by K. Webster
“You’re not a skank, Sid.”
“But I am. I’ve been freely giving it up to anyone who’ll give me the time of day. It’s just sex. Empty sex. They never stick around for the after. I didn’t realize I wanted an after.” She chuckles. “Gio isn’t even my type, but he just sees me. I’ve never been seen like that before. I’m excited to go out with him tonight. Not because I think we’ll have sex, but because I want to spend more time with him and argue with him about all the dumb stuff he says. He’s funny and a smartass, but he’s sweet.” Her lips turn up. “He’s a great kisser too.”
“Gio’s a great guy and you’re a great girl. You two need to make a go at it. I’m happy you’re giving him a chance.”
She stands and fishes out my keys from my soaked jeans pocket. “Now that I’m taken care of, we just need to find you a boyfriend.”
I don’t want a boyfriend.
I want a Hoodlum.
“How about we start with my clothes first, Cupid.”
Roan
Jordy paces the living room of our garage apartment, looking more broken than ever before. I didn’t realize my best friend was going through some mental shit. Enough that he’d try to kill Hollis over it. It’s fucked up, and I’m going to get to the bottom of it.
“Talk to me, man,” I urge, crossing my arms over my chest. “Tell me what’s going through your head.”
I don’t blame him. He’s my brother. In that moment, he probably felt like he was trying to protect us. But normally, he wouldn’t make such a life-changing decision. I don’t need him going to prison for me. I need him here with me.
“Jordy…”
“I just,” he grits out, rubbing his palms over his buzzed head. “I get so fucking angry sometimes.” He drags his hands over his face, his fingers spread wide, and peeks his dark eyes at me, before letting his hands fall at his side. “You’re family. He’s a threat to my family.”
“Hollis isn’t a threat,” I tell him. “Sure, he’s stirring shit up when it comes to me and Roux, but it’s not like that. He doesn’t intentionally mean to harm us.” I take a step closer to him and grip his shoulder. “He’s just the tip of the iceberg. What’s going on?”
He cracks his neck and walks away from me to continue his pacing. “Just some shit with Juno.”
His brother Juno who owns the garage can be a mega dick. At one time, he used to whip up on Jordy. Then, Jordy bulked up so he could return the ass kicking. Ever since, Juno has left him alone. They get along enough for Jordy to work there with him. Their parents are older and oblivious to their sons’ troubles. His mom doesn’t speak English and thinks her boys do no wrong. Their father is a workaholic who works long hours at the tire factory.
“Is he being an asshole again?”
“Juno’s always being an asshole. This is…” He lets out a heavy sigh. “He’s mixed up with some people.”
“What kind of people?”
“Fucking gangstas.”
“Juno? Since when?”
“Since he’s been struggling at the shop. Did some jobs for a guy named Renaldo. Mostly just chopping some stolen cars.”
I frown, rubbing the tension from the back of my neck. “You can’t get involved in that shit, man.”
He scowls at me. “I already am, Roan. I’ve been helping him because what choice do I have? But it’s never ending. Renaldo pays him good for this crap, so the jobs keep coming. But so do his asshole friends.”
“Are they giving you trouble?”
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Do we need to kick anyone’s asses?”
Jordy snorts. “And risk you losing Roux? Fuck no, man. Why do you think I’ve left you out of it? You have enough to deal with just trying to keep food in her mouth. And now with you two staying here, it’s too much. I’m not getting you involved.”
“I can help,” I mutter, though we both know I can’t.
“I don’t want you to.” He levels me with a firm glare. “You take care of Roux. She’s the most important thing to me. To us. I’d do whatever the fuck I had to in order to make sure she’s far away from this crap. She needs you. I’ve got this.”
But he doesn’t.
He’s barely hanging on by a thread here.
“What if you just quit working there?” I ask. “Maybe we could find a job together someplace else. The tire factory with your dad maybe? I need to figure out a way to pay Mike back for all this.”
