All I Want For Autumn

by Clare Lydon

  It sounded suspiciously like Gordon was lapping up the credit for all the hard work she’d done over the past few weeks. But that couldn’t be right — he’d had her in to congratulate her this week, why would he do that? She scanned down the congratulatory reply from her boss, Tim, who asked who else in particular had contributed so he might thank them personally.

  ‘Holly has helped out, but she’s been recovering from her injury and so hasn’t been as hands-on with this one, being out of the office for a great deal of time. This was more me getting my hands dirty, really showing I’m a team player.’

  A flush of fury rattled through Holly, so much so she felt her ears tingle. It was already spilling over and down her body, the molten lava of the wronged, red hot to the touch.

  How dare he! After everything he’d said about working together, now this? And he’d included her on the email — why would he do that? Why would he single her out as having not done the work when he knew she had, lying to her bosses? Holly was at a loss.

  She got up, slamming her laptop onto the sofa and hobbling to the coffee machine. Hobbling was her natural walk at first these days, but at least her leg was at last getting more used to load-bearing weight. But it wasn’t her leg she was concentrating on now. Why would Gordon do that? She filled her coffee cup and wracked her brain.

  And then a light bulb went on inside her: she’d been played. He wanted to soften her up, then fuck her over so she’d walk. A wave of disgust swept through her, swiftly followed by anger. She couldn’t believe she’d fallen for his lies, actually had a laugh with him this week. They’d chatted about weekend plans yesterday. And all the while, Gordon was getting ready to attack, to take the glory for the big account they’d landed, to pummel Holly just when she was on the up.

  She sucked on her lip. What should she do? Go direct to her bosses? Have it out with Gordon? Reply to the email?

  Because he wasn’t going to get away with this: she was going to take action. She was going to call Gordon and tell him what for, and then she was going to call Tim and tell him just what had been going on.

  She’d sort this out.

  Gordon wasn’t going to win.

  ***

  Holly sat staring at the phone. It was raining hard outside, and on the telly, the lunchtime news had just finished. And she’d just been fired.

  Gordon had got to Tim, had filled his head with lies, and Tim had told her Gordon was her manager and what he said, went. He had to support him whatever action Gordon took, and Gordon had told her she was no longer needed. Surely this sort of thing didn’t happen in the modern age, after six years of service? The logical side of her brain kicked in: no, it didn’t. She knew she’d been unfairly — outrageously — dismissed. For a second, she was dumbfounded at the injustice of it all.

  She was jobless. But suddenly, she didn’t feel demoralised. Her body was a feather, her walking smooth. Her bones didn’t tweak, her arm didn’t snag, her smile didn’t waver. Perhaps this was what she’d needed all along: not to be jobless, but to be Gordonless. Yes, that was how she was going to look at it: Gordonless. And if he thought she was just walking away without a fight, without getting something for her years of working there, he had another thing coming.

  Holly took her anger and channelled it into drafting an email to Gordon, outlining all the issues she’d had with him, which staff would stand up for her and how she’d like a meeting with him on Monday to discuss her severance package. She was going, that bit wasn’t in doubt. But if there was one thing she was determined to do, she was going on her terms.

  Which meant that tonight’s dinner with Tori had suddenly taken on a whole new meaning: a new chapter in their lives had begun. Holly checked her watch: Tori said she should be ready for 8pm, so she had a few hours. She was going to have a shower, put on her best clothes and make herself look ravishing — for herself and for Tori.

  Because yes, she’d been fired, but even Holly could see this might not be the worst outcome in the world.

  Chapter 15

  “I cannot believe it — I simply can’t. Pinch me, go on — pinch me!”

  Tori leaned over the table and pinched her old friend a little too hard on the arm.

  Trudi jumped back. “Not that bloody hard!”

  “You can afford to be pinched that hard now. You’re rich, right?”

  “Correction, Babe Magnet is rich, so it depends if they’re the same thing.”

  “More or less.” Tori raised her Mince Pie Martini to Trudi — her second of the season. On the stereo, The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl’s Christmas anthem was playing, and all around them, festive fever was in full swing. “To Babe Magnet and all who sail in her. That’s mainly you, me and Shauna for now, right?”

