by K. M. Raya
He'd spent the past year in a fog— living his life as normally as he could, but in his heart he knew that he'd been changed forever.
School hadn't been the same and his parents had even suggested he going on independent study, but he refused. He'd finished out that year with plans to attend camp at Wolf Mountain like always. That summer had been one of the most trying times of his entire life. To look into the eyes of the girl who'd destroyed his life was the hardest trial he'd ever faced.
The machine next to him beeped and the steady sound was the only thing that brought him comfort. It had been two weeks since he and Maverick pulled Freya's cold body from the lake. She had yet to wake up and lost too much blood according to the doctors. She hadn't moved a single muscle in fourteen days. Not even a twitch.
His brain struggled to wrap itself around the nights events. The girl he had loved for so long had flung herself off of a cliff in grief. It was unbelievable and his heart had yet to slow back down. He remembered the sick, crushing feeling of dread as he, Maverick and Sam burst through the trees in time to hear the splash. He looked at Freya's still form on the hospital bed, covered in bandages with tubes coming out of her nose and mouth. She wasn't breathing on her own and the nurses feared brain swelling. She was monitored day and night and Sebastian stayed for most of it.
When he went home to shower or eat, Maverick would take his place alongside Freya's parents to look over her. He knew that something had happened between Freya and Maverick, it was plain as day in the way the guy gazed at her with longing in his eyes. Phee and Sam visited most days, filling the hospital room with flowers and ridiculous stuffed animals. They meant well and he was glad that Freya had made some friends. Even if they were strange girls.
Carmen's room was right down the hall and the entire situation was giving him horrifying flashbacks. The night his sister was pulled from the wreckage was the worst night of his existence. Until recently. This was pretty high up there on the list now too. It was also the first time the whole family was there to visit. The first time his mother had been back to Carmens room in a year.
He ran a hand through his messy hair that badly needed a trim. He hadn't shaved in a week and it showed. Freya's parents doted on him as he sat by her bed day after day but he thought it might have been some sort of guilty conscience thing. His parents on the other hand, refused to speak to him. He was a traitor in their eyes, and the eyes of the entire school as well.
After Freya had been taken in, he had lost control. He remembered his hands wrapping around Josiah's neck as the guy gloated something about "taking out the trash" as the helicopter lifted off the mountain. Some of their classmates had been weeping and others simply shaken— but there were a few who laughed and joked about it which made him see life through a haze of red for two weeks.
His mind wandered to the beautiful girl who breathed through a tube. ‘Should I have seen the signs?’ He asked himself. She had been relentlessly bullied for the decision she made and it had to have taken a toll in her psyche.
"Sebastian, get out here!" A familiar voice shouted from the doorway. He looked up to see his father poking his head in, a look of anxiety on his face.
"Dad? What's wrong?" He asked as he left the room with one last glance back at Freya and her parents. They were sitting on a sofa, her mom sleeping quietly while her dad was texting.
"Now, Sebastian!" His dad snapped.
They ran down the hall towards Carmen's room and the hall was filled with nurses, crowding the doorway. His stomach filled with butterflies the closer he got. Something was happening.
They pushed passed the nurses and entered the stale hospital room that he was so familiar with now. The sight before him stopped him in his tracks. The feminine mirror image of himself stared back at him from the hospital bed. Her bloodshot blue eyes were open and traveling over his face. Tears streamed down his cheeks as his feet carried him forward. He choked on a sob.
"Bash..." Carmen whispered hoarsely. Her voice was rough form nearly a year of non use but it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.
His mother was sobbing into his fathers chest and even the doctors couldn't hold back the emotion. Sebastian reached out to his twin, taking her gently in his arms and it felt like coming home. The other half of his soul had snapped back into place.
"I'm alright, Bash. I'm heres" She whispered and he cried into her hair.
"I missed you so goddamn much Car... So much has happened while you were gone..." He looked at her and saw her eyebrows draw together. She reached out a hand and pinched his longer hair between her frail fingers in confusion.
"How long?" She asked and he almost didn't want to tell her.
"Ten months," he admitted and she shook her head in disbelief and dropped his hair.
"Months..." she repeated robotically. "Is everyone okay? Where's Frey, Mina and Ben?"
Her eyes gazed around the room, searching for ghosts.
"I'm sorry Car...the accident, Mina and Ben...they didn't..." He stumbled over the words as tears gathered in her eyes.
She crumpled into him, sobbing uncontrollably and he joined her. The pain was back in full force, mixed with the shock of having her back— awake and speaking. It was like she had risen from the dead. Ben had been his friend since third grade. He felt that loss just as deeply, but Carmen would be destroyed. She had loved Ben Weiss more than life. And Mina... the three girls were practically inseparable.
“Freya! Where's Freya!" She demanded with renewed passion. Her blue eyes were wild and she looked like she wanted to leap from the bed.
"She's close, Car... but she's not well." He told her and his parents grumbled at the side of the bed. Carmen frowned at them in confusion.
"What do you mean she's not well? It's been almost a year! I want to see Freya!" She insisted.
Sebastian reached out a hand to steady her. She just woke up and her emotions were getting the better of her. "Freya had an accident, honey." Said his mother suddenly.
"Another accident?" Carmen asked. His heart filled with lead.
"She tried to kill herself two weeks ago when she leapt from a cliff into Wolf Lake." Her mother supplied coldly and Sebastian glared at her. She was being reckless.
"Oh my god! What happened? Is she okay? Why would she do that mom?" Carmen begged for an answer.
Their mom stepped forward with a frown and tightening fists. "Honey...you have to understand something here, what Freya did to you— to all of you has taken its toll."
Carmen shook her head. "What do you mean what Freya did?" She asked. There was an edge to her voice. Her eyes flickered between him and their parents.
