Kismet 3

by Raynesha Pittman

  “Your mother is what happened,” he replied. “She took the time out of her busy life with her new rich husband to write me a letter. She wanted to tell me how much of a disappointment I was to her and the rest of the world. She told me falling in love with me almost ruined her life. In her eyes, I was and will always be nothing but a homicidal, alcoholic loser with not enough strength in me to be a real man.”

  He smoked some more of his cigarette, then continued to recite what he had been told.

  “Your mama said I was solely to blame for my mama’s depression and said she died from the disappointment of knowing she’d given birth to three worthless sons that were no better than their murderous father.” He began laughing hysterically. “Peaches said she knew I would never remarry because I’d be weak enough to sit around still in love with her, waiting for her to come back. It’s funny that she knew me that well. That woman knew me too well because she was right. Boy, was she right. I couldn’t even sleep with another woman without feeling like I betrayed her. Isn’t that funny, Savannah? I thought I was betraying her.” He hit his cigarette again, coughed, and then took a drink of what I prayed was water, but by how hard he swallowed, I knew it had to have been something stronger.

  “Daddy, are you drinking... liquor?”

  “Thirty-three years, baby, it was thirty-three years off the bottle.” He shook his glass around so I could hear the swishing of liquid in his cup. Then he took another deep swallow. “And I ran back to it in less than ten minutes because it was the only place I could remember finding comfort.”

  “No, Daddy.” The heat from the tears falling out of my eyes was the only sign of me crying. I didn’t want to sadden our conversation any more with him hearing the crying in my voice.

  “Yep, leave it to Mrs. Perfect Trisha. I’m to blame for Memphis being as behind as he is. You know, when it comes to his smarts and all. I’m also to blame for the pitiful way you turned out.”

  “She’s to blame. She left us, Daddy,” I interrupted. “She walked out on us because being a ho and her love for money came first. Don’t let her blame you for us and the way we turned out. Memphis is gullible, not slow, and that’s because he puts his faith in people, and I’m...” I took a deep breath because I had just realized the truth. “I’m my mother’s child. You raised the hell out of us, but no matter what you taught me, her DNA seems to have shined through. I’ve been around her, Daddy, and I’ve seen her in action. My way of thinking is fucked-up, just like hers.”

  I couldn’t hold it any longer. I broke down crying like I had never cried before. I had snot seeping from my nose, and I was shaking uncontrollably.

  “Now, you stop all that crying, Savannah. Don’t let me pull you into my mood and watch your mouth. We’ve talked about respect. I needed to hear what she had to say, and I know she was being evil, but a lot of it was the truth.” He took another swallow of his liquor, but I didn’t hear him inhale a cigarette.

  I gathered myself long enough to speak to him. “Daddy, pack up a bag. I want you here with me for the holidays.”

  “No, no, baby. I don’t need you trying to comfort me or protect me from myself. I’ll be fine. Larry is on his way here to keep me company and watch the game. I was just enjoying my last few glasses of my old friend, Paul Masson. He’s empty, and now I’m full.”

  He was drunk, and I never wanted to hear him drunk again. I don’t know how bad of an alcoholic he was before my birth, but he was grown, and I couldn’t tell him not to drink. He really didn’t need to. I’d try to call Mr. Jefferson before he made it to his house. I wanted him to keep an eye on my daddy for me, and I needed to thank him. I was truly thankful for him for being in all of our lives because he didn’t have to. He was my daughter’s foster parent. That didn’t require him to deal with the rest of us. But Larry Jefferson and my daddy had built a real bond. At first notice, it was weird to me due to all the circumstances around the way they were put in each other’s lives. Now, I’m thankful for my daddy having him as a friend. Besides my uncle Johnny, I didn’t know of my father hanging out with anyone else, not even his other brother, Uncle Steve.

  “Are you sure, Daddy? You’re more than welcome to stay here with me, or I’ll come home if you need me to until Dre gets released. He didn’t like the idea of me coming back this way anyway....”

