See You Smile (Reapers MC: Pema Chapter Book 3)

by Bijou Hunter

  I don’t have much to tell them, really. My mind is on the blonde sitting next to me at the long table.

  I make chitchat, mostly with Colton, who loves to talk. He’s like a big kid with too much energy and no way to work it out of his system. His wife is getting ready to pop with their first kid. A baby will no doubt wear him out.

  Maverick reminds me of Nev. He rarely speaks, but I suspect he shares plenty when one-on-one. I don’t sense either sibling is shy as much as self-contained. I picture their family with three older siblings and three younger ones. Those middle kids often get ignored.

  But I don’t know enough about the Majors family to be certain why anyone behaves how they do. Avery is chatty, but I’m unfamiliar with her twin. The non-Pema kids are names with no personalities attached. Of course, I’ve been informed by my sexy girlfriend how her youngest sister is simply fucking awful. I assume there must be some truth there.

  As an only child, I’ve never really understood sibling rivalry, birth orders, or other multi-kid family dynamics. My parents doted on me, and I never wanted for a damn thing. If I had a sibling, I suspect I’d feel the same way. My parents had more than enough love for several kids.

  I find myself wondering if Nev wishes she had fewer kids in her family. I have lots of questions for her, in fact. But we don’t get alone time after our quickie in the office.

  “The waitress will be out again tomorrow,” she says as we finish up with lunch. “I’ll have to pick up her shift.”

  “I can come around.”

  Nev gives me a pity-filled look. “That can’t be fun.”

  “What are you talking about?” I say, sliding my arm around her shoulders and whispering in her ear. “I got to catch up on my emails, watch a baseball game, punch a fuckwit in the ribs, enjoy your sweet pussy, and eat a fine meal. Today was great.”

  Nev stops playing cool and turns fully toward me. Her smiling lips are an inch from mine.

  “You’re unbearably easy to please.”

  “Not really. I probably choose to savor the good stuff more than most people, though.”

  Her green eyes study me. The rest of our table continues talking—well, mainly Colton and Stella share stories about their baby girl on the way—but I only see Nev.

  “Do you think I could sneak over to your place tonight and slip back out before the kids wake up?”

  “I don’t think they’d mind you spending the night.”

  Nev’s gaze reveals nothing, yet I feel her pulling back. She doesn’t get a chance to answer before Colton stands up and announces he needs to get Stella home for her baby-cooking nap.

  Maverick is instantly on his feet. His green eyes find Nev’s, and they share a silent conversation. I get the impression they’re not talking about me as much as what happened earlier with Mutt and Chip.

  Once they’re gone, I expect Nev to return to tending tables. But the place is quiet enough for one waitress. Rather than work, Nev studies me. She doesn’t speak, though.

  “Last week,” I say when her silence lags, “Colton suggested I take the kids somewhere fun for the weekend. You know, like a vacation. I can’t say I know where they might like to go. I approached the subject last night and got blank stares. Where would you take your kids?”

  When Nev watches me emotionlessly, I chuckle and point at her face. “Yeah, there’s the blank stare they wore. What does your silence mean?”

  Nev shrugs, holding her tongue. I feel her getting squirrely.

  “Do you not like my kids?” I ask and then shake my head after remembering how she was with them at Brick’s place. “Naw, can’t be that. Are you jealous of them?”

  When Nev shakes her head, I move closer. “Do you wish you were a kid, and my question triggered your nostalgia?”

  Finally, Nev grins and asks, “What’s a dealbreaker? Like between us.”

  “Can’t imagine a whole lot would turn me off. But I’d say treating my kids or parents wrong would fall under dealbreaker.”

  “Do you want more kids?”

  Her words send a little chill through me. “I hadn’t wanted any, to be honest. Didn’t feel my life was suited for them. Teigh didn’t plan either kid. Of course, we never regretted them.”

  Nev looks at me as if I’m the fucking boogeyman. She’s holding her tongue, thinking her words might leave me walking out the door. No way does this sexy woman know just how snugly my heart fits into the palm of her hand.

