The Freshman

by Monica Murphy

  “We ran into Sophie a couple of weeks ago,” he says conversationally.

  I don’t even visibly react. It’s no big deal. Thinking about her doesn’t make me feel like shit anymore. It doesn’t make me feel anything at all beyond a fondness for her. Nostalgia more than anything else.

  That was a different time. And I was a different person then.

  “She looks good,” he continues. “She was checking out the USC campus. They have a great dance program there, and I guess she made it in for the next semester. We saw her at a restaurant that’s not too far from school.”

  “Cool.” I nod. Slather barbecue sauce on a couple pieces of chicken before I turn the flame down to low. “I’m glad she’s doing well.”

  “She said the same thing about you.” When I glance over at Jake, I see he’s watching me. “Yeah, we talked about you. I’m glad you found Hayden, man. I liked Sophie, but I think Hayden’s better for you.”

  “I think so too,” I say with a smile, pleased that Jake likes her. “She likes you and Hannah too.”

  “You guys should come down to Los Angeles and hang out with us for the weekend over the summer,” he suggests.

  “I’d love to. I’ll check with Hayden, though I’m sure she’d be down.”

  “Down for what?” Caleb magically appears, a beer in hand and a girl under his arm. And it’s not just any girl either.

  It’s Baylee. Shit.

  “Hey, Baylee,” I say to her, and Jake does the same, the both of us completely unenthusiastic.

  It’s not that we don’t like Baylee, I just hate what Caleb is doing to her. The back and forth has gotta get old. You’d think Baylee would put her foot down and say enough is enough.

  But I guess not.

  “I told Tony he should bring Hayden and visit Hannah and I later this summer,” Jake says.

  Caleb nods. “That sounds fuckin’ awesome. I’d love to hang out with you guys. Go to the beach, pick up some babes.”

  He says this in front of Baylee and she doesn’t even blink.

  “Sounds fun,” she says, glancing up at Caleb with stars in her eyes.

  Oh man.

  We keep up the conversation, talking about—of course—football, and Baylee eventually leaves us by ourselves. The moment she’s gone, Caleb frowns, draining his beer bottle before he says, “I need to break it off with that chick once and for all.”

  “Yeah, you do,” Jake agrees mildly. “You’re just stringing her along.”

  “How would you know? You haven’t even been here,” Caleb says defensively.

  “You did the same thing to her in high school. I don’t think much has changed,” Jake points out.

  “True.” Caleb looks miserable. “I’m a dick.”

  “At least you can admit it,” I say, Jake and I laughing.

  I eventually take the chicken off the grill and throw a couple of burgers and hot dogs on. I take the plate of chicken into the kitchen, where Hayden is holding court with the rest of the women, making her wine spritzers for them as they all chat and laugh. Hannah, Gracie, Ava, Ellie, Jocelyn and Baylee. Diego is in the living room with his baby girl, Gigi, and Eli. They’re in some sort of competition with each other, trying to get Gigi to walk to them first.

  “Ooh that smells wonderful,” Jocelyn says when she spots me. “I’m starving.”

  “Everyone is, I think.” I set the platter on the counter and the girls grab paper plates, ready to fork it up. “Save some for us.”

  The women laugh, ignoring me completely.

  I hear the front door slam and I glance up to find Jackson ambling into the kitchen without a care in the world. He recently cut his hair, and while it’s still long on top—his blond locks hanging in his face always make the girls go wild—it’s shorter on the sides. Despite the shorter hair, he’s got the rocker vibe going on strong, with the torn jeans and the faded black T-shirt. Chains around his neck and rings on his fingers. An unfamiliar girl under each arm.

  Damn. What is with these guys tonight?

  “I’ve got good news,” Jackson says with a grin, his gaze sweeping over the women who are all staring at him, their appetites forgotten. “Hey, ladies.”

  “Hey, Jackson,” they all say like the fangirls they are. The only one who looks pissed is Ellie. She’s glaring at the girls. Glaring at Jackson.

  Ouch.

  “What’s up? Is this your big announcement?” I ask him.