  There was no time for me to get my father’s answer because the reason why Dre didn’t want me in Atlanta alone immediately flashed across the television. It was news footage of a funeral that had taken place the day before, and the caption at the bottom of the screen said: “Mourners came to grieve the tragic death of college basketball star, Anthony Wallace...”

  I stopped pedaling, dropped my phone, and dashed to the TV to turn up the volume. I was only able to catch the ending of the report, but I heard the reporter say, “After months of being in a vegetative state, Wallace’s family discontinued the player’s life support earlier this week. His teammates speak out about their sadness over his tragic death tonight at ten.”

  There was an enlarged picture of Big Ant smiling on the screen. Then they showed a huddle of mourners wearing his jersey on his old college campus, and the last shot on the screen sent my heartbeat into overtime. Hugging Ant’s mama, face to the camera and dressed from head to toe in all black, was his baby mama, Melinda. My heart and mind started racing. When did she get out of jail, and why hadn’t Will called to tell me? Will was supposed to be my best friend. He couldn’t have still been mad at me for not wanting to hear him tell me that Dre and I had no future together. He was wrong for overstepping his boundaries and not being happy for his best friend. A real friend understands that it’s okay not to see eye to eye all the time and that there will be times when we piss each other off. But when those times occur, a friend will still have your back, because that’s what real friends do. If Will were aware that Melinda had been released and he didn’t tell me, then he wasn’t a friend of mine. I ran back near the bike and picked up my phone.

  “Daddy, I’m going to call and check on you a little later. No more drinking. I love you.”

  He barely was able to say it back before I hung up the phone. I scrolled through my phone’s contact list until I reached the contact stored as “Best Friend” and hit send. The phone rang twice, and then a message played saying I had been forwarded to voicemail. I tried to call back twice more but received the same message as before. Will couldn’t be that coldhearted that he wouldn’t tell me I was in potential danger. He couldn’t have known Melinda was out, and I wouldn’t let myself believe that he did. It was seven o’clock eastern standard time, which made it six o’clock Dre’s time. He’d call me before he went to sleep... or would he?

  Chapter Six

  Be Careful of What You Ask For

  I waited all week for Dre to call, but he never did. To say he was supposedly concerned about my safety and protection, you’d think he’d call just to hear my voice, then hang up. That wasn’t the case. He wanted to make a point by not calling, teach me a lesson, so to speak, and he did. I was wrong to hang up in his face. I shouldn’t have done it, and even after I did, his next call would have been answered. This, I knew, but I wouldn’t apologize for doing what I felt was right at the time. Instead, I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

  I made it to Nashville Friday night and checked into a hotel near the airport. Memories of my days and nights spent here during and after college flooded my mind. Surprisingly, to say the least, meeting Dre here was my fondest memory. He had something special about him that was so tangible I could feel it the first day we met. Never in a lifetime would I have thought I was meeting my husband when I bought that sack of weed from him. It was a situation that happened daily between those who sell and the others who consume. How ironic that I found love while in search for my next high. Life is funny that way sometimes. I wouldn’t question it, because it was Kismet that brought us together.

  The next morning I was up with the birds, getting as fly as I could for my
visit with Dre. The jail had a dress code, but I made sure to be the sexiest woman in there while still following it. I put on a white, fitted, long-sleeved T-shirt and wrapped a leopard print scarf around my neck. I made sure to leave one tail of the scarf in the front to fall in between my breasts. I put on the darkest blue and tightest jeans that I owned and gave them a dressier look by applying a leopard print belt that matched perfectly with my scarf. I threw on my all-black, no-heel, knee-high boots, grabbed my leopard print bag, and threw on a black blazer that stopped at my belt loops, so all of my round ass was in view. It was colder in Nashville than it was in Atlanta, and my outfit went perfectly with the weather. After polishing my nails black, adding gold earrings, bangles, and an extralarge gold fashion ring, I only had one complaint about my look, and that was my hair. My weave had been up for over three months. It was time for a touch-up, but Dre wouldn’t notice. I braided all eighteen inches of the hair up the night before, sprayed it with setting lotion, then blow-dried it so now I looked like a curly-haired Indian.

