Hollow Hearts (The Harkwright Trilogy Book 1)

by B C Morgan

  “I’d not long lost my husband, Poppy’s father, and I was hurting. I needed something to help me believe that life was worth it again. Poppy did, she was the reason I could even get out of bed, but she could only fill so much of the emptiness that was filling me. I think I needed someone who needed me just as much and who better than a child who had no one,” her cheeks are flushed and I don’t know why she’s feeling so embarrassed, it makes sense to me. “There were a few possibilities, and I felt I could do it, I’d been a nurse on a children’s ward for years and raising Poppy had been… interesting. I had so much love and the kids I was looking at needed it. There was one child that pulled at my heart strings and I was set to pick up the phone and make my decision. I picked the files up and a photo fell out. The minute I saw your face I knew in my heart that my choice wasn’t even mine to make. You were the only child who I would bring home.”

  She’s clutching my hand and her tears are falling freely, I feel awkward as fuck but I won’t pull away from her. She watches as I tuck my hair behind my ear and she shakes her head with a watery smile appearing and I prefer it when she has a smile on her face.

  “It was your eyes, not the color but the love and the pain that I could see within them as clear as day. I remember thinking 'if that is what’s captured in a photo, then what will I see when I meet you'. But more than that, those feelings were what I saw every time I looked in a mirror, you were my kindred spirit. Four years old and you had already experienced a world of pain, yet you welcomed me so easily. It was hard, and you didn’t speak for nearly a year. You would just nod, point or shake your head but occasionally I would walk past your room and this sweetest voice would fill the air. It turned out that although you wouldn’t speak to me, after six months you would speak to Poppy.”

  We’re both crying now and I don’t think I want to hear anymore, I’m about to experience a lot of firsts that will be outside of my control. This one however, is all on me. Getting out of my chair, I throw my arms around her and hear her gasp of surprise as she wraps me in her arms and clings on to me as though she’s scared I’m about to disappear. I mean, she isn’t wrong.

  I can’t stop staring at the picture of Selene, I fell asleep with it clutched within my hand and I’m finding it hard to keep my eyes off it. I meant what I said to mom, I really don’t want to know why I was up for adoption but I am curious about Selene as a person. What was she like? Was she a loner who preferred to keep to herself like me or was she the life and soul of the party? Is my nature hereditary or brought on from the circumstances of my life? Is there any way for me to even find out the answers to all the questions that are piling up in my mind?

  Right, tomorrow is the day I leave so I will do everything I can to make sure the house is in the best condition I can get it. I’m hoping the extra money will mean that mom won’t work as hard and maybe only one job. Preferably she’ll leave the bar so I know she’ll at least be a little safer, but that isn’t my decision to make.

  It’s nine thirty so the shops should be open for business and mom will already be at her first job for the day, there’s nothing stopping me from getting started and it will do me good to keep busy.

  It’s a sweltering day, I can feel the blistering heat pouring through my window as I pull back the curtains. I know my usual clothes won’t be an option, knowing my luck I’ll end up with heatstroke. Throwing my clothes across the floor, I try to find something that won’t make me bake but also, that I can feel moderately comfortable in. I don’t do dresses so the ones that mom bought me on an impulse will never be an option. Maybe I could go for a pair of shorts and maybe my black tights with the red skulls on them. They're cute and I won’t technically be showing off any skin. I add my band tank and thrift store leather ankle boots, and I feel okay. Uncomfortable, sure, but it’s the best I can do.

  I take off down the street ignoring the catcalls and stares, the moans as I cross to avoid walking directly past people and just pretend that there isn’t any other person around. It’s hard, but I’ve managed this long. It isn’t flawless and the weight of their stares get to me but I just need to develop a thicker skin and I’ll get through, although I can’t really do that now can I?

  Stepping into the hardware store is a relief, as I can finally get out of the stifling heat for a few minutes. It won’t take me long to get what I need, I have a very focused approach to shopping. Know what I need, get what I need and no distractions.

