by Skyler Snow
A hand rested on his, and he felt the warmth that spread through him. When he finally dared to glance up, Jed didn't look pissed off, but he couldn't read the expression on his face, either, or the emotion that somehow he could feel. Confusion? Was that it?
"I'm not pissed off," Jed said slowly. "It's more like I don't understand why you couldn't tell me about this. Don't you trust me?"
Parker shot up. "I trust you more than anyone else. You know that. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you how much of a fuck-up I am. I should have said something, I know that. I would never hide anything from you again."
"I don't get why you didn't say anything," Jed said as he shook his head. "Why didn't you tell them about the people you were hanging out with if they were the ones that got you in trouble in the first place?"
Parker shrugged. "I thought they were my friends, and I didn't want to rat on my friends. I figured they would come and bail me out, but when I called around, not one of them would take my call, or if they picked up, they never helped. All of them could have. It's not like they didn't have the money to do it, but they just didn't want to help. I even let them know when I was out of rehab, and you know what? Not so much as a fucking text or a Facebook message." Parker shook his head. "I thought they were my friends, but they don't give a shit about me at all. When I finally realized that, it just made me miserable."
"I'm sorry you had to find out that way," Jed said as he moved closer and pulled Parker against him.
"Can you forgive me for hiding it?" Parker asked as he breathed in Jed's scent and buried his nose in his shoulder. "And being a pain in the ass."
"I can forgive you. Just don't leave me out of the loop like that again, okay? I was still pretty irritated that you just took off and then came back and wouldn't tell me anything. I would rather know than wonder what's going on with you."
Parker nodded. "I understand. I won't do it again, and I wouldn't touch that stuff again, either. That's why I wouldn't even have a glass of wine that first night." He sighed. "I can't lose you, Jed. I need you in my life because I love you."
Jed stiffened against him, and he was worried that he'd spoken those words much too soon. What was I thinking? It's true, but I don't want to freak him out. I felt something between us, but maybe it was only more in my mind.
Parker felt his cheeks reddening and quickly backpedaled. "You don't have to say anything back," he said as he pulled away. "I know you might not feel that way. As a matter of fact, let's just forget I even said it." He chuckled, but it sounded forced, even to his ears.
"It's not that I don't feel something for you too," Jed said as he gripped his chin and stopped him from looking away. "I just need some time to digest all of this. Give me that, and I'll be grateful."
"Okay," Parker nodded. "That's more than fair."
Jed bit his lip. "I actually have something to tell you too."
"Yeah?" Parker asked as he tilted his head. "You can tell me anything."
"I think it would be better to show you," he said as he released Parker's chin. "Please eat and drink first though, okay? I'll feel better when you do."
"Okay, anything for you."
Jed smiled at him, and he felt ten times better. I'm sure he'll say it back in time. Or at least I hope so. There was still a nervous fluttering in his stomach, but he wasn't going to listen to it until Jed told him that he didn't feel the same way. I don't think that's it though. It doesn't feel like he doesn't have feelings for me. It just feels like he's holding back.
Parker couldn't understand why. After the times that they'd shared, he couldn't imagine holding back anymore when it came to Jedidiah. He wanted to know everything about the man, and he wanted Jed to know everything about him in return.
"Eat," Jed interrupted his thoughts and picked up the bowl of soup. "I'm not going to have you passing out or getting dehydrated. Once you eat and rest a bit more, I'll show you, but it has to wait until night time."
"Why?" Parker asked, and sipped at his soup to make Jed happy. "Why can't you tell me now?"
"Don't be impatient," Jed lectured. "You'll know soon enough."
"Fine," Parker sighed. "I guess I can wait."
"You have no choice," Jed said offhandedly as he handed him a bottle of water. "Drink up."
"Well, if I have no choice, then you have to sleep with me until I can get up and move around."
Jed gripped his hair and growled. "You want to reword that?"
"C-can you sleep with me until I feel better?"
