Like You Mean It

by Trish Edmisten

  “You need to think about what you’re asking me to do,” Danni said. “Chelsea and Marcy have been my best friends longer than you’ve been my boyfriend, and they’ll be my best friends long after you get your confidence back and move on to the next girl.”

  “Sounds like you’ve made your choice,” Darren said.

  “If that’s the way you want it, that’s the way it is,” Danni replied. Jumping up from her place at his side, she started toward the door.

  “What about your lunch?” Darren asked.

  “You eat it,” she said without looking back. “I lost my appetite.”

  Danni blinked back tears as she hurried down the hall. It hurt that Darren expected her to choose. As much as she wanted to tell him she loved him and there didn’t have to be a choice, she couldn’t do it.

  No matter what happened between them, her friends always supported her. Despite a few big blow-ups over the years, they stuck together. Why couldn’t Darren see that, considering he was deserted by his friends during his time of need? Her friends would never do something like that. If she was in a serious car accident, they would be there every day. That was why she knew she made the made the right choice, even if it hurt.

  Chapter Ten

  As the ring of her cellular phone pulled her out of a deep sleep, Danni guessed from the late hour it must be Darren calling. She swallowed a groan when her eyes landed on her bedside alarm clock. It was just after three in the morning. A brief flicker of anger made her contemplate not answering, but she couldn’t do that to him.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s D.J.”

  “Are you in pain?”

  “Yeah, but not the kind you think.”

  “So, what kind of pain are you in?”

  “It’s killing me to think I’ve hurt you,” Darren said. “Please tell me I didn’t mess it up too bad. Please tell me you still love me.”

  “I still love you,” Danni said, and he exhaled. “I just don’t know if we should go out anymore.”

  “Please don’t break up with me,” he begged. “I just got embarrassed about how Marcy acted. It kind of reminded me that not everyone is like you; they aren’t all going to accept me. I’m sorry I took it out on you.”

  “The thing is I meant what I said. I’m not dumping my friends for anyone,” Danni insisted.

  “I know. I don’t want you to. I’m not one of those them or me guys,” Darren replied. “It was just hard to deal with. Those are your best friends. If they can’t accept me, what’s the rest of the world going to be like?”

  Danni thought about his words and about Marcy and Chelsea. During all their years of friendship, disagreements happened. Sometimes they said things they didn’t mean, but they always took them back and never gave up on each other. It wasn’t fair for her to give up on Darren either, not when his friends had abandoned him.

  “Please say something, baby,” Darren said.

  “I like it when you call me that,” Danni replied.

  “I like it when you call me D.J.”

  “What about when J.J. says it?”

  “It’s different when you say it. The way you say it turns me on.”

  “Oh,” Danni gasped.

  “I know you’re scared of how I make you feel. I am too, Danni.”

  “Yeah, right,” she scoffed before she could stop herself.

  “I mean it,” Darren said. “I feel things when I kiss you; things I’ve never felt before, things that are hard to handle.”

  “Hard to handle like you think we should break up?”

  “If I thought that I wouldn’t be begging you to take me back.”

  “Darren, I need to ask you something, and I want you to think hard about it and tell me the truth,” Danni said. “Tell yourself the truth.”

  “About what?”

  “Are you sure you’re not just afraid that if you and I break up, you’ll never find another girl who will want to date a guy with one arm?”

  “No, I’m afraid if we break up I’ll lose the only girl who’s ever loved the real me. Please don’t leave me,” Darren said.

  “I already told you I wasn’t going anywhere.”

  “Good. Then call me D.J., and say it like you mean it.”

  “I love you, D.J.”

  “I love you too. Now get some sleep.”

  “Okay,” Danni said.

  As she drifted back to sleep, Danni held the phone tightly in her grasp, almost as if she was holding Darren in her hands.

  * * *

  After the drama of the last few days, Danni felt out of place at school on Monday morning. Things that used to be so important to her seemed sort of meaningless now. Who cared if she wasn’t popular? So what if she wasn’t a cheerleader? In ten years no one would even remember anything about high school because they’d be too busy with real life.

  Danni found her friends waiting for her in front of the campus, and she smiled. No matter what time she got to school, they always managed to be there before her.

  “Is Darren mad at me?” Marcy asked her.

  “No, but he did get kind of embarrassed about the way you stared at him,” Danni replied.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t visit him again,” Marcy said.

  “Or maybe you should keep visiting him until you get over it,” Chelsea suggested.

  “Look, it’s up to you if you want to see him, but you need to find a way to accept him,” Danni told her friend. “His arm is gone for good.”

  “How long are they going to keep him in the hospital anyway?” Chelsea asked.

  Danni shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “There’s our cue,” Chelsea said when the first bell of the morning rang.

  On her way to her sociology class, Danni realized she didn’t think much of sociology anymore. At the beginning of the year, the teacher told her students it would prepare them for real life. So far, the class had not lived up to that promise. Nothing in sociology had prepared her for the things she and Darren had already faced.

