by E M Lindsey
“Sam,” Derek said very softly, shifting closer and lifting Sam’s legs so they rested in his lap. He squeezed his thigh hard enough that Sam could feel the weight of it, and it grounded him a little. “You know that better than anyone else, I know the psychological shit that comes with having parents who give up on you the second they have the chance to do it. So, I understand why you did what you did. My therapist has been working with me on my defense mechanisms for years, and I saw them in you pretty much from the moment we met. I never said anything, I figured it was like a silent understanding.”
“Yeah,” Sam said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I still feel a little fucked up about things. I mean, I’m madly in love with Basil, but knowing he’s in love with me doesn’t make any of that shit go away. It doesn’t retrain my instinct to protect myself when I think things are going wrong.” Derek ran his fingers through his hair and shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know what the future for me and Baz is going to be like. Like, maybe one day he’s going to get sick and tired of my mess and just bail.” Sam opened his mouth to argue, but Derek held his hand up to quiet him. “I trust Baz not to do that, but it doesn’t change facts. It’s a lot. You have a lot of explaining to do, and a lot of groveling, but you’re not totally at fault here.”
Sam was a little shocked to hear that. “Der, I fucked up.”
Derek let out a tiny laugh. “Yeah, you did. But it’s not like the guy was super forthcoming about how he felt, either. The both of you are a couple of dipshits who didn’t bother to talk about your feelings in spite of all the fucking and the mind-blowing orgasms, so he gets to hold some of that blame.”
Sam deflated, laying back against the cushions. “It feels wrong to ask him to take blame when I hurt him like that.”
“You should have done better,” Derek conceded. “No one deserves to be so brutally rejected like that in public. That had to have been…”
“Humiliating,” Sam said. “He was humiliated by what I said. Especially since the whole thing was so fucking obvious.”
Derek nodded, and Sam closed his eyes against the pain. “I don’t think it’s something you can’t come back from. As long as you two talk.”
“I’ve been trying,” Sam told him. “I’ve made time every day to text him and apologize.”
“So, stop,” Derek told him. “Give him time to figure out what he wants. If his restaurant is still taking shape, he’s probably going to be back. So, let him wallow and consider how he feels, and when he’s ready…”
“What if he’s never ready?” Sam asked, feeling a little like some teenager with a first crush. But, to be fair, it was the first time he’d ever been in love.
“Then he’s never ready. That might be something you have to accept,” Derek told him simply.
“Fuck. Well, thanks for that, Yoda.” He tried not to wince as the joking little name immediately made him think of Niko and the way he’d quietly and affectionately called him a nerd.
Derek chuckled and then carefully moved out from under Sam and plucked Maisy off his chest, cradling her in his arms. “You’re fucking welcome, young Padawan. I’m going to tuck her in so you can take a piss and get a beer. I know that’s what you’ve wanted for hours.”
“And yet, you let me suffer,” Sam moaned as he pushed himself up to sit.
Derek grinned widely as he rocked Maisy gently on his shoulder. “You love me for it.”
Sam grinned, not feeling better, but definitely feeling something. “Yeah. I guess I do.”
Chapter Twenty
Sam tried not to fidget, but he was starting to think the silence was on purpose. Beth continued to stare down at the paperwork in front of her, a small frown on her face, and it was only when Rowan reached over and gently touched his elbow that he found himself able to calm down. Sam still felt a little uncomfortable around Rowan since the night at the bar, but the guy hadn’t mentioned a word of it. He was a professional, Sam knew, and that did make a difference.
But apart from the fact that he was dealing with a serious situation, it felt like the incident with Niko was a giant elephant in the room between them, and he was almost desperate for a moment alone to address it. And he would.
Once they got this crap sorted.
Just before Sam opened his mouth to ask if they could get on with it, Beth lifted her head and glanced over at her supervisor who was just there to, “keep an eye on things,” as she’d so quaintly put it. They exchanged a look, then she finally turned her gaze on Sam.
