by R. C. Martin
“I love him. So much that it’s scary sometimes. I didn’t—I didn’t know it could feel like this.”
“Have you told him how you feel?”
Theodora stifled a sigh and responded with a nod.
“And?” prodded Carrie.
“He’s not—he’s not there yet,” she replied, anxiously sweeping her fingers through the hair already behind her ear. “But it’s fine. I don’t need him to be.”
Carrie quirked a single eyebrow suspiciously. “Do you mean that?”
“I do. I know him and—I know he would never say it if he didn’t mean it. I also know his past and his perception of love and what it means. It’s complicated.” Theodora paused and looked down at her hands, which had grown still in her lap. “I won’t lie to you. I hope one day he’ll reciprocate my feelings, but I’ll wait. He’s worth the wait.”
“You want to know what I think?”
Theodora looked up in response.
“If he treats you well, if he’s not running for the hills knowing how you feel, then I think you’re right. He’ll get there. Not to sound condescending, but I believe it’s incredibly mature of you to accept his journey, even if he’s traveling at a different pace than you.”
“Really?” asked Theodora, her heart buoyed by her friend’s reassurance.
“Absolutely. My advice? Enjoy the ride. Happiness looks marvelous on you.”
“Thanks, Carrie. Your advice means a lot to me.”
“I’m here, you know? Anytime.”
Theodora reached for the woman, pulling her in for a hug. Her circle of friends was small, the stages in life they occupied completely different, but that meant little to her. What mattered most were moments like these. Moments she tried not to take for granted. Holding Carrie a little tighter, she finally whispered, “I know.”
They each gave the other one final squeeze and then stood, the time limit on their conversation arriving at its expiration.
“Do you two have any plans this weekend?” asked Carrie as she walked Theodora toward the front entryway of her home.
“None that I know of. But Judah usually has something up his sleeve, if he doesn’t have too much work to do.”
“I hear the weather is supposed to be gorgeous. You should get outside a bit while you still want to.”
“That’s a good idea,” murmured Theodora as she slipped her feet into her shoes. “I’ll suggest it.”
“Thanks again for stepping in and watching Steven. I really needed tonight.”
“Of course. I’m always happy to hang out with the little guy.”
They exchanged their goodbyes, and Theodora parted with a wave. The night was brisk, the slight breeze a reminder that winter was on its way. Tugging at the sleeves of her hooded sweater, she hurried into her car and hoped the heat would kick in sooner than later. In a moment of hesitation, she stared at the house in front of her and thought about the conversation she was able to have with Carrie.
One thing, above all else, stood out to her. Regardless of what Judah wasn’t saying, they were still on a journey together. Even more, his longing to hear her speak of her love was not frivolous. Neither was it a sacrifice. There was freedom in his request—freedom for her to be her most authentic self with the man she cared for more than anyone else.
When she remembered she had yet to tell him she loved him that day, she put her car in reverse and started for her next destination. It was nearly eleven o’clock, and she knew they both had work in the morning, but she didn’t care. She wanted to see him. She wanted to kiss him and hold him—even if only for a minute.
It was another twenty minutes before she was parked in front of his house. Peering up at his windows, she hesitated at the absence of any light seen from her vantage point. She wondered if he’d shut down his home for the night. Not wishing to get him out of bed, she dug her phone out of her purse and decided to call him rather than ring the doorbell. The phone rang so many times, she was afraid he wouldn’t answer. Finally, to her great relief, he greeted her.
“Hello?”
“Hi. Are you asleep?”
“No. Are you okay? It’s late.”
Theodora pinched her lip between her teeth, stifling her smile. Butterflies fluttered in her belly at his question. It was silly, to be moved by the slightest expression of thoughtfulness, but she didn’t care.
“I just—could you come outside for a second?” she asked, climbing out of her vehicle.
“Are you here?” he queried as she hurried up his drive.
“Yes.”