  “Yeah. Where’s everyone else?” Jackson asks me as he approaches me. “This is Lydia and Linda by the way. They’re twins.”

  “No, we’re not,” one of them says, playfully swatting at his chest.

  “Oh. My bad.” He grins at me. “They just look exactly alike. And their names sound the same. I can’t tell them apart.”

  I roll my eyes. I wonder if he’s banged them both. Together. At the same time.

  Probably.

  “They’re outside,” I answer Jackson, jerking my thumb toward the sliding glass door that leads to the tiny yard. “Want me to get everyone inside?”

  “I’ll do it.” Jackson makes his way to the door, the girls still firmly under his arms, as he shouts for our friends to come in.

  Within minutes we’re all crammed into the kitchen, Jackson remaining close to the slider, the girls flanking him, smiling up at him adoringly. “I’ve got news. I know I said I wanted to hang out with you all this summer, but you’re all going to have to miss me instead, because I’m going on tour!”

  We all start cheering for him, offering our congratulations. Jackson takes it all in, a smile on his face, looking pleased. There are all sorts of questions and he answers them, and the gist of it is this: he hired a management team in the spring, and they were able to book some gigs for him up and down the West Coast. Small venues mostly. Some outside, at festivals and fairs. He doesn’t care where they’re at, as long as he can perform live. It’s his favorite thing to do, he says.

  “What about football?” Diego asks him.

  “We’ll see where this tour takes me,” Jackson says with a shrug. “I have gigs scheduled through July, so I still have time to return for practice if that’s the choice I make.”

  If he blows up any bigger, he’ll leave us. I’ll miss him. He’s become an integral part of our friend group. Eli will flounder without him, especially with Ava going away to college.

  “And no, I haven’t signed a record deal yet. I’m still waiting for the right offer to come along,” Jackson adds with a shit eating grin. “Now where’s the food? I’m fucking hungry.”

  Lydia and Linda are in a race to prepare him a plate and I watch it all unfold with amusement.

  Until I smell something burning.

  “Ah shit.”

  I run outside to the grill, flipping the lid open to find my burgers are black circles of coal and the hot dogs are shriveled and burned to a crisp. “Damn it,” I mutter, scraping everything up with my spatula and dumping it all on a paper plate so I can throw it away. Thank God I bought extra.

  I toss the burned meat and put new burgers and dogs on the barbecue, telling myself I can’t leave. It’s hot as balls out here though, and I’m sweating within minutes.

  “Here you go, hottie.”

  I glance over to see Hayden standing beside me, looking sexy in a red tank and denim shorts, a chilled glass of wine in her hand. She hands it to me. “Try my spritzer.”

  I do as she says, and damn, that’s delicious. “Refreshing,” I tell her after a couple of gulps. I resume grill duty, not about to let shit get burned again. “Thank you.”

  “Exciting about Jackson, right?”

  “Definitely,” I say, my gaze never straying from the grill.

  “We should go watch him if he performs somewhere close.”

  “For sure.”

  “Did you see Ellie though? She looked pissed that he brought those girls with him.” I glance over at Hayden just in time to see her roll her eyes.

  “She probably is pissed.” Ellie and H
ayden have become friends, which is nice to see. Ellie could learn a thing or two from my ball buster. Girl needs to get a spine and Hayden is just the woman to teach her how.

  “I know. We’ve talked about him. She realizes she’s a complete sucker for anything he does, and I told her she needs to learn to stand up for herself.” Hayden glances over her shoulder inside the condo. “Honestly, I think she should move on.”

  “She probably should,” I agree.

  “And then there’s Caleb.” She sighs loudly. Grabs my glass from where I left it and takes a big gulp. “What is up with him and Baylee?”

  “They did this in high school too. It’s annoying.” I flip my burgers. Turn the hot dogs.

  “You’re so sexy at the barbecue.” Hayden sidles up to me, slipping her arm around my waist. “I’m glad we’re not in the middle of a bunch of drama.”

  “I hate drama,” I tell her seriously. “You should know this by now.”

