Lament: A Contemporary Bully Romance Novella

by K. M. Raya

  Anyways, I haven't been by to visit you because every time I try, your parents call hospital security. Not that I blame them, but just know that I'd be there holding your hand every second of every day if I could.

  I miss you. I miss you so goddamn much that my whole body aches. I hope you wake up soon.

  - Freya

  Her letter was short and sweet, but that's how she knew Carmen would have liked it. Her best friend wasn't one for long drawn out sentiment. Being at camp and sending a letter to her friend was a strange experience.

  The more time she spent at Wolf Mountain, the fuzzier her memories became. She tried hard to remember her life through the thick haze of tragedy but every time her brain conjured up a cherished memory, gruesome flashes of Mina's blank green eyes would stare back at her in accusation. Freya dropped her letter into the outgoing box at the head of the room and silently made her way out of the recreation center. Clouds were beginning to roll in and she guessed that the weekend might bring a heavy storm along with it. Secretly she loved the idea of a rainstorm. Something about the hum of the rain as it hit the trees and trickled it's way down made her relax.

  She headed back to her cabin, tired even though she had not done much. The summer was taking its toll in her recovering body. Freya often wondered if her minds inability to accept her reality was the reason that her body refused to knit itself back together properly. Her leg throbbed too often and sometimes she could swear she felt the sting of smoke in her lungs. Passing a cabin at the beginning of the row, Freya spotted movement. A shadow to the left of the porch that drew her eyes in. As she walked, she craned her neck to see but stopped short when her heart seemed to drop into her stomach.

  Sebastian stood in the shadows beside what she assumed to be his cabin, muscular arms were raised against the wooden wall of the building, caging in a slender blonde girl she recognized from her school. She couldn't recall the sophomores name, but as she watched the boy she loved kissing the pretty girl, something in her broke.

  She knew she was being a hypocrite. It was the morning after her intense night with Maverick and she knew she would never forget or regret it. She could feel a jumble of intense feelings for the brown eyed boy who spilled his heart to her on the cliff-side and it warred with her lifetime of love for her best friends twin.

  She watched the two figures in the shadows for a moment. Tears trickled down her cheeks. She took another step but stumbled slightly because her gaze remained glued to the two figures. Her shoes kicked up a few pebbles, causing Sebastian to jerk his head away and snap his gaze in her direction. A normal girl would have turned on her heel and fled the moment she was caught, but Freya never claimed to be a normal girl. Sebastian knew this.

  She stared at him with agony in her eyes that she couldn't suppress and was startled to see it reflected back at her. He took a step towards her but just as soon, the blonde girl behind him reached out a slim arm and pulled him back to her by his wrist. Freya's heart fell once more. Indecision was written all over his handsome face but Freya took his next moment of distraction to turn and leave. She needed to get away. It wasn't fair to Maverick for her to be feeling this pain. He didn't deserve it. Her heart was torn though she knew her chance with Sebastian were long over.

  "Freya!" He called out to her and she cringed. She hadn't wanted him to follow her. Every time they spoke it confused her more. One moment he hated her and the next it was like talking to the boy he was before.

  "Freya stop!" He urged as his footsteps caught up to her.

  Sebastian grabbed her by the arm but his grip was gentle, almost hesitant. "I'm not sure what you think you saw but..."

  She raised her hand, stopping him mid excuse. "Don't. I know exactly what I saw and it's okay. What you do and with whom is your business, not mine so don't make this into something it isn't."

  His blonde brows drew together in frustration and he anxiously ran a hand through his long golden hair. "Don't be like that, we both know it matters. I'm just fucked up in the head and...I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling."

  His voice was low and troubled, but his eyes seemed to have an easier time meeting hers. "I didn't mean for you to see that." He promised and but it didn't matter.

  "See that's what you don’t get. You don't have to explain yourself to me. You're not my boyfriend and you never were. You're not even my friend anymore. Besides, you hate me now so you owe me nothing. Seriously, just forget it."

  She tried to turn away but he was quicker. He blocked her path and gripped her shoulders. His dark blue eyes seemed panicked and she couldn't imagine why.

  "I don't know if that's true," he said quietly and she was lost.

  "Don't know what?" She asked. He was so confusing and frustrating. She just wanted to get back to her cabin.

  "If I hate you. I don't know anymore. I mean yes I sort of do sometimes, but then I don't. Sometimes I wish things could be like they were, but then I blink and all I want is for you and Carmen to switch places."

  Freya jerked back letting his hands fall from her shoulders. His words stung. She knew he wanted her gone, but to hear it out in such a way was jarring.

  "Trust me when I tell you this because it's the last time that I ever will." She looked into his eyes and unleashed every ounce of pent up rage and sadness into her gaze. "I would give anything to trade places with Carmen. I would sell my fucking soul to trade places with Mina or Ben. I wouldn't hesitate for a fucking second. I wish every single day that I had burned to ash in that accident but I didn't. And now I'm here. I have to deal with that and so do you. Please stay away, Sebastian because I can't be the reason you're hurting any more than you already are. I just can't." She choked around her words, fighting the tears.

