Monstrous as a Croc (Daughters of Neverland Book 4)

by Kendra Moreno

  Self-consciousness fills me. Flam, while he was gone, didn’t earn scars, not like mine. He didn’t lose his feathers or get trapped in the Badlands in his bird form for hundreds of years. He’s still just as beautiful as the day he left. And me? I’m a living museum of the destruction Alice wrought.

  I know he loves me. And I’ve never been a bird who worries, but something needles at the back of my brain, asking me how a Flamingo like him could still love me after everything I’ve suffered.

  “Doe,” Flam growls, stalking toward me like a predator, sending my heartrate into flutters. We may have been pretending to switch roles for the festival, and I’m certainly a predator in my own right, but not like Flam. “Don’t run,” he warns, but I’m already turning, already shooting into the trees.

  It isn’t because I’m scared of Flam. I’ve never feared him, no matter how brutal he can be, no matter what others saw him as. It’s because I’m afraid things are changing now that the high has worn off. We saved Wonderland. We saved the people of Neverland. And now we’re dealing with a new threat, and perhaps, love doesn’t stretch so far after the adrenaline of near death wears off.

  I’m fast, have always been fast. Only Atlas and sometimes White are faster than me, my scars on my legs slowing me down just a little, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still capable of running in my Dodo form. In my human form, I’m slower, feel everything more finely, so I stay in it. I want to feel the trees slapping against my skin, the sticks slicing shallow cuts in my feet that I can barely feel but begin to sting as I push through the trees.

  The force that slams into me nearly knocks my breath out of my chest, sending my vision hazy in confusion. For a moment, I don’t know which way is up or down, if I’m standing or not. And then I find myself pressed against a large tree trunk, looking up at a panting Flamingo.

  “You ran,” he accuses, his face twisted in a snarl. Hurt dances there, and I hate that I’ve caused it. “You ran from me.”

  “Not from you,” I whisper. “From my fear.”

  “And what do you fear, little bird?”

  The nickname, the tease, reminds me of a time long before this, when the Flamingo came up to me and turned my world upside down with a few lines, when the most we thought we’d face was the spiteful looks from other Wonderland creatures.

  “That you can’t love the Dodo Bird I’ve become,” I admit, looking away, but Flam’s strong fingers capture my chin and force my eyes back to his.

  “You think because you survived horrors that I wouldn’t love you anymore? You think because you bear scars that it makes you less beautiful?” Flam stares deep into my eyes. “Every battle scar is a testament to your strength. Every scar is a sign of when you needed me, and I wasn’t there. It’s not you who should be afraid I don’t love you, because no matter what, you’ve had my heart since the moment I saw you at the Star Fall Festival. If anyone should be afraid, it should be me.” He presses closer. “I left you alone to deal with Alice, to be trapped in the Badlands alone for centuries. You have every reason to hate me.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t. You were trapped outside Wonderland. I can’t blame you for that.”

  “Then how could you think I would think you less for surviving what most could not?” I blink up at him. “You’re allowed your fears, little bird. But let me assuage them when they come.”

  “Why won’t you speak of where you were before you came back?” I blurt and he freezes. “You don’t even want to talk, and I understand if it’s difficult, but you haven’t told me, haven’t spoken a word. Is it because you don’t trust me?”

  “No,” he growls. “It’s not.”

  “Then what is it? Why won’t you tell me anything at all?”

  “Doe.”

  “You’ve had years now to tell me, and I’ve waited for you to confide in me, but you never speak of it. You don’t even bring it up.”

  Flam snaps, his face twisting savagely just before he slams great black claws into the bark on either side of my head. I freeze, because if Flam was a predator before, he’s more so with his Jabberwocky side at the forefront. I don’t move, don’t jerk, but I’m not afraid of him; I’ve never been afraid. Flam takes three long deep breathes, but his claws don’t disappear.

  “It’s none of those things. There’s nothing wrong with you, Doe,” he snarls. But his next words come out on a choke. “It’s me.”