  “Oh, I do, Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected.” I bend down to drop a kiss on her upturned lips. “I guess we’ll let all of our friends indulge in the drama and we’ll just watch out for them.”

  “That’s all we can do,” I tell her, kissing her again before I gently shove her away and swat her on the ass. “Now get out of here. You’re distracting me. I already burned the first round of burgers and hot dogs.”

  She laughs, doing a little shimmy as she heads for the sliding glass door. “Love you,” she calls, waving her fingers at me.

  “I love you too,” I murmur to myself, watching her go, my gaze lingering on her shiny blonde hair.

  Damn. How’d I get so lucky?

  Jackson Rivers’ story is next in The Sophomore, coming June 17th! Keep reading for a sneak peek!

  The Sophomore Excerpt

  Chapter One

  Ellie

  The text notification shows up every night at approximately the same time. I wait up for it, anticipation racing through my veins as usual. Anything to do with him has me on the edge of my seat, which is ridiculous.

  He doesn’t feel the same way about me. It’s clear. It’s been clear for a while. My friends tell me I’m wasting my time on him, but I can’t help it. I care about him.

  Too much.

  I lie in bed with the lights off, my phone in my hand as I scroll TikTok. I work mostly nights during the summer anyway, so I’m usually up till the early morning hours. He knows this. He’s currently traveling the west coast and has a hard time sleeping too.

  Jackson: You around?

  I smile, my heart rate kicking up. I decide to make him wait until the two minute repeat notification pops up, and then I’ll answer him. Not like he’s sitting around waiting for my reply. i get this image of him living this glamorous, bohemian life. Traveling in a tour bus his dad actually bought for him, writing lyrics and having spontaneous jam sessions with his newfound band members.

  What I don’t try and think about are the groupies who he could be getting with on a nightly basis. The girls go crazy for him. His social media has blown up since he’s gone on tour, and most of his followers—and fans—are women. I’m scared he’ll find so much success, he won’t come back here.

  Worse, I’m scared I’ll never really see him again.

  This is why I live for the nightly text conversations. Just like we used to have when we were in high school. Back then, I thought they meant so much more to me than they did to him, and that secretly devastated me. Especially when we’d be together at a party or whatever, and sometimes he’d act like I didn’t exist.

  He’s a terrible human sometimes, I swear. But there’s something about him that’s so appealing. He’s charming. A natural charisma you can’t help but be drawn to. Oh, and then there’s his face. and the way he looks at me when he sings his songs.

  As if he’s singing them to me.

  According to my best friend Ava, I let him take advantage of my kindness. She’s probably right. I’m a nice person. Too nice. Tony Sorrento’s girlfriend Hayden has been giving me lessons lately in standing up for myself and learning how to not take any shit. I love her. She’s my mentor. I hope to be just like her when I grow up.

  I mean, she’s only around three years older than me, but still. She’s strong and smart and she doesn’t back down from anything. While I’m quiet and shy and sometimes a little scared of trying something new. Ava doesn’t take any crap either. She stands up for what she believes in no matter what. I’m going to miss her. She’s going away to college. Her boyfriend isn’t too happy about it either, but we can’t convince her to stick around. If we try that, it’ll push her to leave even more. She’s kind of stubborn.

  I wish I was more like her. And Hayden too.

  Jackson’s text pops up again and I tap it, contemplating my reply. I decide to keep it simple.

  Me: Hey! What’s up?

  The gray bubble pops up, surprising me. Maybe he was waiting for me to respond.

  Jackson: Nothing much. Tired. Homesick.

  Me: Getting tired of traveling already?

  He’s been gone over a month. He said he’d come back at the end of July so he could be back at school in time for football practice, which is about three weeks before classes start. He claims he’s going to be on the team again this season, but I don’t know. How is he going to do that? His entire life is changing, and he’s currently split in two directions. He’s going to have to make a choice soon, and I’m thinking he’ll give up football.

  Jackson: Yeah. I miss sleeping in my own bed.

  I wish for once he’d say he misses me. He misses my smiling face. Something, anything like that would send me over the moon.

