Monstrous as a Croc (Daughters of Neverland Book 4)

by Kendra Moreno

  “Mind if I join you?”

  I jerked at the voice, nearly hitting my head against the crate before stilling myself. Glancing to the side to find the speaker, my eyes trailed up the shirtless form of Pete and I nearly swallowed my tongue. When had he removed his shirt? When had he developed the muscles that made his choice to be a pirate apparent? His shoulders and arms were getting bulky, the muscles in his chest. He was still too young to develop the truly large muscles I knew he was capable of if he ever aged, but he was beautiful as he was.

  “There isn’t much room—”

  “I can squeeze in,” he reassured, and without waiting for me to answer, he scooted into my nook and took a seat, his shoulder pressed against mine in the tight space.

  I tensed, worried I’d give myself away in such a small space, that he would realize how I loved being this close to him, wished I could be closer. What if he didn’t like males? What if this was just him being friendly and nice? I’d been too jaded by my past to do anything more than be aware of the heat his naked skin gave off as he sat beside me, both of us concealed from prying eyes unless a sailor came specifically looking for us.

  “I can see why you come out here at night,” Pete whispered, staring up at the stars. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Yes,” I croaked, looking away from his jawline to stare up at the stars again. I was losing my composure fast and I didn’t want to find myself tossed overboard. “It’s nice sometimes to just exist beneath a sky studded with diamonds.”

  Pete smiled. “I never took you for a poet, Smee.”

  “I’m not,” I corrected.

  “A romantic then.” Pete glanced at me, but I kept my eyes dutifully on the sky, terrified if he met my eyes, he’d see the longing there. “Romantics look at the stars and see diamonds.”

  I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I cleared my throat, forcing them out. “I wouldn’t know. As you can see, there aren’t many girls to be romantic with onboard The Star Chaser.”

  It was second nature to lie, to put up an image of myself that wasn’t true to keep my secrets. The moment you mentioned a girl, none were the wiser, assuming you just had a lack of options rather than the fact you pined for one of your crew members. It was an easy role to slip into, one I detested with everything in me for the simple fact it was a horrible, no good lie. I’d never once been attracted to a female sexually. Not even a single time.

  Pete was silent for a moment, perhaps digesting my words, but when strong fingers were gripping my jawline and dragging my gaze to his, my own eyes widened. I didn’t jerk away, and that was probably a mistake. I should have jerked away, brushed off the way his touch sent tingles through my body, ignored the traitorous feelings in my eyes. Instead, I let his fingers grip my jaw and turn my head; I let him guide me until our eyes were locked. His gaze was soft, appraising, but I convinced myself it was just him being nice, that he didn’t understand the intimacy that came from touching another man in such a way.

  With his strong fingers holding my face and him far too close to me for me to keep level-headed, I waited for the words he was going to say, the dismissal, the disgust.

  “I think both you and I know you have no interest in girls, Smee,” he whispered, his gaze tracking across my face as if he was attempting to memorize every detail.

  Laughing nervously, I made to move away but his hold tightened, keeping me still. Arousal slammed into me so hard, I barely stopped myself from jerking harder. I felt caged by him, but the door was left open. I found I wanted to be caged by him, that I wanted his strong arms on either side of me. My cheeks flushed as the images crossed my mind but I held the gaze of Pete before me.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whispered, playing stupid. To admit it out loud would be to admit that I’d been hiding it all this time. Pete might look at me differently. Even if he weren’t judgmental, he’d stop being so friendly, and I was afraid what it would mean if he knew I found him attractive. I’d seen it happen too many times to count before I came to Neverland. I didn’t want to lose my friendship with him if it came down to it.

  “You’re afraid,” Pete murmured. “I understand. We’re living on a pirate ship that isn’t tolerant, floating in the middle of an ocean filled with monsters.” He grinned. “But you don’t have to hide in front of me when it’s just the two of us, Smee.”

