Wandering Soul

by Steven Anderson

“Constantly,” I assured her.

  Sam joined us, already completely dressed.

  He looked at me and I wouldn’t have blocked him from knowing what I was feeling even if I could have.

  He swallowed hard and looked at Winona. “Hannah’s not back yet?”

  “No, you’ll have to wait a bit longer for lunch.”

  “That wasn’t the only thing I was worried about.”

  “I know, but I’m trying not to know everything you’re feeling. It’s distracting, and we should be back upstairs planning.”

  “OK, I’m hoping MD can reduce our body count. What were we up to, fifteen?”

  “Fifteen for the initial consolidation, assuming no collateral damage. Then the messy work starts.”

  “At least that’s less than what the bad Tarakana colony here was trying to get us to do.” I followed them up the stairs, still trying to get my sword to sit properly. “I should return this thing.”

  Winn turned, her face too close to mine for me to focus on her. “Your mom is starting us on pell training tonight. You need to learn to use it because there might come a time when you have to save my life, or Sam’s. Please don’t argue with her anymore about it. It’ll be good exercise for you, if nothing else.”

  I nodded, barely moving my head. Winona gets a little intense when she’s scared.

  We worked through mom’s plan for clan unification and I was able to save the lives of eight people I’d never met. It increased the risk, playing them off against each other, finding ways to earn their support rather than killing them outright, but if it worked, we’d have eight allies that would be dead otherwise. And I began to see a broader plan and my role in it along with Merrimac’s. Hannah was right about how none of it would work without us. When I looked at Sam and Winona going through each detail, I realized they couldn’t see it. It was brilliant and subtle and the more I looked, the clearer it became. Winona had been right next to mom when she’d created it, but Winn couldn’t see it. Only I could.

  When we finished, I pulled my sleeve back and looked at my watch. “Two and a half hours. I’m going out to find her.”

  I put my hand on the pommel of the sword and pulled it out, slow and awkward.

  “Just leave it here, Duse. Having Sam and me escort you might bluff someone into thinking you’re more important than you are. It could work to our advantage.”

  I laid the sword across the table. “I’m nobody.”

  “You’re the Princess Mala Dusa, and we will defend you to the death.” Sam was smiling, but I knew he was serious.

  “Keep your shoulders back and your head high. Now let’s go get your mom.”

  “Not dressed like this. There was a duster coat down there, and, damn it, I’m going to be warm.”

  Once we were downstairs, I stripped off the coveralls and put the coat on over my shirt and pants. It was heavy leather and reached almost to the floor. It was perfect.

  We got out on the street and Sam warned me, “We should find a hat for you. You don’t want to be recognized.”

  I smiled at him, feeling a familiar hum starting in the back of my head. “Oh yes, I do.” I started walking, shoulders back, almost swaggering. “I want them all to know who I am and why I’m here.”

  Sam sighed and whispered to Winona, “Hang on, here we go.”

  By the time we were half way to the market square, we’d picked up a tail. More than a tail, it was like a parade.

  “Duse, why are you doing this? This wasn’t part of the plan.”

  “Sure it was. You just couldn’t see it till now.” I giggled. “You still can’t see it, can you? My mom, Alice, would be so proud of me. And so impressed with Hannah.”

  “Do you know what’s going to happen?”

  “Sure. I’m the bait. Your job is to get me to the market and up on the plinth where the statue used to be.” I glanced back at them. “Where Hannah’s already speaking.”

  “That was in the plan?” There was doubt in Sam’s voice. I think he was doubting my sanity.

  “Between steps four-twelve and four-thirteen, right before the escape branch.”

  A light went on in Winona’s eyes. “You should have told us. This is insane. That means Hannah stayed out past the two hour mark intentionally, knowing we’d come. Why didn’t you tell me when you saw it?”

  “Because you would have tried to stop me. Because I’m the bait.”

  “The bait for what?”

  “You’ll see. It’s why I had to be unarmed.”