This time, he didn’t say anything in response. As soon as Theodora stepped foot on the porch, Judah swung open the front door, his phone still pressed to his ear. He was wearing a pair of gray, checked slacks and not much else. His feet were bare, and the button-up shirt on his back was completely undone—like she caught him in the act of undressing himself. For a second, she froze as she admired him. It wasn’t until he pulled his phone away from his ear and ended the call that she remembered to do the same.
“What are you doing here, sweetheart?” he asked, not unkindly.
Taking a step toward him, Theodora slipped her phone into the side pocket of her leggings and admitted, “I wanted to see you. I—will you kiss me?”
Judah hesitated only an instant. In the next, he stepped out onto the cool porch and reached for her. He buried his fingers in her hair, taking hold of the back of her neck as he leaned down to press his mouth to hers. Theodora parted her lips right away, sneaking her hands under the flaps of his opened shirt as she drew herself closer. She sighed and splayed her hands across the warm skin of his back as he plunged his tongue into her mouth. He tasted like cookies and cream ice cream, and this made her want him all the more.
Reaching down with his free hand, Judah palmed half of her backside, holding her tightly to the bulge which had formed in his pants. A soft grunt spilled from his mouth into hers. If she wasn’t careful, she knew she might end up naked. While that wasn’t her intention in the slightest, she wasn’t ready for their exchange to end.
They kissed one another long and hard—until Theodora was so aroused, she could hardly think straight. Finally, yanking her mouth from his, she stared up at him and panted, “I love you. I love you, and I wanted to see you when I said it today.”
For a second, Judah said nothing. The only sound which passed between them was that of their heavy breaths—still rapid in light of their affection. Theodora stared up at him boldly, and he didn’t flinch. Instead, he brought his lips to hers once more and whispered, “Tell me again tomorrow.”
“I will,” she mumbled, pushing herself up to turn his tease into one last kiss.
Before they could start up again, she brought her hands to his chest and forced herself away from him. As if she only needed a little proximity to find her footing again, she took a breath and another step back.
“You’re leaving?” asked Judah with a slight frown.
“Yeah. I should go.”
“Or—you could stay.”
“Don’t tempt me,” she said on a quiet chuckle. “I don’t have my things. And if I stay, we won’t sleep. At least, we won’t sleep long. But—I’ll see you tomorrow?”
She asked the question already knowing the answer. Every weekend seemed to be theirs—their relationship all but demanding it to be so.
“Yes,” he answered simply, sliding his hands into the pockets of his pants.
Theodora blushed at his unconscious move to disguise his erection. Willing herself to think of something else—anything that would prevent her from going back on her word—she took another step back and then said, “I hear the weather is supposed to be nice. The leaves have changed, and I’d love to get some photos. Do you think we could go for a hike Saturday?”
“Sure.”
Grinning, Theodora dipped her chin in an excited nod. “Okay. Well—goodnight.”
Judah shook his head, and the smallest almost imperceptible smirk tugged at the corn
er of his mouth as he replied, “Goodnight, Teddy.”
Chapter Twenty-One
I watched her go, somehow more turned on by her denial for more than if she’d stayed. After she shut herself inside of her vehicle, I turned around and walked back into the house. However, the idea of simply going to bed in the state she’d left me was all but imperceptible. So, too, was the fleeting thought of getting myself off in order to relieve the ache. To touch myself was almost cruel, knowing what I could have instead.
Knowing who I could have instead.
After I locked the door, I found myself headed toward my office, in an effort to distract myself for a while longer. Only, rather than logging into my computer in order to pull up any of my current projects, I opened up my browser as I thought of Teddy’s request. While I had never gone hiking with her before, I knew she was a frequent flyer along the Horsetooth Reservoir trail. If it was photographs she was after, I thought I could do a little better than what she’d experienced a hundred times before.
