Taking Charge

by Ruth Cardello

  I shouldn’t have come.

  I’m slowly patching myself back together, and I’m doing it on my own. Why would I want to hand my fate over to someone else again?

  Do I really want to do that to myself? Unlike Ted, I could fall for David. I could believe in him. And then what? If I discover my judgment still sucks and he leaves me, will I be strong enough to pick myself up again?

  Or will I shatter into a million pieces?

  Is anyone worth that risk?

  Lucy glared at David. Why did you have to come into my life now?

  Out of the corner of her eye, Lucy saw Sarah open her mouth to say something, then shut it and turn to face forward in her seat. Tony kept his thoughts to himself, and although David’s eyebrows rose at Lucy’s declaration, he didn’t argue the point. He looked down at where their hands were still entwined, then up into her eyes again. Lucy was a tangle of emotions—angry, scared, sad. She slid her hand away from his and turned to look out the window of the car.

  If they had been alone, she might have apologized. She knew she was sending him mixed signals, and she didn’t want to hurt him, but she also had to protect herself.

  Life had taught her some harsh lessons recently, and one of them was that at the end of the day, she was the only one she could depend on.

  Leaning on anyone else was a recipe for disappointment.

  Lucy glanced back at David. He gave her a sad smile, and she turned away from him again.

  I warned him that I’m a mess. If he gives up, it’s probably for the best.

  One step forward, two steps back. David gave Lucy the room she seemed to need during the ride to the Double C. He carried her luggage to the bedroom Sarah had made up in the main house. He left his things in the SUV. Things would be different between them soon enough.

  David pushed those thoughts out of his head and made his way downstairs. Lucy was in the kitchen talking to Sarah, so he headed outside. There was no reason not to make himself useful while he was there.

  Tony was on the porch as if he’d been waiting for him. He nodded for David to walk with him to the barn. “We need to talk.”

  David fell into step beside Tony. “Shoot.”

  Tony came to a halt just inside the shaded main aisle of the large horse barn. “Once you and Lucy sort yourselves out, are you relocating to Mavis permanently?”

  David scanned the area without actually registering much of what he saw. “I don’t honestly know. It’ll depend on how happy Lucy is out there.”

  Without looking at David, Tony said gruffly, “Thought you might want to know that Ribblan Ranch will be hitting the market soon. That’s two thousand acres of nice hayfields. When the time comes, you might want to mention that option to Lucy. She might find she likes this area more than where she is.”

  “You afraid you’ll miss me?” David joked.

  Tony met his eyes and said frankly, “I understand the desire to get a place of your own, but we’re all kind of attached to you round here. Sarah, Melanie, Jace—me. You’ve been a good friend, David. Better than I deserved for a long time. Yeah, I’d miss your sorry ass if you moved away.”

  A declaration like that meant even more when it came from a man who had once been a recluse. When David thought about it, bringing Lucy to Fort Mavis might be what they all needed. “The Ribblan Ranch, huh? It’s a mite fancy for my taste, but I’ll look into what they’re asking for it.”

  Tony nodded, and they started walking toward the paddocks.

  David stopped and raised a hand. “You’re not going to tell me what you think I should do to win Lucy over?”

  Tony gave him an odd look. “You need me to?”

  David lowered his hand. “No, there’s enough who seem to think I need guidance.”

  Tony arched an eyebrow, then picked up a lead line and opened a gate to one of the paddocks. “Sounds like you’re talking to people who don’t know you well. I’ve never met a man with more sticking power than you. You don’t give up on people or horses. I wouldn’t be surprised if you announced the two of you are getting married this summer.”

  David lifted and dropped one shoulder. “She’s skittish after her engagement to Ted.”

  Tony attached the lead line to the halter on one of the young horses in the paddock, then handed the rope to David. “Work will help you clear your head.”

  David looked at the horse. “Is she new?”

  “Came in while you were gone. The owners thought they could train her themselves and gave her enough bad habits that she’s dangerous now. More than one person has been caught unawares from a sly kick. She could use some of your magic as well. The family has a young girl who wants to ride her. I’m ready to tell them to find another horse; I won’t risk—”

  Tony didn’t finish the sentence, and he didn’t have to. Kimberly Staten’s death had forever changed both of them. “I’ll work with her, and if I agree with you, we’ll find that family a horse that will fit them.” David looked into the horse’s eyes and didn’t like what he saw. She wasn’t scared; she was angry. Most horses could be brought around to seeing the benefits of partnering with humans. A few couldn’t. Tony had said David didn’t give up on people or horses, but he was wrong. He’d come across a handful he couldn’t gentle. Each had been a humbling experience that still haunted him. He’d spent countless sleepless nights asking himself what else he could have done. The hardest part had been finally letting the horse go and admitting he couldn’t reach it.

  After all that Lucy had been through, David understood her reluctance to trust anyone. She’d told him she had nothing to offer him, but he refused to believe that. Last night and during the flight to Fort Mavis, David had felt they were making progress.

  The look she’d given him on the ride over, though, had mirrored the expression in the mare’s eyes. She’d been angry with him, resentful. For the first time, he asked himself if it was right to pursue her.