  I walk down the aisles looking for filler, scrapers and whatever else I can find. Popping them into my basket as I go along. Maybe I should paint the kitchen, brighten it up and give it a fresh lease on life. I think it will make mom smile, and I’m only here for her anyway, so why not go the extra mile?

  One issue, money. I’ve got enough for what I class as the essentials but I don’t think I can make it stretch to paint and the supplies that will go with it. I really hate it when things don’t go to plan, I know it isn’t important, but it is to me. I kind of feel as though I’m going to cry and I don’t think I can stop it. The tears are already pooling in my eyes and I can feel my bottom lip quivering as I try to hold it in. My shoulders are shaking and I need to place my basket on the ground so I don’t drop it and cause a scene.

  “Luna.”

  For crying out loud, is the entire damn universe out to get me or something? This is getting ridiculous. I can’t turn around, I cannot let Cole see me like this. And it feels so weird calling him by his first name, even if it is only in my head.

  His hand rests on my shoulder and I want to shake him off, but again, I don’t want to cause a scene. I can feel his stomach brush against my arm as he walks around me and I squeeze my eyes shut just as he enters my peripheral.

  “Hey, what’s happened? Did someone say something to you? Hurt you?” I’m not sure if he sounds worried or angry, maybe a mixture of the two.

  “N-n-no,” I shake my head frantically and I’m suddenly being cocooned against a warm chest with firm arms wrapped around me. I can hear him make shushing noises against my head as he strokes a hand through my hair. It’s relaxing and I’m trying my hardest to fight the urge to sink into him. This isn’t right, I shouldn’t be leaning on him. I just don’t think I’m strong enough to push him away especially when he’s being so nice and he really doesn’t have any reason to be that way.

  My tears are starting to subside and my shoulders are relaxing and despite my best efforts my legs turn to jelly and I relax into his arms. His fingers curl around the top of my arm and he pulls back slightly, he isn’t letting me go, but he is looking at me.

  “W-w-what a-a-are you d-d-doing here?” I’m so not getting picked tomorrow, not if they decide to speak to me.

  “Okay, don’t freak out or anything,” his eyes are searching mine for something and I nod my head. “I was heading to the store to solve my empty fridge crisis when I saw you, I wasn’t in a hurry so I thought I’d say hi and see if you needed any help. I realized as I was looking for you that it may appear a little creepy so I was going to go and then I spotted you and I couldn’t leave without making sure you were okay,” he’s so sincere and he has the kindest eyes. If I wasn’t so awkward, I would probably swoon.

  “You didn’t need to do that, I don’t need any help,” I mutter, and tuck my hair behind my ear… again. I can’t help but do it when he’s around.

  “Why were you upset?”

  “It’s stupid,” I say as I shuffle my feet and he releases his hold but he doesn’t let me go. Instead his hands slide down to mine and holds them gently, it’s such an innocent gesture, but it’s making my heart thump wildly and I can’t stop myself from looking down at them.

  “It’s stupid but… I wanted to get some paint to brighten the kitchen up for my mom. She deserves some brightness in her life right now and I,” I hesitate to continue as he releases one of my hands and tips my chin up so I’m looking at him again.

  “It’s okay, no judgements from me.”

  “I realized I
couldn’t afford it all, and I got a little emotional, I think it’s because everything is changing and I’m not in control and I’m struggling,” my voice gets softer the more I say but he won’t let me look away and the greens of his eyes are captivating.

  “Well, we can’t have that can we?” His words confuse me but he steps back, picks up my basket and with a swift tug on my hand leads me down the paint aisle and we spend the next half an hour picking out the perfect color.

  I feel bad that he bought the supplies but he wouldn’t take no for an answer and I’m finding that I can’t say no to this man. It feels dangerous but I won’t deny that I love being with him. He’s funny and kind and he has this constant smile on his face, and every time he raises his arms to grab something off a top shelf I get a flash of tanned skin across his stomach and a smatter of hairs disappearing into his waistband.