  “I. . . don’t?” Still, his fingers held my chin and when his thumb began to brush against the slight scruff there, I nearly purred.

  “You don’t.” The corner of his eyes crinkled. “Because I feel it, too.”

  My heart stopped. I froze, unsure of what to do with the information, my mind feeling as if I’d overwhelmed it. Was I hearing correctly? Did Pete also prefer males?

  I was less graceful in my reply than I would have normally liked, especially considering Pete had just claimed to feel the same attraction to me as I felt to him, but it was the best I could do.

  “What?”

  “Surely you’ve felt my gaze on you, the way I purposely brush against you every chance I get, the way I go out of my way to ask you to teach me new things.”

  “You were just being nice.”

  His hands moved from my chin to the back of my neck and I let him, too shocked to do much of anything. “Was I?” His eyes grew hooded. “Or was I just imagining the way your lips would taste if I kiss you? Or the way your face would twist with ecstasy if I took you right here?”

  Heat flooded me and I shifted to hide the evidence, but Pete was already aware. He grabbed my hand and pressed it against his own hard length, nearly making me choke on my tongue. “I feel it, too,” he repeated. And then he dragged me closer.

  My other hand shot out on instinct to brace myself against his shoulder, my rough fingers touching against his now tanned skin and sending a violent shiver through me. His skin was warm, inviting, and I wanted to run my hand across the planes of his sculpting.

  “Say no and I’ll walk away,” Pete murmured softly, our lips barely a breath apart. “Tell me you don’t want me, lie to yourself again and say you prefer females, and I’ll leave you be.”

  Did I want that? There was barely any privacy onboard a pirate ship. This was the most I could do, hidden behind crates that never seemed to get used up, that never seemed to be empty. It was hardly enough room to confess my love and it was certainly less romantic than anything I had ever dreamed up.

  Staring into his eyes from this close, the stars reflecting in his irises, making them even more beautiful than they were normally, I knew I couldn’t walk away from him. If he was brave enough to confess to me, I could be brave enough to meet him in the middle.

  “Happy thoughts are dangerous in Neverland,” I rasped, and his fingers tightened at the nape of my neck.

  “Then it’s a good thing my thoughts aren’t happy,” he replied. “They’re dirty.”

  I swallowed down my fear and wrapped my fingers around his forearm, holding on in case this was the only chance I got. “I’m not saying no.” My voice was barely loud enough to hear but Pete heard every word. His lips parted on my words, and then he jerked me the remaining distance, his lips pressing against mine.

  For a moment, I froze. How long had it been since I kissed anyone? So long, I didn’t even remember the face of the boy before I came to Neverland, but the way Pete kissed me nearly made my soul leave my body.

  His lips conquered mine, the softness there only making him seem more ferocious somehow. He claimed me so thoroughly, I knew I would never belong to anyone else again. I kissed him back, our tongues tangling in a struggle for dominance, but I relented to him, allowed him to lead, until I was desperate for more.

  But we were still two men hiding behind a couple of crates on a pirate ship.

  We broke apart only because we had to breathe. Pete leaned his forehead against mine, both of us panting from the kiss. And then he was trailing his lips along my cheekbone, along my jaw, tracing the shell of my ear with his tongue, a
nd I shivered against him, melting at the contact until his strong arms wrapped around me and dragged me closer, practically sprawled on his lap.

  “I can keep it a secret,” he promised against my skin. “If we must. But know that every time I look at you, I’m imagining you without clothing. I’m imagining the way you’d look with my cock between your lips or the way you’d taste with yours between mine.” I went liquid as he leaned back and met my eyes.

  “This is dangerous,” I rasped, my voice husky with desire.

  “What’s the point of living if there’s no excitement involved?”

  I blinked and smiled, glancing down. It only brought his muscles into finer display and I found myself reaching out to run my hand along them. Dangerous. So dangerous, but Pete was right. What was the point of living if we didn’t live while we could breathe? When his abs quivered as I ran my fingers along them, I couldn’t help looking up at him slyly.