A grin spread across Jed's lips, and he kissed Parker. "Sure, I can do that for you since you asked like a good boy."
Parker groaned. "Come on, you're killing me!"
"I'll stop," he laughed. "And start up as soon as you feel better."
"You won't hear me complaining." Parker winked and grinned.
As soon as Parker finished both his soup and tea, Jed whisked the dishes away, placing them on the top of the dresser, and then came back over to the bed. Parker scooted over, and Jed climbed in beside him before he wrapped him up in his strong arms. Slowly, he drifted off to sleep, and his dreams were filled with thoughts of Jed and hearing him say those three little words that he sorely longed to hear.
Chapter 12
Jed
Jed couldn't sleep. Even as Parker's breathing evened out and he started snoring softly, he couldn't be lulled to sleep like he usually was when they were together. All he could think about was Parker saying that he loved him. The words echoed through his brain. He'd had to restrain himself from saying it back right away because he did love Parker. He was sure of that.
I can't say those words until I tell him everything. It's not fair that he came clean to me, and I'm still hiding things from him. I need to show him. Tonight.
It was easy to think that, but actually doing it was an entirely different story. What if Parker reacted badly to finding out? He thought about his family, and he knew they wouldn't want him to show his true self, the wolf that slumbered inside of him ready to break free at any moment.
Jed's wolf pushed him toward it, however, and wouldn't let him shy away from it. No matter what happened, he had to confess and tell Parker who he really was. If he couldn't accept the truth, it would hurt like a motherfucker, but he was mated to him, and Parker needed to know exactly what that meant.
I'll show him when he wakes up. Jed resolved himself to it, and part of him felt relief that he was finally going to get it off his chest. Hiding a secret that huge was stressing him out, and he'd rather get it over with than stuff it down even more.
"If you stare at the ceiling any harder, you're going to melt a hole in it," Parker said before he yawned and nestled against him. "Have you been up this entire time?"
"I couldn't sleep," Jed admitted as he reached over and stroked a hand over his cheek. "Are you feeling any better now?"
"Much better," Parker confirmed before he stretched and sat up. "Thanks for taking care of me. I don't know what it was that hit me, but hopefully it was just a twenty-four-hour bug and I won't have to deal with it anymore. I need to pee, be right back."
"Go ahead," Jed said as he rolled out of bed. "I'll get some clothes out for you."
"Clothes? Where are we going?" Parker asked as he paused in the doorway and pursed his lips. "I thought we could stay in again. I'm not feeling up to being around people just yet."
Jed waved a hand. "It's not that. I told you that I had something to show you and it's outside," he said as he pulled open one of the heavy drawers and rooted through Parker's clothes. "Go to the bathroom and come back quickly."
"Alright, alright." Parker finally relented and left Jed alone.
He took the time to pull out a pair of thick black sweats, socks, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and a dark blue sweater to go over it. The chill from outside had already permeated the house, and Jed didn't want Parker to get sick again. He grabbed Parker's thick blue jacket and laid it on the dresser as well.
"You want me to wear all of this?
" Parker asked as he ran a hand over the clothes. "This is a ton of stuff to put on."
"Yep, and I'm making you wear all of it," Jed said as he handed him the shirt. "I'm not about to have you getting sicker on me."
"Yes, dad," Parker teased.
"Try Daddy and you can say that all you want."
Parker's face turned so red he looked like a tomato. For a second, Jed forgot what he was about to do and laughed at his reaction. When he could catch his breath again, Parker glared at him with his arms folded across his chest.
"Knock it off, you bastard," Parker grumbled.
Jed pulled him into his arms and kissed him. "Are you really mad?"
Despite how hard he tried, Parker couldn't stop the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. He kissed Jed back and shook his head.
"I could never be that mad at you. You're too hot."
Jed rolled his eyes. "Get dressed already. Why are you always horny now?"
"Now?" Parker asked. "Really? Are you forgetting what I was like when I was younger? We both know I’ve been a pervert forever."