  He led the mare into a round pen and frowned at her. He didn’t like the potential failure the horse represented. Forcing his negative thoughts aside, he stepped into the horse’s space and laid a hand on the side of her neck while unclipping the lead line with his other. “I’ll do my best, my friend, but in the end, your fate is something only you can decide.”

  With a defiant shake of her head, the horse stomped the ground in front of him. He recognized a warning in her eyes and spun the rope between them to move the horse back from him before she kicked out. He worked the horse in circles, then demanded her attention each time she stopped. Each time she turned her haunches to him, David moved the horse off again. Most horses would begin to stop and face him, but this mare didn’t. At the end of their session, she pinned her ears and lowered her head at his approach.

  Tony leaned on the railing of the round pen and said, “My gut tells me that horse needs a field, not a family. And that’s assuming she can get along in a herd.”

  David relaxed his shoulders deliberately and walked up to the mare to reattach the lead line. Her ears rose along with her head. He looked into her eyes again, seeking some sign that she was salvageable, but saw nothing conclusive. “Mine says she needs more time. It took more than a day to make her this angry. The road back can take time.”

  Tony shook his head and walked away. Although David understood why Tony was cautious with abused horses, it saddened him at how quickly Tony had written off this mare.

  As David walked the horse back to its paddock, he recalled with painful clarity a friend he’d lost during his one tour of Iraq. Sergeant Andrew Clarendon and David had bonded during basic training but were sent to different units. He had been cocky and self-assured, but a damn good soldier.

  They’d met again when David and a four-man fire team had gone into an Iraqi town on a public relations trip. Along with three other fire teams, they were delivering toys and supplies to local families when he met up with Andrew and his platoon who were in town, following a tip about hiding insurgents.

  Andrew and hi
s men had headed down an alley, and David had suggested to his team leader that they join them as backup. His gut had told him Andrew needed him, but the officer in charge of the supply delivery told him to follow orders and focus on the purpose of their trip to town. Moments later, all hell had broken loose. Shots were fired, and a wounded marine came out of the alley yelling that it was an ambush.

  RPGs and small weapons fire rained down from the rooftops. As they were returning fire and running for cover, David had made his way toward the alley. With their backs to the wall, his buddy Andrew and his men were cut off.

  David remembered thinking, Shit, we are all going to die bringing supplies for these ungrateful bastards. The whole town should be bombed out of existence.

  It was then that David had seen a man waving to him to come inside. David had shaken his head. He needed to find a way to get Andrew out.

  The man continued to wave frantically to David. He was someone David had given supplies to in the past, but there was no reason to trust him, nothing beyond a look in his eye that said he wanted to help. He led David through his house and the home that adjoined his until they were behind where Andrew was. It was too late to save Andrew, but David and his men carried his body out of the line of fire.

  David was one of several men heralded as heroes that day, but he regretted not following his instincts. Andrew might still be with them if he had. Eventually, the town was secured, and the next supply trip went without incident. David never again saw the man who had helped him, but in his mind, he was the hero.

  After one tour, David left the Marines, but the lessons he learned there remained very much a part of him. No one gets left behind. Ever.

  He’d let himself be persuaded to ignore his gut instinct a second time, years later. Kimberly Staten’s death hung as heavily on David’s conscience as Andrew’s death had. He’d known the horse she’d chosen was dangerous, but when he told her rich father as much, he’d been fired. No one blamed David for the horse trampling her to death, yet he couldn’t help but think he should have fought harder to protect her.

  But Kimberly’s father had told him to leave, and he had.

  Not a day went by that he didn’t regret that decision, and it had given him a stubborn streak when it came to doing what he felt was right.

  Lucy needed him, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

  Chapter Ten

  Lucy was peeling potatoes while Sarah chopped vegetables for dinner. There was a comfort in the mundane act that helped calm Lucy. “So what was it like to hit the New York Times?” Lucy asked.

  Sarah smiled brightly. “Unbelievable. Crazy. Wonderful. I never dared to dream that big. When I think about how close I came to giving up on writing, it’s scary. I have so many stories in my head that are dying to be shared. I can’t imagine doing anything else. When my first book started selling well, my parents thought Tony and I would want to move to New York to be closer to publishers. They don’t get it. My writing freed me. I’m exactly where I want to be.”

  “I’m happy for you, Sarah. You deserve to be happy.”

  Sarah put down her knife and gathered the vegetable bits into a bowl. “So do you. You can tell me it’s none of my business, but what happened in the car? One minute you and David looked like lovebirds. Then a moment later you were angry. Was it because of the riding lessons? They weren’t his idea. He only went along with them because I begged him to.”

  Lucy put her own knife down, turned her back to the counter, and covered her face with her hands briefly. Sarah had asked her to share instead of hide from her. It wasn’t easy, but Lucy lowered her hands and met her friend’s eyes across the kitchen island. “I was jealous, I guess. Then scared when I pictured him with all those other women. How could he want me when he could have his pick of women? I don’t want to blame Ted for anything, because everything I did with him was my choice, but I trusted a man who ended up being nothing like I thought he was. I want to believe David is different. I want to believe this time my instincts are right, but all it takes is the smallest hint that I could be wrong to send me into a full panic.”