“The Attleys are filing a counter petition for custody,” she said.
Sam knew it was coming, but it was still a blow. He didn’t know what to say, but thankfully Rowan had it handled. “We expected as much. It’s why I’ve already filed a petition on Sam’s behalf to ensure the custody case remains in Colorado. It’s up before the judge tomorrow morning.” When Beth looked startled, Rowan gave her a tiny smile. “Your office will be served…” he glanced at his watch and shrugged, “just about now, I think. Normally we like to give you more time to prepare, but you haven’t exactly made it easy on us, Miss Parker.”
Beth cleared her throat. “Yes well, you know we’re not taking sides in this.”
“That’s not necessarily true, is it?” Rowan asked pleasantly. “I mean, it’ll partly come down to your recommendation. However, I’ve made sure to include your support of the Attleys in spite of Maisy’s discomfort and their hate-speech.”
“There’s no evidence,” Beth began.
“The server at the restaurant will be subpoenaed as a witness,” Rowan said breezily.
Beth paled. “I wasn’t aware there were witnesses.”
“It’s all in the paperwork,” Rowan said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I thought it only fair to inform you that we’re also filing a complaint against your office for unnecessary discrimination against my client. You were provided his full medical history, which shows the length of time he spent in rehabilitation and occupational therapy. Those records were ignored when you wrongly informed him he would need to attend further classes in order to retain custody. That’s against the law, as your office well knows. If you don’t know this, I suggest reading up a little further on the state discrimination policy,” Rowan went on, his voice sharp and pointed. “The petition, of course, is asking to remove you and your supervisor from Maisy’s case, and to have the entire case reassigned. It will require a delay in the Attley’s petition for adoption, unfortunately.”
“This is a delay tactic,” Beth’s supervisor said.
Rowan smiled. “Is it?”
“Why?” she demanded.
“I don’t see how you have proof we’re delaying anything. We’re merely asking for equity in this situation, as it was not initially provided to my client. It is my job to ensure that doesn’t happen again, and that his petition for adoption is given fair, unbiased consideration.” Rowan sat back and clasped his hands lightly over his stomach, and Sam felt like he was soaring. “You’ll have the opportunity to state your case tomorrow, and your reasoning for forcing Mr. Braga through those private-pay classes.”
They both paled at that, and Sam wanted to cry.
“We’ll be there,” Beth eventually said, her voice low.
Rowan chuckled. “I should hope so. I’d hate for the judge to rule in our favor by default and all your hard work come to nothing.” He clapped his hands together, then rose. “Oh, you’ll find with the papers a temporary order which allows my client to decide who can and cannot have unrestricted access to his daughter. So, please inform the Attleys they won’t be having further visitation until the judge’s ruling.”
With that, Rowan jerked his head toward the door, and Sam automatically followed. His hands felt almost numb as he gripped his wheels and pushed, and it wasn’t until the fresh air of the spring breeze hit him that he came back to himself.
“Holy shit. Why didn’t you tell me that was happening?” he asked.
Rowan chuckled a
gain. “I literally got out of the judge’s chambers ten minutes before the meeting. I had to bribe my process server with the use of my timeshare for all of July to get us on the top of the list.”
“So, they were served? And the…the order thing? They really can’t see Maisy? That was real?” Sam asked.
Rowan nodded. He walked over to a stone bench near the fountain at the front and sat, waiting for Sam to push close to him. “That was very real. I might have a personal interest in cases like yours, but I’m doing this by the letter of the law. They’ve been getting away with shit like this for too long, because no one is paying attention, and no one seems to question whether or not an agency like DCS is wrong when it comes to a child’s welfare. And usually they’re not. Usually they’re doing amazing work, but not in this case.”
Sam nodded, swallowing thickly. “I just want it to be over.”