  This time, it was me that initiated the kiss, a gentle exploration rather than a claiming. “I’ve imagined how you would look, too,” I murmured against his mouth before leaning back.

  He raised his brows. “Oh?”

  “I’d teach you how to tie knots by using them to restrain your wrists. I’d let you practice them on me afterward.”

  Heat filled his eyes and he jerked me to him again. We took turns claiming each other with our lips but we never went further, not yet. I wasn’t the only romantic between us. Pete just never called himself one. But when the sun crested the horizon and neither one of us had managed to sleep, I didn’t complain when he left me behind the crates to make sure no one noticed we were both stepping free. We still had to keep it a secret, even if he returned my feelings.

  I realized with a start I hadn’t looked back at the stars even once. The sight of Pete had been far more beautiful.

  I slipped from my nook and started my duties for the day, and though I was tired, I didn’t let it affect me. When I began to hum a shanty beneath my breath, Pete’s eyes glanced at me, and the small curl of his lips made my heart throb.

  Chapter Four

  Stolen kisses and gentle touches behind crates when we were able to in the near darkness beneath a blanket of stars. That was the extent Pete and I could ever go to. There were no doors on a pirate ship save for the one to the Captain’s Quarters. There was no way to take an hour to each other. We were trapped onboard The Star Chaser, unable to outwardly speak of our relationship, unable to get caught, and it was growing more and more difficult.

  It took me entirely too long to realize what the feeling was that took root when I looked at Pete, when I watched him drag at the sail ropes to raise a sail, the way his muscles bunched and relaxed, the way he grinned at me afterward, knowing I was watching him. We’d been trailing around each other for a year, keeping it hidden behind a couple of crates that no one ever seemed to look behind, but I couldn’t ignore the feeling in my chest anymore.

  I was in love with the pirate.

  I couldn’t be sure he felt the same, but he never sought anyone else, never even looked at them the way he looked at me. He didn’t treat it like a game, though, sometimes, it felt like we were playing a game with the rest of the crew, a silly hide ‘n seek where, if we lost, we would be forced to walk the plank. Just the other night, we’d both been in our hammocks, the gentle rocking of the ship moving us to and fro. We’d been too tired from the sleepless nights to meet in secret behind the crates. Instead, as we laid there, as I stared at him in the darkness that never grew too dark to see, I’d watched as he pulled out his length and stroked it just for me. No one looked, the unspoken rule of not disturbing another crewman when he was pleasuring himself holding strong, so no one saw the way I did the same or the way we stroked ourselves to completion together.

  But we had to remain a secret. I could survive a toss overboard if we were close enough to shore but Pete, he couldn’t swim. Being tossed over would mean death for someone who couldn’t swim, who couldn’t fight off the mermaids at the same time.

  We were coiling ropes on the deck, working to move the heavy lengths into an organized shape rather than a knotted mess some of the others left the ropes in. “The Coven is more open,” I murmured. “Dangerous in other ways, but they don’t have the same rules as The Star Chaser.”

  “It doesn’t surprise me that pixies and fae are open sexually,” he replied, pulling more rope. “But wouldn’t we be in more danger walking in? They’re more blood-thirsty, I thought?”

  “The Tribe then. I’ve never heard of them shunning anyone or not being accepting.”

  “We should know what we walk into before we walk into it,” Pete advised, shaking his head. He lowered his voice. “I hate that we have to hide but I’d also rather not see you ripped to shreds or drained of your blood.”

  I sighed. He was right but I didn’t like it. How many years would it take to know what we walked into? How long would we have to worry about being punished for liking each other?

  As it turned out, there was still excitement to be had on The Star Chaser, even without trying to find a way to get on land. But it didn’t come from the other crew members or Captain Hook or even the mermaids who frequently attacked the ship.

  Excitement came in the form of a girl dropped onto the deck in a dirty nightdress.