  He stared at her hard. His jaw was clenched and she could see the war raging in his eyes as they roamed her face. She was shaking now and needed to leave. Before she could turn, she stupidly reached out an unsteady hand and cupped Sebastian's cheek. His eyes widened but remained fixed on her face. She caressed his flexed jaw almost reverently because she knew that it would be the last time.

  "I think I'll love you forever. I think I've always known that but it's best if we just leave it at that," She whispered as she drew her hand back and took a step backwards.

  She heard his sharp intake of breath. She had never told him of her love for him. She never let him know just how deeply her feelings ran.

  He didn't say another word as she turned her back on him. She knew he would not stop her this time but her heart cracked regardless. Freya could feel his eyes on her as she made it down the dirt pathway to cabin number thirteen up ahead. She refused to look back because she had meant what she said. They needed to keep their distance.

  The door slammed behind her and she dropped to the floor. Grief washed over her in waves. Grief she didn't know she had left in her, she was drowning in. She cried into her bent knees until after a while, her eyes dried up and her stomach felt hollow. Salt was crusting on her ruddy cheeks when she pulled herself up from the floor and made her way to the bed. As her body crashed to the mattress, thunder boomed outside the window and rain began to pour.

  Freya

  She woke then next evening to a light tapping on her window. She knew it was a full day later because it was earlier in the day than it had been when she had fallen asleep. She was hungry and her mouth felt like she had been drinking sand.

  "She lives!" Yelled Phee and Freya jumped so violently that she smacked her head on the headboard.

  She rubbed her head as she glared at her roommate. "Damn, Phee, what's your deal with the startling and the creeping? Is this going to become a trend?"

  Phee just laughed. Freya was being sensitive. Sam sauntered out of the bathroom a moment later clad in bright green pajama pants, pink socks and a Utah State sweatshirt. She looked comfy and ready to settle for the night.

  "Good morning lazy ass." Sam joked and Freya just rolled her eyes with a reluctant grin. She could always count on Sam to
lift the mood. She was coming to realize that the girls she shared a space with this summer seemed to be on her side. And that made her feel warm inside. A feeling she hadn't felt in over a year.

  "Morning Red," Freya quipped, earning a scowl. Sam hated the nickname and Freya, like Phee had taken to calling her Red, just for fun.

  "So we were thinking." Sam gestured to herself and to Phee.

  "Don't hurt yourselves,"said Freya with a giggle. She was feeling unusually light hearted today. The girls tried to frown but smiles slipped through.

  "Anyways, we were thinking of having a movie night in the rec-center since the storms are rolling in and we can't have a bonfire."

  It was Freya's turn to frown. "Sounds, um...fun," she replied with a deep sigh.

  "Oh don't be like that Frey, it's just a movie night," said Phee from the other side of the room.

  "Yeah, a movie night with all my best camp buds. One big happy family. Can we sing songs too?" She deadpanned.

  "Seriously? Come on! It will be dark and rainy, you don't want to be stuck in this cabin all night again do you? Besides, the whole camp isn't going, we only told like a handful of people," Sam promised.

  Freya could feel herself giving in. It had been weeks since she had been in touch with any sort of technology and she found herself craving outside media. Living in the mountains for the summer was amazing and cleansing, but one's mind tends to wander when hands become idle.

  "What movie are we watching?" She finally asked and her roommates faces split into huge grins as they launched themselves at Freya.

  They hugged her tightly, excited to finally coax her into a social gathering and it made her feel tingly. For a brief moment, she sort of felt like the old, carefree, girly Freya. That small spark of light that Carmen and Mina had lit in her had been absent for so long and she thought that maybe, just maybe the pilot light had been lit once more. After dressing in warm cotton night clothes and heavy sweaters, the three girls made their way to the rec center.

  The movie was being shown in the library where they had one of those old rolling televisions from the early 90's. They were watching Friday the 13th.’

  ‘Of course they are,’ she thought to herself as she made herself as small as possible in the back of the room. What better movie to watch than one about a boy who dies at a campground and then returns to slaughter everyone?

  She sat on an old, dusty sofa that had been dragged in from the storage room and curled her knees up to her chest. Sam and Phee sat below her on the ground, covered in a heavy woolen blanket from Phees bedding. Freya would have joined them, but something in the way that Sam leaned into Phee's shoulder ever so slightly, made her hold back and give them their space. Whatever was brewing between her new friends was something she wouldn't stand in the way of. Wait... Friends? Were they her friends? She hadn't had friends in a long time. She used to have too many friends and now she didn't even need a whole hand to count them on. Warmth bloomed in her chest because yes they were her friends indeed.

