CHAPTER 11 (TAKE A HIKE)
The next morning I wake up earlier than normal with my stomach growling. I head to the kitchen hoping to snag one of Alani’s amazing muffins. When I reach the kitchen I see Alani pressing circle cutters into fresh biscuit dough. I love fresh biscuits; my grandma used to make the most amazing biscuits and gravy when we went up to visit her in Tennessee.
“Good morning.” I chirp.
“Aloha Emma.” She replies. “You are up quite early this morning. You even beat your dad to the kitchen.”
“I know, I guess my stomach knew that you must have been down here making something amazing since it woke me up.” I say as I head over to the kitchen island where she’s putting the cut out biscuits on a cookie sheet. “Is there anything I can help you with?”
“No honey, but you can keep me company.” Alani says with that warm smile of hers. “So how are things going? Are you taking to island life yet?”
“Things are going good so far. To be honest, I thought I would hate living on an island. So far it hasn’t been bad though; I’ve actually enjoyed myself. Your son has been so great showing me around.” I wonder if Tristan has mentioned anything to his mom about our times together. If so Alani doesn’t let on at all.
“Good, good. That Tristan, he is a good boy as he should be since I obviously raised him right.” She says with a light laugh. “So your dad is heading out this morning. I will be staying in the guest room here so that you don’t have to deal with this giant house all by yourself.”
“Yeah, Dad told me. I appreciate that. I know that I’m nearly eighteen but I still hate staying home alone at night.” It’s the truth. I wonder if I will ever grow out of that. There’s something about knowing another person is within earshot to hear you scream. Not that I plan on screaming or anything.
My dad strolls into the kitchen and heads straight for the coffee maker. He spots me a second later and says surprised, “Emma, you’re up bright and early. Did you get enough beauty rest?”
I smile. “Yeah, I guess my mind knew I should be up to see my dad off.” I walk over to him and give him a hug. Then I decide to pour myself some coffee too. I don’t normally drink it, but I figure I’m going to need all the help I can get since I have a long day of schoolwork ahead of me. I pour a ton of sugar and cream in it and take a sip. I made it way too sweet, but I down it anyhow. I make a mental note to add a case of Red Bulls to the shopping list.
A timer goes off and Alani grabs her oven mitt and pulls steaming hot biscuits from the oven. The smell permeates the room making me salivate. She sets them on the kitchen table where my dad and I are sitting. She also sets out several different jams, honey and butter. All three of us dig in. A few minutes later all the biscuits have gone into our bellies. I feel a little bad that Tristan doesn’t get any, but I guess this is why they have that saying, ‘The early bird gets the worm.’
After we help Alani put away the condiments, my dad checks his watch. “Well, the Kealoha’s driver should be here soon to take me to the airport. I’d better get going.” We start walking towards the foyer.
“Yes, you might want to bring some ear plugs just in case he tries to talk your ear off again.” I say jokingly. I guess Alani heard me because I can hear her giggling in the kitchen.
“Duly noted…I have a favor to ask of you Emma.” My dad says in a more serious tone.
“Sure. What is it Dad?” I ask.
“I know you are nearly eighteen and I’m not going to give you a curfew or anything but I need you to assure me that you won’t go out after dark, at least not alone.” He says.
“Um, okay. May I ask why?” That’s an odd request since the sun goes down here at like seven in the evening. That’s a pretty early timeframe to be back in the house for the night; at least compared to my curfew back in Texas.
“I can’t get into it right now but let’s just say that this island can be dangerous at night. I don’t want you outside by yourself if you can help it; just as a precaution. I’m sure that you won’t be staying by yourself much seeing how you’ve been spending a lot of time with Tristan lately. If you need to go somewhere after dark just ask him or Alani to accompany you. Will you do that for your old man?” He gives my hair a tousle with his hand trying to lighten the conversation. I try and suppress a laugh, as I can fully tell there is deeper meaning behind his words than what he’s letting on.