“And it might be. We might be able to get a ruling in your favor without all the posturing and delays,” Rowan told him. “My first step is to block the Attleys from having the case transferred to Georgia. Once I get that done, we begin the process to remove your case worker and file a new petition for adoption. I’ll have all of those case notes thrown out on bias, considering they had no right to put you through as many interviews and classes as they did, and they’ll have to start the process over, both supervised and to the letter. It means maybe three interviews, one inspection, and Maisy meeting with a child psychiatrist. While that’s happening, we get your finances in order to prove there’s never been a financial strain, we file for official abandonment in the case of Maisy’s biological parents, and then we go before the judge to have the adoption finalized.”
“That sounds like a lot,” Sam said after absorbing everything.
Rowan shrugged. “It is a lot, and it’s not going to be over next week, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Our new judge is not happy with this case—and that’s in your favor. Our biggest hurdle is putting a stop to the extradition, but considering their only defense is that their sex offender son wants to play house with his daughter in ten years, there’s no strength to it.”
“But there’s still a possibility,” Sam pointed out.
Rowan’s eyes darkened, and he nodded. “There is a possibility, yes, but there’s always a possibility. In every one of my cases.”
“And you can’t follow me to Georgia,” Sam reminded him.
Rowan chuckled. “Not technically, but believe me when I say I have contacts all over, and there’s nothing preventing me from consulting on a case. If this gets sent out of the state, you’re not going alone.”
Sam sagged forward in his chair, face in his hands, and he let himself shake a little. “I don’t know how to thank you,” he muttered.
“How about lunch?” Rowan suggested.
Sam’s head snapped up. “Lunch?”
“I’m starving. I was at the courthouse at six am and I’m running on shitty vending machine coffee and a stale granola bar I found in the bottom of my computer bag. I need a big, greasy meal before I get back to the grind, and you look like you could use an entire pot of coffee.”
Sam couldn’t help a small laugh as he nodded. “There’s actually a good café like a block down from here. Friend of a friend owns it. We can walk.”
Rowan shrugged and rose, hooking the strap of his bag over his shoulder. “Lead the way. We can talk shop, then you go get that baby girl of yours and treat her to ice cream and pizza. Maybe go work for a few hours? Do something to get back to normal.”
Sam almost laughed at that as he headed down the pavement. “I think it’s been two weeks since I’ve done any ink, which feels so bizarre. The shop owner has been taking on my clients lately, but yeah, I should. I need to focus on the future. Make things seem as steady as possible for Maisy’s sake.”
They reached the café and Sam held the door open, pushing in after Rowan, and he glanced around. There were more open tables than booths which made things easier, and he spotted Will behind the counter who immediately locked eyes with him and grinned.
“Sammy!” The voice came from behind the counter, and he looked up to see Molly’s head bobbing as she made her way around. He opened his arms just as she leapt at him, and he ignored Will’s exasperated sigh as he settled her onto his thigh.
“Hey, kiddo.” He had been coming here with Sage over the past six months, long enough to watch his friend falling deeper and deeper for the shy barista, and long enough to become invested in the little girl who was clearly struggling to move past the death of her parents. “You being good today?”
She nodded. “We had grading day,” she told him. “No school, so Will said I had’ta come in.”
Will peered over the counter and sighed. “Such a hardship, getting to screw around all day in the breakroom with endless Netflix.”
“I was bored,” she pouted. “But he let me make silly face cupcakes.”
Will winked at him. “We’re not selling them, but they didn’t turn out half bad if you and your uh…friend…want some dessert.”
Sam glanced up at Rowan who was watching him with a slightly amused grin. “Lawyer. He’s my lawyer for Maisy’s adoption case. Probably an awesome friend, but we’re all business today,” Sam corrected.
Will gave Rowan an appreciative up and down glance, though he knew the guy only had eyes for Sage, so he couldn’t feel too defensive. Rowan was an attractive guy. It made sense why Niko might have been interested, and Sam felt a tiny bit of guilt at the cock-block, but not enough guilt because he was no longer denying he didn’t want Niko interested in anyone else but him.
