by K. Webster
Whatever.
“What?” I rasp out, hating that my voice is shaky.
He steps closer. “You okay?”
“Yep.”
“Liar.”
“What do you want?” I demand, turning to glower at him. “Your friends are waiting. Jordy is waiting.”
He lets out a heavy sigh and runs his fingers through his hair, his eyes darting in an almost frantic way. “Listen…”
“I get it,” I hiss. “It was an accident. You were drunk. Whatever. I’m fine.”
Scowling, he shakes his head. “I wasn’t drunk. It wasn’t a fucking accident, Hollis.”
Hollis. Not rat.
My heart cracks down the middle.
God, I hate this guy.
“Just not good enough to acknowledge or talk about,” I state bitterly. “Could have fooled me when you came all over—”
He grabs the front of my sweatshirt and pulls me closer. “Lower your voice.”
“Right,” I sneer. “Wouldn’t want it to get out that you kissed a guy and fucking liked it.”
His eyes dart to my lips and it makes my heart flop inside my chest. “I didn’t like it.”
I flinch at his words.
“I didn’t like it,” he mutters, leaning closer. “Because I loved it.” His breath is hot, just inches from my mouth. “Confusing as fuck, but I loved it.”
“I loved it too,” I say with a sigh. “But that’s because I’m gay. Gays like kissing guys. It’s the way of our rainbow-colored world.”
“I loved the other stuff too.” Roan’s lips inch closer to mine. So close. “It felt good.”
This guy makes no sense. I don’t understand him one bit.
“But,” I whisper.
His lips press to mine, urgent and desperate. It ignites the anger inside me, turning it into a blazing inferno of need. Our mouths part and I slide my tongue against his, eager for another taste. Strong fingers bite into my hip as he walks me back toward a wall. He kisses me hungrily and wildly. The moment his hips press against mine, I feel just how aroused he is. His dick is every bit as hard as mine. We both want this.
I slide my fingers into his hair, tugging, pulling him closer to me. I’m starved for more of him. He blew me off after that night, hasn’t apologized, and I just forgive him. The guy doesn’t deserve my forgiveness, but I gift it anyway.
“I’m sorry.” His words come out as a breathy surprise against my wet, swollen lips. He trails a line of wet kisses to my earlobe. “Everything’s just so fucked up.” His teeth tug at my earlobe and I nearly nut in my pants.
Holy fuck.
“Roan,” I groan, greedily touching him wherever I can.
His lips find the side of my neck and he licks the skin there. Then, he sucks me into his mouth. Hard. Urgent. As though he wants to leave a memory of his mouth for all to see. I moan, tugging at his hair.
Someone laughs just outside the door and Roan practically jumps three feet in the air. He retreats away from me, his eyes wide with panic. With his disheveled hair and boner, there’s no hiding he was just making out with me. No one comes inside, so he broke away for nothing.
“Fuck,” he groans. “I, uh, I kind of lost control.”
I lick my lips, craving another kiss, but knowing I won’t get another one now that he’s been spooked. “I liked it.”
A grin tugs at his lips. “I liked it too.” His smile falls. “But…”
“You’re not gay. Got it.”
He rolls his eyes. “It’s not that, rat.”
“Oh, look, the pretty boy can rhyme.”
His eyes darken. “Don’t be a dick.”
“You literally just called me a rat. You’re the dick, not me.”
“Stop talking about dicks or mine won’t calm the fuck down.” He smirks. “We can talk about dicks later.”
Later?
I frown at him. “What do you want?”
“You.”
Not the answer I was expecting.
“I’m right here.” I fling my arms in the air. “Come get me.”
He looks over his shoulder and flinches. “I can’t.”
This is my last school all over again with Lucas.
“Because it’s okay to fuck around with me behind closed doors, but not where anyone can see.” My words drip with bitter venom.
Slowly, he approaches me and raises a hand to run his knuckle along my jaw. “I don’t give a shit what those assholes think.”
My eyes lift to meet his. “So what’s your deal?”
