The Last Draft

by Sandra Scofield

  Scene: He returns to a scene at his apartment, and there is another phone call from a seductive stranger.

  Exposition, nested in a scene: In the next passage he climbs over a wall into an alley. He explains the story of the alley, what it is. He describes houses, gardens, etc., and after a couple of pages of description, segues into a scene where he sees a girl in a garden and engages with her about the cat until she leaves to get a drink.

  Scene: There is a break and we return to a scene when the girl comes back with her Coke. There is a long scene with her. All of this is dialogue.

  Scene: The next passage begins, “When I woke up, I was alone. The girl had disappeared.”

  Scene, interiority: In the next very short passage, he is home again preparing dinner. He has the idea to write a poem about a wind-up bird.

  Scene, interiority: His wife comes home. The discussion of the missing cat goes on. The words of a poem come to him. The phone rings again.

  My description of course does not do justice to the author’s writing, but I hope it makes the point that it is very clear in its layout of narrative components. He uses an obvious cue to the reader that he is shifting scenes or intention: he inserts a dot.

  This might be overly simplistic for you. Too obvious. But it might, as an exercise, help you sort out a jumble of text. You could use your own symbol to separate text where there is a change of narrative strategy. Later perhaps you would remove the symbol and use white space. Or not use a signal at all. What would really matter is that you would become acutely conscious of what you did in each segment of the text, such as:

  Convey a scene of dialogue and action.

  Tell something about a character’s history.

  Describe the surroundings through which the character is walking.

  Return to scene.

  Then you could evaluate the clarity of your shifts and the balance of the strategies.

  Exercises

  See if you can go through a chapter of your own and “insert your dots,” indicating shifts in narrative strategy. If not, why not? Is your text muddled? Or elegantly woven? All that matters is that the reader can follow the lines of thought and action.

  Choose a favorite scene and write a sentence describing the need or desire of the point of view (POV) character. How are you made aware of it? Overtly (in dialogue or in character thought) or by actions? How does the scene desire tie into the overall character journey?

  Choose a chapter that has more than one scene. Is it clear where each scene begins and ends? How does the author move the story in between scenes?

  Is there a writer you like whose work is highly imagistic, conveying sensory impressions and emotions through description? Choose a passage and make a list of the images that are included.

  Raymie Nightingale by Kate DiCamillo: Story problems; synopsis

  I was looking for a book for my granddaughter. When I read the flyleaf for this book I realized that it was a perfect example of how a novel has to have a big goal (here, getting her father to come back home) and a short-term or along-the-way goal (here, winning the Little Miss Central Florida Tire competition). In fact, this come-hither text on the book jacket lays out the story problems (big and short term), establishes the obstacles, and announces the satisfactory outcome!

  You wouldn’t want to tell an adult reader everything that is going to happen like this, but you couldn’t go wrong trying to write a similar synopsis for your own use. The main thing is to have control of the structure, and DiCamillo is a great model.

  Here is the text from the flyleaf.

  Raymie Clarke has come to realize that everything, absolutely everything, depends on her. And she has a plan. If Raymie can win the Little Miss Central Florida Tire competition, then her father, who left town two days ago with a dental hygienist, will see Raymie’s picture in the paper and (maybe) come home. To win, not only does Raymie have to do good deeds and learn how to twirl a baton; she also has to contend with the wispy, frequently fainting Louisiana Elefante, who has a show-business background, and the fiery, stubborn Beverly Tapinski, who’s determined to sabotage the contest. But as the competition approaches, loneliness, loss, and unanswerable questions draw the three girls into an unlikely friendship—and challenge each of them to come to the rescue in unexpected ways.

  Separating action from commentary in The Stranger by Albert Camus

  If you do study this book, just focus first on what happens. Maybe underline all the sentences of action (as opposed to description or commentary). Much of the book is Meursault’s contemplation of his mother’s death, of what he did and what will happen to him, and, ultimately, his understanding of death. But there is definitely a chain of scenes holding the book together, taking this character from his mother’s funeral to the cell where he awaits the guillotine, and it’s good practice to tease out the action from the commentary. Also important for your study would be to write aboutness statements and to think about the power of the setting.

  If you are feeling up to a challenge, go through the book page by page and make a list of the topics of Meursault’s introspection. You will see that there are categories, so group them. Once you have done the survey, go back through the passages and see what changes have occurred in his thinking. This, after all, is what the book is about: Meursault’s perception of his world.

  Scene development and backstory in Benediction by Kent Haruf

  This book is simply constructed of scene after scene. There is, however, an affecting backstory—Dad Lewis’s estrangement from his beloved son. Lewis has terminal cancer and he is waiting to die, but the subplot of his need to tell his son farewell is a strong thread through the vigil. Meanwhile, even in such a quiet place, there are things happening that subtly move life forward for family and the community, as Lewis’s life is ending.

  This would be a very good introduction to storyboarding, if you want; it is worth studying as a model of integrating a straightforward plot with a powerful subtext of a son’s absence.

