Fragmentary

by LeAnn Mason

  What was the exercise?

  I knew that tone, that look on Holden’s face. I watched, wondering just how long it would take for those gorgeous blues to bleed mercury.

  “Hide and seek, out in the barn out back. Steve froze me before I got close enough to read him, then they finished me off with the prod.” I shuddered in remembered pain. “That shit sucks, by the way, but really, it pales in comparison to breaking your foot in two place—” I was rambling, trying to drown out Holden’s tension. I yanked the crutches free of his grip and gimped into my room to search my dresser for comfy night clothes before heading to the bathroom.

  Are you going to ignore me?

  “While you go all caveman? Yes,” I said as I rifled through my underwear drawer, finally coming up with suitable attire. I needed to do laundry, and the units were on the ground floor. Awesome. “Well, that’s a task for tomorrow then,” I grumbled as I turned to head for the doorway. Holden was there, taking up the whole of the space. “Seriously, Holden, stop. It was no biggie, and it will most likely happen again. I need to be able to handle myself.”

  Who was leading the exercise?

  I knew he wanted to be mad at Devlin, yet again. He hated that Dev was my assigned mentor for most things, but really, it made sense. Dev was the stealth and tactics leader of our little team while Holden was perpetually worried about what danger could come my way and how to keep me away from it.

  I stood a little taller though it was kind of hard to do while being supported by crutches, but I managed. “The Commander was leading the exercise. Even gave Jade the order to use the prod if she had the chance.”

  Jade?

  “Yup,” I popped the ‘p’ for emphasis. “How is it that you can take my keeping something from you for months better than you handle me learning my job? The job I was brought into because of you?”

  I did not bring you into being an enforcer.

  “You’re right. You didn’t. You just brought my ability to your uncle’s attention. I decided I could be useful, have a purpose. You cheapen my decision every time you freak out about my welfare.” I resettled against the crutches. The things were totally digging into my armpits, and it would be hard to get around him, so I had to vent without the customary movement and fidgeting I would normally adopt during stressful conversation.

  “Can you move so I can take a shower now? I’m quite filthy as we’ve established.” I thought about the barn smell that might well linger in my spot on the couch and snickered. Steve would hate that. Take that, Mr. McDouche!

  You can’t take a shower. You’ll have to bathe.

  I eyed him skeptically. “That’s it? You’re going to let it go?”

  He nodded, but his clenched jaw and silver eyes betrayed him. Oh well, I’d play along. He wouldn’t get over it if I dwelled on it along with him; best to just act like I believed him. Even if we both knew better.

  After being carried back down the stairs, because of course the washroom with the bathtub was back on the ground floor, I decided it would be easier for both of us if I just camped in the living room on the couch for at least the night. Maybe we could pick up a boot or something so that I wasn’t such a burden for my week of pathetic-ness.

  The bath was heavenly, even with a leg out of water to keep the bandaging dry. Holden had added salt and minerals to help with soothing my sore muscles and even brought my speaker down so I could relax even further. It was so effective that I only realized I’d fallen asleep when I was lifted from the tub, the water level slowly draining. Holden sat on the edge of the tub and wrapped me in a towel, slowly rubbing my shoulders, more to wake me than to get me dry.

  Sorry, didn’t want you to slip under the water though so… He wasn’t looking at me with any heat. I was naked, wet and in his arms, but he realized that though this was true, it was also true that I was just not up to anything more. I wasn’t even up for being embarrassed at being seen naked and vulnerable. Holden made sure to never make me feel uncomfortable about our relationship, about what we did or didn’t do as a couple.

  Once dressed, Holden once again lifted me, carrying me to my makeshift bed. The couch I had earlier lounged upon was now adorned with a pretty lilac bed sheet and my quilt, made by my nana long ago, along with my pillow. It looked quite inviting though a bit narrow.