  “I don’t want kids,” she finally says.

  “Do you mean kids of your own, or are we talking about my kids in a roundabout way?”

  “Let me rephrase,” she says as tension breaks free of her icy shield. “I don’t want a baby. I don’t want to carry one or adopt one. I’m not interested in them. I’m capable of caring for other people’s kids, obviously. I like the twins’ crotch goblins, and I think yours are cool. But I never want a baby. If that’s a dealbreaker, we should just put that out there now.”

  I can’t help chuckling at her deadly serious tone. My amusement loosens Nev up.

  “That’s a relief, actually,” I admit while holding her hand. “I’m still figuring out how to do right by Caesar and Raimi. Adding a baby wasn’t something I wanted. I’d be lying if I claimed I hadn’t wondered how a young woman like yourself felt.”

  Rather than relax, Nev asks, “If we ended up sticking it out and I wanted one, would you be willing?”

  “Sure, if that’s what you needed to be happy.”

  Radiating tension, she says, “I can’t carry a baby. Like I’m fixed, so I’ll never get pregnant or give you a kid.”

  “I already got two, and I wasn’t looking to add a third.”

  “But you’d still give me a baby if that’s what I wanted,” she says, fussing still. “I won’t give you one if you want. What does that say about us as people?”

  “You frown too much, Nev,” I say, stroking her furrowed brow. “Us having different reactions doesn’t mean anything more than I’m the easygoing type, and you’re not.”

  “But you got the hang of being a dad while I’m unwilling to bend.”

  “Welp, it’s always been my nature to adjust. Your nature is to force others to adjust.”

  “That sounds like an insult,” she says, getting squirrely again.

  Smiling at her frowny face, I murmur, “But you know it’s not. I haven’t said a damn negative thing about you. If you’re hearing any criticism, you best get your ears checked.”

  Nev’s expression shifts immediately from agitated to youthful uncertainty. “I worried.”

  “But that’s why people need to talk shit out. Most problems can be fixed with a few words.”

  Exhaling roughly, Nev studies her hands on the table. “With Yulia, we were on the same page. But sometimes, I worried she might change her mind. That’s why I got my tubes tied. I know she thought I did it since I wasn’t committed to being with her. Like I’d want to date a guy in the future. But I really just worried she might change her mind and think I’d carry the kid.”

  Nev rests her hands flat on the table and sighs. “I realize maybe we had bigger problems than just her possessive nature. I didn’t trust her not to want a kid despite what she said. She didn’t trust me to stick it out with women.”

  “Was she the only woman you were with?”

  “No. My friend Alyn and I dated. I had a few other girlfriends. I dated a lot before Yulia. Whenever a relationship annoyed me, I walked away.”

  “Do your parents ever annoy each other?”

  “Not really. Or at least, not for long. They always gravitate back together.”

  “And you think all good relationships ought to work that way. So, when they don’t, you bail.”

  “Are you psychoanalyzing me?” she asks with the hostility of a woman accustomed to facing far scarier threats than me.

  Grinning at her intimidation attempt, I explain, “I’m thinking maybe you psychoanalyze things too much yourself. Not everything needs a reason to be.�
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  Nev’s confused expression leaves me wondering again if she might have rushed into adulthood without hitting all her milestones. I saw how that turned out for Brick, who has rigid, unrealistic views on how life should work. Nev pretends to be casually cool, but she really prefers the world to work in a very specific way.

  “What about Caesar and Raimi?” I ask when she only watches me. “They’re not babies, but they still need tending to. Is that something you can handle? Or will you always want to sneak in and out of the house?”

  “I don’t know,” she says, deflating a little. “I like them as people. But when I think of them as your kids, I stress.”

  “You don’t have to be their mom if that’s what you’re fussing about.”

  “They have a mom.”

  Studying Nev, I realize this subject is a real sticking point for her.

  “We’ve known each other for less than two weeks,” I say, scooting closer and wrapping an arm possessively around her shoulders. “How about we settle our britches when it comes to kids, being anyone’s mommy, or other such heavy topics? Can’t we just have fun?”

