by R. C. Martin
“Are you tired?” she asked, reaching for the bill of her hat.
I caught her wrist and shook my head slightly. “The hat stays,” I demanded.
She giggled as she dropped her arm, taking my hand with it. “What do you mean?”
I tossed my jacket atop my bookshelf, reached for her vest, and began to strip it off her.
“I mean, I want you naked. The hat stays.”
Teddy captured her bottom lip between her teeth as her freckled cheeks grew rosy. Her vest fell to the floor, and she casually slipped her feet from out of her shoes. We unfastened the buttons of her flannel shirt together. As soon as it was on the ground, her fingers were gripped around the hem of my sweater.
I helped her rid my chest of clothing, then we each reached for the other’s pants. This made her giggle, and my dick jerked at the sound of her excitement. When we got in each other’s way, we rid ourselves of our own clothing. Once we were both completely naked, I took her hand and led her to the bed. My erection was at half-mast as I sat on the edge of the bed and guided her between my legs.
A soft moan spilled from her lips when I closed my mouth around one of her nipples. I felt it pebble as I flicked it with my tongue, and a rush of blood headed for my groin. Teddy cupped her hands around the back of my neck as I sucked and licked, my own hands palming each side of her ass. After showing the same amount of attention to her opposite nipple, I stared up at her as I slid my left hand down her backside and between her legs. Her eyes widened, and she gasped when I felt her entrance.
Satisfied with what I found, I reached for the back of her knee and nudged her leg up onto the bed. She sucked in another breath, louder this time. Her body seemed to catch on as she straddled my lap.
Her grip tight around my shoulders, her breath ragged in uncertainty and desire, she shook her head at me. “I don’t—I don’t know how to be on top,” she breathed.
With my hands holding tight to her hips, I guided her seat down and dragged her wet folds across my hard length. “Put me inside of you, sweetheart—then do what feels good.”
“What if I, um—”
“Don’t think about it, Teddy. Do it,” I coaxed.
She licked her lips and then traced the fingers of her right hand down my chest, until she had my erection in her grasp. Lifting up on her knees, she glanced down for a second, until the head of my enlarged penis was beyond the threshold of her entrance. Licking her lips a second time, she brought her pretty brown eyes back up and looked right at me as she eased herself over me fully.
I wrapped one of my hands around the back of her neck, pulling her toward me for a kiss. She hummed into my mouth as I plunged my tongue into hers, and I groaned at the first rock of her hips. It was the slightest movement—but with nothing between the skin of her sex and the skin of mine, I felt it. Teddy kissed me until the friction took over. Severing her lips from mine, she moaned as she found her rhythm. Slowly, I watched as she allowed herself to be consumed completely.
I muttered a curse and eased onto my back as she leaned into me in silent insistence. Gripping her waist, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She propped herself up on her hands atop my chest and rolled her hips harder—faster—throwing her head back as she chased after her release. With her eyes closed, her mouth opened as she panted for breath, and that damn baseball cap on, she looked perfect.
She felt even better.
When she moaned again, I slid a hand down and tapped one side of her ass. She jerked in response, still not losing her rhythm as she opened her eyes to find mine.
“Fuck, baby, you’re gonna make me come,” I groaned.
“Me—oh, god—me, too. Me—too,” she panted as she grinded against me harder still.
Certain I’d lose my load any moment at the sight of her body rocking mine, I held on and hoped she would reach her climax before me. I was just getting ready to bring my thumb down against her clit when she cried out in a loud, indulgent moan. Her hips jerked in short staccato movements as her sex clamped down around me, and I let myself go. My body convulsed with the impact of my orgasm, and I took hold of her backside and forced a couple more thrusts as I spilled my seed inside of her.
As soon as I was empty, I relaxed back on the bed and stared up at her. This time, when she reached for the bill of the cap, I didn’t stop her as she ripped it off her head. Her ponytail whipped around and draped over her shoulder before she lowered herself on top of me.
She touched her forehead to mine, then held my face in her hands as she whispered airily, “I love you.” I froze beneath her, but I wasn’t sure if she felt it. She sealed her eyes closed tight and shook her head against mine before she continued, “You don’t—I don’t—I don’t need you to say anything, I just needed you to know. I—I love you. I love you so much.”
It took me a second to realize the quickened pace of my heart wasn’t only because of the sex we just had; it was also my response to her declaration. My dick was still inside of her, the warmth of her body was all around me, and I felt every hair of her ponytail as it tickled my chest. In that moment, I felt every bit of her—I was drenched in her confession and stunned by the weight of it.
Love is for fools, I thought, as if I needed the reminder.
I do not fall in love, I thought, as if I needed convincing.
But I have claimed this fool, I admitted.
Folding her in my arms, I muttered, “Look at me, sweetheart.”
It took her a second to find the courage, but when those hazel-brown eyes looked into mine, I knew the truth. I was her fool.
Chapter Nineteen
When Theodora woke the next morning, she felt Judah at her back. It was her favorite way to wake up—the man she loved still tangled in the sheets with her.
