Eromenos

by Theda Black

  Seth hurried, straining to hear the door just in case Xander got some stupid idea to leave him there. He brushed his teeth and washed up, looking in the mirror. His freckles, normally faint enough to be unnoticed, stood out in his pale face. There were shadows beneath his brown eyes. Xander wasn’t the only one this shit was getting to.

  He scrubbed his face on the hand towel and walked out. “So where are we going?”

  “Hiking.” Xander paced in front of the bedroom door.

  “In the rain? Did you bring a raincoat?”

  “No. You?”

  Seth shook his head.

  “You don’t have to come.”

  “I know. You up for some breakfast first?”

  “No.”

  “Coffee?”

  “Yeah, if you want, but we need to go. Get your jacket.” Xander was out the door and starting down the stairs before Seth had left the room.

  Coffee was brewing in the kitchen, gargling as it dripped into the carafe. Beth was nowhere in sight. Seth breathed deep of the fragrant aroma and rubbed his empty stomach. He glanced at Xander, then sighed and went to the cabinet, found a travel coffee mug. He hoped somebody didn’t need it today because it was going with him.

  Xander frowned at him when he grabbed the carafe and pulled it out, still dripping coffee.

  “What, you’re in a hurry,” Seth protested, pouring. He took a sip and made a face. The front end of the coffee pot was extra strong. He shut his eyes a moment, sighed and nodded at Xander. They walked out of the kitchen and through the living room.

  Xander opened the front door. The rain blew in, cold and wet. They hurried down the porch steps and ran to the Chevelle.

  Xander started the car. “It’s not far.”

  Seth didn’t bother to ask where.

  They drove through town, comprised of a couple of blocks with a grocer, a general store and a few houses on the main road, plus the gas station and the church they’d already passed. The steady drizzle of rain made everything more dreary.

  “So this is the whole town. Wow.”

  “Yes and no.” In the gray light, Xander's eyes looked like green glass. “There are quite a few more houses behind the main road, none of them really close together. Like Beth’s place. Higher on the mountain are more people scattered around. But yeah, this is all the stores they have. They want it that way—they don’t like attention. There’s no bank here. You have to drive down to Harrisville for that. No fast food. There’s a few kids who make a run for it on the weekends, sometimes. There’s a retired doctor on up the mountain who sees people. His place is really nice. Most of them are. They want everyone to think they’re a poor mountain town, but they do pretty well.”

  Seth stared at him. “And you know all this how?”

  “The dreams.” Xander’s lips tightened when Seth kept staring. “I knew Simon’s name before he told us, too. I also know we have to be careful around him. He’s trouble.”

  “Trouble how?”

  “He’s looking for something, trying to find out…something. I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “I’m not a crystal ball, Seth.”

  “Could have fooled me,” Seth muttered, and Xander shot him a look. Seth ignored it. “You’ve never actually seen him before, right? I mean you’ve never been here, have you?”

  “I think I was—I was born here. I don’t actually remember being here.”

  “Your birth certificate says you were born here?”

  “It says I was born in Stanton. Not here.”

  “So how do you know?” Seth asked. “Oh, right. The dreams. Okay, help me out here, Xander, because this is just fucking crazy, you know that, right?”

  Xander punched the brake. The car slewed to the side, chewing up mud and new blades of grass. He turned to look at Seth, jaw working. “You know what, I’m tired of this shit. You can’t decide if I’m some fucked up pathetic nut you need to take pity on, or if maybe, just maybe some of this is true. Right? And in between all that you want to have sex, and shit, I’m certainly happy to give it up for you as soon as I possibly can, but no matter if we do or don’t, you’re not going to believe I’m right in the head, are you? The thing is, time is running out.” He looked out the window, breathing hard. “I’m gonna take you back to Beth’s. I’ll give you the car so you can drive home.”

  Seth shook his head. “That’s crazy. I’m not taking your prehistoric car, and I’m not leaving you here with this.”

  Xander looked pissed. “You know what, that’s not good enough.”

  “So what is?” Seth asked, confused.

  “I’m not interested in being your damned charity project, Seth!” Xander ran his fingers through his hair.