  A few more people filed into the small library and made themselves cozy. Some coupled up and others stretched out with their blankets and pillows on the floor. Altogether there were about fifteen other people in the room. Freya startled as soft lips landed on her cheek from behind. A moment later, long legs swung themselves over the back of the sofa and Maverick landed silently next to her. Freya smiled shyly, remembering what had happened between them not long ago.

  "Hope I didn't miss too much," he whispered into her ear and she shivered. His big arm wrapped around her shoulders and she found herself sinking into his embrace.

  "Just in time I'm afraid. We're watching Friday the 13th. Fitting, don't you think?" She laughed.

  "Wow, someone here has a dark sense of humor," He whispered as he rolled his brown eyes. "Good thing I love a good horror movie," He added.

  They quieted down as someone turned up the volume. So far not many people seemed to notice Freya in the room. She was thankful because for just one single night she wanted to blend in. To feel a semblance of how things used to be, even if she knew it would never be normal again.

  The door to the library opened and in walked the one person she wanted to see the least. Sebastian ducked in and passed by the television quickly, towing the same blonde girl from earlier behind him by the hand. Freya's stomach felt like she'd swallowed acid at the sight. When Maverick’s arm tightened around her, she felt immediately guilty.

  Sebastian took a seat on the far side of the room at the foot of another sofa. The girl sat down beside him and tried to cuddle into his arm. Although they had arrived together, something about the stiffness in his shoulders said he was uncomfortable with her touch and for some reason, that made Freya very happy.

  "You okay?" Maverick asked in a low whisper that pulled her back to the moment. She turned her head to him and noted that his face was very close to hers. Her heartbeat sped up.

  "I'm fine, promise." She assured him. She felt bad and didn't want to worry him. Without a second thought, she leaned in and placed a small, soft kiss on his lips.

  She felt his mouth turn up in a smile as he kissed her back. His arm tightened on her shoulder again and her hand came up to caress his strong jaw. A throat cleared somewhere in the room and they reluctantly pulled apart. Freya's cheeks were blazing and so was the fire in her veins. They turned their attention back to the movie but Freya's eyes betrayed her and snapped to Sebastian again. Her breath caught in her throat as she caught his eyes.

  They were on fire.

  He glared at her, his steely blue gaze flickering between hers and the hand that was curled around her shoulder. She could see him puzzling out the chemistry and physical nature between her and Maverick and he clearly didn't like it. His jaw remained clenched as he held her gaze captive. The blonde beside him glanced up at him and then snapped her eyes to Freya before she let out a huff, stood up and left the room dramatically. Clearly the girl wanted to be the center of attention.

  Through it all, Sebastian's attention never left Freya and he didn't follow the girl. Even after she turned back to the movie. His gaze burned her skin and made her tingle all over. She couldn't understand how he still had the ability to make her feel that way, even after everything that had happened. She decided to ignore the handsome blonde boy and snuggled into Maverick even deeper. She could feel his heart beating a bit faster now and could have sworn he just smelled her hair. People were being murdered on the television, but Freya didn't register any of it. With her head on Mavericks strong chest, she felt herself drifting off to sleep.

  Freya

  The weekend passed but the storm was still raging. The air was warm but rain continued to pelt the ground and the winds shook the trees during the nights.

  Freya relished the weather and it came as a shock to her given that she had always been a sunshine and blue skies sort of girl. These days, something about a good thunderstorm really resonated with her. She hadn't seen Sebastian since movie night and a part of her was glad for it. Being around him caused her to feel things she wasn't prepared to deal with. Being with Maverick however, grounded her. He sat by her side in their cabin thirteen, surrounded by her roommates and two older boys named Tosh and Garrett that were good friends of Mavericks. The group was on round five of an UNO championship when a banging shook the cabin door.

  Phee scrambled to it and flung it open to reveal two soaking wet girls in bathing suits, gesturing wildly before squealing to Phee and running away. The rain was battering the ground but Freya could feel the hot summer air seeping through the open door.

  "Looks like were going swimming y'all!" Phee called to the group as she shut the door. Everyone but Freya jumped to their feet and immediately into action.

  "Uh, have you noticed the storm, Phee? It's not exactly safe to swim out there..." Freya warned. She knew she was being a debbie-downer, but she almost couldn't help it.

  Maverick spoke up before Phee could respond, "Don't worry, it's only rain today, the thunde
r and lightning stopped last night, we should be fine. Besides, it's hot out and the lake water might actually feel pretty good." He smiled and Freya found herself returning it. "I'll keep you safe, pretty girl— I am a lifeguard after all," He proclaimed proudly.

  Freya scoffed. "No you're not. You had like three shifts out there before you quit."

  She wasn't wrong. She almost felt guilty because she knew that she might have been the reason he had quit life-guarding. His time was mostly spent by her side these days.

  "Semantics," He laughed with a hand wave. He pulled her to her feet and promised to meet her at the lake in half an hour so that he could run to his room and change.