Jordy’s anger melts away and he just stares at me. Like a father would his son who doesn’t understand the complicated ways of the world. “I can’t untangle myself. But you haven’t been to the shop in ages. Just stay away, okay? Keep doing what you have to do for Roux.”
“I don’t like this,” I growl, irritated that he’s going to take on this burden himself. “It’s fucked up.” It’s driving him to places I never thought Jordy was capable of. Like pushing some kid into a frozen river, hoping he would die.
A shiver runs down my spine as I remember how fucking cold that river was.
“I don’t like it either,” Jordy mumbles. “But I’ll figure it out. It’s what we do. We’re Hoodlums. We don’t let life fuck us. We get on our feet and fuck life.”
I pull him to me and hug him. “Don’t push me away. If you need help, you know where to find me. I have Mike and the station. He has connections. If we need to get the police—”
“Don’t. Don’t ever say that.” His voice is fierce and hard. “They’ll fucking kill you. Just don’t.”
And as much as I hate to, I know I’ll never mention it again.
“I can’t keep Roux safe if I’m worrying about you,” I tell him. “Take care of yourself. We need you.”
“Like I said,” he growls. “I’ve got this. Now let’s go pick up Little Hoodlum and grab lunch. I’m fucking starving.”
Conversation officially over.
But no matter what he says, I know he doesn’t have it. He’s barely holding it together. Just another goddamn thing to stress out over.
“Who the hell is Kayden?” I demand, tossing my sister’s notebook onto her bed.
She pushes her glasses up her nose and rolls her eyes. “A boy.”
“No boys. Ever.”
“Why not?” she demands, her brows furling angrily.
“I don’t know. Because you’re thirteen.”
“Almost fourteen.”
“Big fucking whoop. Fourteen is still too young for boys.”
“You’re not my dad.” She grabs her notebook and shoves it into her backpack, tears welling in her honey-brown eyes that match mine.
Guilt nearly knocks me the hell over. I’ve been a mess this weekend. I’m worried about Jordy. Stressed over Roux’s and my living situation. And then there’s Hollis.
Fuck.
I’ve been trying to push what happened far into the back of my mind. But the last two nights, it’s all I can think about. I lie awake thinking about how terrified I felt when I saw him go into the water, which makes no sense since I barely know him. Mostly, I think about kissing him. His hot, urgent tongue. The way our bodies rubbed together. How he came all over me and then used his fucking cum to jack me off.
Two nights in a row, I jerked off to that image.
Why?
I don’t even like guys.
Except him.
Hell, I’m not sure if I even like him.
But I like the way he felt. The way he tasted. Each sound that rumbled up his throat. It’s maddening and addictive. I want more, yet I want to run away. Today, at school, I’ll have to face him. He didn’t try to message me all weekend, or if he did, I don’t know because my phone was ruined in the river. I don’t know what the fuck to even say to him.
“I didn’t mean it,” Roux says, throwing her arms around me. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” I murmur, rubbing her back. “I’m not mad. Just lost in thought. Promise it’s not about you.”
She pulls away and smiles. “About a girl? Sidn
ey?”
“Not Sidney.”
“Oh good. Sidney’s a hoochie.”
I snort. “What’s a hoochie?”
“A girl who makes out with all the guys and wears shirts that let her boobs hang out.”
“If you ever turn into a hoochie, I’ll beat your ass,” I tease, ruffling her hair. “No boys need to see that shit. Especially Kayden.”
Her face falls. “Kayden is so hot. He doesn’t like me, though. The only reason he talks to me now is because of Charlotte.”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’ve seen her,” she mumbles, rolling her eyes. “She’s so beautiful with her blond hair and fancy clothes. I’m…” She waves at her outfit. Guilt swarms up inside me that I can’t buy her nice clothes like Charlotte wears. “I’m just me.”
“You’re not just anything, Roux. You’re everything. To me, you’re the best damn person on the planet.”
She beams at me. “Now if you could only convince the boys at my school.”