“Roux.”
“Roux won’t care who you date. She’s cool.”
He smiles, but then it fades. “Yeah, but how do I know this won’t somehow hurt her? What if the social worker freaks if she finds out about my…relationship?”
Now I feel like an asshole. He’s afraid they’ll take her away from him for good if he slips up.
“Relationship, huh?” I arch a brow at him. “You don’t even like me.”
“You’re growing on me,” he says, leaning in to steal a quick kiss. “Like a fungus.”
“You should get a job writing inscriptions on Hallmark cards,” I deadpan.
He snorts. “Seems like a cool job.”
“The last guy I dated…” I sigh. “We had to hide.”
Shame burns in his eyes. “That’s fucked up.”
“Yeah.” I kiss him again. “But it’s fine. I came out once before and it nearly ruined my life. Not exactly eager to do that again.”
“So what is this then? Some kind of truce?”
“More than a truce. A pact.”
“A pact for what?”
“To see where this goes. In secret.”
“What if it goes nowhere?”
“Then nobody has to know about our fuck up.”
He smiles. “And what if it goes somewhere?”
“You have to admit you like me then.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever like you,” he teases. “Not you. You’re too perfect, porcelain boy. Makes me want to break you.”
“Wow,” I say with a whistle. “Put that in a proposal and I’ll marry you tomorrow.”
He laughs, playfully shoving me away. “You’re such a smartass. Am I the only one who gets to see this wonderful side of you?”
“It’s one of my secrets. You’re my secret. It’s fitting you know all the shitty sides of me too.”
His eyes narrow. “Speaking of…what’s the deal with not eating?”
My stomach clenches violently at his words.
“Sometimes food makes me sick. The end.” I shove my hand in my pocket and hand him a phone. “Here, secret lover.”
“Don’t call me that,” he grumbles as he eyes the phone warily. “What’s that?”
“Don’t make me say it.”
He clenches his jaw.
“It’s a phone,” I say slowly like I’m teaching a caveman my language. “You put it to your ear—”
“No shit, Sherlock,” he snaps, his shoulders going rigid. “Why are you handing it to me?”
I shove it into his jeans pocket and leave my hand inside his pocket. “Because you’re my secret lover and I need to get a hold of you.”
“I’m not some fucking girlfriend you have to impress, rat.”
“And I’m not an asshole, rat lover.”
A muscle ticks in his jaw. “Don’t call me that.”
“Dude, you have no room to talk.” I slowly pull my hand from his jeans, letting my fingers brush against his dick along the way. “Yours got ruined when you had to rescue my ass. It’s called returning a favor. Just use the phone and forget all this proud crap you do. Okay? It can be another damn secret. I…” I let out a heavy sigh. “I got another one at the house for Roux.”
He blinks several times in shock, his jaw clenching.
“So she can talk to Charlotte. I overheard her talking about how kids were teasing her and since I was already replacing ours, it cost like ten bucks more to add another one.”
It wasn’t ten bucks.
It was over a grand that I took from my savings—money that should have gone to help Mom out but didn’t—to replace my phone and buy two more, but I’m sure as hell not telling him that.
“Ten bucks, huh?”
“Yep.”
“When you lie, your cheek twitches.”
“When you’re being an asshole, your mouth moves and words come out.”
He barks out a laugh. “I hate you.”
“Now you can call me on your phone and tell me how much. Just make sure you breathe heavily into the phone. For reasons.”
His smirk is hot. He quirks up his brow, making his barbell piercing glint in the bathroom light. “What reasons?”
“Do it and you’ll find out.”
He bites on the inside of his bottom lip, his amber eyes dancing with humor. “I’ll find out tonight. When you’re all cozy and half asleep, I’ll call you. Breathe heavily to piss you off.”
“It’s hard to be pissed off when you’re naked and your secret lover is breathing heavily on the other line.” I give him my best smoldering look. It works because his eyes drift to my lips, lingering there.
“Are you always this much of a brat?”