  Holden was careful to lay me in almost the perfect spot, and I smacked his hand away as he began to fluff my pillow. There was only so much coddling I could stand without feeling completely useless, and I did not want to feel useless. I puffed the pillow while propped on one elbow and glared playfully at Holden. “See? Not helpless.”

  He just shook his head at me, a slight smile tilting his lips. Never would I think you helpless, Nat.

  “Good.” I gave the pillow one last knock and fell onto it. “Thank you for helping me today. For everything.” I didn’t want to say exactly what I meant – for being there, knowing my secret. A weight had been lifted since he’d been let in on my ability, but only time would tell if it would crush me with its fall. I was praying that Holden was the man I thought he was. The man that I hoped he was. Mine. With that thought I let darkness enfold me in its welcoming embrace.

  Morning came all too soon and with it the sounds of a bustling house filled to the brim. One looming shadow was camped in the chair next to the couch. Jade smiled gently at me from her perch then moved to occupy a small square of my resting area and eyed my foot.

  “I wanted to check on you last night, ask about this,” she waved a petite arm around my bandaged limb. “But when I came down after Holden told me you were out of the bath… well, you were already asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “I’m sorry. I was just… exhausted. The entire day had been, well, a lot. My body and mind just kinda shut down once I was fed and clean.”

  “I wish I could have been there for you,” Jade lamented. A weight of sadness hung on her today, a weight that seemed to get heavier as time went on. I reached down and wrapped my hand around hers where it lay lightly on my leg. “Jade, there is nothing you could have done. Dad got me fixed up, and I’ll be good as new really soon.” I was so tempted to elaborate, to finally let Jade in on the secret, but now was not the time. The house was too full, and everyone had an ear – and half a mind – turned to our conversation.

  Luckily, soon enough, Dane ambled over and stole Jade away for their training session. Everyone else cleared out soon after, allowing me to sink back into oblivion for just that much longer.

  My body decided I had had enough rest at what the clock indicated was eleven hundred hours, or eleven a.m., late enough for the sun to no longer be aimed directly at my face through the large window behind my temporary bed. With another tummy rumble, I decided I needed to brave the kitchen to find something to eat.

  Luckily for me, someone had been very thoughtful and had already made a plate of leftovers for me to munch on. It was still a pain to get from one place to another, so I tried to do as little as possible before heading back to the couch after eating my meal in the kitchen. I’d quickly discovered that there was no way I was getting from the kitchen to, well, anywhere else with a plate while I was crutch-bound. There was just no way, which was infuriating. So, once I’d finished my standing lunch, I figured I’d watch TV because what else was I going to do?

  I soon realized that television itself was horrid. We only got a few channels… you know, the ones everyone got? There were so many commercials and sales pitches for things we couldn’t even get… and soap operas. I mean come on! That kind of crap didn’t happen in real life. But I couldn’t turn away, literally. It was way too much hassle to rummage through the movies and decide which to put in. Getting down there and back was more struggle than I wanted at just this moment, so horribly written and overacted soaps it was.

  I was still there hours later when the house started filling up again. The routines of the evening once again unfolding while I stood off to the side and watched. That was it. I couldn’t ta
ke a week of being sedentary. One day was enough. Even sweet melodies pumping through my eardrums wasn't enough when I was forced into relative stagnancy. I’d choose mental exercises over this bedridden loneliness any day. Time to woman-up. Game on.

  CHAPTER 7

  THE NEXT MORNING CAME early and directly into my eyeballs via laser beams of sunlight filtering through the unshaded windows behind the couch – again. Once awake, I couldn’t help but hear the rest of the house begin to ready for the day, especially once they all began migrating downstairs for breakfast.

  One by one, everyone trudged down the stairs, giving me a quick wave before beginning their breakfast search. Most of the house was surprisingly alert and even… happy. Delirious. They’re all nuts. Grudgingly, I grabbed the sticks of armpit death and began my own morning ritual.