  “But you were terrible even pulling the sword out of its sheath! Leaving it behind was my idea.”

  I gave her a quick grin.

  “Wow.” Sam was impressed.

  Winona was more like horrified. “That was Alice? She manipulated and misled her friends?”

  “She was worse. Much, much worse, so my dad tells me. He says it was part of why he was so attracted to her.”

  “I could see that.” Sam was still impressed, and something more, something that would have to wait.

  Winn glanced over at him. “That’s stupid.”

  He shrugged and I wanted to kiss him, but not yet. He had a role to play.

  “When we get to the market, go straight to the plinth. There’s going to be a crowd, so you may need to push people out of the way. Don’t be gentle about it. Sam, I need you to lift me up there so I can stand next to my mom. Can you do that, and make it look graceful?”

  “Sure, you weigh next to nothing, even here. Then what do I do?”

  “Stand in front of us and look fierce, like you did this morning with the girl.”

  He nodded and gave me a test scowl. I tried not to giggle. Maybe it would work better when he saw the crowd.

  “And what am I supposed to do?”

  “Winn, you stand next to him and look–” I turned toward her. “Yeah, that’s perfect. You even scare me.”

  “I wish I could. You should be terrified instead of giddy. I can feel him in you, making you calm.”

  “I know. There’re a lot of pieces of Merrimac nearby.”

  “Wasn’t talking about Mac. So you’re the bait. What are we supposed to do when the CG shows up to kill you? Swords against guns? Or maybe they’ll just obliterate the whole market.”

  “The CG’s not coming. They learned that lesson last time, about not creating martyrs. At least that’s mom’s assumption. I pray she’s right.”

  “So who’s coming?”

  “Did you even look at Mom’s overall plan or were you too focused on each individual step?” I could see her eyes lose focus while she reviewed it.

  “She’s paying off Merrimac and setting the hook for the Trade Guild at the same time.” Her grumpy expression faded to adoration. “When I grow up, I want to be Hannah.”

  “What does she owe to Merrimac?”

  I came to a complete stop when Sam asked that, because I realized that I knew the answer.

  “She’s buying back my soul.” I looked at Winona. “Isn’t she?”

  “Keep walking or your followers will catch up to us.”

  I started walking, trying to feel the confidence again. “She and Dad could have convinced the Guild to support the Warrens behind closed doors with the Clan leadership if it wasn’t for what I did.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “Oh, damn it.”

  “You seem to be swearing a lot lately, Duse. Relax. Your mom’s got this. Get up there and be Joan, the crowds will love you. Then, after Merrimac finishes off the bad Tarakana colony that’s coming to take you, we can sit in the back of the council chambers while your mom meets with the representatives of the Trade Guild and the Council of Clans. I’ll be fun.”

  Sam was confused. “I still don’t see why she owes anything to Merrimac.”

  “Because of me. I did something on Wande
ring Star, something terrible that I can’t tell you. Mom’s risking all of our lives so no one will ever find out. The bad colony is here, following us. All of them. They’ll try to take over and use me to turn this into a blood bath. Mac will try to stop them and wipe them out. He’s got a pretty good numerical advantage now, but if I go off the rails when I start talking…”

  “What? What are you expecting Winona and me to do?”

  I lifted my head. We were almost to the market now and I could hear the noise of the crowd.

  “It’s why I’m unarmed, my love. If you have to do it, do it fast. Don’t hesitate like you did this morning, OK?”

  “You ask too much. Find another way.”

  “If I’m that far gone, putting a sword through me would be a mercy. Winona, you’ll know if the time comes. Make him do it, or do it yourself.”

  “Why didn’t I see that in the plan before? In between step five-twenty and twenty-one. Damn it.”

  I grinned at her. “Now who’s swearing?”

  “You know we won’t last long after we kill you, right? The crowd will tear us apart.”

  “I know. If that happens, we’ll be the first of the five thousand that will die before nightfall. But we’ll be together and only five thousand will die, not fifty.”

  “Find another way.”