  He pays for everything but I won’t let him get away with that, he will let me pay for the rest before he leaves. I mean that will be in a second, I’m done in here and he needs to go shopping. I just need to figure out the easiest way of carrying this all home with as few stops on the way as possible.

  “Thank you Ste…” a raise of his brow stops me from saying his last name to completion. “Thank you Cole, it was a really nice thing for you to do but you are not paying for the rest. Please don’t argue with me on it either,” I’m toeing the ground and staring at his firm jaw as his smile falters for a moment before returning in full force.

  “Okay Luna, I’ll let you pay me back if you let me drive you home. There is no way I am letting you carry all of this back to your house,” his tone holds no room for arguments and I don’t really want too. I will struggle to get it all home and at least he’ll let me keep some of my pride by paying him back.

  It’s a win-win situation, right?

  He leads me to his car and loads everything into the trunk, before placing his hand on the small of my back and leading me to the passenger side. His palm is warm even through the fabric and I can’t help the shy smile I give him as he opens the door and I slide in. He even closes it behind me, damn it. Can he get anymore perfect? Because this gentleman stuff is killing me.

  We pull up outside my home and he wastes no time in grabbing my things and following me inside, I really am out of my comfort zone now.

  “Shouldn’t you be buying food,” I mumble as I take one of the bags and carry it into the kitchen.

  “I have plenty of time for that, do you want some help with the painting?”

  This guy is confusing the hell out of me, in all honesty I think I want him to leave. But it would be rude to kick him out after everything he’s done and I don’t know how else to do it.

  “Why?” He looks confused so I guess I better continue, is there a problem with just using that one word and hoping for the answer? “Why do you want to help? I’m just your patient’s sister. There’s no need for you to be this nice to me,” hooray, not a single stutter. Maybe I’m not completely useless at talking after all.

  “This has nothing to do with that, don’t get me wrong. I like to consider myself a nice, helpful guy but I don’t do this for anyone. I like you Luna, you’re easy to talk to and you face the hard stuff even if it feels impossible,” he runs his hand along the back of his neck as he looks to the floor. Guess I’m not the only one feeling uncomfortable. “It’s nice to see you outside of the hospital and I guess, I considered ourselves on friendly terms. Everyone can use a friend, right?” His words are gutting me, but he’s right. A friend would be great even if it is with the only guy I have ever crushed this hard on.

  “Let’s get painting then,” it’s weak and stupid but it’s making him smile, I guess I can count it as another win for today.

  “I never realized how therapeutic painting could be, I always just saw it as another task to get done,” he rubs at his jaw and I can’t help but snigger at the line of paint he leaves in his wake.

  “What’s so funny?” He narrows his eyes at me and even though I’m holding it back, I only want to laugh. It’s a pleasant feeling, one I hope I’ll get to experience more often once I’m older and wiser.

  “Nothing just thinking about how terrible I am at anything that resembles art, I can’t even draw a stickman without it looking like he has a squiggle for a body.”

  “That’s why you snickered while looking at me, nope doesn’t add up. Don’t hold back on me now Luna Carter,” he steps closer and his scent wafts over me, is there anything about this man that isn’t utterly perfection.

  “You got a little bit of paint,” I raise my hand, suddenly courageous I guess as I run it over the paint and show him the blue that now covers my fingertips.

  His hand comes up to take mine and my breath halts as he looks down on me, not hard considering my height but it’s the flare in his eyes that has me not even daring to move.

  He smiles as he lifts his other hand and then runs his brush all the way down the center of my face, I’m shocked that he would do something so childish.

  “Dr. Stevenson, you should know better,” I admonish as I pull away and place my hands on my hips.

  “You make me sound old when you say my name like that, I prefer to hear Cole coming from your lips instead.”