“Maybe the boys at your school don’t deserve you. Maybe you’ll find someone better when you go to high school next year.” I’ll still whip anyone’s ass who looks at her wrong, but at least she can have something to look forward to.
“So if a boy asks me out, you’re going to let me go?” she taunts.
“You’re pushing it, kid. I might let him think about dating you, but I doubt I’ll let him actually do it.”
“Punk.”
“Just protecting you.”
Someone honks and I peek out the window. Jordy is out front in his Ford Explorer. We lock up and head downstairs.
“Hey, Little Hoodlum,” Jordy says when we get in his car. “Liking your new place?”
“It’s super nice, Jordy. You gotta come over and hang out one day. There’s even food in our fridge. Roan says he’s going to teach me to cook some stuff.”
Jordy grins at her in the mirror. “He only knows how to make grilled cheese.”
“The best grilled cheese,” I argue. It is the best. I butter it just right and watch it like a hawk so it gets toasty but not burned.
“I make tacos that will make you cry,” Jordy brags. “Your brother’s grilled cheese pales in comparison.”
“Hey, I can make tacos,” I grumble.
“Not white boy tacos.” Jordy shakes his head. “Flap meat seasoned with lime salt and pepper. Sautéed onions to throw in there. Heat up some soft corn tortillas. Heaven in your mouth, Little Hoodlum.”
“Yum,” she groans.
“I’m not done yet,” he teases. “I make a homemade salsa too. Tomatoes and tomatillos with chiles de árbol. Garlic, salt, clove, onions, a little cilantro. Your mouth will be spoiled, niñita.”
“You can move in with us. Be our own personal chef,” Roux tells him.
He laughs and fuck if it isn’t a great sound to hear. “And I didn’t even tell you about my homemade guac.”
“Dude,” I groan. “We get it. Your culinary prowess outshines mine every day of the week.”
He ignores me, continuing to taunt. “Ripe avocados, tomatoes, green jalapeno chilies, cilantro, lime juice. Just mix it all in and serve it up. You’ve never had good food until you’ve had my food.”
Roux giggles in the back. “You’re conceited.”
“It’s not being conceited when it’s the truth,” he volleys back.
We continue our banter until we pull up to the middle school. Roux jumps out and gives us a little wave before walking toward the doors. When a lanky boy with dark hair that hangs in his eyes walks up to her, Jordy and I glare.
“Who the fuck is that?” Jordy demands.
“If I had to guess, it’s Kayden.”
The boy in question shoots us a panicked look. I guess he can feel the intensity of our stares.
Roux turns to look at us and mouths, “Please stop.”
“Just go,” I grumble.
Jordy drives up slowly, turning his neck to give this kid the stare down. Finally we leave the parking lot with a squeal of tires.
“You know we’re going to have to kill him,” Jordy says. Normally, I’d think he’s joking, but after the Hollis shit, I’m not so sure.
“She likes him. It’s the first boy who’s ever talked to her. This shit is hard,” I complain. Sometimes being more of a father to your sister than a brother is confusing.
“It’s not hard,” Jordy bites out. “She doesn’t get to talk to boys. She’s a kid.”
“Try telling her that.”
“I will.”
Stubborn ass.
“And your role as her favorite will soon be downgraded. I made her cry earlier when I threw a fit over this boy. Trust me, leave it alone if you don’t want her to hate you.”
He doesn’t confirm nor deny he will as we pull into the parking lot of our school. Of course Jordy parks right next to Hollis’s purple Mustang.
Before we get out, I grab Jordy’s arm and level him with a firm look. “Leave him alone.”
His face grows stormy.
“I’m serious, Jordy. I need you to just back off when it comes to Hollis.”
“You think he’s going to tell what I did?” His eyes darken.
“No. I just don’t want to see him get hurt.”
“Why not? He’s just a fucking gay rat. No one gives a shit about him.”
I pop my knuckles and shrug. “Someone does.”
“Someone, huh?”
“Yeah. And someone cares about you too. So don’t fuck shit up because Juno is a dick and pissing you off. I need you. You feel me?”