  * * *

  In the few minutes between first and second period, Danni took a chance that the restroom wouldn’t be packed full of girls. When she tried to step inside, she banged into a girl on her way out. It wasn’t until she took a step back that she realized she’d run into Whitney Wheeler, and the apology froze on her tongue.

  Whitney gave her a hard stare. “What?”

  “Sorry,” Danni said as she tried to pass.

  “Wait a minute.” Whitney blocked her way. “You’re Danni Singer, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can I get by?” a girl demanded from behind Danni.

  Danni stepped aside. “Sorry.”

  Realizing she wasn’t going to get into the restroom, Danni turned to leave, but Whitney followed her.

  “I heard you’re dating Darren now,” Whitney said.

  Danni frowned. “How do you know that?”

  Whitney laughed. “The same way everything gets around this school, rumors.”

  “Oh.”

  “I guess this is one rumor that’s true. What about the one about him losing the rest of his arm?” Whitney asked. “Is that one true?”

  “Yes.”

  “What does he look like now? Does he look all freakish and scary? Doesn’t it feel weird when he’s hugging you with just one arm?”

  Danni stopped walking and stared at her. How could she ask those kinds questions? Better yet, how did a sensitive, sweet guy like Darren Jacobs fall in love with a stuck-up, superficial snob like Whitney Wheeler?

  “What?” Whitney asked when Danni still hadn’t spoken.

  “Nothing,” Danni replied and walked away.

  * * *

  After spending the afternoon doing homework with her friends, Danni grabbed a quick bite of dinner and drove to the hospital to make her usual visit. The moment she entered Darren’s room, she stopped short.

  Darren was holding on to Justin’s arm as he walked back to his bed. Though his hospit
al gown was tied at the back of his neck, the rest of it flapped open, giving her a view of the best ass she had ever seen. If she thought that thing looked great in a pair of white baseball pants, it was nothing compared to what she was looking at now.

  Danni clenched her fists behind her back to keep from reaching out to touch it.

  “Uh, hi,” she said once Darren made it back to his bed.

  “Hey, Danni,” Justin replied, grinning at her.

  “Sorry to, um, interrupt,” Danni stammered.

  Justin laughed. “Sure. Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I’m feeling a little awkward here.”

  He’s feeling awkward? Danni thought, not moving any closer to Darren.

  Darren frowned at her. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s just that I, uh, just saw…”

  “I know what you saw,” Darren said, his neck reddening. “How was the show?”

  “Very nice,” she murmured.

  Grinning, he said, “Good, then come here and quit acting like you’re scared of me.”

  “Sorry,” Danni mumbled and took her place at his side.

  As soon as she sat down beside him, Darren leaned in to kiss her. With his tongue rolling over hers, the image of his ass hanging out of his hospital gown flashed behind her closed eyes. Danni kissed him a little deeper. Darren groaned, falling back against his pillows when they broke apart.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Good.” Danni started to kiss him again, but Darren pulled his head back. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I was just thinking you’ve seen me so I should see you.”

  Danni laughed. “Yeah, right!”

  “Fair’s fair.”

  “What are you expecting to see?”

  “Whatever you want to show me.”

  “I hope you don’t expect me to turn around and drop my jeans in the middle of your room,” Danni said. “I’d sure hate for Sally to see something like that when she brings your dinner tray.”

  “Yeah, this isn’t exactly the kind of place a shy guy like me is comfortable in.”

  “You keep saying you’re shy, but you don’t act that way with me.”

  “I trust you. Do you trust me, Danni?”

  They sat in silence for a moment, and Danni imagined him saying the same thing to Whitney before they had sex. As much as she appreciated his honesty, she wished she had never found out about Darren and Whitney doing it. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t erase the image from her head.

  Suddenly, Sally burst into the room. “Who’s ready for some dinner?”

  Darren grinned at her as Danni’s cheeks pinked once more. “Hey, Sally.”

  “Hey yourself, cutie,” Sally said. “How are you tonight, Danni?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Well, this looks great.” Sally placed the dinner tray in front of Darren. “I’ll be by later to pick this up. Enjoy your dinner, cutie.”

  Darren waited until she was gone before speaking again. “I hate it when she calls me that.”

  “But you are cute.” Danni giggled.

  “You should know.”

  “Give it up. I’m not going to turn around and let you see my ass.”

  Darren laughed. “I’ve never heard you curse before.”

  “If you say it turned you on, I think I’ll puke and ruin your dinner.”

  “You really want to know what turns me on?” Darren asked as he reached for her hand. “Come here and I’ll tell you.”

  “I’m here,” she whispered.

  “Kissing you turns me on,” he said. “Feeling your tongue on mine and watching you squirm turns me on because I know you feel as good as I do, but do you want to know what turns me on the most?”

  “What?” Danni asked.

  “The way you always blush. I always know what you’re thinking when I watch your face turn pink.”

  “What do you think I’m thinking?”

  “You’re thinking about sex and what it would be like with me.”

  Danni tried to laugh. “You’re so conceited.”

  “Am I wrong?”

  “No,” she said, blushing once more. “Do you want to know what else I’m thinking?”

  “What?” Darren asked.