  I reach forward and cup his sharp jaw with my hands, holding him, looking into his eyes. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

  “You don’t know what I had to do, what I was forced to do to survive. You’ll look at me different if you knew, and I don’t want you looking at me like that.”

  “I have never once looked at your brutality and thought you anything less for it,” I say, holding him tighter.

  “And you’re a saint for it, but I’m still a beast, little bird. And in. . . Oz, the beasts have to remain beasts in order to survive.”

  “Oz.” I taste the word, don’t recognize it, but I know he’s telling the truth. “That’s where the old King and Queen sent you?” He nods, a muscle in his jaw twitching where he clenches it too hard. “And you think it’ll change my opinion of you to know what you had to do to survive in a strange world?”

  When he doesn’t answer, I lean up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his, kissing him gently. At first, he doesn’t react, but then his hands grip my hips, his claws digging in before he takes full control. He claims me hungrily, desperately, and I give myself over to him. When he trails his lips down my neck and he lifts me to wrap my legs around his hips, I hold myself to him, letting him absorb me.

  “No matter what you had to do,” I breathe, curling my fingers into his hair. “I don’t care. You don’t scare me, Flock Boy. You never have.”

  “Even if I killed?” he says against my skin. “Even if I brutalized people?”

  “Even if you destroyed an entire world, I wouldn’t care,” I admit. “Because I love every piece of you.”

  Flam pauses with his lips against my collarbone before he pulls back and looks me in my eyes. “You’ve always been too good for me, little bird.”

  “Never,” I growl, needing him to understand. “I would destroy worlds to save you, if it came to that. Never doubt what I will do to keep you.”

  “And yet, five minutes ago, you were running from me for fear that I couldn’t love your scars.” He raises his brow. “My beautiful, sweet, savage little bird.”

  “Don’t you forget it,” I growl and claim his lips again.

  There’s no more talking after that. With both of our wounds rubbed raw, our fears hanging between us and assuaged, we claim each other. Flam gives into his Jabberwocky side, the side that is just as much a part of him as the Flamingo is, and claims me with a viciousness that would scare most. With the side of my face pressed against the soft grass, Flam takes me from behind, controlling exactly how I move, my screams echoing around us. And then we switch and I claim him in return, riding him, taking as much as he does.

  “I love you, little bird,” Flam rasps, looking up at me with all the stars shining in his pink eyes, beautiful, strong, capable of horrible things if pressed but he always comes back to me. Even if his hands are coated in blood, I don’t care.

  “I love you, too, Flock Boy,” I reply, scraping talons down his chest, making his length jump inside me.

  In the end, when we both shatter, we hold each other too tightly, as if afraid we’ll shatter permanently. Wrapped in Flam’s arms, it’s easy to forget the silly worries I had before, the insecurity. I may be missing most of my feathers in my Dodo form, but Flam is right. It’s a sign of what I’d survived. As long as he loves me, I don’t mind.

  “I thought I was going to get to chase you,” I murmur against his skin, pressing a kiss right over his heart.

  A deep chuckle rumbles his chest. “You can chase me anytime you’d like, little bird. I’ll even pretend I’m trying to avoid your talons.”

 
I smile and run my fingers along his chiseled abs, across the lines inked there, tracing them. “At some point, if Oz is such a big threat, you’re going to have to tell the others.”

  “I know,” he murmurs. “Clara and Hatter didn’t seem to be participating. I was thinking of going to tell them now.” He looks down at me. “Will you stand beside me and hold my hand while I explain?”

  “Of course.” I press a kiss on his chin but before I can lean back, he captures my lips with his in a quick kiss before holding me tighter. “I’ll always be beside you, Flam. You’ve had my heart since you declared I was going to be your wife long before we knew each other.”

  We both laugh, and before we go to tell Clara and Hatter the danger that’s coming, we just absorb each other, happy to take a stolen moment to ourselves to pretend like the worlds weren’t going to shit.

  The Flamingo and the Dodo Bird. Husband and wife. Two predators pretending we were anything other than savage, wild beasts.

  I held my Flamingo a little bit tighter, just in case.