  Motifs in Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

  This is a fun book and it won’t be especially difficult to write out a chain of scenes. Watch how each thing that Christopher learns marks a kind of turn in his quest and modifies his goal. You could also write a chain of topics that Christopher talks about as he explains how he goes about living his life and solving problems. Either way, you would see a logical sequence winding through the story.

  Another way to analyze the story might be instructive because it would make you lay out the scenes a different way. Think of the themes or motifs that exist because of Christopher’s special makeup. Make strings of scenes according to themes; obviously scenes will appear in more than one string. For example, look at the ways that Christopher struggles to do things on his own, and keep in mind his ultimate goal of passing his A-level math exam. To do this, watch for the ways that he expresses discomfort and frustration and then does something about it.

  You would also understand the novel on another level if you went through it and noted all the ways that his life is interrupted and made difficult by the failures of others to do things in logical, orderly ways. How does he deal with them? Sometimes he has to actually do something, such as when he makes his way through London. But at other times he deals with his frustration by thinking about topics that allow him to review the way some things work very logically, according to rules. All of these threads—actions and topics and responses—are woven into the story expertly. And you can find threads other than these I have named.

  Aboutness in Ernest J. Gaines’s A Lesson Before Dying

  This would be a terrific book to study for its development of the two parts of the aboutness statement: what happens as the sequence of events; what happens emotionally, thematically, and how it affects the protagonist. Grant Wiggins has been talked into visiting Jefferson, a young man unjustly convicted of
murder and sentenced to die, with the goal of helping him die “with dignity.” In other words, Grant has the formidable goal of helping a very young, frightened, and angry boy accept his fate. The novel has two distinct story lines: the interaction of Grant and Jefferson; and Grant’s own life, wherein his bitterness and lack of faith have kept him from deep relationships and a meaningful sense of his own work and worth. Define and describe the two lines of development and watch how each man influences the other. It’s such an amazing novel, an opportunity to see how a great novel portrays the growth of a boy into a brave man, and a bitter, depressed man into a person with hope of finding meaning in his life.

  Sample Scenarios

  Chapter 29 of Benediction by Kent Haruf

  The chapter is divided by blocks of white space between sections, to indicate changes of scene. I have numbered these for the convenience of my summary; there are no numbers in the text. I include here the first sentence of each section, followed by my summary of subsequent events.

  —

  CHAPTER TAGLINE: LORRAINE, Berta May, and the neighbor girl Alice go out to the Johnson house to spend an afternoon picnicking and swimming.

  What “happens” in the chapter: Little Alice is brought into the world of women’s friendship.

  “A little while before noon on a day earlier in that same week, Lorraine went next door to Berta May’s and then she and Alice came out and drove east on U.S. Highway 34, then south on the gravel to the Johnson house.” The women are greeted by the Johnson women, Willa and Alene, and embraced.

  “They ate lunch in the yard on the north side of the house under an elm tree.” They say grace, with special mention of the young girl, and then they eat.

  “They passed the dishes around.” Alice goes indoors and checks things out and then they all decide on a nap. Alice goes in again, to get some bedspreads.

  “They lay out on the ground in the shade of the tree, with dinner napkins draped over their faces, to ward off the flies.” They talk about music. Willa tells a story about not practicing, as a child, then she falls asleep. Alice falls asleep, too.

  “We ought to go swimming, Lorraine said. I wish there was a creek out here.” The three women and the girl put away the things from their picnic. Then they walk out into the pasture to a tank with fresh cold water. Soon they all take their clothes off and get in, although Willa (the old woman) has to be coaxed. When they learn that Alice can’t swim, they help her float.

  “After a time they got out and sat in the lawn chairs, facing the sun.” The cows come in the pasture to get a drink and see what’s going on. The women talk about the cows, what it’s like to be a milk cow, and make jokes about being women. Then they all get back in the tank and float, then stand up, wet and shining. After that they take everything back to the house.

  Summary notes from Opal on Dry Ground

  As I mentioned in the text, I often wrote summaries of chapters or chapter sequences before I wrote the actual text. So here are some of my notes, somewhere in the middle of the book. No editing, no fussing, this was just put-it-down stuff. By writing out the line of the plot, I had less to invent as I was writing.

  —

  CLANCY HAS TAKEN a lover, a cotton farmer she met at the bank, where he is a good customer. Travis is a thirty-one-year-old kid, lusty and silly. He makes her angry and giddy. She wants equilibrium, and Travis scares and confuses her.

  One day after work she goes to the hospital with a coworker and is smitten with the preemies in the nursery. She imagines herself a nurse but is overwhelmed at the thought of going back to school. When she mentions it to her mother, though, Opal runs around getting catalogs, killing Clancy’s enthusiasm.

  Joy, meanwhile, has not found regular employment. Her sources of income include selling snow cones at the flea market and typing college papers. She dates men she meets in bars and one morning she wakes up with a black eye; that same morning her daughter Heather calls from Amarillo begging her to come get her. Heather is miserable at her father’s house, where there is a second wife and a new baby. So Joy goes to get her, and on the way back tells her a long story about her own childhood, explaining some of her anger toward men.