  “I’m not crazy about showing you anything in here,” Danni said, and disappointment flickered in his eyes. “But I was thinking it would be okay if you touched me.”

  Darren swallowed. “What do you mean?”

  Moving closer to him, Danni brought her mouth down on his. As she did, she took Darren’s hand and slid it beneath her sweater. It was the first time she had ever been touched like that and she wished they didn’t have to stop.

  “Jesus, Danni,” he said when she pulled her lips away from his. “You really know how to get to me.”

  “Is that good?”

  “It’s good.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think we should stop. Sally’s going to be coming back for your dinner tray soon.”

  “Right,” Darren said and reached for his food.

  “You don’t want me to help you?”

  “No, I have to learn to do it myself since I’m going home tomorrow.”

  “Why don’t you look happy about that?” Danni asked. “You’ve been here almost a month.”

  “Yeah, and as much as it sucks, it’s safe in here, you know. In here the nurses call me cutie and I’m not just the guy with one arm.”

  “I don’t think of you as the guy with one arm.”

  “I know, but everyone else at school does. That’s why I’m thinking about not going back.”

  “You won’t graduate if you don’t go back,” Danni reminded him.

  “I could do home school, or I could just take the G.E.D. test and not even mess with school,” he said.

  “Why would you want to do that?”

  “I don’t know if I can handle facing everyone.”

  “School isn’t the only place where you’ll have to face people,” she said. “That starts the minute you leave this hospital.”

  “Yeah, but school is going to be the toughest place,” Darren replied.

  Thinking of Marcy’s fear of him and Whitney’s interrogation about his appearance, Danni couldn’t offer any argument. Since she didn’t think it would be fair to lie to him, she didn’t say anything.

  * * *

  Just as Danni curled up in bed, someone knocked on her bedroom door. “Come in,” she called. Her mom pushed open the door and came to sit at the foot of her bed. “Hey, Mom. What’s up?”

  “I hear Darren’s getting out of the hospital tomorrow.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Ann and I have stayed in contact since his surgery. I’m hoping we can manage lunch one of these days soon.”

  Danni smiled. “That’s nice.”

  “I wondered if you planned on being there for Darren tomorrow.”

  “I would’ve told you if I did.”

  “Does that mean you don’t want to be there?” Charmain asked.

  “I do, but I didn’t think I should miss any more classes since he said the doctors aren’t sure what time he’ll get to leave,” Danni explained.

  “You know, I’ve had some very nice conversations with Ann.”

  Danni frowned. “Um, that’s good.”

  “Ann tells me you’ve been going to see Darren since the second week he was admitted to the hospital,” Charmain said.

  “I told you that,” Danni reminded her.

  “I know,” Charmain agreed. “She also told me how much it’s meant to her that you’ve been there for Darren. In fact, she said the doctors told her they think the reason Darren’s adjusting so well to losing his arm is that he found a girl who cares about him as though nothing about him is any different.”

  “Nothing that’s important about Darren has changed,” Danni insisted. “He lost his arm, but he’s still the same person inside. That’s the person I love.”<
br />
  Charmain gave her a fond smile. “That’s why I think you should be there for him tomorrow when he leaves the hospital. It’s going to be a big step for him.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” Danni said, throwing her arms around her mother.

  “I should thank you.”

  “What? Why should you thank me?”

  “You taught me the difference that forgiveness can make in a person’s life,” Charmain answered. “I’ll leave you alone now. I imagine you’ll want to call Darren and tell him the good news.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” Danni said again as her mother closed the door behind her.

  * * *

  Unsure what time Darren would be allowed to go home, Danni was at the hospital by eight in the morning.

  Excitement lit up his eyes when she entered the room. “What are you doing here?”

  “That’s not a very good way to say hi to your girlfriend,” Danni teased.

  “I didn’t know you’d be coming. Won’t your mom be mad you skipped school?”

  “It was her idea.”

  “That’s cool. I’m glad you’re here.”

  “What time is your family coming?” Danni asked.

  As if on cue, Justin stepped into the room holding a plastic bag in his hand. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing,” Darren said. “What’s in the bag?”

  “I hope it’s breakfast because I’m getting hungry,” Danni said.

  “Sorry, it’s just street clothes,” Justin said with a sly grin. “So, D.J., you want me to help you get dressed or you want Danni to do it?”

  “I can do it myself,” Darren replied while Danni’s face flamed. “I want to take a shower and shave first.”

  “Okay, but don’t get the stitches wet,” Justin warned.

  “Yes, Mom,” Darren answered as he slid over to the edge of his bed.

  Justin moved toward him. “Here, let me help you.”

  “I can do it,” Darren snapped.

  “Come on, let me help you,” Justin repeated as Darren stared back at him. “Look, just humor your overprotective, big brother who’s scared of watching you fall.”

  Darren gave in, heaving a sigh. As Justin helped him to the bathroom, Danni averted her eyes. When the door closed behind them, she heard the sound of the shower start up before Justin cracked the door open and asked her to toss him the bag of clothes. Danni obliged, careful to keep her eyes from meeting his.