  Trudi nodded. “But soon to expand when we get over there.” She shook her head. “I cannot believe they signed on the dotted line — the money went into our bank account today.” Trudi raised an eyebrow. “We could get drunk on Babe Magnet right now!”

  Tori laughed. “I’m sure you wouldn’t be the first start-up to burn through their cash drinking cocktails, but maybe we should pay for these ourselves. For one thing, cocktails are cheaper and stronger in the US, so let’s save ourselves for the hard stuff.”

  “I like your thinking.” Trudi grinned. “So have you spoken to Holly yet?”

  Tori nodded, all casual, like she was relaxed about it, which was about as far off the mark as could be. “We talked about it as a possibility, but you’ve only confirmed it today. Good timing, as I’m taking her out for dinner tonight, so I can tell her the news then. She seemed okay about it so far, plus her job’s taken an upward turn, so she’s feeling better in herself, too. After everything that’s happened over the past few months, things are on the up, so today is perfect timing.”

  “Here’s to perfect timing — but tell her I’m sorry we’re dragging you away. But also tell her, I meant what I said about the modelling.”

  “I will.” Tori checked her watch. “I need to go soon, I don’t want to be late.”

  Trudi gave her a pout. “Time to squeeze one more in? Shauna’s not due for half an hour.”

  Tori swayed back and forth in her mind like a tennis match: she didn’t want to be late for Holly, but she could probably fit one more in, couldn’t she? They were celebratory Christmas cocktails, after all. She glanced out the window: and it was still raining outside. “One more, but then I really have to go.”

  “You’re so easily led astray,” Trudi said, flagging down a passing waiter.

  ***

  Tori was late leaving the bar, but amazingly the tube was co-operating tonight, so she arrived back at her apartment block only ten minutes late, if a little squiffy from the Mince Pie Martinis. She giggled as she jabbed the lift buttons and tried to clear her mind, breathing in great gulps of air in an effort to sober up. It wasn’t her fault: Trudi’s excitement had rubbed off on her. Tori still couldn’t quite believe she’d landed a job in San Francisco, but she just wished Holly was part of the deal. Wondering how she was going to react sobered her up that little bit more.

  She threw her keys on the ledge by the door, before walking into the lounge. It was so quiet, she wondered if her girlfriend was home or if she’d gone out on her own? But when Tori came through the living room door, Holly turned her head, a bottle of Heineken in her hand, her face expressionless. She didn’t say a word as she turned back towards the window.

  “Sorry babe, I was a little late leaving the bar. But blame Trudi, she wouldn’t stop ordering drinks.” Tori walked over and sat down next to Holly.

  “No problem — I’ve already started on the booze.” Holly only barely turned her head.

  Tori ran her eyes over Holly’s art-house ensemble: styled jet black hair, bottle green trousers and a black-and-white shirt. She looked like she’d just walked off the pages of a magazine and it was all for her. She should so do the modelling job. But something was up: since the accident, Holly had barely drunk, not wanting to
bang her leg on anything after a couple of beers. Yet here she was, beer in hand.

  “Is everything okay?”

  Holly turned to her. “Everything’s fine.”

  Tori was confused: she didn’t seem fine. If anything, Holly was kinda glaring at her, the epitome of an un-fine girlfriend. “Only, you’re drinking.”

  “I always said you were quick.” Pause. “You’ve been drinking, aren’t I allowed, too?”

  “Of course,” Tori said, still flummoxed by Holly’s tone. “But is everything okay? I mean, apart from me being late? Anything else?” Because she was definitely picking up that vibe.

  Holly sighed. “Well there is the fact I got fired today. I guess that counts.”

  Tori’s mouth dropped open: she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. How could this happen after Gordon had been so nice to Holly this week? “What? Gordon fired you? Why?”

  Holly waved a hand through the air. “Because he’s a shit, but he won’t get away with it. So tonight, I thought I deserved a drink.” She turned to Tori, holding up her bottle. “Don’t you agree?”