  It soon became abundantly clear just how much harder mundane tasks were while hopping on one foot and relying on outside sources for weight bearing. I couldn’t get through the bathroom doorway without knocking the crutches multiple times first. Turning around in the small space… sitting on the toilet… were things which gave me a newfound respect for being able to use both feet. I felt like the “special” bunny. I hopped but lopsided and to the left. My language was not the cleanest after the second time I dropped my mascara onto the floor and had to finagle my body low enough to grab it but not put too much weight onto my right side and tip to the floor.

  I heard masculine snickers coming from the living room and kitchen and suspected Devlin, at the least, was laughing at my predicament. I had to make sure I didn’t let them see how much this infirmity affected me, I needed to pull up my big girl undies and think of something creative to get back at him. Maybe a little laxative in his morning coffee was in order. Happy morning to you. Laughing quietly to myself, I finished getting ready and worked my way to the kitchen, happy to only get caught on a power cord and knock into a chair. Never mind that there was only one of each to encounter.

  Most everyone had cleared out of the kitchen by the time I’d gimped my way inside, and I was pretty sure Holden was only there to help me. He knew what I liked and swiftly pulled out a bowl and the appropriate cereal, topping it off with a bit of milk and sliding it across the bar to where he’d instructed me to sit. Not feeling like being a further source of entertainment for the house, I agreed and perched myself on the nearest barstool at the backside of the counter dividing the kitchen and living room.

  Can I take you somewhere today, or are you staying home again? What did you and my uncle decide on? Holden perched against the far counter, arms crossed, waiting patiently for me to tell him my plans. He looked delicious in a dark grey fitted shirt that molded to his body, showcasing his defined arms and chest. Holden wasn’t an overly big guy, but he was defined. There was no excess on that man. I was often struck speechless when faced with all that was Holden, especially when clothes were wet or… missing. The latter didn’t happen too often.

  We hadn’t really explored the physical portion of our relationship too much yet. The house was just too busy. Had too many ears. That being said, the urge to maul him hit me hard and often.

  One day, we would need to have some privacy as a couple. Well, one day where we were both fully functioning. I needed this foot healed like yesterday. I was so not looking forward to being forced into sitting on my bum for a week, especially if that week I was also made to sit in crowded establishments and work on my mental walls or listening. I felt the beginnings of the massive headache that was sure to hit me like a sledgehammer with all the voices I’d hear.

  Hopefully, if there was no real intensity to the thoughts, the negative impact on my psyche would be minimal. The question was… where did I want to spend my day that was busy enough for me to try my luck but wasn’t somewhere where I would garner too much attention? Two places immediately sprung to mind: the hospital and The Corner Bean.

  There was no way I could endure actively fishing minds at the hospital. Everyone who was there had loud and usually quite agonizing thoughts. I never went in without having my earbuds out and at the ready. The perk would be that I may get to spend some time with my father, but again, maybe not. I missed him but not enough to subject myself to that horrendous mental torture as “practice.” He and my mother came to the farmhouse every week for a nice dinner, I could wait until then to get my fill.

  “The Corner Bean would be great… well, not great. This whole thing is going to suck big time. Maybe I should just sit here and watch TV after all.”

  Holden chuckled, wrapping a hand around my arm as I attempted to scramble off the barstool without having a firm grip on the crutch I needed. I gave him a sheepish look as he fit the implement under my arm and took a step back, the teasing light in his eyes still very much alive. “Shut it, Mister,” I grumbled.

  I didn’t say anything. I can make your couch-bed again if you’d prefer to stay here.

  I nodded absently as I made my way back toward the couch, consciously avoiding things such as stray power cords that could quite literally trip me up. The couch was comfy. I could sit on it for another day.

  Oh, but I should probably tell you that Steve doesn’t have any training sessions lined up this morning, I think he mentioned something about playing video games…

  My abrupt change of direction allowed for the little knob on the bottom of my crutch to slide away from my weight, sending me tipping like a felled tree, the impending crash thankfully enough to sober Holden from his reverie. He was at my elbow to steady me before I’d even realized he’d moved. Damn, those Primals are fast. “Thank you,” I clipped. I didn’t want to owe him seeing as he was the reason I’d been going down. That’s what I was sticking with anyway. “Coffee house ho.”