"Get. Dressed."
Parker chuckled but did as he was asked. Once he was all bundled up, Jed wrapped a scarf around his neck and handed him his gloves. He tugged them on and then tilted his head.
"Why aren't you getting turned into a human snowman too?" He asked as he sank his hands into his pockets. "You're going to freeze."
"I'll be fine," Jed said as he shook his head and the weight of what he was about to do dawned on him again. "It wouldn't do much good to put anything on anyway."
"Why not?"
Mostly because I'd tear right out of it. It was still too hard to say that without just showing him what was going on. Instead, he pulled Parker's hand out of his pocket and linked their fingers.
"Let's go outside."
"You're being really weird," Parker said as he watched him carefully. "I feel like I'm either going to love this surprise or hate it."
"Hopefully it's the former," Jed muttered as he led Parker outside and sat him on one of the wooden chairs. "Can you promise me something?"
"Anything," Parker said as he gazed up at him with those adoring eyes that made Jed's heart race.
"Promise you won't freak out."
Parker frowned as Jed pulled the hood of his coat over his head. "Why would I freak out? You're starting to worry me, Jed."
"I'm sorry. I'll just show you, okay?"
Jed kissed Parker deeply just in case he didn't feel the same way afterward. He wanted to remember that kiss and the heat between them. When he pulled back, their breath turned into white clouds from the chill, and Jed knew that he couldn't procrastinate any longer.
Slowly, he removed his boots and tossed them aside. He peeled the warm shirt from over his head and shivered slightly. When he glanced at Parker, he sat on the edge of his seat, confused, but quiet. Jed pushed off his jeans and boxers and stood on the porch naked as snow slowly gathered on the ground.
"What are you doing?" Parker asked. "You're going to freeze to death."
"No, I'll be okay. It's a little chilly for me, but my body can regulate as soon as I... change."
"Change?" Parker pressed. "What are you talking about? You're going to get sick and then I'm going to be the one taking care of you. Put some clothes on, come on."
As much as Jed wanted to do just that, he pushed himself to keep going. He stepped off the porch and felt the familiar vibrations that spread through him. It always started out small, but grew so quickly that he felt every inch of himself tingling. His nose elongated, his bones reformed, and fur burst over every inch of his skin until he was a huge white wolf.
Jed's wolf was ecstatic to be free. He bounded through the grass snapping at the falling snowflakes before Jed redirected his attention to Parker. The short distance toward the stairs seemed to take ages. He stopped short and stared up at Parker.
He hadn't moved an inch. Parker's hazel eyes were the size of saucers, and his mouth hung open. The surprise will pass. It has to. He wanted to believe that, but Parker seemed frozen to the spot.
Was this a mistake?
Chapter 13
Parker
What the hell did I just see? One minute, Jed stood there naked and shivering, and Parker had been about to tell him to knock it off because he was really getting weirded out, but the weird had only just begun. Before his eyes, the man he loved had turned into a wolf.
A fucking wolf.
Jed was on all fours as steam billowed out of his mouth and curled into the air. Their eyes held each other, and Parker shivered, but not from the cold. It can't be real. No, I was sick, right? I'm asleep or I'm hallucinating and I have a really horrible fever. There's no way this is real. It's not possible!
As he watched, Jed took a tentative step forward, and it broke the moment into pieces. Parker jumped up and scrambled for the front door. It seemed as if he could just feel the wolf's breath on his neck and it forced him to move even faster.
The door handle jiggled in his hand, but he couldn't get the damn thing to open. Come on, come on, come on! Finally, the door gave and he fell through it. Parker slammed it shut with his foot and his shoulder banged up against the door, causing pain to shoot through it as he threw the lock. His breathing was deep and panicked as he closed his eyes and tilted his head against the door.
"What the hell was that?" He couldn't catch his breath no matter how hard he tried, and his legs refused to move. "I'm just sick. That's all it is. I'm sick and I need to go back to bed, and everything will be perfectly fine in the morning."