  Seth watched him shift the car into drive, saw the blank expression settle over his face. Xander expected nothing from him. Suddenly it made him furious.

  “Stop the car,” Seth said. They rounded a curve. Another, narrower gravel road branched off to the left. “I said stop the car!”

  Xander turned suddenly and braked on the offshoot.

  Seth glared at him. “Fuck you. I’m not giving you a free pass to do whatever you want and I’m not listening to this shit and acting like it all makes sense. Deal with it. I’m staying, you idiot. Get it through your stupid gargantuan head.”

  Xander stared at him, eyes narrowed, silence stretching on.

  Seth glared back.

  One side of Xander’s mouth turned up. “Don’t look at me like that.”

  Seth ignored him and kept glaring.

  Xander threw his hands off the steering wheel in surrender, hands open. He started the car up the narrow drive again, the tires digging into gravel.

  The gravel faded away until they were left with a narrow, rutted dirt road, little more than a muddy trail. Xander winced as they rocked forward over roots and rocks jutting from the ground.

  “This has got to be shit on your car,” Seth said helpfully.

  Xander ignored him. He stopped the car and looked around. To the right lay two fallen trees, one trunk crossing the other at a near right angle. “This is it,” he said, nodding to himself. “We walk from here.”

  He got out of the car. The rain was slowing but steady. His breath plumed in the air.

  “This is it? Walk where?” Seth opened the car door a crack.

  “You’re like a stoned parrot. Slow and repetitive.”

  Seth looked insulted. “Necessary?”

  Xander nodded thoughtfully. “Yes.” He looked around, a slow half turn in the mud. “You know what, stay here while I go—”

  “Shut up.” Seth slammed the car door. It was loud in the silence, though the rain muffled it some.

  “Stop slamming the door.”

  “I didn’t slam the door.”

  “You did. It’s my car and I don’t want the door slammed. Plus you’ll draw attention to us.”

  Seth looked around. “Draw attention? Whose attention?”

  “Are you repeating everything I say on purpose?”

  “No. I need more coffee. Who the hell is out here to notice us?”

  Xander shrugged, looked uneasy. “Never know. C’mon.” He started off, climbing a slight incline covered in more wriggling tree roots, rocks and limp wet leaves. The trees were tall and narrow, ferns growing underneath. Rain pattered on the foliage. Rain and mist combined overhead into smeary clouds swaddling the treetops. Xander walked ahead, long legs eating up ground.

  “What are you looking for?” Seth called.

  “He’s calling me. I’m following.”

  “That doesn’t sound so good, Xander.”

  “I said I was going to face him, remember?”

  “So, what do we do if we find him? Don’t you think we need a plan?”

  Xander didn’t answer.

  The air had been still and settled, but a breeze built as they climbed. The mists swirled higher, moving east. It had gotten colder. Their jackets were useless, soggy and chilled aga
inst their skin. Xander moved on, heedless.

  The trees fell back, giving way to a small, rocky clearing. Rain dripped into Seth’s eyes. He tripped over a stone protruding out of the ground, pitched forward and fell to one knee.

  “What is this place?” he asked, trying not to snap. He rubbed an arm across his eyes and looked across the clearing. In the middle was a mound of dark, wet stuff, dirt or ash, and behind that a rectangular stone table. “Shit,” he breathed. “What is that?”

  Xander turned, looming over Seth on the ground. He leaned and reached out a hand, face pale and unsmiling. His hair hung over his face, wavy and dark with rain.

  “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Seth grasped Xander’s hand. It was icy.

  Xander looked immense, his shoulders wide, leaning over Seth. He legs were spread and he stood tall, his whole body somehow appearing bulkier. Like someone else stood there.

  Someone who didn’t fit. Who didn’t belong.

  “You okay?” Seth asked cautiously. He squeezed Xander’s hand.

  The breeze gusted, high and then lower, music breathing in the wind. The rain came down hard, driving into the ground.

  Seth rose, grabbing Xander’s jacket collar. Water dripped off Xander’s hair. Seth hauled him closer. “Talk to me.”