I’m extremely curious now about what my dad might know that he’s not sharing with me but the sound of a horn outside denotes that I won’t be finding anything out today. “Yes, dad.” I say reassuringly, “I’ll do my best to not go out after dark without someone else. I hope you have a good trip.”
My dad starts grabbing his things together. “Thank you Emma. I love you honey. Be good and call me if you need anything.”
“Love you too dad.” I see my dad off with another hug and a kiss on the cheek before he hops in the limo and leaves.
The rest of the morning goes by quickly as I burrow through my math studies. By the time eleven o’clock rolls around my eyes are straining to do my last calculation. I close the top to my laptop and shut my eyes stretching back to relieve the tension buildup. There’s a soft knock at my door followed by, “Emma?”
I know that voice and a smile comes over my face. “Hey Tristan, come on in. I was just finishing.”
Tristan opens the door wide and gives me a smirk. “Need a break?”
I smile back at him nodding my head in affirmation, “Don’t you believe it! This calculus homework is going to be the death of me. I don’t know how I ended up doing it for two hours straight. The sad thing is that I think I only ended up completing about ten problems at the most.”
Tristan saunters over to where I’m sitting and gives the top of my head a soft kiss. He puts his hands on either side of my shoulders massaging out the tension. I let my eyes roll back into my head and go limp. “You want to go somewhere with me?” Tristan asks, while breaking me out of the trance I was in.
I put my laptop away and look at Tristan. “Absolutely,” I sigh. “I’m game for just about anything but this right now.”
He gives me a small laugh. “Good, I thought you’d say that. Let’s get out of here; I want to show you something. Oh, and Emma…you might want to change into something a little more…outdoorsy.”
I looked down at my sundress and grin. “K, I’ll be out in a few. Oh, do you want me to drive or are you driving?”
“We definitely need the Jeep for this one.” Tristan gives my shoulders a slight squeeze and adds, “On second thought bring your bathing suit too just in case.”
“Okay. Just as long as we aren’t surfing again!”
I hear him do a light snicker as he leaves closing the door behind him.
Hopefully that’s a ‘no, we are not going surfing again’ laugh.
I begin scrimmaging through my suitcase wondering if it will stay that way forever. Procrastination should be my middle name! I make a mental note to put aside some time to unpack. I wonder if I’m subconsciously not allowing myself to really settle into our new home. After tossing several articles of clothing on the floor, I finally find my favorite pair of Levi’s and a pink tank top. I head over to the bathroom to change and to grab my bathing suit. After I’m all dressed I look at myself in the mirror and sigh. My hair is a total mess. I guess I’d been twirling it too much in between my fingers when I was doing my schoolwork. It’s one of those things I do when I am concentrating really hard. After running a brush through my hair trying to get all of the self-inflicted tangles out, I opt for putting it up in a messy bun. I throw on some lip-gloss and tennis shoes then head out to find Tristan.
I find him in the kitchen with Alani helping her fold towels. I slide back behind the wall a little more hoping they hadn’t spotted me yet, smiling at the moment in front of me. I always heard that you could tell a lot about a guy by the way he treats his mom. Tristan is definitely racking up the brownie points!
Since
they haven’t noticed me yet, I take a moment to pull out my phone and snap a quick picture of Tristan to send to Kaylee. Right as I take the picture Tristan looks up at me with a huge smile. I blush being caught in the act. “Hey guys.” I call out.
“Hi sweetheart,” Alani says with her mother-like voice. “You guys going for a hike this afternoon?”
“Mom! It was supposed to be a surprise,” Tristan says and playfully jabs a finger towards his mom.
“Tristan, it’s no problem. I kind of figured that’s where you were taking me anyway. I’ve been dying to do a little exploring since I got here.” I give Tristan and his mom a reassuring smile.
Tristan grimaces a little to his mom, “Well, then I guess you’re off the hook mom, I can’t stay mad at you anyway.” He gives her a small hug and then says to me “Emma, give me like five minutes so I can finish up with my mom and then we will be off.”