  Chapter Seven

  CLARA BEE

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Hatter asks me for the hundredth time. His eyes reveal all his worry, but I wave it away.

  I haven’t been feeling well. It’s strange. Since I came to Wonderland, I haven’t suffered a cold or any ailment. Now, I seem to be suffering from some sort of stomach virus, nausea hitting me in waves at the worst moments. I’d planned on being chased through the woods, and instead, I keep feeling dizzy and like I need to empty my stomach.

  “I’m fine. Just a sickness. The worlds clashing together must have brought it.” It’s a good explanation, but as I say the words, they feel wrong. Something else is happening but I don’t want to worry Hatter. My words don’t seem to settle him any more than they settle my stomach. The smells around us seem stronger, worse, and they make my gut roil just a little more.

  Everyone else has disappeared to celebrate the festival. A few lingered but disappeared inside the Hatter’s house. The two of us are the only ones still in the clearing, so I grab Hatter’s hand and tug.

  “Let’s take a walk. Maybe that’ll settle my stomach.”

  Immediately taking my hand when I stand, Hatter curls it around his elbow, offering support without seeming like he is. If I ask, he’ll say it’s to make sure the Empress doesn’t appear weak, but I know it’s only because he’s worried for me.

  Flam and Doe disappeared over half an hour ago, the only ones left. They hadn’t looked happy when they’d taken off. I hope they aren’t having problems. Flam and Doe’s love story is my favorite, two creatures who couldn’t stop their feelings from demanding they be together, no matter their differences. There is so much love surrounding us now. It feels like ages ago when I was the only one falling in love with the Hatter. Now, there’s love no matter which direction you look, and a child! Aniya’s a pleasure to have around. Tiger Lily’s daughter is powerful, adorable, and I frequently sit with her to play. There’s nothing quite as relaxing as playing pretend with a little girl.

  The world rumbles beneath our feet, and a soft growl comes from behind us. I grin over my shoulder at the tiger trailing along, the beautiful creature sticking around even after everything that’s happened. “You can come, River,” I coo. After all, we’re just taking a walk. I don’t know if my stomach can handle anything else.

  “This doesn’t seem right. You’re weak, sick.” Hatter frowns. “We don’t get sick in Wonderland, Clara.”

  “It’s fine,” I reassure him again, but I don’t believe the words myself. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but when we break from the trees and come to a cliff that certainly hadn’t been there before, my nausea at the smell of the flowers climbing up a tree is momentarily forgotten. “What is that?” I whisper, staring at the four bisecting sections spread out below us, a large green castle in the center.

  But it isn’t Hatter that answers me.

  Flam and Doe step from the trees, their eyes on the world spread out below us.

  “It’s Oz,” Flam answers. He glances at Doe, so much love in his eyes, it makes my heart throb. If there was ever a question if the Flamingo loved the Dodo Bird, it would be shattered by the look in his eyes. “I once went to the world in search of a powerful wizard, sent by the old King and Queen, but the wizard turned out to be nothing more than a man behind a curtain, as powerless as I was to leave.”

  I blink, glancing back down at the world. Each section looks vastly different, as if ruled by a different set of rules. The green palace in the center rises high, but while it looks like it should be bright and glittering, it’s dark instead.

  “Is it safe? Is it like Wonderland?” Hatter asks.

  Another wave of nausea rolls through me and I press my hand to my stomach to calm it, trying my best not to barf here in front of everyone.

  “Oz is worse,” Flam admits, grimacing. “In Oz, there was no Red Queen, because they were all wicked. Oz is full of villains. The better you are, the more you get destroyed. The only way to survive is to become just as they are.”

  Doe’s eyes trace over my face before going down to where I hold my stomach. “You should sit down, Clara,” she murmurs, offering her hand to take me to a downed log off to the side. I take it gratefully. Sitting down helps the vertigo and nausea just a little, even if the smell of the flowers is strong and acidic. I take deep long breathes to try and calm the sickness, but it doesn’t seem to work. Hatter and Flam continue to talk at the edge of the cliff but when I expect Doe to return to their side, she takes a seat beside me instead.

  “How long?”