  “There is no other way! We’ve placed our bets; on Merrimac and the Trade Guild and the Warrens.” The crowd was huge and volatile. I couldn’t hear my mom over them. I could see her though, and my dad standing on her left and a bit behind her. It would make a great statue someday.

  I stopped and turned to look at my friends. “And we’ve bet on each other, that the two of you can hold me together long enough for us to win.”

  “You mean for Merrimac to win.”

  “Yes. That’s the first step.” I stopped and pulled up the sleeve of my coat. “I still have this with me too.” I took off my watch and slid the lock of her hair out from under it. “I’m going to need every bit of courage and wisdom you can give me.”

  She took my hand, turned it over and kissed my wrist. “I’ll always be with you.”

  I put the lock of her hair back under my watch and fastened it tightly. “Now you and Sam get in front of me and clear a path. The Princess Mala Dusa needs to make a grand entrance.” I tried to smile.

  Winona had her head tipped, staring at me. “It’s going to be hard to tell whose puppet you are, you know?”

  I smiled at her. “Please be certain before you do anything irreversible.”

  She nodded and turned her back to me, smashing her elbow into the man in front of us. “Make a hole! You there, move!”

  It took only a few meters for the crowd to realize what was happening and shift out of our way, opening a path all the way to where my parents were standing. The people started to fall silent as I passed, then a general hush came over the crowd. I knew Mom had been talking, because I had seen her gesturing. Without amplification, I doubted if anyone past the first few rows could hear her. That thought had comforted me, knowing that only a few people would be able to hear whatever nonsense I might be able to come up with. I could hear her talking now, speaking a language I didn’t know. I heard my name somewhere in the flow of her words, Mala Dusa, little soul, and the rumble of the crowd repeating it. I was doomed.

  They were all staring at me and then the clapping started, rhythmic and slow, matching my pace toward the plinth, like a funeral march. Sam and Winona were both in my head, trying to keep me calm, trying to keep me from turning and running for my life. Sam was being brave because Winona was brave, and whenever I felt Winn start to falter, Sam’s bravery reinforced hers. And that was me in the middle, praying that God wouldn’t allow the pounding of my heart to crack my ribcage wide open like I was certain it would at any moment.

  I don’t remember how Sam got me up there, just that I felt light in his arms and then I was standing on the platform, my arms raised above my head, one of my hands in Mom’s hand, the other in Dad’s while the crowd made my ears ring.

  After what seemed forever, they stepped back from me and I was alone. The thought made me want to start to giggle. I was not alone, I might never be alone inside my own head again. Sam and Winona were touching me gently, Mom was trying to be gentle, but she wasn’t. Dad was distant, waiting, watching. And there was the hum of Merrimac suggesting what I needed to do next.

  I went with Merrimac, and started to slowly undo the oversized buttons on the coat I was wearing. When I was finished, I let it slide off of my shoulders into a pile around my feet, letting the crowd see me in the tight long sleeve undershirt I was wearing, letting them see the arms that were too skinny and legs that were too skinny and the face that would never be pretty. They cheered me.

  I picked the coat up and threw it as far as I could. It didn’t go far. “Are you ready?” I yelled to them. “Are you ready to throw off the dead weight that Boden’s been making you carry here in the Warrens? Are you ready to be free?”

  That bought me another couple of minutes to gather my thoughts and try to understand what Mac was asking me to do. At least I thought it was Mac. There were other voices, other paths calling to me. I glanced back at Hannah, looking for reassurance. She and Dad were gone.

  I could do it, I knew I could. Sam and Winona, just children, would never be able to reach me in time. The Warrens were balanced on the head of a pin. My destiny was blood, my future the pyre. I was ready to speak, to push us all into darkness.

  Merrimac was an outlier, going contrary to the will of the other Tarakana colonies. Even if he won here, it wouldn’t matter. The Union would fall, Bodens Gate would be isolated and the Warrens would descend into chaos and death. Do it now, attack and rule. Wasn’t that always the answer? Be part of the gang that won, repress the others as long as possible, and accept death with the changing fortunes when they came. Boden was dead. Now was the time for a new ruler to rise and reward her friends and supporters.