  Once I was all signed in and waiting on Dre to come out, I applied some clear lip gloss to give him something to stare at while we talked. As the inmates came pouring out for their visit, each one made sure to do a double take at me, and I made sure to greet all of their horny asses with a smile. I understood that they hadn’t seen anything pretty in a while, and I didn’t mind being their eye candy and possibly the woman they stroked their dicks to that night.

  Dre was the last to enter the room, looking like a hairy beast. His dreads needed twisting, and his face and neck needed to be shaved and trimmed. I didn’t stare, nor would I comment on his appearance, because I’d seen him looking that way before when he wasn’t behind bars. It was that time he was going through his man thing and refusing to keep up his hygiene back in Washington.

  “Stand up and turn around,” he said.

  What a strange request, I thought, but I stood up and did it.

  “Naw, step back some and turn around slower. Let a nigga look at you.”

  “Well, hello to you too, Dre. You could have spoken first,” I said as I took a few steps back and turned slowly as he requested. While Dre stared at what I’m sure he felt was his, so did every other inmate on his side of the visiting row.

  “Damn, baby, you’re bad as fuck. Come sit back down ’for I have to kill me a nigga in here. That body is back looking right. I like the extra meat you’ve put on.”

  Before I could get in the seat good, Dre was already switching the mood and talking shit. He pointed his finger at me until it pressed against the glass, then said, “Ay, don’t you ever fucking hang up on me again. I don’t give a fuck what I’m saying to you or how it makes you feel. You sit there and listen. I ain’t one of them sucka-ass niggas you used to dealing with, Savannah. I ain’t gon’ keep reminding yo’ ass of that either. Better make that shit the first and the last time you do it, or you ain’t gotta worry about a nigga calling you at all. I wasn’t gon’ accept your visit over that shit, but I knew you needed to see my face to feel what I needed to say to you. You mines. You better start acting like it.”

  “Okay, Dre, you don’t have to talk to me like I’m dumb. I know I’m yours, daddy. I understand that, but that still don’t make it right that you didn’t call me the rest of the week. I thought you said you questioned me because you were trying to protect me, but where was my protection that week while I sat in my hotel room, scared to leave?”

  Dre had a look of confusion on his face. Instead of wasting time, allowing him to guess what I was talking about, I ran down what I had seen on CNN and how Will was refusing to answer and not returning any of my calls.

  “She must have just gotten released, baby. Calm down. Nobody knows you’re back in Atlanta right now, or where you are in Atlanta. What the fuck you do to Will? You have to stop burning all of your bridges with good people. Damn! Did you at least get you a car and yourself a place?”

  “Yes, I got approved for it two days before Christmas but am still staying at the hotel until I sign my lease and get my keys, and I bought me another Charger. I don’t know what the fuck Will’s problem is. The last time I spoke to him, he was fucked in the head over his man cheating on him and was full of negativity. I like how you just assume I did something to fuck up our friendship. Why couldn’t it have been him?”

  “Because I know you. That’s why I assumed you fucked it up.”

  I rolled my eyes and curled my lip up at Dre in disgust before I started back up. “Whatever. And what makes you so sure that no one knows I’m back in Atlanta? Who’s to say Keisha didn’t tell her where I work, and she didn’t call there looking for me? What if the receptionist told her I worked out of the Washington location and gave her the number there? All it would take is the receptionist in Washington to tell her I just moved back to the Atlanta office but wouldn’t be there for another two weeks. All it would take is for your best friend Stephanie to be mad at me and tell her where I was staying.”

  He stared at me for a second like he wanted to say something, and then shook his head in disbelief. “You did all that fucked-up shit to them people in California, including Stephanie, and your ass is scary as fuck. Look at you, about to shit on yourself in them tight-ass jeans. You’re really scared, huh, baby? But you’re allowing fear to get you too paranoid. Baby... Baby, look at me.”

