her voice was the most raised it’d been in her entire time working there. Gordon had driven her to the edge of her patience and was just about to push her over the top.

  “My methods work: productivity is up 50 per cent—”

  “—yes, and you’re still not happy!”

  “Why would I be? There’s always more to get, more to go after, always more to achieve. People will thank me in the long run when they get their bonuses, when we’re the top office in the capital, when other recruiters are clamouring for their signature to drive their business to the same heights.” Gordon’s face was contorted now and he was jabbing his index finger in her direction. “You’ve got so much potential, but you let your accident get in your way. You’ve showed yourself to be lacking in character ever since.”

  Holly spluttered: she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Gordon, my accident wasn’t something I planned and it didn’t just ‘get in my way’. I nearly died! I was in hospital for over a week and my body’s still not quite right. Getting about is still an issue, you causing me stress like this is making my body dance with pain.” Holly was standing now: if he wanted to trade verbal blows, she could give as good as she got, pain be damned. Even though she wasn’t sure her physio would agree.

  “You know, you’re an idiot who doesn’t realise the staff he has. I’m the one who’s picking up the pieces of the shit-storm you create and despite all of that, yes, we’re still outperforming last month. But it’s not thanks to you or your methods. You just need to trust me and them more.” Holly jabbed a finger back at him, and it seemed to be doing the trick.

  For once, Gordon was mute, stunned into silence, hands on hips.

  “If that’s not forthcoming, you can expect a mutiny on your hands, and good luck servicing all these clients you’re bringing in with nobody to take them out, schmooze them, see to their needs and mop up your mess.”

  Gordon sat down, glaring at her, and Holly followed suit. They locked eyes, both determined to get their own way and have the last word.

  Gordon was silent for another ten seconds, thinking it over in his mind. “Fine,” he said, finally. “But I’m not going to stop pushing you, to demand more. But I will take into consideration what you said.” He picked up a pen and twirled it in his fingers. “But if this accident means you can’t work as hard as you did, let me know. I only need people on my team who’re in 100 per cent. You understand what I’m saying?”

  Holly closed her eyes and shook her head: he was too absurd. “You know, you’re lucky I am on crutches, because if I wasn’t, I may well have stormed out of here by now.”

  Chapter 10

  Tori was walking home from the tube when Trudi called. Together with her girlfriend Shauna, Trudi had started a lesbian dating app called Babe Magnet and it’d really taken off in the last three months. They’d been featured in some London press, and their profile was beginning to explode.

  “Hey,” she said, putting the phone to her ear and wondering for the umpteenth time where she’d put her headphones. “What’s up?”

  “Everything is up!” Trudi’s voice bounced down the line and nearly bowled Tori over — so much so, she stopped in her tracks.

  “Don’t tell me something’s happened to you — I can’t take any more bad news.”

  “No, this is good news. Can I come over to yours? I just finished a meeting with some investors.” Trudi was squeaking now as she spoke.

  “Sure. Holly’s home and I’ll be there in five.”

  “Perfect, see you soon.”

  ***

  Tori opened the front door and braced herself: she was never sure which Holly she was going to come home to these days. ‘Grab-life-and-live-it Holly’, or ‘slumped-and-demoralised Holly’. In their life pre-accident, it was Tori who was the hot-headed, moody one and Holly who was the level-headed person who sorted everything out. But times had changed, and Tori was reluctantly adapting. But the truth was, she would give anything to get the old Holly back, to get back to normal.

  “Hi honey, I’m home!” she shouted, as she threw her keys on the shelf by the door and strolled into the living room. Holly was sat on the sofa, leg up, laptop perched on her lap, Valentine by her side. She looked up when Tori walked in and grinned: that was a positive sign. She’d lost weight since the accident, despite her lack of movement. Holly was just one of those people who never seemed to put on weight, no matter what. Still, Tori wasn’t complaining: it just made her chiselled features that much more attractive.

  Her libido perked up, but she pushed it down. She was still waiting for Holly’s libido to come back to life, even after the fixator had been removed.

  “How was physio?”

  Holly nodded. “Frustrating as usual, but apparently, I’m progressing at a faster rate than normal, not that you’d know it. But Mike was happy.”

  Tori leaned forward and kissed Holly on the lips. “Well if Mike’s happy and my girlfriend’s nearly happy, then I’m over the moon.” Tori was slowly learning it was going to take more time to heal mentally than physically.

  “I’m just looking up some exercises to do at home — I found this site by a physio who had a similar leg break.”

  The buzzer sounding interrupted their chat, and Tori dumped her bag by the sofa and ran to answer it. A few seconds later, Trudi followed her back into the room, her features set to stunned. Something had gone down and Tori was dying to find out what it was.