“Guess you’ll have to spend more time with me to find out.”
He smiles. “See you after practice. We can spend time together cleaning your aunt’s attic. I’ll put you to work. That’ll teach your mouthy ass.”
“Never speak the words ‘mouth’ and ‘ass’ to a gay man and not expect him to get turned right the fuck on.” I lift a brow. “You’re poking a bear.”
He walks right up to me, lips nearly on mine, and boldly rubs my dick through my jeans. “I’d rather stroke a rat.”
Fucker.
I groan, my lips parting with need.
He gifts me with a wild grin and then he’s gone. I’m left with a boner and a thrill buzzing through my veins.
I’m not sure what sort of shit I’ve tangled myself into with Roan.
I just know I’m not ready to get out.
I’m in.
One hundred percent in.
Roan
Jordy shoots me a sour look on the way to the parking lot, but doesn’t fight me. I told him I was hitching a ride with Hollis since we’re going to the same place. He didn’t want to give in. I could tell. But then Juno called.
I wanted to ask him what Juno wanted.
Instead, I gave him a look that said, “Be careful.”
Charlotte and Roux are sitting on the hood of Hollis’s Mustang talking to that damn boy again. As soon as Jordy sees him, he starts stalking toward him rather than his Explorer. The kid—Kayden—freezes when he sees all that wrath directed at him.
Jordy is like trying to tame a pissed off bull.
Impossible.
“Hey, Roux,” Jordy says, his voice a growl. “I’m leaving.”
Roux frowns, looking over at me before nodding at Jordy. “Okay. Bye.”
Kayden takes a few steps back, wise to put space between him and the bull.
“See you in the morning.” Jordy pulls her to him for a side hug. “You call me if anyone’s a dick to you.” He makes a point at glowering at Kayden. “Got it, Little Hoodlum?”
Her face is red from embarrassment. She likes this kid and Jordy is even more overbearing than me. “Yeah, fine. See ya.”
Jordy smirks at the kid and then fist bumps me on the way to his car. Hollis comes up behind me, hitting the fob on his Mustang.
“My car’s not a bench,” Hollis gripes.
Charlotte rolls her eyes at her brother. “Don’t be lame.”
Kayden snorts, but all it takes is a venomous look from me to have the kid retreating. “See you guys tomorrow.” He waves and then turns to take off trotting. Dumbass lanky motherfucker.
The girls pile into the backseat and I sit shotgun. Hollis fires up the engine. He fumbles with the music before turning on something I don’t recognize. It’s catchy, though. I like it. The girls must know it because they start singing along.
For so long I’ve been wound up so tight I sometimes think I might snap. But right here, in this moment, I feel relaxed. Freed. Like a teenager enjoying himself, not worrying about adult shit like custody of his sister or where his next meal will come from. I wish I were free enough to reach over the console and give Hollis’s muscular thigh a squeeze. To thank him for showing up and fucking shit up.
He shoots me a curious glance. I smile and wink at him. His pallid cheeks flood with color. I like when I turn the porcelain boy a pretty pink. It looks good on him. Makes him look alive. I especially like the purple hickey visible on his neck.
I gave him that mark.
Me.
A possessive part of me gets a thrill at seeing it. All through basketball practice, I kept staring at it. It took everything in me not to get a fucking hard-on. Coach was already annoyed with my playing. The last thing I needed was to give him something else to lose his head about.
When the girls start whispering about Kayden, I turn up the music to feign disinterest when really I’m listening hard.
“He likes you,” Charlotte murmurs.
“No,” Roux hisses. “He likes you.”
“No, dummy, he likes you. Have you seen how he smiles at you?”
Roux giggles. “I don’t think so.”
“I know so,” Charlotte argues.
“Shh,” Roux gripes.
They lower their voices. Even though I don’t care for this dipshit boy, I’m thankful for Charlotte. She’s the best thing to happen to Roux. My sister is coming out of her shell and laughs a whole lot more.