  I wasn’t about to shit in my jeans. He was making me feel like shit. I didn’t want to look at him in his eyes. My feelings were hurt. I hated when his words affected me like this, but I knew I had to keep pretending to be strong, so I forced my eyes to meet his.

  “I know me being in jail ain’t making your paranoia any better, but you gotta trust me. I’m not about to let shit happen to you. Do you hear me? I’ma have my niggas get with you after we set something up so you can be and feel safe. As a matter of fact, since you’re already down here, I’ma have them get up with you tonight. Answer every 615 number that calls your phone, okay, baby?”

  I agreed, and then the subject changed again. Somehow, Dre turned it into a conversation about his mama and son. He called himself giving me background on them both, but it was a little too late for that. I had my first opinion about his mother, and nothing he could say would change it.

  “Y’all have to work this shit out, Savannah. This whole situation with me getting married is new to Mama, and the fact we already have a baby that she didn’t know anything about—”

  “You decided not to tell her that she had a granddaughter,” I retorted. “And having a mother-in-law that won’t even call me by my name because she thinks the shit is cute to disrespect me is new to me too.”

  “How do I tell my mama that I have a baby in foster care because her mama was mad at me for getting back locked up and gave her way?” he snapped.

  “Is that why you think I gave Sade away?”

  “Hell yeah, that’s what I think. You haven’t told me anything else.”

  “And you never asked me either.”

  “I shouldn’t have to. That’s some shit you should have felt the need to explain to me. I’m the nigga that knocked you up.”

  It never occurred to me that I hadn’t given Dre an explanation for my actions with Sade. I always felt like the letter I sent him while I was pregnant was good enough. He deserved the truth like he said.

  “You being locked up at the time didn’t have anything to do with it. When you left that note about the police raiding my place looking for you, I got sick and had a few sick episodes after that but didn’t look into them. I thought I was just stressed and overworked. I finally made it to the doctor, and she told me I was pregnant and too far along to get an abortion.”

  “Shit, abortion should have never been an option.”

  “You’re a liar. It should have been my first option, and it was. You left me to spend family day with your girl and son, did you forget that?”

  “Sundays are family day. No, I didn’t forget that, but I don’t ever recall telling you that she
was my girl. That’s my baby mama, and we were under the same roof raising my son, that’s all.”

  “That’s your truth—it wasn’t mine. Anyway, I never wanted kids. They weren’t in the plans I had for my life, and finding out that it was too late to do something about it left me with no choice but to give her away.”

  “You had another choice. You could have reached out to me and told me what was up. I should have been the first person you offered her up to. That’s my blood in her veins,” he yelled, and I yelled back.

  “Yes, the blood of a criminal who can’t seem to stay out of jail for long. Don’t you see where you’re at now? Locked up for doing right because doing right violates the agreement you have over your head with the probation system and the state of Tennessee. You’re in debt to these motherfuckas for breaking their rules, so you couldn’t raise a child, and to be honest, I felt like giving her away would be better than you or I failing to raise her. She’d have a chance to break both of the crazy cycles we were spinning around in.”

  Dre had been shaking his head through my words. He didn’t agree with anything I was saying.

  “That wasn’t a decision you could make on your own. I went half with you on her, and you threw her away without seeing if I had any options to fix the situation.”

  “Well, I’m glad I did because it made you track me and her down. If the shit hadn’t played out like this, we wouldn’t be together or engaged.”

  “You are the plus in this situation, Savannah.”

  “A plus? What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that I wasn’t tracking you down. I was after my baby. I had to find you to retrace your moves to lead me to her. Being engaged to you is the plus. I was only in it for finding Sade.”

  I drowned his voice out of my head with thoughts of who Dre would send to protect me and if they really could. Like usual, Dre said something that caught my full attention.