  Tori stroked Holly’s back, disbelief coating her words. “Absolutely. And how can he fire you? Surely that’s illegal?”

  Holly shrugged. “We’ll see — only I’m not going to worry about it now. Tonight is for me and my girlfriend.” She checked her watch. “Do we need to go?”

  Tori nodded. “We do. But are you okay?”

  Holly leaned into her, putting her head on Tori’s shoulder. “Weirdly, I feel okay. I feel like… this is what should happen. It keeps coming over me in waves, but yeah, I’m okay.”

  Tori placed a kiss on the side of Holly’s neck. Within minutes, Holly was fully in her arms, her day melting onto Tori like hot cheese.

  “I’m so sorry babe, you don’t deserve that. You sure still want to go out?” Tori asked over Holly’s shoulder.

  “I’m all dressed up and I’m bloody starving: of course I do,” Holly replied, a lightness in her tone that wasn’t there before.

  And that lightness cheered Tori, who smiled, pushing Holly away, before heaving her up with her arm. “Well finish your beer and let’s go, then.”

  Chapter 16

  A couple of drinks and a good meal soothed their woes as Holly told Tori all about what had happened.

  Tori couldn’t stop gasping: after everything Holly had done for that firm, she couldn’t quite believe it. “I knew he was nasty, but I didn’t realise he was evil. To lure you into a false sense of security and then bam!”

  Holly shrugged. “I’ve had the whole afternoon to think about it, and I feel okay. I mean, I’m not going to let him get away with it, but I am leaving the company. It’s not just Gordon, it’s the lack of support from my big bosses — just goes to show you, doesn’t it?” She smiled as she finished off her lamb rack — Tori had ordered it, too, and it’d been delicious. “What about you? You weren’t meant to be meeting Trudi for drinks today, were you?”

  Tori shook her head. “I wasn’t. But she called: she got the funding for Babe Magnet confirmed today, the money’s in her bank. So it’s all systems go.” Tori held Holly’s gaze, not wanting to say this without having her full attention. “Which means the job is confirmed, too.”

  Holly leaned back in her chair, fanning herself. “Whoa,” she said. “Today has been some day, hasn’t it? I didn’t even read my stars this morning. Maybe I should have, been forewarned.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Maybe I could get a job at Babe Magnet, too? She got any going?” Holly laughed as she said it, letting her head drop back.

  Tori stared at her plate. “It’s not the worst idea — it crossed my mind when she asked me in the first place. And now you’re jobless, what’s stopping you?”

  “That was a joke, baby. I don’t want to steal your limelight.”

  “I could ask Trudi.”

  Holly shook her head. “No: this is your gig, not mine,” she said. “Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Maybe that’s what we need right now.”

  Tori didn’t like those words at all. Not one bit. “You make it sound like we’re breaking up. We’re not breaking up.” That’s the last thing she wanted in the whole wide world.

  Holly gave her a weak smile. “I’m not saying that at all. I just need to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life that’s not recruitment. Plus, I don’t want to be hanging around like a spare part while you lot are out all day.” She paused. “Unless there’s a swimming pool in the back garden?”

  “It’s San Francisco, babe, not LA. I’m not sure they have the weather for it.” Tori leaned forward and kissed Holly’s hand. She knew this was hard, but she wanted to make it as easy as possible for Holly, especially now. “Trudi did mention the modelling again tonight — will you reconsider that?”

  “I might, but I’ve got a lot to consider all round. But I will give it some thought.”

  “Good,” Tori said. “And you’ll come and visit?”

  “Try and stop me,” Holly said, placing her lips briefly on Tori’s, before sitting back. “How long are we talking?”

  “Trudi’s not sure, she’ll know more when we’re over there. But she’s thinking at least six months for them, probably longer. For me, at least three months.”

  Holly whistled through her teeth. “Starting when?”

  “Just after Christmas.”

  Another whistle. “So we’ve got six weeks till you bugger off and leave me, is that what you’re saying?”

  Tori nodded. “Maybe a bit more. But from what Trudi was saying, they don’t want to hang around.”