I use those five minutes to pull up the pic and text it to Kaylee. It only takes a few seconds for her to text back, “OMG Super McHottie!” I pull up the picture and look at it again; yep, he is pretty darn handsome. We text back and forth until Tristan finishes folding the final towel.
He looks at me, “Ready to go my lady?” I smile and nod. “We will be back before dinner,” he says to his mom.
“Okay, you guys be safe! Be sure to give yourself plenty of time to be out of the woods before nightfall. Aloha,” Alani smiles at us and shows us out.
“Will do mom.” Tristan says.
“Thanks Alani, have a good day! Oh, and Aloha to you too” I reply with a smile.
Alani waved us goodbye and watched while we drove off in the jeep.
“So, what kind of music do you listen to?” Tristan asks me while reaching for the radio.
I kind of laugh knowing that what I say will probably be disturbing, “I’m a country girl all the way.” I give a small smirk and wait for Tristan’s reaction.
Tristan raises his eyebrows a fraction of an inch and says, “Well, country it is.” A look of shock comes over my face. I can’t believe that he didn’t whine or complain! Usually country music fans live in the southern United States and that was about it. Everywhere I would travel with my dad, people always gave me a ‘look’ when they found out what I listen to. One woman even called it Yankee Doodle Music, which was kind of ignorant since Yankee Doodle is a song originated in the Northern US, Connecticut to be exact. It doesn’t have a lick to do with the South or Country music.
“You seem surprised,” Tristan mused. Keeping a close eye on the road he glanced over at me.
“I’m just surprised that you are letting me listen to country, that’s all. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone away from the South that enjoyed it.”
Tristan smirked, “I actually kind of like country, at least I don’t mind it. We only have one radio station that is country out here. I think they have a few more stations on the big island though. So, who’s your favorite singer?”
“Hmmm,” I thought about this a moment. “I think I would have to say it’s a tossup between Taylor Swift, The Zack Brown Band, and The Band Perry. I just love that song, If I die young that they sing.”
“Seems a bit morbid,” Tristan jokes.
I playfully hit him on the arm. “It’s not…the song is really beautiful. Hey turn it up a little, I like this song!” Fearless comes on by: Taylor Swift. I press my lips together. If this song couldn’t be more perfect for the occasion, I don’t know what would.
The wind whips through my hair as we drive on the coastal road. Life seems simply perfect right now. I close my eyes and relish the moment hoping that this fairy tale has a happy ending. I feel Tristan reaching for my hand covering it with his own. He smiles at me and I return a small smile his way. I listen as the radio sings, ‘Cause I don’t know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me headfirst…Fearless.’ I feel almost fearless in his hands. I look down at my hand and just stare at Tristan’s fingers interlocking between mine. Surprisingly, it doesn’t feel embarrassing, or wrong; it just feels right. I hold onto this comfort as we cruise down the road.
I look to Tristan when he finally pulls up to a ravine. He turns off the jeep and doesn’t bother with the door as he jumps out. He comes around to my side and opens the door, “My lady…”
I give a small giggle as I hop from my seat. Tristan grabs his backpack from behind the seat and shuts the door. I begin to wonder what’s in his backpack…or should I say his bag of tricks? Tristan places his hand at the small of my back leading me over to a small path between the trees of the forest.
“You ready?” Tristan asks me.
“Yep!” I chirp, trying to downplay the excitement in my voice. Tristan takes the lead, heading up the tiny, winding path. Every time there’s a dip or a tall step Tristan turns around and takes my hand to make sure I don’t fall. I feel like fine china with him; I feel safe. He is so chivalrous. I’ve only read about men like this in fairy tales; I wasn’t even sure they existed. Yet, here is Tristan. I’m not trying to fool myself; I’m sure he’s got some downfalls, but he’s the closest I’ve met to a knight in shining armor. I carefully consider what downfalls Tristan might have. As I wonder, I start thinking to myself about how I really want to know more about who Tristan is. I know that he behaves like a gentleman but what makes him tick, what skeletons does he have in his closet? I make a mental note to dig in deep with him today.