The man I love…
She opened her eyes slowly, her cheeks heating with a blush as the memory of the night before blossomed in her mind. She recalled the instant the words poured out of her. There had been no holding back. It was like she’d held onto the truth for too long. After the most sensual, powerful, and liberating orgasm she’d ever experienced, Theodora felt obligated to let loose what she had been holding in her heart for weeks.
It wasn’t until after she bared her all that she remembered there was a reason she wasn’t ready to tell him in the first place. She didn’t know what the consequences would be for expressing her love to a man who swore to never fall in love again.
Assholes aren’t born, they’re made.
She mislabeled him an asshole in the beginning. It wasn’t true. Even more, Theodora had come to recognize the shield that was his suave, cool, confident persona. He knew what it felt like to lose love, and he harbored no interest in seeking out even the best parts. She wasn’t under the illusion that she could change his mind. In truth, what she wanted more than anything was to hold onto him, and hold on tight, for as long as she could. Theodora wanted as much of Judah as he would give her, and it was her love which convinced her he was worth the risk of all it would mean for her to love him. Foolish as it might have been.
While he didn’t repeat her sentiments the night before, she was relieved by the way he seemed to accept them. He searched her face, and she let herself be seen. This was apparently all he wanted. He then kissed her until he grew hard again, then fucked her until she could barely keep her eyes open. They didn’t speak of it, but Theodora thought it better somehow. And as she drifted to sleep, wrapped in his arms, she held no regrets.
However, after the dawning of a new day, she wondered if a night of sleep would change anything. Of course, she felt the same. Even still, the thought of turning over to face the man felt more daunting than it was the night before. There was something about the light of day which seemed to illuminate the vastness of her feelings. She also thought it silly to assume no conversation whatsoever would come about on the subject.
As if he could sense her apprehension, Judah slipped his arm around her waist and brought his lips to her ear. He kissed the spo
t just behind her earlobe, then reached up to palm one of her breasts. Her body responded to his touch, her nipple pebbling as he massaged her small mound. When he pinched the hardened bud between his thumb and index finger, she sucked in a breath and arched her back. Her naked butt nudged his penis, and she felt he was already erect.
This excited her. In her mind, his desire for her meant nothing had changed; he wasn’t going anywhere. This truth made her own desire stir below her belly, fluttering with butterflies. When Judah abandoned her breast and coaxed his hand between her legs, she planted her top foot and spread her knees for him. With only a couple strokes of his fingers, she was coated in arousal and anxious for what would come next.
“Theodora?” he murmured, his voice rumbly and gruff from lack of use.
“Yes?” she managed on a breath.
He moved his hand from between her legs and took hold of the back of her knee. Spreading her legs wider, he rocked his hips until the head of his erection found her entrance.
“Do you trust me?”
“Of—of course,” she stammered as he slid all the way inside of her.
“Say it,” he insisted.
“I trust you.”
He eased out of her and then slowly returned. “Tell me you love me, sweetheart.”
She gasped. Wanting him closer, she arched her backside into him as she breathed, “I love you.”
“Again,” he grunted, pumping into her a little harder.
“I love you.”
“Again, baby,” he demanded as he thrust into her harder, still.
“Jude,” she moaned. Needing to see him, she twisted her shoulders and neck as much as she could for a glimpse of his face. “I love you.”
His gray eyes searched hers for a second before he kissed her in a hot, sloppy exchange. Before her mind could make sense of what was happening, and without pulling out of her, he rolled them both over, until she was on her belly. Without hesitating, he began to thrust in and out of her at an even pace.
“You with me, sweetheart?” he grunted.
Not until he asked did she realize what he’d done. Only, rather than fear, all she felt was him. He was inside of her. He was wrapped around her. He was everywhere. He was everything—and she never felt safer.
“Yeah,” she moaned.
Judah slid a hand beneath her waist and hoisted her up. Following his lead, she lifted onto her hands and knees, and then they were both barreling blindly toward the peak of their pleasure. After they each came, Judah flopped onto his back beside her, and Theodora rested on her stomach. Turning her head, she sought out his gaze and found it. For a minute, neither of them spoke as they worked to catch their breath.
Finally, Judah said, “If you still mean it tomorrow, tell me again.”
He didn’t need to say anything else for her to understand. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Theodora’s heart broke a little. Tears stung the back of her eyes, but she blinked in an effort to keep the excess moisture at bay. It wasn’t her feelings he hurt—rather, she ached at the sight of his most gruesome scar. His past had conditioned him to believe that her love was a choice. Yet, Theodora was convinced it wasn’t. She was sure she would love him forever, even if the unthinkable happened. His name was written on her heart in a way no one’s ever had been, and there was no erasing that.
“Every day.” Reaching over to rest a hand on the side of his face, she sniffled and whispered, “I’ll tell you every day.”
Chapter Twenty
The television played softly in the background as Theodora sat contentedly on the well-worn sofa, running her fingers through Steven’s hair. He had fallen asleep with his head in her lap almost an hour prior, but she didn’t want to move him. He looked peaceful. Beautiful. Innocent in that way only a five-year-old could manage.