In less than an hour, our weekend plans were all but solidified. I went to sleep, wondering how she might respond to my surprise. I woke up, anxious to see the look on her face when I stopped by the gallery early that afternoon. Certain I’d have more than a few opportunities to exert myself over the following couple of days, I skipped my morning workout in favor of packing a bag. With the intention of not returning home before the trip, I dressed casually in a pair of gray slacks, a navy-blue turtleneck, and white sneakers. Hoping to be at work as early as possible, I didn’t terry around the house. After I loaded all I needed into the Mercedes, I started for work.
It was during my drive when my phone began to ring. When I glanced at the digital display on the dashboard, my eyebrows lifted in surprise at the name which appeared. I’d expected her call a couple weeks earlier.
Accepting the call, I answered, “Hello, mother.”
“Hi, JD. How’s my oldest this morning?”
“I’m well. How are you?” I asked, genuinely interested in the answer.
“Happy to hear your voice. I’d like to hear it more often.”
“I know,” I said, a touch of remorse in my tone. It had been weeks since we last spoke, and even longer since I’d gone down for a visit. I knew I should do better. While my mother and I weren’t particularly close, I was still incredibly fond of her. She was always in my corner, no matter what, from as early as I could remember.
Though, it would have been a lie to deny how I was avoiding the conversation I knew would follow since the night I introduced Aunt Eddalyn to Theodora. Knowing I couldn’t avoid it any longer, I promised, “I’ll make a trip down to see you soon.”
“Good. And I assume you’ll bring along this Teddy I’ve been hearing about?”
“Something tells me I don’t exactly have a say in the matter.”
“Not unless you’re intent on disappointing your mother.”
“Never that,” I said, speaking through a smirk.
“Very good. Is Saturday too soon? Sam is off for the weekend. You could come down for dinner. In fact, we can meet you in Denver, so you don’t have to come all the way to Castle Rock.”
“I’m going out of town this weekend, mom. It’ll have to be another time,” I informed her.
She persisted. “Next weekend, then. I think Sam’s on call, but we’ll make it work. We want to meet her. Edda tells me she’s darling; and Sam insists he won’t believe you’re calling anyone your girlfriend until he’s seen proof. To be honest, I can’t blame him.”
“Yes, all right.”
“Next weekend?”
“I’ll check my schedule and get back to you.”
“Next weekend,” she declared.
I sighed in defeat, sure our exchange would never end unless I agreed. “Next weekend,” I conceded.
We stayed on the phone until I arrived at the office; and we said our goodbyes after I promised to confirm our dinner plans upon a conversation with Teddy. With every intention of making it a short workday, I didn’t waste any time before I entered the building and headed toward my office. I didn’t even bother to break for coffee as I transitioned from catching up on email to focusing on time sensitive project tasks. I barely gave myself a moment for lunch, eating a delivered sandwich at my desk as I continued to plow through what I could. By two o’clock, I felt I had done a sufficient amount to hold me over until Monday.
I was on my way out when Eddalyn and Brittany paused their conversation to look at me. It was the leggy brunette who eyed me up and down as if she’d never seen me before. Given the state of my casual attire, I took no offense to her open perusal.
“Are you leaving?” she asked bluntly.
“Yes. I’m headed out of town for the weekend. I’ll be out of pocket, mostly—but I’ll check voicemail and email when I can.”
Brittany studied me dubiously and questioned, “Out of pocket? Since when are you ever out of pocket?”
I ignored her curiosity and looked to Eddalyn in search of any objections on her end. All she offered me was a perceptively sly smile. “Enjoy yourself,” she said.
“I intend to.”
With a wink at my aunt, I called out my farewells and headed for the exit. I was parked half a block away from the gallery not ten minutes later. Until I arrived at the suite’s entrance, it didn’t occur to me that my intentions to sweep Teddy away might be thwarted. With the exhibition in only a couple of weeks, I knew Andrew had everyone pulling their weight. However, I also knew if we didn’t get on the road soon, we’d miss our dinner reservation.
Hoping for the best, I didn’t hesitate before I crossed over the threshold. I then removed my sunglasses and checked my watch for the time.