After an exhausting hour and a half of hiking Tristan finally stops. “Are you ready?” he asks a little breathlessly.
“Ready for what?” I question.
“Well, You’ll see...”
A smile slowly spreads across my face. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
Tristan leads me a little further down the path until the path starts to clear. “Okay, now close your eyes and take my hand.”
I grin and obey. Slowly he starts leading me ahead calling out obstacles making sure I know when I’m about to step over a root, or take a step down. He’s being very cautious of my safety; it’s quite sweet.
With my eyes closed my other senses are heightened. I can smell Tristan now, he smells distinctly of Axe body spray. I think about those ridiculous commercials where the girls fawn all over the guy who sprayed on Axe. A hint of jealousy hits me as I think of those girls trying to fawn over Tristan. I breathe in his scent as we slowly walk trying to create a mental picture of this moment in my mind. In the background I could hear a deep rush of water in the distance. I can’t quite decipher the sound, so I just keep focusing on Tristan. The rushing water gets louder and more intense as we near. Some of the overgrown foliage tickles my shoulders as we scrape through it. When we finally stop Tristan puts his hands over my eyes as if he wants to make double sure that I don’t peek.
“Okay, are you ready for this?”
“Yes,” I reply in eager anticipation.
Slowly his hands withdraw from my eyes. My eyes flutter open as I take in the sights surrounding us and it takes my breath away. Words can’t really describe the beauty that I see. Before me is a massive waterfall at least two hundred feet high. Breathtaking cliffs that are covered in lush green plants and flowers of every color surround the waterfall. On one side of the waterfall, about half way down, is a rainbow that stretches down to a pool of water collecting below. Every spectrum of color is displayed before my eyes. The colors are so vibrant that no picture, no video camera could ever capture its true essence. I suck in my breath as I feel the goose bumps run slowly down my arms.
Tristan comes up from behind me and wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes as he pulls me closer to him. I lean my head into his neck and enjoy the simplicity of this. It feels like we are puzzle pieces and we simply ‘fit’ together.
Tristan turns me around to face him and says as my eyes slowly gaze upward to meet his, “Do you know how beautiful you are?”
I am overcome with emotions at this moment. “I can’t believe you are telling me I’m beautiful!” Tri
stan looks confused as I continue, “I mean, this is the most breathtaking thing I have ever seen and you’re telling me I’m beautiful?”
Tristan looks me straight in the eyes. He softly brushes a few stray strands of hair behind my ears. I don’t think I have ever seen him so serious before, “Emma, you don’t understand. I have been coming here for years when I want to think, or to get my mind off things. I’ve always come here alone. This has always been my special place. It’s kind of selfish, but I wanted something that only I knew about. I’ve never wanted to bring anyone here before...until now. With you, I want to share everything; I feel open and free.” His hand lifts up and brushes my cheek softly gliding up and down. “Emma, this is somewhere that you and I alone can share together.” Tristan stops talking and looks at my face, studies it. I swallow hard not knowing what to say. He’s so close; yet, the gap seems too far for this moment.
As if reading my mind Tristan leans forward, closes the gap and brushes his lips against mine. Heat surges through my body as he wraps his arms around me. I soften against him, as the kiss turns more urgent. My inhabitations begin to melt away as I get caught up in the moment but my dreamlike state is quickly diminished as Tristan pulls away looking flushed. He smiles sweetly at me as his eyes glisten in the sunlight. I am completely enamored by him.
Tristan lets his arms fall from me as he reaches for his backpack. He pulls out a small blanket and some foil wrapped containers. He packed me a picnic I think to myself. “So, do you want to swim before or after we eat?” He asks.
“Um, I guess before, after all we wouldn’t want to get a cramp or anything after we eat.” I think to myself about how I’m grateful I had my bathing suit on under my clothes. I don’t know where I would change out here. Tristan, being the gentleman he is turns around when I start taking off my tennis shoes. I steal a quick peek behind me and watch Tristan’s back muscles constrict and straighten as he peels off his shirt. I quickly avert my eyes before he catches me and pull off my clothes and head over to the water’s edge.