“What can I get you?” Will said.
Rowan perused the menu, so Sam ordered his usual croissant sandwich and tea, then sent Molly back to her activities after he promised she could bring them cupcakes at the end of their lunch. Rowan added a salad and soup to his own order, but when he tried to pay, Will waved him off.
“Any lawyer of Sam’s trying to nip this custody thing in the bud eats for free,” Will said pointedly. He pulled a little face when Rowan shoved a few bills in the tip jar, but he didn’t argue about it, either. Rowan grabbed their drinks as Sam moved a chair from the table and settled in, and then took a seat opposite him as he passed his tea over.
“This place is cute,” Rowan remarked.
Sam gave a half smile. “It’s not bad. My buddy Sage—you met him the other night,” he added, only a little awkwardly, “he started coming here and now he’s tutoring Will’s sister. He’s sort of fallen for Will, though it’s kind of one of those obvious secrets none of us are allowed to say out loud.”
Rowan’s brows dipped into a concerned frown. “Sister?”
“Uh yeah. Dead parents, custody thing, pretty tragic,” Sam said, offering the CliffsNotes version since it wasn’t his story to tell. “I guess it’s pretty recent, and she was struggling in school.”
“Is Sage the one with prosthetics or…?”
“No,” Sam said, and when Rowan looked immediately relieved, Sam felt some of the tension leaving him. “No, that’s James. He has the mechanic’s shop at the edge of town, the one with the Paul Bunion sized tire on the roof? Sage was the other guy. He majored in math, so he helps Molly out when he can.”
“That’s sweet of him,” Rowan said, sipping his lemonade. “You have an interesting group here.”
Sam nodded, then fidgeted, pressing his fingers into the pliant plastic side of his cup. “Yeah. They’re great. Actually, I uh…fuck. I feel like I need to apologize for the other night. I was kind of a dick.”
Rowan’s face was mostly blank, but his eyebrows went up slightly. “You weren’t a dick to me.”
“Yeah, but I was a dick to Niko when you were clearly trying to get his number, and I made it awkward. Then he bailed and left town,” Sam finished, feeling his stomach sink a little as he admitted it aloud.
Rowan looked somewhat surprised. “He left town?”
“Yeah. I guess he went back to Je
rsey for a bit—hopefully not forever, but uh…but I fucked up pretty badly there, and he didn’t deserve it.” Sam rubbed at his face. “Things have been overwhelming lately, but that’s not really an excuse.”
“Maybe not,” Rowan said, “but I’m sure he understands.”
Licking his lips, Sam forced himself to keep Rowan’s gaze. “I like him. More than I expected to, and this is the worst time in the world to be starting something with someone, but he’s under my skin. We had an understanding that we were just…it was just…”
“Casual?” Rowan offered.
“Something like that. But then it got…”
“Complicated?” Rowan said with a slight smile.
Sam couldn’t help his laugh. “Yeah. Really complicated. Apparently, my heart is a fucking moron, and it decided to start beating for someone else at the worst time.”
Rowan frowned in consideration, then he shook his head. “I have to disagree. I understand why it’s difficult to make the effort for something new right now, but I don’t think Niko would make it hard on you. I tried to catch his interest, but it was obvious he was head over heels for someone else. I was happy to back off, especially if it means the two of you can make things work. And if you want honesty, every stable relationship in your life is only going to look better for you in court.”
“Even if I’m a big homo?” Sam asked a little bitterly.
“Trust me, our judge isn’t going to bat an eye,” Rowan assured him. “You have time to fix it, if you want. But just know that all these people,” he waved his hand toward the door, where the tattoo shop was, and then at the counter where Will was finishing up their sandwiches, “they’ll matter. In the best way. Don’t think of it like a burden, think of it like a gift. The bonds you’ve forged here might be just the thing to ensure your daughter never leaves your side.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Niko laughed at his reflection as he spat his toothpaste into the sink. The very idea that ten