  I swallow hard, please tell me this isn’t imaginary. Because if he’s flirting with me, and I know it’s beyond inappropriate, but I wouldn’t care. Fuck Harkwright I’d start right here.

  “You’re older than me,” I say on a whisper and he steps even closer until the toes of our shoes are pressed together.

  “Ten years, doesn’t seem such a difference to me,” he looks at me, his smile replaced with a look so intense I can’t even name it.

  My head is rising without permission. I want to know what it feels like to be kissed by him and I want to see if he’ll close the rest of the distance and… the front door is opening. He steps back and his huge smile falls back into place like nothing happened and I guess it didn’t, other than me making a fool of myself. I’m just glad my mom didn’t witness my shame.

  The look of joy on her face when she sees what we’ve done makes my frustration and humiliation fall on the back burner and she seems genuinely happy to have Cole in our home. Surprised sure, but she has no problem with asking him to stay for dinner and for some reason… he accepts.

  I will share my last dinner with my mom and a man - because I can’t call him a boy - who I can't stop looking at or fantasizing about. If I feel this stressed now, what the fuck is tomorrow going to do to me.

  5

  The Final Selection

  Okay, I have almost convinced myself that Cole was only being friendly and nothing transpired between us. Almost.

  Thoughts of him and what’s coming today kept me up most of the night and I look even more like death than I usually do. Gaunt features, somehow paler skin and deep circles underscoring my eyes.

  I jumble some clothes together and jump in the shower, hoping it will wake me up a little. I even have the water on its coldest setting to begin with, but other than making me shriek, it hasn’t done a lot of anything. My thoughts are running rampant as the water battles against my skin. I'm scared but underneath all of that fear is a level of excitement that is surprising me, I’ve always dreamed of getting away from this place but in my dreams it was with my family. I wasn’t selling my soul to the devils of Harkwright, but starting my own chapter in this messed up world and opening up my dream bakery. I’m getting away I guess, but is that really reason enough to explain this tangible excitement that is bubbling under my skin?

  Shutting the shower off, I step out, wrapping my worn towel around me and I avoid the mirror as I leave the bathroom.

  I enter my room and look down at the clothes I put very little effort in choosing and I’m thinking a top riddled in holes and a pair of ripped jeans -not fashionably so - may not present me in the best way. I don’t know how to do this.

  A knocking at the door is sounding in my ear but I’m not going to rea
d too much into it, more than likely it’s the mailman with something too big to fit through our slot. I put my hands on my hips and tap my foot restlessly as I try to figure out a more respectable outfit - that I own. That will be easy… not!

  I have a pair of black slacks, and a dark blue blouse but I won’t feel comfortable in that and this may be the last time I get to dress myself in my own clothes. You know what, fuck it I can wear whatever the fuck I want. They don’t own me yet.

  My little move of defiance only takes me so far as I slip my feet into my leather ankle boots and oversized sweater, I take a look in my mirror right as the shattering of a glass fills the air. I run out of my room, my heartbeat already erratic, and it has nothing to do with the sudden jolt of exercise. Taking the stairs two at a time, I find my mother holding a hand against her chest and tears rolling down her cheeks. Looking past her, I can see a mountain of a man standing in the doorway, taking me in with more interest than I appreciate and I can already feel that I’m going into myself.

  “Mom,” it comes out weak and almost childish, to my ears at least. Her eyes are filled with so much pain that my lungs constrict and for the second time in the space of a week I rush to her side and throw my arms around her.

  She clings to me like I’m her lifeline and she’ll plummet into an unforgiving ocean if she ever lets go. The Mountain clears his throat, but it resonates like a growl to my ears and a shiver passes down my spine.

  I can’t meet his eyes but my mother has no trouble doing it. I can see the defiance in the set of her jaw and the straightening of her spine, but it’s pointless.

  “No warning, I don’t even get to enjoy breakfast with my baby before you take her out of my life. You and your bosses are sick and I can't wait for the day that you get brought down.”