When I glance over at Hollis, a warm feeling washes over me. Maybe it’s not just Charlotte changing things around here. Maybe it’s her brother too.
He flashes me a wicked grin that sends heat burning straight down to my dick.
Fuck if I don’t feel thankful for him too.
This is torture.
I thought I’d get Hollis up in the attic alone with me and I don’t know…suck his face off. But his aunt has decided to come up here and nose around in the boxes. He keeps smirking at me, which only serves to make my dick even harder.
My life is chaos at the moment, and I don’t even care because this thing with Hollis is addictive. I want to explore it and see where it goes. It sucks I have to be careful, though. With Roux, I always have to be careful. I don’t ever want to do anything to fuck things up for us.
“I think that’s enough for one night, boys,” Ms. Frazier says. “The meatloaf should almost be done. Wash up and come on down.”
I’m already prowling Hollis’s way before she even makes it down the ladder. What stops me, though, is the sour look on his face. My hands grip his hips because I need to touch him, but I don’t kiss him like I want to.
“What’s wrong? Are you sick?” I demand, my eyes roaming over his features, looking for tells.
Dark bags under his eyes.
Pasty skin.
Trembling.
“Sit down,” I instruct, pulling him down to the attic floor.
We sit cross-legged and facing each other. His hands are shaking. I take them both in mine. He has smaller hands than me, but they’re still masculine. If you told me two weeks ago I’d be holding hands with a guy, I would’ve fucking laughed. Now, it just feels right.
“What’s going on with you?” My words crack with emotion.
He scowls. I don’t know why he’s so damn defensive about this shit.
“Nothing.”
“If you tell me nothing one more time, I’m going to drag you out back and beat you.” I give him a wide, wicked smile.
He rolls his eyes. “It’s fine. I just…certain foods make me sick.”
“Like?”
“Meatloaf,” he snaps angrily.
“So why do you eat it?”
“I don’t.”
“Why don’t you eat something else?”
He shrugs. “I don’
t like to make waves. Mom and Aunt Karen are doing the best they can.”
“What foods don’t hurt?”
“Blander ones. It’s not a big deal.”
“Hollis, it is a big deal. You barely fucking eat. I’ve known you a little over a week and I’ve seen you consume less than I do in a day. It’s not healthy. Have you seen a doctor?”
“My dad is a doctor. I’m fine.”
God, he’s so damn stubborn.
“Come on.” I rise and help him to his feet. Our lips meet for a frenzied kiss, but someone hollering from downstairs has us reluctantly breaking apart. I go first down the ladder so I can catch his woozy ass if he passes out. Thankfully, it doesn’t come to that.
We head downstairs and I watch Hollis. He nearly turns green when he looks at the meatloaf. It’s a little chaotic as everyone loads food on their plates. Hollis piles on the mashed potatoes and green beans and then takes the thinnest slice of meatloaf known to man.
No one notices.
He hides his issues in plain sight.
The girls—Roux and Charlotte—are too into each other while Penny is obsessed with her iPad. Karen and Kelsey are busy with asking everyone about their day. No one notices Hollis. No one but me.
I sit beside him and squeeze his thigh under the table. When no one’s looking, I steal his tiny slab of meatloaf because he makes a face every time he looks at it. Once it’s on my plate, his shoulders relax and he mutters out a thanks.
“How are you liking work?” Hollis asks Kelsey. “Your boss still annoying?”
“Yes. Totally. But I made a friend named Beth. She’s like my chosen mom. Not by blood, but she’s just good people. Even lets me call her Momma Beth.” Kelsey chuckles. “Everyone needs a mom like her.”
“So she’s old?” Hollis teases.
“Hush you,” Kelsey says with a smile. “She’s a grandma. Has like nine grandkids and one on the way. Some of them are the girls’ ages.”
Penny perks up. “Can they come over?”
“Maybe one day. I don’t want to seem like a freak latching onto this woman, but I swear if she wasn’t there, I would’ve quit already. She keeps me sane and hooks me up with good romances. We’ve even gone to lunch a couple of times.”