  Xander smiled, sensual and cruel, mocking. He didn’t know how to smile like that.

  Seth’s skin crawled. Instinct almost made him pull away. Instead he stepped into Xander’s body and cupped a hand to his neck, rubbing over his jaw with a thumb.

  He spoke in Xander’s ear. “I can’t walk off this mountain without you. Do you hear me, Xan? I—I watched you all the time back at the dorm. I knew I shouldn’t, that I’m obsessed with you.” Seth’s face burned, but he kept talking. “You dream all the time, but so do I—my dreams have always been about you, ever since I met you. You knew, didn’t you? But you never turned away from me. Not once.” He pressed his mouth gently to Xander’s. “I know you’re in there. I know you hear me. Xander, why are we here?”

  “I’m supposed to be here.” Xander’s voice was thin, almost drugged, fading in. “He told me to come. The black goat. The demon, the god. He’s angry. He knows I have someone to keep me away from him. He wants to see you. But it’s funny.” Xander’s body shook against Seth, and Seth clutched him tight with both arms. He didn’t know if Xander was laughing or crying. “He can’t see you. You’re right here and he knows it, but it’s like you’re a cutout, an absence of space. He’s digging around inside me looking for you. Feels like he’s making me bleed. Has to have his sacrifice.” Xander pulled back, his eyes pleading. “He wanted me to bring you here. I’m so sorry, Seth. I didn’t know why he called me, I swear. I would never have come.” He laughed and pulled away to sit heavily on the ground. “Joke’s on him. This is as close as he can get to you without taking me over, and he still can’t see you. He can’t hear you.” He looked up at the sky and grinned. “He’s blind to you.” He laughed again, shook his head. His eyes went wide and he ducked his head, put the heels of his hands to his head. “Fuck, it hurts.”

  Seth sat down in front of him, put his hands on Xander’s as if to absorb the pain from him. “Don’t listen to him. Look at me.”

  “Everything I do hurts you and I can’t even see it coming.” Xander tried to smile again but it came out wavering and sad. “Please, Seth, go home. You’re right. I’m crazy.”

  “If you are, then so am I. You think I’m the one keeping you from him?” Seth thought a minute. “You said he can’t see me. I’ve never felt him, never been harmed by him.”

  “Seth—”

  “I’m sick of you telling me to go, Xander.” Seth’s mind raced, falling deeper into the hole. It made him feel strangely detached, and he knew that a part of him feared he was going insane. Like the others.

  He didn’t feel crazy, though—he felt exactly like always. Maybe more, somehow. Alive.

  “You feel him coming sometimes, right? Like now. You know things about him and me and this place. Things you shouldn’t know. I think you’re a bad match for him, Xan. This Pan’s bloodline comes from a prophetess, right? I wonder if somehow you magnify that. And it lets you fight him. Have you ever had anything weird happen to you before, like visions, or some kind of esp?”

  “I brought you here so he could see you,” Xander said as if Seth were slow.

  Seth nodded. “You didn’t know.”

  “That doesn’t change what I did. You have to go. I’ll make you go.” Xander’s eyes burned hard and hot on Seth’s. “Simon knows something, I told you that. If he puts the pieces together you’ll get hurt. You won’t be safe.”

  Seth closed the gap between them until inches separated them. “What pieces? You said you’re supposed to be here. What if I am, too?” ”

  “You’ve got nothing to do with this.”

  “Then why can’t he see me?” In his mind, he saw the entrance to the black hole vanishing. Disappearing behind him, closed off. In for a penny and all that shit.

  “I don’t understand why you’re doing this.” Xander didn’t try to hide the old nightmares playing out behind his eyes. Seth couldn’t see what they showed, but he felt Xander’s fear.

  “I know,” Seth said, his breath ghosting over Xander’s mouth. He leaned closer and kissed him. He’d been wanting to do it for hours. He’d been watching Xander all day, the way the muted light of the overcast sky glanced over the hollows and curves of his face, the way dimples grooved his cheeks when he laughed, the way his hair darkened and curled around the nape of his neck when it was wet.