  “Enjoying myself is my main goal in life.”

  “I’m your man, then,” I say, nuzzling Nev’s throat and finally coaxing her rigid body to soften up in my embrace. “I’m a fun guy.”

  When Nev flashes me a sexy smile, I kiss her and steal the rest of her tension. She remains at the booth with me until I need to head home to see the kids off the bus.

  “If you want to sneak over, text me,” I say before leaving. “Don’t overthink things, Nev. Trust me. Life goes by fast whether you’re careful or not.”

  Smiling, she watches me walk out to my Harley and ride away. I don’t know what she’s capable of handling with Caesar, Raimi, or me. However, I’m positive I’m never letting Nev go.

  THE CRACKERJACK

  My conversation with Sam today left me rattled. I want this man like I’ve never wanted anyone before. His kids aren’t awful. Why am I stressing the idea of spending time around them?

  Alyn shows up to claim I’m getting in my own way. “Overcoming this block is like anything else. You must practice.”

  Of course, I can’t train myself to be patient using Sam’s kids. They’ve suffered enough already. No, I ought to practice on someone whose happiness concerns me less.

  That’s why I reach out to Sylvie. My little sister answers her cell with her trademark charm. “What’s this about? Why are you calling me?”

  Annoyed already, I calmly reply, “I wanted to see how you were.”

  “Wait, what? Are you scamming me, bitch? I’m telling Mom.”

  “Calm your tits, moron. I’m just interested in how you’re doing.”

  “Why? Is there a plot against me? Did you hire someone to kill me?”

  My temper rising, I look to Alyn for calm before muttering, “If I wanted you dead, I’d do it myself.”

  “Like you could. I’m too fast.”

  Struggling with my composure, I shift gears with a compliment. “You are very speedy.”

  “Is that a crack at how I eat?”

  “No. I guess I miss you or whatever.”

  Sylvie remains silent for nearly a minute before hissing, “I’m going to cut out your heart.”

  “I’m not fucking with you, ya brainless twat.”

  “Then, what is this call for?”

  Sighing, I decide she’ll believe lies better than the straight truth. “Someone claimed I was too mean to you, so I’m trying to be nicer. You know, to see if I can do it. That’s why I’m calling.”

  “Who’s the cunt telling you what to do?” Sylvie demands, also shifting gears since nothing can be easy with her. “Do you need me to sort them out?”

  Her question sends me facepalming. “I just wanted to be a better older sister. Like, I’d be willing to lose a limb to protect you.”

  “But not die, right?” she sneers without missing a beat.

  “I might be willing to die. It’d depend on my mood when shit went down.”

  “Well, you are a moody slut-bag.”

  “Uh-huh. So, yeah, if you need help someday or whatever, I’d be willing, like, to try to be more helpful under certain circumstances.”

  Sylvie doesn’t respond, but I hear the background sounds changing as if she’s on the move.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, wondering if she’s planning to ruin my day.

  “I want you to explain to Denver why you’re not offering him help. Do you not love him?”

  “What?” asks my youngest brother, taking the phone. “Brah?”

  “It’s Nevaeh,” Sylvie explains loudly. “She’s offering to be a better big sister.”

  “Cool, dude,” he says to her or maybe me.

  “No, not cool!” Sylvie cries, having stupidly assumed our very mellow brother would be outraged. “It’s a con. She probably needs a kidney or some shit.”

  “Are you sick, Nevaeh?” he asks me.

  “No, and I want to be called ‘Nev,’ remember?”

  “Yeah, brah, I do remember. Sorry, Nev. So, like, are you dying? Do you need my kidney?”

  “Don’t you dare give her a kidney,” Sylvie growls at Denver.

  “Chill, dude. Nev’s our sister. If she wants my kidneys, she can have them.”

  Sylvie snorts. “What are you going to do without any kidneys?”

  This question sends them into hysterical giggles for so long I choose to hang up.

  “Well, that happened,” I tell an applauding Alyn.

