Diary of a Wolf: A Gay Shifter Romance

by Hunter, Troy

  I wish I had listened to Eustace. He knew our chances were next to none, but I kept pushing. I had to avenge the many injustices the vile monster had committed. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing a service for the Great Wolf. But all I’ve done instead is doom Eustace and me to death. I’ve assured our place as youth formula for a man who should’ve died hundreds of years ago.

  I’m such an idiot.

  This is all my fault.

  Forgive me, Eustace.

  I’ve failed you.

  “Good, my faithful slaves,” the evil sorcerer remarks. “Now, keep him down long enough for me to finish the ritual. He’ll serve as my first sacrifice, followed by the worthless mutt.”

  I growl viciously at the bastard, letting him think I’m not scared of him. I wish I could say I’m not afraid of Elias Adelbrecht but right now I’m positively terrified.

  I’m completely outnumbered by him and his puppets. He’s got magick strong enough to create or prolong life. That’s magick very much beyond the realm of standard black magick. Such power is often thought to be a hoax. Nobody believes life can be prolonged by using the blood of others. The very thought of such a ritual is absolutely mental. And yet here’s Elias, attempting just that.

  “Enough, hound.” Elias kicks me in the torso again, hard enough this time to wind me. “You’ve barked for far too long. Now, you and your husband will join me and grant me the combined power of man and lycan. A power that will grant me the ability to live long enough to see the end of this wretched world.”

  Desperate to cling onto just a little bit of faith, I weakly turn to face the Norrises. They’d protected me from this for three months, even though they could’ve just led me right into Elias’ clutches. Even Eustace implied the Norrises might’ve secretly tried to undermine my great-uncle’s plans. Would they still have the heart to save me, now? Or are they unable to directly disobey their master?

  I attempt to initiate the transformation to my human form by howling. But, for some reason, I can’t howl. All my life, shifting has been as easy as singing for the Great Wolf. But this time, that’s not the case. I feel like the will’s there. I know the will’s there. But a howl never comes and the transformation doesn’t happen.

  The only logical explanation I can think of for this is the Norrises magical chains. They already have an immobilizing effect on those who are trapped within them. Perhaps it also works for lycan transformations? It would certainly explain how Elias has managed to conduct research on lycans in the past. Such foresight has unfortunately saved the day for the insidious beast.

  As for me, I’ve run out of options. I can’t move, fight, or shift. All I can do is throw meaningless curses at my enemies. That’s not going to help anyone. I sigh, defeated. Dejected. I don’t want to die. I’m only twenty-seven years old. I still have so much to live for. I have dreams I wish to explore, goals I want to accomplish. In fact, a lot of these things are linked to one particular person. And as I enter my final seconds of life, all I can think of is Eustace.

  My love.

  Please get out of here while you still can.

  Free yourself from this nightmare.

  In no time, Elias begins chanting his devilish incantation. Within seconds, my blood begins to curdle within my body. The pain sends me into a frenzy, my torso thrashing around as it battles its own life essence. My frantic yowls land on deaf ears, my life seemingly at its end.

  But then, I hear a sound.

  Two sounds, to be exact.

  Both I was never expecting to hear.

  Before Elias can successfully rob me of my soul, a loud crash distracts my attackers. As we all look in the direction of the sound, we notice the chapel door is now wide open. And following this reveal is a thundering howl. I know the howl well. I have heard it on multiple occasions now. When he’s been scared. When he’s been happy. When he’s been angry. I know this howl all too well, for it belongs to Eustace Bertram.

  My eyes widen and my tail wags.

  He’s done it again.

  He’s shifted at will.

  I can’t believe it.

  “Heel, Mutt!” Eustace roars wildly at the ancient Adelbrecht and gallops toward us. Before any of the Norrises can intervene, he takes a bite out of Missus Norris’ arm and jerks her around. The puppet frantically tries to escape, but the wolf is just too strong. He then tosses her into her husband and son and charges at Elias.

  “I said heel!” The rotting scientist attempts to snap his fingers again, but the wolf manages to bite into his wrist before he can.

  I smile widely, a sense of pride settling in. Look at my little brown wolf go. How far he’s come since January.