  Meanwhile, Opal’s husband, Russell, is working a pipeline in New Mexico. Opal has gone to visit him in his crummy little trailer and he is pressuring her to go around with him where work takes him. She claims she can’t live in a little trailer, but they both know the reason she isn’t with Russell is that she won’t leave Clancy. Russell doesn’t mind that his stepdaughters live in his house; in fact, his idea is, leave them in it. He makes Opal’s choice concrete; he buys a nice new trailer. Opal agrees to go with him on his next job.

  Soon after, Russell takes them all, with dates, to a western dance club. He and Joy have a good time but Clancy feels ill, so of course Opal takes her home. It turns out she’s pregnant, and so Opal tells Russell she can’t go with him to Mineral Wells. He blows up and says, Fine, stay here and have Clancy’s baby with her. I’m going to Africa.

  Notes on my revision scheme for A Chance to See Egypt

  I thought it might be interesting for you to see my interpretation of an “outline” as I was preparing to revise this novel. I had spent a lot of time working on the story before I wrote it—months, really—while I was taking care of a sick family member. So when I wrote the first draft I had a good grasp of story and my intention. I wanted to write a novel that was a little bit like a European tale, in which characters are slightly “flat,” playing out roles as in a play. I wanted a happy story. I had been through months of worry, and I undertook this enterprise very deliberately to remind myself—and the world?—that happiness is possible. So there is a lightness and inevitability-of-good in it. A fairy-tale quality. At the same time, of course, I wanted there to be real story problems, and characters who suffered and were in some way transformed.

  Instead of a straight summary or sequence, I laid the “outline” down on a large sheet of paper and put it up on the wall before me as I retyped the manuscript. Here it is.

  A Chance to See Egypt

  Main Plot

  A grieving man (Riley) returns to the town of his honeymoon.

  Befriended by an American writer (Charlotte), he ventures out. In small steps, he overcomes his timidity.

  He meets a woman (Cruz) and her daughter (Divina) and is drawn to their mystery, strength, beauty, and domesticity. The friendship challenges convention and draws the ire of other vacationing Americans.

  He moves to the women’s village and courts the mother, even as the daughter courts him. Passion ignited, he is tormented by doubt, and resists the direction of his love. He proposes to the mother, who says no.

  At a fiesta, he dances with the mother, but when her secret love steps forward, he turns to the daughter to dance. When they kiss, he bolts.

  He spends the night in the chapel with the priest (Father Bernal).

  In the morning he emerges into the light.

  The American woman takes him to the girl at work. He declares his love of her before everyone.

  They are married at a wedding to which the whole village is invited.

  A circus appears. Still in wedding clothes, the couple ride an elephant.

  Subplots

  Charlotte. The American woman is hiding from her own life. She writes at night. She paints in black and white! She spends herself on others’ stories: Cruz’s story, told at night; Divina’s dreams of a white house; the retirees’ memories. She is the mistress of an absentee don. Her only confidant is the priest. She learns the very thing she tells Riley: To feel is strength. As Riley’s grief is ending, she embraces her own grief about her dead child and her abandoned art.

  Father Bernal. The priest struggles with his own dark night. (He secretly, chastely loves Charlotte.)

  Cruz. A proud independent woman who prays for her s
on Berto to come home for the fiesta and for her daughter to marry well. She wants affirmation of the worthiness of her story. She tells it to her daughter in lessons, and as promises. Then she tells her, “I will tell you the story of Senor Riley and Divina.” She has long been the secret lover of the widower Don Genaro, a grocer and descendant of the old hacienda family. At the end he comes forward and gives Divina away at her wedding.

  Divina. Pretty, proud, yearning. As Riley once looked to his wife for direction in his life, Divina now looks to Riley. She admires his experience, his tales of travel. She delights in his work—the idea of owning a pet store! She thinks his red hair is wonderful. And the priest says he is a good man.

  Eusebio longs to leave—with Divina—but when he sees that he will never marry her, and the circus comes, he seizes the day.

  Yzelda loves the village and would never leave, but pines for Reymundo, who left on a water truck. When he appears with the circus, he stays.

  Riley’s sister Margaret is apoplectic when he extends his stay. She sends her son as envoy. He arrives and stays for the wedding.

  The grocer Don Genaro thinks Riley is going to marry Cruz, and this worry brings him out of his shyness and secrecy.

  The lessons each character teaches Riley:

  Eva (his dead wife): Journey to the sacred to be made whole.

  Consolata: Healing stories lie in our shadows.

  Charlotte: To feel is to be strong.

  Father Bernal: The open heart is filled.

  Riley is a man who embraces his anima. He loves the female for her strength and beauty.

  —

  HERE IS A page from an earlier stage of planning.

  Subject: A timid lonely man looks for love and courage.