Tristan meets me there a few seconds later. “Emma, do you trust me?” He whispers in my ear.
I think about it for a second wondering the motivation behind the question. I guess if I were totally honest I would have to say yes. I mean, I’ve only known Tristan a few days but there seems to be such a strong connection between us. Originally I would have said it’s one of those ‘we will be friends forever’ types of connections. But now that we’ve shared a kiss, I think it’s grown even more. I nod and say out loud, “Yes, I do.”
“Good. Because, I’m going to ask you take a leap of faith with me.” He walks to my side and offers me a hand up while giving me one of those sly smiles of his. Then he looks up over my shoulder. I turn around to see a small incline in the rock that leads up to a jut out of the cliff about fifty feet up.
Anxiety sets in. “Um… okay, but, I have to warn you that I’m deathly afraid of heights.” I look at him nervously.
“Oh. Well if you don’t want to you really don’t have to.” He says sincerely.
I think about it for a moment. I’m in Hawaii, my whole life is changing; why not be adventurous Emma? I say to myself in one of those inner monologue pump you up speeches. “What the heck… After all, when in Rome! How many chances does a teenage girl get to jump off the side of an extraordinary waterfall in tropical Hawaii?” I say with a smile that I hope hides the nervousness I feel inside.
“Cool. If we get up there and you need to turn back, just say the word.”
I nod while Tristan takes my hand and starts leading me up the cliff side. I have to let go of his hand to steady myself. I kind of feel like I’m doing a baby crawl up to the top since it’s steep but not so steep that I would need to actually climb. Thank goodness since my upper body strength is definitely lacking. We reach the top and plant our feet on its flat surface. The sound of the water here is almost deafening. Tristan steadies his balance and grabs my hand to help me up.
Once I’m standing I make the mistake of looking down. A small bit of vertigo sets in and I quickly look back up pressing my back more stiffly into the wall behind me. I’m shaking a bit as I ask Tristan, “Are you sure that this is safe… I mean is the water deep enough?”
“Definitely,” Tristan says reassuringly, “I’ve been jumping off this cliff since I was thirteen.” He cups his hand under my chin and lifts it to meet his gaze. “Emma, I would never intentionally put you in harm’s way. You can trust me.” I close my eyes for a brief moment trying to steady my nerves. The sound of the waterfall rushes around me and I grasp Tristan’s hand a bit harder willing myself the extra amount of courage I so desperately need.
I smile trying to steady myself and to be brave. Tristan places a kiss on the bridge of my nose, gives my hand a squeeze and then says, “I will hold your hand the entire time.”
I nod because it’s all I can do since words are not really coming to me at this time when I’m a little more than freaked out. Tristan rubs his thumb down the side of my hand and says, “On the count of three.” He looks at me to make sure I’m still in and that I don’t need to back out.
“One… Two…” Oh my gosh, my stomach feels like it’s doing the quick step, “Three!” Then we are jumping together and falling together. I know that I’m squeezing his hand harder than a vise grip and I open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out. My stomach must have gone up and into my throat during the free fall. A few seconds later, we break the surface of the water and plummet under. The stark coldness of it takes my breath away and I immediately start trying to find my way back up to the surface.
I realize when I break the surface that I’ve let go of Tristan’s hand. I instantly feel guilty and start frantically looking around for him. When he breaks water he doesn’t let on any sort of disappointment. I guess it’s a girl thing, but I think about that line in Titanic where Leonardo DiCaprio says, “Never let go.” I totally let go.
He flips his hair back out of his face and is smiling at me from ear to ear, “What a rush!” Tristan swims the short distance towards me, “You know how proud I am of you Emma? You took life by the horns and really conquered your fears; it takes a strong person to do that!”
I smile at his sentiment. I guess I shouldn’t allow the whole letting go of his hand thing to take away from the excitement of what we just did. “I guess I did. It was actually kind of fun!” I give him a big smile as I tread the water. Tristan pulls me to him and allows me to rest on him while he paddles to keep us afloat. I feel weightless in his arms.