Sebastian spoke again, saving her from their mother's lack of tact. "Freya drove drunk that night and crashed into the guardrail. She killed Mina and Ben, Car... it's been a rough year for her and everyone else." He explained.
Realization seemed to dawn on Carmen.
"Bash... Freya didn't kill anyone, this wasn't her fault!" She said loudly. She was getting more emotional by the minute.
"I know it feels awful honey, because it is, but we have to try and move past it. She knows what she’s done and now she has to live with it, just like the rest of us," Said their father for the first time. He had been so quiet before.
Carmen sat up straighter just as Josiah and Charlie walked into the room. They wore bewildered smiles on their faces when they saw Carmen, but Sebastian's fists clenched at the sight of Jos.
"Look, I don't know what the hell is going on here but one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that Freya didn't kill anyone. She wasn't even driving that night. She passed out drunk on the porch at Josiah's house and Ben put her in the backseat. Ben was driving, not Freya!" She declared and the room fell utterly silent.
His blood pumped faster through his veins. His chest felt heavy and guilt crashed down on him like a tidal wave. His mother let loose a wail into her fathers chest and Sebastian watched as Josiah punched the wall, bloodying his knuckle
s before fleeing the room. Charlie cursed and followed him out while Sebastian sat there in shock.
The entire year they had blamed Freya for an atrocity she never committed. The girl he loved had thrown herself from a cliff because she believed she murdered her best friends. Remorse was not a strong enough word for what he was feeling in that moment. He jumped from the bed and placed a kiss on his sisters pale cheek before turning towards the door.
On the way out his mother reached out and squeezed his hand, encouraging him. He ran down the hallway as fast as his feet could carry him and slammed into Freya's room. Her parents jumped to their feet as he rushed them and told them the truth. Freya's mother collapsed into the sofa as her father sobbed silently into his hands. They looked as shocked as he felt. This changed everything.
Sebastian turned to the hospital bed and saw that Maverick was there. The brown eyed boy smiled at Sebastian and stood, gesturing for him to take his seat. He sat beside the love of his life and gazed at her smooth alabaster skin. She looked so fragile and broken that he thought he might cry. As he scooted closer to the bed, he grabbed one of her pale hands between his and held on tight.
He rested his forehead to her arm and whispered, "I'll love you forever and ever, I promise—Please forgive me, baby." Against her soft skin.
As though she heard his declaration, her fingers twitched against his palm.
Epilogue
Freya
A sea of applause thundered around her as the crowd cheered. The roar of it washed over her as she stood with her class and celebrated.
Graduation had finally come and she couldn't quite believe it. Freya looked into the stands and waved vigorously at her parents and Maverick who stood next to them in the bleachers. They cheered and hooted for her, her mother held a giant orange sign with her face on it. Freya felt herself blush.
Arms grabbed her waist as Carmen hugged her fiercely. She gripped her back, thankful to touch her—hold her as a solid presence once again. Ever since she woke up in that hospital, hearing the news that changed everything, she had dedicated her days to cultivating friendships and watching them flourish. Both Sam and Phee had been eager to do the same with Carmen.
"Can you believe it? We're free!" Carmen squealed and then spun in a circle, her blonde hair whipping around her head in soft curls.
"Uh, Car... you do know the college is like three hours away right? Practically in our backyard." She laughed.
Her friend just rolled her pretty blue eyes. "Oh whatever party pooper, I know you can't wait to get out of here either. Just think, next year we'll have our own dorm and we can do whatever the hell we want!"
"Hey now ladies, not whatever you want," chimed in Sebastian as he sauntered up and wrapped his strong arms around Freya. Her stomach flipped, just as it always had when he was near. Even a year later and she couldn't believe he was hers.
"Oh I forgot, we get to bring our body guard to college, yay!" Carmen fake cheered. But behind her sarcasm, Freya knew her friend was happy to have her twin close by. She had taken Ben's loss pretty hard and had struggled through the last year of high school. Sebastian and Freya had been there every step of the way, helping her recover.
They would be heading to college at the end of the summer, all three of them had signed up as counselors at Wolf Mountain Summer Camp as the perfect way to round out the year. The camp had been initially leery of accepting her resume after rumors of her suicide attempt circulated. She had been quick to assure them that her fall had been accidental, omitting the near miss only moments before, but they had been more than happy to accept her.
Maverick was returning as well and Freya was happy about that, despite Sebastian's quiet grumbles. It had taken a lot of convincing to get her boyfriend to disregard her history with Mav. The two guys had become friends over the past year and Freya hoped it would remain that way.
Maverick had become such an important person in her life and one of her very best friends. It was a struggle at first, to ignore the lingering tension between them, but after a few months, Mav announced that he'd met someone at college and Freya could not be happier for him. After the guilt had lifted from her shoulders— Freya, Carmen and Sebastian had been able to grieve properly. As a unit.
The memories of Mina and Ben would never be forgotten. The school had welcomed her back with open arms and swarms of personal apologies. Josiah had taken a while, but eventually guilt ate at him and he too approached her. It was difficult to face him after what he had pulled during camp last year but her heart simply had no more room for pain or hatred.
As she gazed around at the crowd of her peers, Freya realized that she was surrounded by love. Ghosts of the past haunted this school, but she would no longer let them rule her. Instead, she carried the memories of the ones she lost in her heart every single day, and vowed to make every day forward, worth it in the end.
The End.
Final Thoughts
“Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up.”
Informational
Suicide is no joking matter. If you or a loved one is in danger of experiencing suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
Thank You
Thank you to all the loved ones who made this story possible. You have stood by me and encouraged me to follow my passions from day one. This story would not have been possible without your endless love and support.
Love, K.