  As the wolf jerks the old man around, I can’t help but notice that Elias’ sleeve seems to fly up each time the wolf rotates. On the sorcerer’s exposed arm appears to be a distinct mark, the same mark found on both the chapel door and Eustace’s arm.

  The star with multiple zig-zags.

  I understand what Eustace is attempting to do. “Rip off his arm, love,” I bark excitedly. “You can do it!”

  And just like that, Eustace has renewed my hope of a brighter future. Just a moment ago, I was ready to embrace an unavoidable death at the hands of my great-uncle. But, like a prayer, Eustace came in and saved me. If we live through this, I will do what I can to provide him the best life imaginable. He deserves no less.

  Before too long, Eustace manages to rip Elias’s arm right off his body.

  “Agh! What’ve you done, mutt? What have you done?”

  The wolf drops the arm onto the ground. By the holiest of miracles, it appears to sizzle away into the sky. And as the arm disappears, Elias himself starts to sizzle away as well. Beams of light shoot from his body, hitting various places on his property. One beam hits his house, another hits an abandoned tower, another hits the chapel. Another two hit Missus Norris and Young Norris, making them both sizzle away into the sun. With a multitude of largely ignored curses uttered by the old sorcerer, he vanishes for good.

  And just like that, Elias Adelbrecht is no more.

  The curse of Stagwood Grove is lifted.

  Eustace and I are free.

  My strength returns to my body as I lift upward. Expecting to have great difficulty standing, I surprisingly find myself experiencing little pain. The will of the Great Wolf is truly amazing. He’s never failed me before. To celebrate, I howl loudly to the mighty father.

  “Praise you, Father!” I sing aloud. I take our success with relish, spinning around happily. After a moment of cheering, I stop myself and spot Eustace, who appears to be lost in thought in front of the chapel. “You did it, Eustace. You’ve saved…”

  Interrupting my train of thought is a large earthquake of crumbling infrastructures toppling over onto the property, no doubt caused by the beams that were shot out of Elias’ dying body. I howl at the sight, panic striking me like a runaway carriage.

  “Eustace, run!” I quickly sprint away from the chaos, galloping out into the road, past the metal gate of the estate.

  Before I can make it too far, I nearly trip over my feet when I foolishly try to stop too soon. I turn my body around and jerk my head in four different directions, desperate to spot Eustace. But much to my horror, he isn’t behind me.

  “Eustace? Eustace! Where are you?” With this newfound horror comes the sinking of my heart once the entirety of Elias Adelbrecht’s estate crumbles to the ground, forming a castle-sized crater.

  I wait, hopeful the brown wolf will emerge from the destruction. It’s okay, I tell myself. Just give him time. He must be trying to navigate the through the rubble, is all.

  But the devastating fear cannot be ignored once seven minutes pass, Eustace Bertram still nowhere to be found.

  17

  A New Beginning

  Eustace

  Present Day Stagwood Grove, Spring 1874

  My bones feel brittle, oh so brittle. I feel the weight of an entire castle lying on top of
me. But I can’t remember how I got here. I think for a second that maybe I’ve finally lost my mind. Fifty years is a long time to wander aimlessly through a castle and its grounds, stifled by loneliness and ill refute. Spending the long days watching the sky to see if you can see anything new.

  Can you point out the stars?

  Can you point out the moon?

  What about the sun?

  Or clouds, can you see clouds, boy?

  Or are the canine blues diluting your eyesight?

  Maybe I should say canine greys, though.

  What happened to liberation, Eustace? Is it too much to handle now you want to be human again? Do you even remember what the world looks like during the daytime? I do remember. I also remember not being able to smell. I remember not being a fast runner. I remember not having the stamina to keep up with others.

  I remember all of this.

  But you know what I also remember?

  I remember the feeling of a warm embrace. I also recall the fleeting nervousness I felt when I first held Kenneth’s hand. I remember how safe I felt when he kissed me. His full, moist lips pressed gently against mine. The overwhelming bliss I felt from that moment was now replaced by bittersweet memory. It had taken me seventy-five years to find love. Now that I found it, I’ve been assured I cannot keep it.