We float around the pool for a while just taking in the beautiful surroundings and letting nature talk for us. Tristan keeps me afloat while the rush of the waterfall gently glides us around the pool of water. I watch as birds and butterflies of all different colors and shapes dance from flower to flower. In that moment I’m reminded just how much nature is interconnected. It’s such a beautiful sight to behold and one I could easily look at forever. After about half an hour Tristan breaks the silence, “Ready for some food?” He asks softly.
I nod in response as we start swimming back towards dry ground. Tristan runs ahead of me and grabs a towel from his bag bringing it to me. He puts the towel around my shoulders just as a butterfly approaches us. It’s probably one of the largest butterflies I’ve ever seen. It’s nearly the size of my hand. Its top half is yellow with black spots and the bottom half is the identical color of my bathing suit. It looks just like the butterfly that was adorned on the front of a going away card my aunt gave me. She had written inside of it: “If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.” It was a quote by an unknown author. My aunt is a wise woman and she must have sensed I was struggling with how my whole life was changing. I gently reach out my hand towards the butterfly allowing my towel to drop to the ground. To my amazement it lands on my index finger. I gaze for a few seconds at its beauty and then look up at Tristan, my eyes open wide in wonder. I’ve never had a butterfly actually allow me t
o hold it before.
“It recognizes your beauty Emma.” Tristan says softly. The butterfly gracefully extends its wings as it prepares to leave my hand. I watch it flutter off and then look back to Tristan. I wouldn’t have thought of myself as truly beautiful but the look in Tristan’s eyes makes me truly believe it.
This time I make the first move as I step closer to him and reach my hand up to his face. I lean in and brush my lips across his in a light kiss. Pulling away I say, “Thank you Tristan. I mean, thank you for spending time with me and making me feel more at home. I didn’t think I would be able to feel like I belong this far from where I grew up, but you’ve made this whole move bearable.”
“Well, you make it easy to want to spend time with you Emma.” He smiles and then picks my towel off the ground and hands it to me.
Once we are both semi-dry Tristan picks up the blanket he had pulled out earlier. I help him lay it down and we both start in on opening the containers of food he brought. There’s fresh fruit, cut up ham, assorted cubed cheeses, crackers, cookies and some waters. It’s the perfect snack picnic.
We watch the beauty unfold around us while we eat; each taking turns stealing glances at the other. After we finish our cookies he starts tracing over the back of my hand with his finger, tracing over the silver ring on my right hand. “You wear this ring a lot. Who gave it to you?”
“My dad did. Well, we picked it out together. It’s a purity ring.”
“Really?” He asks.
I wonder if this is something that he would see as a bad thing. I have dated guys in the past that wanted nothing more than for me to take this ring off. I was hurt badly by my last boyfriend. I thought I loved him. He did everything right and said he understood me. After we said we loved each other he started lying on the pressure by saying that isn’t love like marriage? What’s a paper have to do with anything? If we were going to be together forever, you wouldn’t really be breaking your commitment to purity. Thankfully, I didn’t do anything that I would have regretted with him. I had told Kaylee just how bad he was pressuring me and she did what best friends are made for. She picked up my cell phone and called the guy. I almost felt bad for him after the thirty-minute verbal bashing he got from her. After he spent a few minutes groveling to my BFI, who really didn’t believe any of it, she just cupped her hand over the speaker and asked me if I wanted to give him another chance. I shook my head no and she broke up with him for me. It wasn’t a hard decision for me after all, if he really loved me; he would respect my commitment and wouldn’t pressure me. He wouldn’t want me to fall from what I believed. He would want what’s best for me. Even after he apologized through my best friend, I had absolutely no reason to believe that he would want anything different from what he had wanted in the first place. I was broken hearted from being duped into believing that he supported me. He had been just lying in wait for a weak moment. I was grateful for Kaylee’s re-assurances. As well as the fact that she had made the same commitment I had made, so she totally empathized with what I was going through.