When Andrew asked if Theodora could fill in for Steven’s regular sitter, who called in sick at the last minute, she didn’t hesitate to agree. Andrew had worked incredibly hard for several weeks, putting in the time and extra effort needed for Mountain Time Art’s first exhibition. It was only a couple weeks away, but Theodora could tell by the look in Andrew’s eye that date night was for Carrie, for their marriage, and for his sanity.
Gazing down at their sweet little boy, a pang of loss pricked at her heart. As her fingers combed through his silky, straight hair, she acknowledged how important that particular moment in time was. Theodora knew she would never know what it felt like to stare down at her own child. The innocent bond which existed between them then was fleeting, and it filled her mind with countless thoughts.
She wasn’t sure if having children was something she wanted. In the weeks which followed her prognosis, she came to accept she would never know. Not really. It was her lack of ability which warped any of the desires that flitted through her mind. She couldn’t even tell if she was sad because the choice to bear children was ripped away, or if it was merely the loss of the possibility she mourned.
In the back of her mind, Theodora knew there were other options. If she wanted children, there would always be a way. However, there was also a part of her that wondered if it was merely meant to be. As her thoughts drifted toward Judah, her heart led her to the idea that perhaps her God had written her story just so; that while she couldn’t bear children, she would fall in love with a man who didn’t want them, anyway. Longing to hold on to the possibility of forever, she considered that to be a reality not listed in the con column, but the pro.
Two weeks had passed since Theodora first spoke of her love. For thirteen days, she reminded him it was real, keeping her promise to tell him every day. Sometimes it was in a text or over the phone; other times it was whispered first thing in the morning, or when he wrapped her in his arms before they each drifted to sleep. But the best times were when he was inside of her—when she breathed the words into his mouth, desperate for him to swallow them.
Theodora never tired of saying the words. She wanted him to believe them. Moreover, she wanted him to trust them—to trust her. She imagined, if he could come to understand her heart was his, perhaps he would one day see his heart was safe in her hands, too. For him, she thought herself capable of waiting as long as it took.
She was jostled out of her thoughts when she jerked in surprise at the feel of a hand gently touching her shoulder. Turning to see Carrie behind the couch, she relaxed instantly.
“Did he give you a hard time about going to sleep in his bed?” she queried, her eyebrows knit together in concern.
“Oh, no,” Theodora murmured guiltily. “This is my fault. I wanted his company.
Carrie smiled in understanding. Even though Theodora knew the woman didn’t really know the depths of her need for Steven that night, she appreciated the expression all the same.
“Did you guys have a nice time?” she asked as Andrew appeared alongside his wife.
“Yes,” answered Carrie through a grin. “It was nice to have my husband to myself for a few hours. He’s been so incredibly focused lately, it’s like he’s a ghost sometimes.”
Andrew only winked at his wife in reply before he shifted his attention down at their son. “How was he?” Narrowing his eyes at Theodora suspiciously, he echoed Carrie’s concern. “Did he give you a hard time about going to sleep in his bed?”
She giggled and insisted, “He was great. He fell asleep while we were watching a little TV. I didn’t want to move him.”
Making his way around the couch, Andrew said, “I’ll take him up. Thanks for watching him, Teddy.”
“Any time.”
As he made his way back around the couch, he kissed his wife on the cheek. He parted only after a murmured insistence that she not terry too long and then headed upstairs. This time, Carrie winked at Andrew before she sought Theodora’s attention.
She was just standing when Carrie started toward the front of the couch and pleaded, “I know it’s getting late, but you don’t have to rush off, do you?”
Theodora reached up to
tuck a bit of hair behind her ear, looked to the stairs, and then settled her gaze on her friend. “Are you sure you don’t want to…?” Her voice trailed off into a bashful silence as a kiss of warmth spread across her freckled cheeks.
Offering a conscious smile, Carrie gave Theodora’s elbow a reassuring squeeze and then lowered herself onto the sofa. “I’ll only keep you a minute. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve gotten to have a proper chat with you. Please, sit, tell me how things are going with you and Judah.”
Theodora didn’t even bother to hide her contentment as she returned to her seat. She drew in a deep breath, held the air in her lungs for a moment, and then exhaled contemplatively. Even the short answer to Carrie’s question felt grand.
“We’re good. He’s…” Theodora started and then stopped. Shaking her head, she lifted her gaze to align with Carrie’s and murmured, “He’s everything. He’s more than I imagined possible. If I think about it too hard, I can’t believe we’re together.”
“How do you mean?”
“He’s amazing. And I don’t just mean with me, even though—there’s that.” Shifting so she faced Carrie directly, Theodora spoke with her hands as she explained, “He knows who he is. He knows what he wants. He’s brilliant and self-assured. And,” she paused and laughed a little. “It’s obvious he doesn’t want anyone to know it, but he’s romantic and thoughtful and generous—sometimes to a fault, but we’re working on that.”
Theodora could tell by the glint in Carrie’s eye and the muted nature of her contained grin that her friend saw right through her, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t ashamed of how she felt.
“Sounds like things have gotten serious.”