  Is death supposed to feel like this? I had always been told death was peaceful. I assumed my pain would end once Elias was put to rest. I assumed my death would be fast and relatively painless.

  But here I am, still.

  What am I to do now? Await heaven’s pearly gates? Await fire and brimstone in the deepest pits of hell? Do wolves even experience an afterlife? As much as Kenneth has told me about the Great Wolf, there is still so much I don’t know, so much I’ll never know now. If I just had more time. If we had more time. I weep one last time for my love as I prepare for the reaper’s grand entrance.

  But.

  Wait a minute.

  I can hear Kenneth’s voice?

  I can hear Kenneth’s voice!

  “Eustace! Eustace?”

  Yes, he’s calling for me. He’s calling my name. Yes, my love. Say my name. Say it again. Don’t stop saying it. Don’t let my cries be the last thing I hear before I perish.

  “Kenneth, can you hear me?”

  I hear him cry, but it’s not out of sadness. It’s of joy. Pure, unbridled joy. “Yes, Eustace. Yes, I can!”

  I scream in excitement. He can hear me. Perhaps I’m not truly dead, after all. But how is that possible? How did I survive the crushing might of the fallen castle?

  “My limbs are positively numb, Kenneth. I can’t move. I can’t see.”

  “Fear not, my sweet. I will free you, just hold on.”

  My breath pauses in my throat and, before too long, I begin to feel the sharp, heavy stones being lifted from my back. The blood returns to my legs once another stone is removed. Another one frees my feet. Then my arms. Before I know it, I’m being hoisted upward and smothered in Kenneth’s warm, but sweaty embrace.

  The butterflies in my stomach return in full force. I truly thought I was done for, a dying wolf doomed to rot underneath a pile of rubble. I knew not if Kenneth had successfully broken the curse Elias had cast upon us. Once those stones came crashing down on me, I just knew my life was over.

  But Kenneth and I are able to communicate, all while he releases me from the rubble. As he lifts each stone with the strength of his very much human arms. And then he holds me tight, his head nuzzled against my neck.

  I can’t believe it.

  He did it.

  He really did it.

  I’m cured from Elias’ dreadful experiment.

  I’m free!

  I briefly pull away from Kenneth so I can passionately attack his mouth with my lips. God yes, his kisses. I thought I wasn’t ever going to experience them again. Oh, what a hopeless wasteland an afterlife would be without Kenneth’s touch.

  “Oh, thank the heavens. Thank the Great Wolf, God, Allah, any and all deities. I can’t believe you’re alive. I thought I’d lose my mind back there.”

  I smile wide, a slight chuckle rumbling in my throat. “You feared you’d go crazy? I feared I’d be dead. I can’t believe you did it, Kenneth. You stopped your great-uncle.”

  Kenneth shakes me slightly before planting another kiss on my lips. “I did nothing, you fool. You did. You came to my rescue when I thought I was as good as dead. For a man who’s always shamed himself for his cowardice, you certainly rose above it.” He takes a deep breath, his eyes watering. “You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Eustace. You saved us. We’re free because of your actions, not mine.”

  Wait, I defeated Elias Adelbrecht?

  Me?

  “I-I don’t even…remember fighting your great-uncle, Kenneth.” I look away from my lover, trying to make sense of this predicament. All I remember is being thrown into the chapel, blacking out to the tune of a wolf’s howls, waking up in my wolf form, then being crushed by the collapsing castle. I couldn’t have been the one who defeated Elias. How could I? I’m not strong enough to face a sorcerer.

  Kenneth carefully takes my chin and looks me in the eye. “You did, Eustace. You attacked him with the fury hundreds of lycans. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you must’ve had help from the mighty father himself,” with these words, he wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tightly.

  Could that be true? Did I really invoke the power of the Great Wolf? How? The wolf’s howl I heard…I thought maybe that was Kenneth. He had transformed twice during the fight.

  Right?

  “We can do whatever we want now, Eustace,” Kenneth murmured, breaking me from my confusing thoughts. “We can go anywhere we want. Stagwood Grove, it’ll…it’ll be nothing more than bad dream.”

  I sigh, wrapping my arms around my lover. “But where, Kenneth? Where can we possibly go from here?”