  I’d watched Peter come closer, had called out. He was coming at the wrong time. He never brought a new boy on this day, never ventured out without reason, and he certainly never brought girls. He hadn’t spoken a word. Peter dropped the girl from too high and left, his face etched with clear annoyance.

  I’d stepped forward to help her, but before I could so much as offer my hand or get close, she’d been on her feet, a knife in her hand that someone had left out pointed at the Captain. I’d admired her then. She was skinny, too skinny, almost emaciated from whatever she’d survived with Peter. Though her hand shook as she held out the knife, she didn’t waver in her threat. A girl dropped onto the deck of an all-male pirate ship? She didn’t blink. She took on the challenge and didn’t waver even once.

  Wendy Darling.

  Brave, beautiful Wendy.

  I knew I would call her a friend even before she ever came up to me after the Captain made it clear she’d be staying and that she was off limits. I knew I would one day follow her somehow, even if it was to the bottom of the ocean. The look in her eyes, the strength, made me want to be her friend, and she sought out Pete and I most often when she wasn’t busy twisting Captain Hook up in knots. It was easy to see their connection, but as much as it pained me, the Captain was no good for her, not in his current state.

  Captain Hook was a dangerous man, but even I could see Wendy made him want to be better. The problem was, I wasn’t the only one who could see it.

  I was sitting on the opposite side of the deck from Pete, studying the landmass in the distance that always made my stomach roil, when Wendy plopped down on the crate beside me, her smile so bright, it rivaled the sun. It was easy to see why Captain Hook constantly had his eyes on her. It was easy to see she would one day be great.

  “If you keep glancing at him like that, you might undress him with your gaze alone.”

  I turned sharp eyes on Wendy and tensed, checking to make sure no one was close enough to hear her words. “Don’t speak of such things onboard this ship,” I whispered, making sure my eyes didn’t wander to the sight of Pete dragging the sails around again. Wendy was bright, noticed a great many things, but that didn’t mean it was so apparent that others couldn’t see. I hoped that was the case.

  Wendy’s expression grew sad at my words. “If it were my ship, there would be no such hindrances,” she murmured.

  How long had Wendy been on Hook’s ship? She was no longer too skinny, her body honed muscle from spending time working. She was far different than the girl with shaking hands who Peter dropped on deck. How many years? I could never keep track anymore. It only made me sink into a fog of sadness to keep track of how many years Pete and I co
uldn’t love each other properly.

  “If you ever have your own ship, I’d follow you regardless what you thought.” I smiled. “I like you, Wendy, but you best be careful of who you give your heart to, as well.”

  Her smile fell. “Apparently, you’re just as perceptive as I am.” Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair. “At least yours returns your feelings.”

  “I wouldn’t say he doesn’t return your feelings. You haven’t been in Neverland long enough to know what he was like before you appeared. He’s still a pirate, still cruel and arrogant, but he’s a little softer for you.” I shook my head. “If anyone hasn’t told you, happy thoughts are dangerous here, Wendy Darling. Be careful who you risk them for.”

  “Like you?” She smiled.

  “I gave my heart away knowing the risk.” I bumped her shoulder. “Make sure he’s worth the risk, Wendy. That’s all I ask.”

  She studied me for a moment before glancing across the deck to where Pete stood wiping his brow. “One day, you’ll love freely. I’ll make sure of it.”

  But I didn’t hold her to her promise because Neverland was a cruel and deadly place. It would take Wendy’s heart being crushed to truly feel it, but she never stopped being a friend.

  Even when the happy thoughts led to the danger we’d feared all along.

  She was the best of us, even before she became a Daughter.

  Chapter Five

  Somehow, we kept ourselves a secret for years and years. Sometimes, it was stolen kisses and hasty moments behind a crate. Other times, it was Wendy keeping watch outside the storage room for us. That worked for some time and it was easy to argue that everything was okay but keeping ourselves a secret was a constant wear. It was growing more and more difficult to look at each other when working and hide the love in our eyes. It was becoming problematic to squash the happy thoughts.