“I still think he’s a little bitch,” Jordy tells me. “But I won’t fucking touch him.”
I let out a heavy sigh of relief.
“But that doesn’t mean I won’t tell him what a little bitch he is.” He climbs out of the vehicle and starts stalking toward a group of people.
Hollis, wearing another substitute teacher coat, turns just in time to lock eyes with Jordy. His eyes widen, a flash of fear glimmering in them. I’m out of the car and rushing to catch up to Jordy in my next breath. I manage to grab his backpack right before he reaches Hollis. All the kids around him seem to slink away. Sidney and Gio step forward like their scrawny asses will do shit.
“Watch yourself, rat,” Jordy sneers at Hollis. “Wouldn’t want you to misstep again and fall. Like last time.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
Hollis’s blue eyes dart to mine, hurt and accusing. “Not a problem, man,” he says to Jordy, but glares at me. “I’ll stay away.”
I shoot Hollis an apologetic look, but he’s already turning his back on us. A bold move considering Jordy is unpredictable as fuck. I grab my best friend and manhandle him toward the door. This whole situation is bullshit.
Hollis
I lay my cheek against the cool gray-painted cinderblock wall. I’m not going to puke. I’m not going to puke. I’m not going to puke. My stomach recoils and burns, but nothing comes up. It’s a good thing I passed up bacon and eggs this morning. That shit would be sick coming back up. Another wave of nausea hits me. Thinking of food is not wise.
Instead, I think about Dad’s text, which isn’t much better.
Dad: We need to talk.
I don’t want to talk to him. Not after everything he did. The way he went on a fucking rampage because he found out I like guys. Big deal. Apparently to him, it’s the biggest deal. I’ve never seen a grown man throw such a temper tantrum in all my life.
I should have known he would have flipped.
I’m an embarrassment to his name.
Don’t I even know what this could do to his reputation at the hospital?
In other countries, people are killed for this bullshit.
The last part is what sent Mom into a rare momma bear rage. She got into a screaming match with my father and told him I was his son. That he wasn’t allowed to treat me that way. He told her I was worthless and since I was eighteen, I needed to go. She said that if I go, we all go. He’d be left
all alone. My father said it was better than living with a faggot.
And here we are.
Mom yanked her kids up so fast and left his ass, he didn’t have much time to react. He was pissed. Blamed me. Blamed her. But too much of an asshole to fight to try and at least get her and the girls to stay. Instead, the stubborn dick let us leave.
And now he wants to talk.
Too little, too late.
What does he even want to talk about? Does he want them back? Does he want to make amends? Is he trying to get our cars back?
The not knowing makes my head spin. But I also don’t want to talk to him, so I guess I’ll never know.
I pull out the other phone in my pocket. I’d bought it Saturday after I dropped Sidney off. For Roan. But then he avoided me like the plague and now has sided with his psycho bestie.
I expected more from him.
That kiss…it just felt like more than a simple night of pleasure.
As soon as I feel better, I stand and shove the phones into my pocket. I’m shaky as I make my way over to the sink. After a quick splash of water on my face, I stare at my reflection. I’m paler than usual. The bags under my eyes are dark and pronounced. My cheeks seem hollowed out. Frankly, I look like shit. I feel like it too.
I should go back into the lunchroom where I abandoned my untouched lunch tray. Gio and Sidney are probably worried about me if they’re not still making out. It’s weird to see geeky Gio with someone like Sidney, but they somehow seem to work. Everyone else is totally freaked out by them. Even her friend Wendy has taken to hanging out with some other girls.
The door to the bathroom opens and I close my eyes, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone when I feel like this. Footsteps squeak across the linoleum. But when I don’t hear one of the stalls open, I open my eyes.
Oh, fuck.
Roan stares at me in the mirror, just a couple feet beside me. His bronze eyes are intense and assessing. They could almost be confused with worry. I know better, though. He’s not worried. If anything, he’s worried I’ll tell everyone he had a weak gay moment.