“Judah. Hi,” greeted Geoffrey as he made his way toward me.
“Hi.” He offered me his hand, and I shook it whilst scanning the room for my woman. “I’m looking for Teddy.”
“She went to deliver something to Andy. She should only be…” His voice trailed off at the sound of Teddy’s heels against the hard floors as it echoed all around us. We both shifted our attention in her direction. One look at her was all I needed to be reminded I didn’t make it into the gallery nearly as much as I should.
Teddy’s heels were tan with a snakeskin pattern. The fitted, black slacks she wore stopped above her ankle, and her loose, white blouse was tucked into the waistband of her pants. The outfit was made complete with a matching black blazer. The whole thing was simple and understated—but it accentuated her long, slender legs and the graceful, elegant way she always carried herself.
“Hi,” she murmured sweetly, smiling at me in obvious surprise. “What are you—what—what are you doing here? And why do you look like you didn’t just come from work?”
By the time she was finished with her questions, she had closed the distance between us and tucked herself into my side—as if it was where she belonged.
Sliding my arm around her waist, I replied, “I’m picking you up. I was hoping you might be relieved of your duties for the rest of the afternoon.”
As I spoke the words, I glanced between her and Geoffrey. My attention rested on her when she leaned into me excitedly and inquired, “Really? Where are we going?”
“Away,” I replied mysteriously.
“Away? That’s all I get?” she laughed.
“You’ll know where we’re going when we get there. First, we’ll need to stop by your place so you can pack a few things. I’d like to be on the road as soon as possible.”
She studied me with a playful frown and mumbled, “Away, with a bag, on the road. What is my man up to?”
I tried to ignore the warmth I felt in my chest upon hearing her call me her man.
“I don’t know, but I’m intrigued,” interjected Geoffrey. We both looked his way as he continued, “Intrigued enough to cover for you. Get out of here, Freckles. Text me when you get there.”
“Are you sure? Should I—”
“Don’t question him,”
I muttered, dropping my hand to gently tap the side of her ass. “Get your purse. Let’s go.”
Grinning up at me, she emitted a little squeal and then agreed, “Okay! I’ll be just a sec.”
As she raced toward the reception desk, I took advantage of her absence. I offered Geoffrey a nod as I spoke, “Thank you.”
He didn’t respond right away. He stared at me for a second and then said, “You make her joyful. It’s more than happiness, and I appreciate it. Whatever you’ve got planned, I hope you have a good time.”
Without another word, he slipped his hands into his pant pockets and turned to walk away from me. As Teddy walked in my direction, she stopped long enough to kiss him on the cheek in thanks before joining me.
“So, meet at my place?”
“Right behind you.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me where we’re going?” she asked as we took our leave.
Speaking through a smile, I insisted, “I’m sure.”
“How will I know what to pack?”
“Pack for two dates and a hike.”
“Two dates and a hike,” she muttered contemplatively.
“You’re never going to guess, sweetheart. Don’t even try. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
We parted ways then, and I didn’t deny myself the amused expression which shone on my face. The way those hazel-brown eyes lit up was better than I imagined, and her excitement was contagious. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever tire of surprising her. It was almost as fun as making her come.
Almost.
In spite of my simple instructions, it took Teddy nearly a half an hour to get ready. After the twenty minutes she spent packing, she needed another ten to decide on an outfit for the drive. When she emerged from her room in a pair of charcoal gray leggings and a long, knitted, maroon sweater, I knew in that moment I would miss autumn. It was an odd realization—knowing how much I appreciated her in leggings and thinking about how she’d likely abandon them for warmer layers in a few weeks; even more, thinking about life with her months from then, when the favored attire would make a comeback.
I couldn’t be sure if the thought was an unconscious one, tied to a choice—my choice in Teddy; or if it was an imbedded one, coded into an unconscious choice—an internal decision to be with Teddy, because no one else would ever compare.