  “And I’m jobless.” Holly gave her a defeated smile.

  “Don’t,” Tori said. “This is hard enough as it is, I can’t have your hang-dog looks, too.”

  “You’re going to get quite a few of those over the next few weeks, so get used to it.” Holly paused. “But you should go. Don’t worry about me and Valentine, we’ll survive, and like you say, it’s only three months and I can come visit.” She took Tori’s hand in hers. “If you don’t go, you’ll always wonder what if. And you get to work with your best friend, too. It’s a dream ticket.”

  Tori nodded reluctantly. “I feel like I have to give it a try. It’s just one of those opportunities in life that comes along and you can’t say no. Sal agreed when I told her, but I still hate the thought of leaving you.” And she did. Now it was out in the open, it was like Tori had opened a wound that needed tending.

  “So we’re going to do long distance? I’m going to have to brush up my phone sex, aren’t I?”

  “You are.” Tori paused. “Are you really okay with this?”

  “It’s a lot to take in — today’s been a whirlwind. I get fired and my girlfriend’s leaving the country, so give me time to think about it.”

  Tori nodded: she understood, and she could totally do that. “Take all the time you need.”

  Chapter 17

  Holly arrived on her dad’s doorstep two days later, Tori having gone over to Trudi and Shauna’s to talk shop. Holly had left the house, not really knowing where she was going. Yesterday had been prickly in the flat, with Tori walking on eggshells after her announcement. As for Holly, she’d tried to be upbeat for Tori, but all she was left with were a barrel of questions and no answers. She was happy for Tori, but what did yesterday mean for her?

  Sarah opened the door, surprise etched on her face. “Hello, you.” She pulled Holly into a hug. “Your dad’s not here, he’s taken Elsie to a birthday party.”

  “It was you I came to see, actually.”

  “Come in, then, and we’ll put the kettle on.”

  Ten minutes later they were seated in the lounge, still so full of floral patterns it made Holly’s head spin. Sarah seemed like such a rational, sane person, apart from when it came to decorating, where she went full-on flower-power, with bells on. Holly was just glad she wasn’t hungover. Her crutches were resting on the sofa beside her as she sipped
her tea.

  “How’s the leg?”

  “Getting there.”

  “And the head?”

  “That could take far longer.” Holly didn’t follow up that comment, and Sarah didn’t try to fill the gap. Not for the first time, Holly wondered if Sarah had missed her calling of being a therapist.

  “So I’ve had an interesting couple of days and I wasn’t sure who to talk to, and I’ve landed here.”

  Sarah nodded. “You’re always welcome.”

  “Thanks.” Pause. “The long and short of it is, I was fired on Friday, and now Tori’s got a job in San Francisco. She starts in six weeks. In the space of 12 hours I became jobless and single.”

  “Single?” Sarah’s tone was alarmed. “She dumped you?”

  Holly shook her head: she knew she wasn’t single, but she couldn’t help how she was feeling. Abandoned. “She didn’t, but that’s what it feels like.”

  “But it’s not what it is, is it?”

  Holly shook her head, then explained the situation to Sarah, who listened patiently. Nobody in Holly’s family listened patiently, mainly because nobody really talked. It was an odd sensation: how did her dad cope with Sarah? More to the point, how did Sarah cope with her dad?

  “You need to talk to Tori properly, get everything out, tell her your fears.” Sarah’s tone was matter-of-fact, as if the subject wasn’t up for discussion. “How’s your sex life?”

  Holly looked up, alarmed. Sarah was asking about their sex life? She looked away, not wanting to discuss this at all.

  “Shitty?”

  Sarah wasn’t letting it go, was she? Holly nodded her head.

  “Normal in these circumstances. Get that back on track and you’ll feel a whole lot better. More connected, together. I know David and I did.” Sarah paused. “I hope that’s not sharing too much.”

  Holly smiled. “Only a little.”

  “But talk first. Tori’s not splitting up with you, that bit is clear to me, even if it’s not to you. You’re just mixing up all your other emotions, but it’s not true. Keep reminding yourself of that, okay?”