I get a little nervous thinking about Tristan. I find the strength to make myself resolute that if this is a turn off for him, then we aren’t meant to be. “Yes, I’ve made a commitment to myself, my dad and to God that I will save myself for marriage.” I know more often than not these days this sounds totally corny and even far-fetched. For me, I don’t want to give away a part of myself that I can never get back. I want to save my whole self for my husband one day. I don’t want any of it to be missing.
Tristan touches the ring again with his finger and looks back up to me. “Emma, I think that’s wonderful. I respect your commitment and I want you to know that I will not pressure you. It takes a strong woman to stand her ground in the midst of tough situations. I just give you my word that I will do everything in my power to help you keep your commitment.” He squeezes my hand reassuringly and places a soft, gentle kiss on my cheek. “In fact, I will go as far as throwing cold water on you if you try to get all hot and steamy with our kisses!”
We both laugh, but inside, I cherished the words that he shared with me. I feel like a weight is lifted from me now that we have crossed that possible obstacle.
Remembering my thoughts earlier as we were hiking up here I knew I needed to learn more about Tristan. I’m starting to fall for this guy, but I can’t fall for someone based on feelings, I need to know what makes him who he is. “So, Tristan, I want to know more about you.”
“Well, what do you want to know?”
“Tell me your deepest, darkest secret.” I ask him mimicking the joke he said the night before at the beach.
A constrained smile began building on his face and he looks me in the eyes. I can tell that I may be treading some rocky waters here; maybe he does have a chink in his armor. “You know, Tristan, this is safe ground here. What is said at the waterfall will stay at the waterfall,” I say trying to loosen him up a little. I search his face and can see the worry in his eyes. “Tristan… It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.” He looks downward before closing his eyes. His hand wraps around mine and he rubs his thumb softly against my skin. I get a little nervous, wondering what he’s going to share. If it’s making him this nervous do I really want to hear it?
“I was fifteen,” He began. “It was the summer before my sophomore year in high school. I…” There’s a long pause. I watch as a deep pain moves over his face while he searches for the right words.
“Tristan, it’s okay. You can tell me anything,” I encourage him.
“…I met a girl. Her name was Abigail…we called her Abby for short. Abby and I were childhood friends and were always together. Things between us began to change as we got older. There was an attraction there that we didn’t know existed. Well, one thing led to another and I ended up getting Abby pregnant.”
A hushed breath escaped me and I felt all the breath leave my lungs. He’s a child? I try and flip this around in my mind…to process this. I feel jealousy starting to tug at me regarding his relationship with Abby but I swat it away as this is clearly not a time for that.
A small tear drips down Tristan’s cheek. “We named our baby girl Clare. We were both just so young…” He chokes up a little and has a hard time continuing. My own throat chokes up and my eyes begin to water with his. I’ve never been able to handle it well when a grown man cries. He takes a deep breath and continues, “We found a good couple on the island who weren’t able to have children and they adopted baby Clare…We got to have her for three days. I will never forget her pudgy little fingers on mine. The way she slept, the way she cried… She was perfect, but we weren’t ready. We were way too young...”
I didn’t know what to say, it felt as if all the words in the world would never amount to any comfort I wanted to give.
Tristan rubbed his eyes with his hands, “After having to hand my baby off to someone else, I just didn’t feel like life was worth living. I started acting up at school…when I would even go. I became your typical juvenile delinquent, hanging out with the wrong people, dabbling in drugs. My mother understood for a while, but as time progressed she saw my downward spiral and decided to see about sending me away, to get some real help.
“The Kealoha family gave my mother the money to put me in a Christian Military Boarding School in California. I fought my mother on it for a while until she had me arrested for running away one night. The courts sided with my mother and then the Kealoha’s and I was on a one way flight to California that night.”