  Of course, it would also send my expectations soaring sky high and I’d end up sorely disappointed when I found out yet again that Jackson isn’t interested in me like that. I’m a friend in his eyes.

  That’s. It.

  Shoving all negative thoughts aside, I focus on our conversation.

  Me: Where did you perform tonight?

  Jackson: At an outdoor music festival on the outskirts of Seattle. It was so fuckin cool, E. We went to the place where Kurt Cobain killed himself.

  Me: Uh, that’s gruesome.

  Jackson: He’s my fuckin idol, you know this. Anything that has to do with him, I want to see. Fuck, I want to absorb whatever I can. Seattle is an amazing city.

  I’ve never been there. I haven’t been many places, really. I didn’t even bother applying to colleges anywhere else. I chose Fresno State because it’s close, and thank God I got in. I’m not adventurous. Not even close.

  Me: I can see you living in Seattle.

  Jackson: I would’ve come up here in a heartbeat if it was the 90s. But it’s not. The music scene is cool here, but not like back then. Those were the good days.

  Me: I think you were meant for another time.

  Jackson: I think you’re right.

  We talk a little more about his travels. Where he’s going next. When he’s coming home. He says record executives are chasing after him, trying to get him to sign deals. But he’s not ready to tie himself down with anything. He claims he’s not sure if this is what he really wants.

  Me: You’re going to have to make a choice sometime.

  Jackson: I’ll keep up the dual life as long as I can. I’m only nineteen. I want to go party with my friends too, you know? This is starting to feel like a grind. Like a job.

  Me: Are you performing at Strummers when you come back home?

  Jackson: Yeah. I have a performance lined up for July 31st. Didn’t I tell you? Though I’m coming home on the 27th so I can have a little time to relax. I can’t wait.

  My heart cracks wide open. He’ll be home in less than three weeks. I can’t wait to see him.

  Me: It’ll be nice to have you back.

  Jackson: Can’t wait to see you.

  He sends me a heart emoji.

  Don’t read too much into that. Don’t do it. Don’t.

  Me: I’m sure you have plenty of female
company.

  Jackson: They’re not you though.

  He doesn’t deny he’s with other girls, which I’m sure he is. Can’t focus on that though. That’s a downward spiral I don’t want to go down right now.

  Me: I’m glad we’re friends.

  There. What can he say to that? We are friends. And that’s all we’re gonna be. That’s all he’ll allow.

  He doesn’t respond and I keep scrolling TikTok, my eyelids growing heavier and heavier. I’m tired. It’s already past two. I need to go to sleep. I work at eleven tomorrow, so I won’t get to sleep in as much as I usually do when I close.

  Jackson: Sometimes I wonder why we’re not more than that, E. Why are you always so good to me? I don’t deserve you.

  I stare at what he wrote, reading it again and again. He’s right. He doesn’t deserve me. And he doesn’t mean it when he says he wonders why we’re not more than that.

  Me: Because we both know it would never work.

  Jackson: Right. I’d mess it up.

  Me: You would. Oh, and you’re right.

  Jackson: What about?

  Me: You don’t deserve me.

  Me: You never really have.

  Want more? Preorder The Sophomore, coming to Kindle Unlimited June 17th!

  Things I Wanted To Say (but never did) Excerpt

  This book is a complete standalone, and is by far my longest, darkest, sexiest book I’ve ever written! And I cannot WAIT for you to read it! Things I Wanted To Say (but never did) is coming July 29th! Here’s the blurb:

  Things I wanted to say to my family, but never could.

  Things I wanted to tell my friends, but never got the chance.

  Things I wanted to confess to you, but wrote in my journal instead.

  Whit Lancaster burst into my life like a storm. Dark and thunderous, furious and fierce. Cold, heartless and devastatingly beautiful, like the statues in our prep school gardens. The school with his family name on the sign. He can do no wrong here. This is his domain.

  He’s a menace on campus. Adored and feared. Hated and respected. His taunting words carve into my skin, shredding me to ribbons. Yet his gaze scorches my blood, fills me with a longing I don’t understand. I count down the days until we graduate. And then I’ll never have to see Whit’s smug, beautiful face ever again.