  That’s when I saw her, Katarina, the woman that Sam had almost killed. She was standing a couple of rows back, a girl of maybe three years holding her hand and looking excited and confused by the noise and people packed shoulder to shoulder. I smiled at her and blew the little girl a kiss. Katarina jumped up and down and whispered to the man next to her. I knew what I needed to do.

  The crowd had grown quit again and my head was clear. “Boden is dead,” I told them. “His body is lashed to the side of one of the great merchant ships that are the foundation of our wealth, the wealth he stole from us and paid out to those that kept him in power. No more!”

  I waited for quite, pacing around the small plinth. “Death in the vacuum of space. A fitting end for a man with no soul. So, now is it time to fight?” Cheering. “Now is it time to kill?” Less cheering. “Is it time to attack and destroy and take revenge?” Murmuring and whistles. I nodded. “You’re right! You see it, don’t you? We’ve all seen too much of death, but it’s made us wise. Enough blood, enough killing, enough death. Now is the time for your wisdom, the wisdom of the Warrens.” I held my hands out to the side, palms up. “Don’t you see it? You’ve already won. It’s time to reach out and take hold of the prize. Equality. Respect. Honor. Prosperity. Peace. The freedom as individuals to make your lives better, and make a better world for your children. Is that what you want? Because you’ve earned it.”

  I sighed, trying to stop the shaking. Merrimac was winning. It was an invisible battle, unless you were looking for it. I saw the shimmers on the edges of the crowd, occasionally a dog running, or something that almost looked like a dog. The dark paths were starting to close.

  I kept talking. A few sentences, and then I would wait for the cheering to stop before I continued. Forty-five minutes passed and I think I only had said ten minutes’ worth of words. The crowd was happy, I was happy, Merrimac was happy. I stepped to the edge and looked at Winona and Sam. They we
re happy too.

  The first bullet hit my left shoulder when I stepped back to the center of the plinth. It spun me around, knocking me off balance, which is probably why the second bullet missed. I heard it go past my ear, loud, an angry wizzz sound. Then I was down, Sam lying on top of me. There was yelling close by, but I couldn’t understand what was being said. I was looking at Sam’s eyes, blue and so close to me. I wanted to kiss him one more time before I died, but I couldn’t move. Frustrating.

  Winona leaned in next to me, looking worried.

  “Hey, Winn. Think I got shot.”

  “You did. I told you that would happen if you left the Mission.”

  “I guess you were right. Sorry we never got lunch today.”

  “It’s OK. I think this rally is starting to break up now anyway. We’ll get you to the medical AI at the Mission and have something to eat in a little bit.”

  “OK. Good plan.” I closed my eyes and drifted. I dreamed about my real mom. She looked nice, wearing a blue t-shirt while we hiked together on the DHT. She was proud of me, but I could tell she was worried.

  CHAPTER 19

  DOING MY BEST

  There was a dragon right in front of my face when I woke up, sharp teeth making the claws sparkle in the dim lights.

  “Cuza.” I tried to smile back at him and I felt a tear sliding down my cheek. “Didn’t die?”

  “No, Little Soul, you didn’t die, not even close. It’s good to see your eyes open again, though.”

  I thought about it for a few minutes, trying to put the pieces back together. My head was empty; no Tarakana, no Sam or Winona, just Mala Dusa.

  “Where is everybody?”

  Cuza chuckled, a low, dark sound. “It’s three o’clock in the morning, so sleepin’ I would hope.”

  “All except Cuza.”

  “Bah, I don’t sleep most nights, not much anyway.”

  It was pleasant, lying there talking to Cuza. I felt warm finally, and safe. I shifted a little, feeling something pinching me. My left shoulder was covered by a cuff with wires and tubes running in and out of it. I looked at it, trying to remember why it was there.