  “How are you? It must be a relief now your leg’s out of that contraption!” Trudi walked over to give Holly a hug.

  “You’ve no idea,” Holly replied.

  “Tori tells me you’re back at work full-time. You look great, too — much better than even a few weeks ago.”

  “Probably because I don’t have a hunk of metal sticking out of my leg.” Holly smiled at Trudi, moving her laptop as their guest sat down beside her. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?”

  “I was in the area for a meeting and wanted to come and share my very exciting news with you — because you guys have been part of Babe Magnet since the start.” Trudi was beaming from ear to ear and her excitement was infectious.

  “Go on then, fill us in,” Tori said, joining them on their L-shaped sofa. “You wouldn’t tell me on the phone and the suspense is killing me!”

  Trudi flexed her shoulders before clapping her hands together. “The meeting I had today was with some big investors — they really like the idea of Babe Magnet and they think it’s got huge potential. Worldwide potential. I showed them the figu
res so far for the UK and they were more than impressed.” She paused to make sure she had their attention. “So I went to meet with them at their London offices — their headquarters are in San Francisco, obviously.”

  “Obviously,” Tori said.

  “And they want to invest — we’re talking big investment. We’re talking Shauna and I giving up our jobs and moving to San Francisco.” Trudi put her hands to her head, shaking it as if she still couldn’t believe what she was saying. “And it looks like this really is happening — we got the green light today — just an hour ago. They’re prepared to back us for way more than we originally thought. We get to put together our own team and make this fly — really give it a shot.”

  “Wow — that’s incredible!” Tori threw her arms around Trudi, who still looked dazed. Tori didn’t blame her. Having your idea taken up and your life explode beyond your wildest dreams would be a lot to take in for anyone.

  “It really is,” Trudi said, untangling herself. “Brighton Pride was huge for us in terms of visibility and the fillip we got with downloads after that weekend really saw us take off. Couple that with all the gay press who’ve been covering us, and it’s getting bigger by the day.” She paused again, her eyes getting wider by the second. “And I haven’t even told you the best bit yet — we’ve made the tech section of the Guardian tomorrow, and the Times at the weekend. They’re going to carry an interview with me and Shauna — these investors have a PR company and they’ve put them to work.”

  “What! That’s amazing!” Tori was shaking her head. “Stuff like this happens in magazines, not to people we know!”

  “You guys worked so hard, you deserve it,” Holly said, shifting on the sofa to give Trudi a hug. “And does Shauna know?”

  Trudi nodded. “I called her straight after — she was too busy at work this afternoon and neither of us thought stuff would escalate so quickly, so I said I’d take the meeting on my own. I thought they just wanted to quiz me some more about the business plan.” Trudi shook her head again. “But if I’d known what was about to happen, I would have dragged her with me. Can you believe it?”

  “I can’t,” Tori said.

  “Someone believes in our idea and believes in us to execute it. My dream was to make Babe Magnet the biggest lesbian dating app on the planet and now we’ve got a chance to make it happen.”

  “I’m so thrilled for you,” Tori said. “We should celebrate!” She jumped up and opened the fridge, but all that was in there was some cheese, butter and a couple of yoghurts. “But we don’t have anything to celebrate with,” she added, turning to face the pair, grinning. “Shall we go out? What are your plans?”

  “Shauna’s meeting me closer to home — she’s already on her way. But we’re free at the weekend if you want to meet then?”

  Tori swallowed down her disappointment and nodded, not wanting to take the shine off Trudi’s moment. Before the accident, they’d have jumped on the tube and gone out with Shauna and Trudi. But Holly still didn’t want any big journeys that weren’t necessary, so that was a no-go.

  “We’d love that,” she replied.

  “And this could mean fame for you, too,” Trudi said to Holly. “Remember, you’re going to be the face of Babe Magnet? We can get some photoshoots set up now, get your face all over London and the world before you know it.”

  Alarm crossed Holly’s face, quickly followed by a shake of the head. “I agreed to that drunkenly in Brighton — a lot’s changed since then. I’m not sure I’m in the right frame of mind to be the face of anything.”

  Trudi patted her good leg. “Think about it, don’t say no straight away. You’d be paid, and we’d love to have you.”

  Holly nodded uncomfortably. “I don’t think I’ll change my mind, but sure.”

  They celebrated with a cup of tea, Holly more muted than the others. When it was time to go, Trudi hugged Holly, and Tori walked her to the door.

  “Be sure to call us about the weekend, okay?” Trudi said, squeezing Tori’s upper arm. Then she stopped and chewed on the inside of her cheek. “And you know, I wasn’t sure I should say this today or not, but we’re going to need a marketing person with digital savvy, and that person could be you. You’d absolutely be my first choice. So think about it, let me talk it over with Shauna and we’ll talk when we have the offer cemented.”