  “I’m supposed to be here. I am. I feel it,” Seth said. Xander’s lips were cool, wet from the rain. Seth pressed close, sharing warmth. His hands roamed under Xander’s shirt, warming the cold skin beneath his fingers. Xander panted against him, open-mouthed, and Seth’s pulse climbed and clawed through his ears, his body, narrowing to a sharp-edged, trembling urgency until he thought he’d lose his mind.

  Xander shoved him away, hands shaking against Seth’s shoulders. He brushed past him and walked back the way they came.

  Seth stared after him, rubbing his mouth and trying to get himself under control. He didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop him, thinking that for the first time he understood the blind want in the thing coming after Xander.

  16

  SETH CLIMBED BACK down the mountain, looking at the ground beneath his feet. The wind whistled around the trunks of the trees like music in the air, flowing around his body. It was freezing.

  When he looked back up, Xander had disappeared around a bend. Seth wasn’t worried. Xander’s legs ate up the distance.

  Xander waited in the car, hands on the wheel, motor running. Seth opened the door and sat down, and Xander was on him in a heartbeat, shoving him back into the seat and kissing him, hard and wet and hungry.

  He broke off, leaning his forehead against Seth’s. “He’s coming for me, Seth. We both know it. Whatever happens, I—shit, I want you just as much as you want me. You know that, don’t you? What I did before we left makes me sick, and I know it’s crazy and you don’t believe me, but I swear I didn’t want it. And I don’t want you to go.” He scrubbed his hands over his face and looked at Seth again, his eyes still red and tired like they’d been that morning, only now he was imploring and dejected all at once, as if he didn’t expect to be believed.

  It did something to Seth, to see Xander laid bare. But as much as he wanted to reassure him, he had to look away, confused.

  Xander hesitated. “I just—I think it’s all coming apart, and I don’t know if you can stay, not without getting hurt. I can’t stand it, not because of me. Not because of anything.”

  “I saw you up there, Xander. Like somebody else was in your body. Maybe we’re crazy together, but I believe he’s after you. As for yesterday, I wanted to kick Stephens’ ass. I can’t believe how much I am into the whole pissing contest thing when it comes to you,” Seth mumbled, feeling his face flush, trying t
o banish the images of Stephens and Xander in the hallway. “It’s fucking pathetic. God, I just don’t know how to act around you. All I can think about is how to get—damn—” He looked away, his face turning even redder.

  “Get what? Sex? Told you, you’ve got a lock on that,” said Xander, but his face closed up.

  Seth grabbed his face with both hands. “That’s not it. It’s—fuck. I don’t know. It’s just you.”

  “That’s not supposed to get me hard, is it? Dammit—” Xander swore, falling back against the seat and putting distance between them. He adjusted his pants.

  Seth tried to give him a scornful look, pretty sure it came off as dismal and sex-starved as it felt. Xander verified it by grinning at him. Seth felt exposed and stupid and scared. Shit, who talked about all this crap anyway?

  People who had an oversexed and homicidal god coming after them, who didn’t know how much longer they had together and had never had sex together even once, that’s who.

  God, his dick was killing him.

  “If you tell me to go away again I’ll punch you in the face,” Seth said fiercely.

  Xander shrugged. “I can’t help it.” He looked out the window, then started the car.

  On the way back down the dirt trail, Xander’s hands drifted from the steering wheel. His eyes glazed. The car bumped off the road, grazed the nearest tree and kept rolling.

  Seth reached over with his left foot and stomped on the brake. “Xander. Xander, hey! What’s he doing to you?”

  Xander looked at his hands in his lap as if he didn’t realize they were attached. He looked at Seth, his gaze dull but focusing gradually. “Trying to get in.” His face was full of hectic color.

  Fever, Seth thought, and touched his forehead. He was hot.

  “You’re sick. Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I’m not sick.”

  “Shut up, you are.” Seth reached over, put the car in park, opened the door and got out. He rounded the car to the driver’s side and opened the door. “Move over, I’m driving. Tell the stupid fucker demon god he’s going to get you killed. He can’t just do that to you anywhere he likes.”