  Sarah walked around the kitchen island and then rested against it beside her friend. “David is one of the nicest men I know.”

  “Then he deserves someone who knows what they want.”

  Sarah shook her head and made an impatient sound. “Do you want to be with someone or do you want to go back to living on your ranch alone? Because I can’t figure you out. This isn’t about who David could get or what David deserves. This is you letting your fear rule you. I grew up in a house where everyone was too afraid to say how they felt. They were afraid to talk about my brother’s death, afraid to face their guilt. Fear like that is a disease. It festers and grows. If you’re holding out for David to prove to you that you can trust him, you might as well end it now. He’ll never be able to, because the problem is in you, not in him.”

  Lucy tried to blink back her tears, but one escaped anyway and rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away impatiently. “I don’t know how to be like you, Sarah. I don’t know how to simply put my fear aside.”

  Sarah laid a sympathetic hand on Lucy’s forearm. “You take it one day at a time. You tell yourself—I will not be afraid today. Not here. Not in this moment. You don’t worry about all the tomorrows and everything that might come with them. You make your stand right here and now. I know you have it in you, Lucy. I’ve seen it.”

  “And if we’re wrong about David?”

  Sarah put her arm around Lucy. “You will still not be alone. You’ll always have me. Hos before bros.” She made a face. “I’ve never really liked that saying. I don’t usually call myself a whore, but it’s hard to find something that rhymes like that. Girlfriends before dead ends? You’d think that because I’m a writer, I could come up with something better—but it’s not easy.”

  Lucy hugged Sarah back. Nothing had really changed, but she felt a hundred times lighter than she had a moment before. That’s what good friends do—they leave you feeling better than they found you. “Chicks before dicks?”

  Sarah laughed. “That’s worse.”

  Lucy turned and picked up a potato. “Fries before guys?”

  “I’ve created a monster.”

  “Would you mind if I steal this idea for my blog? I’ll ask if anyone can come up with something better. It might make a fun contest.”

  Lightening the mood, Sarah returned to dicing vegetables. “I didn’t realize you have a blog now. What do you write about?”

  Lucy’s cheeks flushed. “I just started the blog, but it’s doing better than I thought it would. I asked myself what would get me to try a new product. People tend to buy things they feel a personal connection to. My stories give them that connection.”

  “I need to read this blog.”

  “Oh no. It’s anonymous so I can be very honest about my experiences with the products,” Lucy said.

  Sarah waved the knife in the air. “I won’t tell anyone it’s you. Come on, I write sex scenes. Nothing you put in your blog will shock me.”

  Lucy brought her latest post up on her phone and handed it to Sarah. Sarah leaned over, holding the phone in one hand, and immediately started reading.

  “Oh, wow.” She scrolled up, and spent the next few minutes skimming Lucy’s other posts. “Oh my God.” Finally, she put the phone down. Her eyes were round with surprise. “You really are selling sex toys.”

  “I told you.”

  Sarah glanced back down at the phone with a blush. “I pictured—well, nothing like this. So, let me get this straight, you strap something to your hand that you use on yourself while you’re reading and getting video phone calls, too? Do you have to answer the call? Seems like there is a lot going on there.”

  Leave it to Sarah to look beyond the potential embarrassing aspects of the exchange and give the content serious consideration. Now that Sarah brought it up, the complexity of multitasking while trying to orgasm had been a little frustrating, but Lucy ha
d thought it was just her. “What would you suggest?”

  Sarah reread the post calmly as if it weren’t an intimate retelling of Lucy’s encounter with the toy. “You definitely want an option of text to speech, and it has to be with a sexy voice. Also, I hope the app allows you to not receive phone calls. I’m imagining what a mood killer it would be for Tony if we’re using this and hot guys start calling me.”

  “This is perfect, Sarah. Why didn’t I think of any of this?”

  “Because you’re looking at these toys like a single woman. You test-drove everything alone. To increase your customer base, you should write about how couples interact with them.” She smiled. “I’m sure David would love to help you. You should ask him.”

  Lucy had been typing furiously, but stopped as Sarah’s suggestion sunk in. “I could never do that.”

  “Why not? What a great way to find out if you’re compatible.”

  Lucy swallowed hard. “What would I say? ‘Uh, David, yes, I do want to sleep with you, and would you mind if we also try out a few sex toys while we’re at it?’”

  Just then David entered the doorway of the kitchen, cleared his throat, and asked, “Sarah, could Lucy and I have a moment alone?”

  “Absolutely,” Sarah said with a huge grin as she fled the kitchen.

  Lucy swayed and gripped the counter behind her, imagining how unsexy fainting would be. She braced herself for a conversation she didn’t feel ready to have and raised her eyes to David’s.

  He walked toward her slowly, with that easy confidence of his. He stopped just in front of her, so close, Lucy’s body warmed for his. It was impossible to look away, and Lucy’s heart beat wildly as she waited for him to say something.