  Kenneth deepens the embrace, now rubbing a hand up and down my back. “I don’t know, Eustace. We can’t stay here, that’s for sure. We should head south, toward Sheffield. It’s the nearest city from here. We can stay in an inn until we get a lead on any available property. Hell, we don’t even have to stay in England. I might be able to pull some strings with my family and get us a home in another country. Be it Scotland, France, Spain, Ireland, or wherever the wind may take us.” He pulls away and gently presses his forehead against mine. “All that matters is that I have you by my side at all times.”

  I lean in slightly and kiss him tenderly. Always, Kenneth. Why would I ever think to leave your side? I knew a life without you once a upon a time. It was a lonely, cruel world. I can’t go through that life again. I won’t go through that life again. “I love you, Kenneth Adelbrecht.”

  The lycan smiles sweetly before returning the kiss. “I love you too, Eustace Bertram. Always.” He lets go and scoots back a little. “Also, I, uh, got you a present.”

  I tilt my head to the side. “A present? Now?”

  Kenneth chuckles and scratches the back of his neck, seemingly embarrassed. “I, uh, meant to give it to you during the full moon. Things, well…things sort of happened and I never got the chance. Hell, I thought it would’ve been destroyed in the debris. But it wasn’t.” He reaches behind him and pulls what appears to be wooden violin with red roses painted on the body.

  My eyes pop from out of my head. “Kenneth, you didn’t.”

  “I did,” he states proudly. “Found it lying around in Elias’ study. He had no use for it anymore and it was broken anyway, so I got Mister Norris to repair it.” He hands me the instrument. “Just for you.”

  I stare at it for a moment. The last time I even touched a violin was when I was still living in London. When I threw my father’s money away and gained nothing for my work. When I spiraled into a crippling depressive episode that resulted in me throwing my prized violin into a lake.

  “Kenneth, I can’t. I promised I’d never…”

 
“Promised who? Yourself? Come now, Eustace. I’m not some asshole living in London. Not anymore, anyway.” He stuffs the instrument into my hands. Old wounds make my hands shake.

  “Besides, if I recall correctly, you said you knew how to play The Devil’s Trill. I still haven’t heard the song performed by anyone.” Kenneth gazes into my eyes. “I want my first time to be from you.”

  I stare at him for a moment, examining his eyes. They’re gentle, but strong. The look he gives me reminds me highly of the look he gave me when I was having a neurotic episode in the Adelbrecht courtyard. When the storm left my wolf form absolutely paralyzed in fear.

  I finally take a deep breath and grab the bow. “Hope I still know how to play.” With one draw of the bow across the strings, the beautiful music comes out.

  “Keep going, Eustace.”

  I nod at Kenneth and begin playing The Devil’s Trill. The soothing rhythm returns to me and my skill is restored to its former glory. I look at Kenneth to make sure he’s enjoying himself. I make the safe assumption that his smile is evidence enough of his approval.

  And I play him the entire song.

  Everything, from the forlorn beginning, manic-depressive interlude all the way to the sinister end.

  With each note, another chip is removed from my shoulder.

  By the halfway point, I feel like a new man.

  Once the song is over, tears fall from my eyes. My passion has been restored, after all these years. “Thank you, Kenneth.” I lean in and plant a tender kiss on his lips. As I break away, he pulls my face back lovingly.

  I know we mustn’t linger too much longer. I know we ought to leave before darkness falls. But for now, I don’t care about time or circumstance. The only thing that matters to me right now is the warmth of Kenneth’s strong hands.

  So long as I know his touch, nothing can ever hurt me again.

  Epilogue

  Eustace

  August 12, 1875

  Another lovely autumn morning overlooking the Irish Sea, I think to myself as I sip on my oolong tea. The cool morning air kisses my face like a mother lovingly tucking her child into bed for the night. If only it could cure my early morning nasal congestion. Thus far, the biggest downside to emigrating to Ireland has been my sinuses. They never bothered me back in England, and yet I can’t go a single day without coughing or wheezing at least once. It’s absurd! I can only assume it’s something about the sea air that’s got my nose in a frenzy.