  “Are you serious?” Tori didn’t know what to say. She loved her job working with Sal, but to work on a lesbian dating app right from the get-go would be everything she loved about working in digital marketing and so much more. And to work with her friends? This really was a dream job, there for the taking.

  “I am — you’ve done a brilliant job for no money so far. It’d just depend on whether you’d be willing to come to San Francisco for a while, because that’s where the job would probably be.” Trudi winced as she said it. “And of course, you’d have to talk it through with Holly.”

  Tori’s stomach plummeted, as she went from fizzing excitement to edge-of-the-cliff despair in less than a minute. This was exactly what they didn’t need with Holly still trying to get back on her feet, literally and metaphorically — yet she knew this was the opportunity of a lifetime. She just wasn’t sure that Holly would agree.

  Trudi clearly noticed the gamut of emotions crossing Tori’s face, and she gave her another hug. “Nothing’s definite yet, but I think it will be. Think about it, talk it over with Holly and I’ll call you.”

  Tori nodded as she waved at her friend and closed the front door with a final click.

  Talking things over with Holly used to be easy.

  Not any more.

  Chapter 11

  Trudi and Shauna’s win only made Holly more determined than ever to get her life back on track, even if her goal wasn’t quite as lofty as theirs. Gordon had left her alone since their run-in, skirting round her in the office and avoiding her at the coffee machine. Word of their heated discussion had circulated the office and Holly was now held in even higher regard by her entire team, which cheered her no end. She was still weighing up whether or not to go to her big boss about Gordon’s over-the-top tactics, but telling tales had never been Holly’s style. If she had an issue, she generally sorted it out herself.

  But work was one thing — getting out and using her body was quite another. Plus, she and Tori still hadn’t made love, and even though it was her doing, she felt the loss acutely. Sex had always been a key factor in their relationship, and now it was gone, she wasn’t quite sure how to reinstate it. How would her injuries feel if she had an orgasm — would it disrupt her muscle healing? She knew she was probably making excuses, but the longer it went on, the more difficult it was to turn around.

  Another big aspect of Holly’s physical journey had been to set herself a physical goal — and she’d decided that goal was to climb their hill in the park. The hill where they’d spent their afternoons talking as teenagers; discussing what the hell they were going to do with their lives as uni graduates; and the hill where Tori had revealed her plan to find a girlfriend last Christmas.

  And now here they were, in the park, at the foot of the hill which rose up over London. Holly had avoided any big physical exertions because her muscles weren’t ready yet, and she hadn’t been planning to climb to the top today. But now, it somehow seemed important, like this was a summit she had to scale to mark the next stage of her recovery.

  And after that, sex was the next natural milestone.

  “I’ve changed my mind,” Holly said. Her chest filled with determination as she leaned on her crutches, standing on her right leg. The doctors had been amazed that hadn’t been broken in the crash, too, but somehow it had survived.

  “About what?”

  “The hill — I want to climb it.”

  Tori gave her a look she normally reserved for her mother. “Sweetheart, I love your verve, but can I remind you you’re still on crutches and I don’t like your chances of getting up the hill, much less getting back down the other side.”<
br />
  Holly’s heart sagged. “You don’t think I can do it?”

  Tori shook her head. “No, I just don’t think it’s wise. You’re just getting back into walking but you still can’t do it for more than a five-minute stretch. Climbing a hill, even a small one, would be stupid and might set you back.”

  But Holly was all set on the idea now. “It’s been over three months since my surgery. Surely my bones should be able to take a little struggle?” She smiled at Tori, even though her leg was protesting already, but if she told Tori that, she’d never agree to her plan. “Besides, I’m a dab-hand on these crutches now, you said so yourself.”

  “I did, and I want you to stay that way, not be a crumpled mess on the floor as you trip and tumble down London’s gravel.”

  “I won’t do that, you’ll see.” She indicated left with her head as she gripped the handles of her crutches and set off at a pace. However, as soon as Holly reached the bottom, she knew it was a mistake. Her gusto had brought her to the bottom, but only sheer bloody-mindedness and stupidity would take her to the top. Her muscles hadn’t been strong enough ten minutes ago, and they certainly weren’t any different now.

  Still, she took a step and swung her good leg, feeling the jar as she landed on the ground again.

  Another swing, same result.

  Another, same.

  Holly glanced up, an aching coursing through her. The top was still too far away and the physical reminder of how far she still had to go was like a slap in the face. She slumped on her crutches and bent forward, catching her breath. She was winded, not looking up.

  “You don’t have to prove you’re Wonder Woman, you know,” Tori told her, as if reading her mind. “I already happen to think you’re pretty damn cool.”