Tristan took a deep breath and continued, “That school was probably the best thing that ever happened to me…they gave me my life back. I had hope again. When it was my senior year some Army officers came to my school looking for recruits. I wanted to give back by serving my country. I discussed it with my mom and she was a bit worried about me making a full time commitment when I was so young. So I enlisted in the Army Reserves.”
Tristan runs his fingers through his hair and look
s at me. His cheeks are still stained with tears and I reached over to brush them away with my thumb. The second my hand reached him, his hand enveloped mine and he pressed it to his face.
He looks up at me, “Emma, I thought you would turn away from me when you heard about my past… I just never thought anyone would understand what I went through. It’s a past that I don’t enjoy reliving.”
I gave Tristan a reassuring smile. I saw the look of regret on Tristan’s face, and it broke my heart. He had lived through so much pain and hurt by the time he was barely fifteen. I just can’t imagine what he must be feeling right now, telling me his deepest, darkest secrets. Tristan reaches behind him and pulls out his wallet, “Do you want to see a picture of Clare?”
I don’t know what to say. It was one thing to hear about her, but a totally different thing seeing her. I nod though; I need to see her. Tristan pulls out a well-worn photo and begins telling me, “When we gave up Clare, we signed up for an open adoption. While I don’t get to really see her they send Abby and me pictures and updates a few times a year. This is Clare’s most recent picture. She’s four now, and they say she’s as ornery as ever.” Tristan’s face lights up as he hands me the picture. She’s beautiful. She has the same brown hair and aquamarine blue eyes that Tristan has. She has the cutest little cheeks and shallow dimples at the corners of her smile.
“She looks like an angel, Tristan…She’s adorable.”
Tristan smiles at me for the first time since he began, and then the smile quickly fades and a worried look replaces it, “I just wish sometimes I could see her, hold her little hand again, kiss the top of her head like I did so many times before she left.” Pain radiates from Tristan showing me how much heartbreak he has been through.
I lean in and gently brush my lips across his. I then kiss his cheek and rest my head on his shoulder. His hands wrap around me embracing me in a sentimental hug.
“Thank you so much for opening up to me. You made mistakes in your past, but they have made you into the man that you are today.... That’s the man that I’m pretty crazy about right now.”
Tristan sighs lifting my head to meet his eyes, “I’m kind of crazy about you too.” Then he looks up at the sky, “We better get going; it will be getting dark soon.” We pack up our things and make the hike back to the car.
On the ride home Tristan gets serious and says, “Emma, my yearly training for the Reserves is coming up in a few days. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be gone for about two-weeks, maybe even more. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this earlier; I just didn’t expect to meet you. I usually enjoy going to training, but I’m not looking forward to this one, having to leave you.”
Selfishly I feel bothered by this news. Obviously I don’t want Tristan to go away so soon after we’ve started getting to know each other. But, pushing that aside I realize that this commitment is a part of what makes Tristan a guy worth getting to know. I give Tristan a reassuring grin, “Don’t you worry, I think it’s great that you are serving. I’m so proud of you…after what you went through and who you are now; it’s just very inspiring. I want you to go, and don’t you dare worry about me; I’ll be here when you get back…I’m not going anywhere.”
Tristan gives me a smile and puts his hand on mine, “You have been amazing today Emma. I just really hate talking about my past; it’s something I try to keep hidden. It was scary opening up, I was worried you might run away and never look back.”
“Tristan, your past is what made you who you are today…don’t ever forget that! You have to accept the cards you’ve been dealt. After all, look at what good has come from it. A family now has a beautiful daughter that they may have never had if you didn’t make the mistakes you made. If someone doesn’t accept you for that, then that’s their loss.” I said this point rather matter-of-factly hoping I could stress the importance of what I said.
Tristan nods his head and gives me a small smile. “You’re right Emma, I shouldn’t continue to carry such shame. What’s done is done and I need to move on…Thanks.”
I smiled back knowing at this moment words weren’t needed. We both opened up to each other and leaped over large barriers today. We both accept each other for our pasts, our decisions and our commitments. These are the things that relationships can be built on.
Night Marchers Page 12