  “What?” I look at Doe in confusion. She nods to where I hold my stomach. “I’ve been sick for a few days now. I think it’s just a stomach virus. I know we don’t get sick normally but with all the worlds crashing together, things are bound to come through.”

  For a moment, Doe doesn’t say anything. Together, we watch Flam and Hatter talk, Flam revealing what he knows of the land below us, the new threat. If they’re all villains, we will be facing something worse again, I just know it.

  “You and I both know that isn’t true,” Doe says, her voice so low, I barely catch it.

  “What do you mean?” The nausea gets worse, my stomach roiling, and I can feel that I’m going to puke. I shift away from Doe just a little, determined to turn the other way.

  “You’re not sick, Clara.” Her dark eyes meet mine, tracing my features. Then she places her hand against my stomach. “You’re pregnant.”

  The vomit comes up my throat then, and I just barely turn away to avoid doing so at my feet or on Doe. I hack and hack until I can’t breathe. Doe rubs small circles on my back, supporting me until Hatter runs over to take over, worry on his face. I can feel Doe and Flam’s eyes meet, but I put my hand on her wrist.

  I’ll tell Hatter when I’m ready, when I’m sure. Doe could be wrong. There’s too much going on, too many things to figure out, to speak of it now, to wonder. Does Wonderland have pregnancy tests? I’d kill for a pharmacy right about now.

  “Clara,” Doe chides but I shake my head, urging her not to speak.

  I’m the Empress, and I have a duty to Wonderland first.

  Carefully, my shaking fingers press against my stomach and the words ring through my mind. As Hatter flutters around me in worry, I wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and frown. We’d planned for everything, prepared for everything, but this? I didn’t plan for this.

  Hatter lifts me from the log and starts to carry me back to his house, Flam and Doe following silently behind us, their eyes on me, knowing. I can’t keep it a secret, not with so many clever predators around us. I don’t want to, but what will Hatter think if it’s true? We’ve never discussed children, didn’t even consider it a possibility.

  “I think Clara has something she needs to tell everyone,” Doe murmurs, not heeding my warning, taking things into her own hands. I scowl at her as she turns and heads back to the house. “I’ll go gather the
others.” Flam, to his credit, only grins at me as he follows his wife to go round up everyone.

  “What are they talking about?” Hatter asks, his eyes tracing my face in worry. Nausea fills me again and I can’t stop it from coming up, right across Hatter’s chest, but he doesn’t flinch. His face pinches in sharper worry, with fear. “Are you dying?”

  I try to wipe his chest and cringe when I make it worse. Oh, God. Here it goes. I can’t let Hatter think I’m dying, no matter how scared I am to tell the truth. His fingers tighten around me as he waits for an answer.

  “No,” I rasp, my face flushing. “No, I’m not dying, Hatter.”

  “Then what did Doe mean?”

  I take a deep breath and meet his eyes.

  Well, fuck. . .

  Merry Festival of the Danu to us.

  TO CONTINUE THE ADVENTURE…

  SET OFF TO A NEW WORLD WITH

  ‘HEARTLESS AS A TIN MAN’

  books2read.com/heartlessasatinman

  Acknowledgments

  I gotta start this off thanking my bestie, Katie Knight. You’re always there for me, Kate-won Kenobi, and I don’t know where I’d be without you. Thank you for always being there for me and being an amazing friend. We may be on different continents, but it never matters. You’re amazing.

  Thanks to everyone who helps my books reach their birth into the world. Mallory Kent, Dani Black, and Ruxandra Tudorica. Y’all made this book as beautiful as I’d always hoped. Thank you for working with me. Thanks, Ruxandra for working with that crocodile headdress. Lol.

  And finally, thanks to all the readers who continue picking up my books and cheering me on. Y’all are the reason I can keep doing this, the reason I get to not only complete Wonderland and Neverland, but that we get to start a new world, too. Thank you for being excited, for commenting in the reader group, for leaving reviews, for being absolutely amazing. I’m so excited to write new books simply because y’all are always there just as excited to read them. Thank you for being the best readers ever!