Tap. Tap. Tap.
"Parker?"
At the sound of his voice, Parker jolted and crawled away from the door. The tapping continued, and he wrapped his arms around his knees as his heart hammered in his chest. Even if he tried to convince himself it was only a dream, he couldn't face Jed.
"Parker, are you okay in there?" There was silence for a minute before he continued. "Can you let me in?"
"No," Parker shouted back to the door. "Leave. I'm fine."
"You really want me to go?" There was a tinge of hurt in Jed's voice that stung him. "Let's talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about!"
It fell quiet once again, and Parker breathed a sigh of relief. Slowly, he pulled himself up and glanced out of the window. Jed wasn't there anymore, but his car was still parked in the driveway.
"Where did he go?" He muttered to himself.
"Parker."
He spun around and saw Jed standing in front of him. The jeans he'd slipped back on, but otherwise, he was still naked and barefoot. Parker pressed his back against the door as Jed stepped toward him. He must have come in through the back door. His fingers tried to find the knob behind him, but he came up short, and he didn't want to turn around to find it.
"You have to go," Parker said as he inched his way away from Jed with his back pressed firmly against the wall. "I can't deal with this, Jed. Please, just go."
"I'm not going to leave you when you're terrified of me."
Parker didn't know what to tell him. Was he terrified? Hell yes. Did he want to actually say those words to Jed? No, and he couldn't do it. The stairs were his salvation, and he made a run for it before Jed snagged his arm and pulled him back.
"Don't run away from me," Jed said as he pulled him back and forced Parker to look at him. "I'm still the same person! I'm still Jed. That's not going to change, and I would never do anything to hurt you."
"What are you?" Parker demanded as he tried to pull away from him.
"I'm a shifter. All that means is that I turn into a wolf, but I'm still the same person, Parker. I need to explain so many things to you. If you just sit down and talk to me, I promise I'll tell you everything that's going on."
"What else could you possibly have to tell me?"
Jed frowned. "A lot. Trust me, you'll feel better once I explain things clearly. I know this is a lot to take in, but I just want you to give me a chance
."
Parker shook his head. "I can't," he whispered as he yanked his arm away. "I can't do this, Jed. It's just too weird. I can't even think straight right now," he said as he gripped his hair. "Please, leave me alone. I need some time to think, and I can't do that with you here. Please. Please, just go."
A frown crossed Jed's lips, and Parker worried that he would be his usual stubborn self and refuse to leave. Instead, he nodded slightly and turned around. Parker watched as he retreated and the back door closed and locked after him. A deep sigh of relief left his lips, and he finally sagged against the wall.
I hate that look on his face. The fact that he'd hurt Jed by not accepting him right away felt awful, but he couldn't help the way his brain reacted. He'd never seen anything like Jed before, and he had to wonder if there were more people out there like him.
Why didn't he tell me this years ago? Maybe if he had introduced the idea when they were younger, it wouldn't have come as such a shock. Or maybe it would have been the same. This is exactly why he took so long to tell me in the first place.
Parker quickly realized how similar their situations were. Neither of them had wanted to hurt or disappoint or scare the other, but Jed had accepted him and his flaws. As much as he wanted to do the same, he couldn't stop seeing his friend shift from a human to a huge, white wolf. No one could possibly be prepared for something like that.
He gripped the bannister and used it to make his way upstairs. As soon as he stood in his bedroom door, he glanced around and started to peel off the layers of clothes that Jed had insisted he wear. I know he cares about me. Maybe he even loves me. How much can I accept?
Some part of Parker still longed for all of it to be a dream. He pinched his arm, but the only thing that accomplished was a sharp pain and then... nothing. There was no way he was asleep, and he couldn't pretend it hadn't happened.
Parker crawled into bed and tugged the blanket over his body. He gazed at the bowl and cup of tea that Jed had made for him, and he was completely torn in two. On the one hand, he loved him, but on the other, he was still completely horrified at what he'd seen.