  Holden’s rich chuckle once again permeated my head as he reached past me to open the door, waving me through with a dramatic sweep of his arm. After you.

  I lifted my chin haughtily and wobbled out onto the porch only to be faced with the stairs leading off of it. Damn these crutches. They’re taking all my dignity. I refused to ask him for help though. I eyed the step beneath me as Holden watched, wondering if I was really not going to ask for a hand. I wasn’t.

  I pushed the right crutch out to land on the step, then brought my left leg to the same step, put the crutch to the ground one step lower, then repeated. I will never admit how hard that was, how much thought it took not to go sprawling face first to the bottom. I would not admit that I wished Holden had just helped me down the stupid things. I would not.

  The drive to The Corner Bean was quiet, both of us in our own mental bubbles, I just looked out the window as the town passed us by, so I didn’t focus on his thoughts.

  I’ll get you settled wherever you want at the shop, then I’ll head over to the barn. I need to check up on the horses and have someone grab your truck if they haven’t already. I’ll be around if you need me. I can swing by around lunch if you want.

  “Yeah, that’d be good. Thanks.”

  Maybe you could ask your dad if he has some kind of a boot you can use for the week. Something you can bear weight on. He shrugged and looked ahead again. Maybe you won’t feel so helpless.

  And just like that, he’d disarmed me. Again. It seemed all it took was Holden being his sweet and thoughtful self for me to feel like a heel. My eyes stung, but I refused to let the moisture escape, knowing that if I spoke at that moment, they would. I chose instead to nod though maybe a little too vigorously. Holden just wrapped a hand around mine and squeezed, bringing the appendage to his mouth for a quick kiss.

  I want you happy. Don’t make me worry about you. I know how much you hate it.

  I barked out a surprised laugh, and just like that, the mood had lightened. How could I keep from falling for this man? His every move was a coordinated assault to any walls erected against him, at least when it came to me. It seemed I was his priority. That my well-being topped even his own, and that was sometimes daunting. Realizing how much power you potentially had
over another. So much harm could be wrought from that. I couldn’t hurt Holden, and every day he showed me that he couldn’t hurt me either.

  I relaxed back into the seat for the rest of the ride to today’s observation post, the air just a bit lighter, the sun brighter. Gah, stop with the sappy crap, Nat!

  *****

  “How you doing over here, Nat?”

  “Great, thanks, Rolph,” I smiled at the older man as he bustled around, tidying the small space inside his shop. He moved from table to table, making sure they were clean and stocked with napkins, stirrers, and cream.

  “Don’t you have someone who can do that for you?”

  Rolph flipped the rag he was using up to rest over his shoulder, hands on hips, as he faced me with a confused expression, “Why?”

  I shrugged, “I dunno. So you didn’t have to.”

  “I like doing it; keeps me grounded to the place. Lets me see what works and what doesn’t. Shows me where I need to fix up a chip or a broken container.” He shrugged again. “I don’t think I could let someone else do it.”

  I got it, kind of. I understood that he thought of the shop as his baby, one Rolph doted on nearly as much as his actual children. I looked beyond the counter, to the shelf behind it where the picture of his daughter was once again proudly displayed. It made me smile that Rolph didn’t let the petty illusionist win by closing himself off. He overcame, every day.

  “How did you do it, Rolph?” I asked before I could stop myself.

  “Hmmm?” He’d continued his ministrations through the shop and was now a ways from me, dutifully checking a table in the far corner. “Do what?”

  “How did you recover from the accident? How are you here and walking around, virtually unaided?”

  He harrumphed, “Unaided you say?” He flipped his cane up for display. “I think this is quite the obvious aid, don’t you?”