  “I’m proud of you. You barely insulted her at all. And if she needs to reach out for sisterly advice, Sylvie understands you’re an option. You know, assuming the twins aren’t available.”

  “I’m not sure suffering through this helped me overcome my terror over being a step-mommy or daddy’s girlfriend or whatever I am to Sam’s kids.”

  “It’s a process. Good Lord, you’re impatient,” Alyn says, throwing up her hands. “Did you learn to kick ass overnight? No. Did you learn to, um, I don’t know, whatever else you know how to do well?”

  “Bartend,” I helpfully offer.

  “Exactly. And over time, you’ll learn to avoid punching Sylvie in the face, which will help you fight the urge to punch Sam’s kids in their faces.”

  “I wasn’t really worried about hurting them physically. More emotionally.”

  “Oh, then next time you talk to the demon bitch, try complimenting her. See if she’ll share her feelings with you.”

  “Fuck no,” I mutter, already imagining my sister’s reaction.

  “Raimi probably misses her mommy a lot, Nev,” Alyn says, knowing just how to screw with me.

  Icy panic grips my heart when I imagine that child looking to me for comfort. “I can’t do it.”

  “If you can warm up to Sylvie and those brothers of yours, who I can’t tell apart, I have no doubt you can be emotionally supportive to Sam’s motherless children.”

  “I think the boy wants to fuck me.”

  Alyn rolls her blue eyes. “He’s twelve, so he probably wants to fuck me, too. My brother got really into boobs when he was eleven. But he didn’t do anything about that urge until he was seventeen. Don’t worry about it.”

  “What if Caesar jacks off to thoughts of me? That’s not mommy shit right there.”

  “Didn’t you rub it out to any of your parents’ friends who were like relatives?”

  “Hmm, I did have a crush on Judd when I was sixteen and then Tawny when I was around nineteen.”

  “Not cool, Nev! You were crushing on that bitch when we were together?” Alyn cries, throwing a pillow at me and hitting the floor feet away from her target.

  “Tawny has great tits. I’m sorry if that makes you insecure.”

  “Why those two people out of all your hot semi-relatives?”

  “Um, he has pretty blue eyes, and I already mentioned her tits.”

  “How come you never had a crush on Gunnar if he looks like his dad
and mom?”

  “Because I knew him when he was young, and young people are gross and weird and smell.”

  “I was none of those things,” Alyn lies.

  “True, true, you did smell better than most teenagers,” I lie in return.

  Alyn grins. “You did well with Sylvie. Though she believes you’re just stirring up shit, I understand how difficult that was for you. And I think it’s sweet how you’re pushing yourself for Sam’s kids.”

  “I want Sam,” I admit, feeling vulnerable in a way I’m uncomfortable with, “and he comes with them. If they weren’t in the picture, I’d have him move in here already. We’d fuck so much my snatch would hurt all the time, but it’d be a good pain.”

  “That was quite the pretty picture you painted there.”

  “I’m getting my snatch waxed tomorrow. Want to come?”

  Alyn smiles immediately. “Of course. Anything to help my roleplaying efforts with Capri.”

  “I hadn’t expected to meet a man with such oral talents, but Sam really takes his time. Like a slow, sensual make-out session.”

  “Huh, maybe all that time without pussy made him appreciate it more.”

  “No, he’s just special.”

  Alyn smiles softly. “I really think he might be. At first, you only seemed horny, and fucking is fun. But now you’re forcing yourself to deal with Sylvie. You’ve gone past fun. You’re pushing yourself for Sam, and you don’t do that for most people.”

  “I think I could love him.”

  “I think you already might,” she says, and panic grips me again.

  “But I’m terrified of his kids needing me to be their parent.”

  “You’re afraid to have anyone depend on you. But you take such good care of your fur-babies. You put up with me. You even watched the twins’ kids alone that one time. You’re capable of more than you think.”

  Nodding, I still feel my heart racing. Sam’s kids never bothered me before I met him. They were just children. Likable enough. No stress. Now, they represent a burden I won’t be able to avoid. If I fuck things up with Sam, our hearts won’t be the only ones damaged.