Hunger

by Jacquelyn Frank

  “Why? Why am I kidding myself? Why can’t you have a happily-ever-after any more or less than the next guy?”

  “I’m not the next guy. I’m not a nice guy. Guys who aren’t nice don’t deserve women like you.”

  “I see. I’m only good enough for the Michaels of this world?”

  “No! What the fuck, Felice? No woman deserves the Michaels of this world!”

  “And you think you’re no better than he is?”

  “If I let you in then no, I’m no better than he is,” he said quietly.

  “Why? What is so fucking wrong with you?” she demanded.

  He was surprised to hear the crass word on her lips, that much was obvious. He didn’t let it sway him from his course.

  “Everything is wrong with me, Felice. I’m dangerous. Deadly. I’m rude and crude. I’m not a nice man and I don’t deserve nice things.”

  “That’s total bullshit. I think you’re just being selfish. You want what you think is right and fuck the whole rest of the world!”

  “See? I told you. I’m not nice.”

  “I don’t want nice. I want you. And despite what you think, despite what you like to show to the world…you do care. If you didn’t you would have left me to rot in that warehouse. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be trying to push me away now. You’ve convinced yourself you’re being noble. That you’re protecting me.”

  “I am protecting you! Can’t you see that?” Halo ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I’m too dangerous for you to be around. I can’t keep you safe! I have too many enemies who would love to get their hands on you. You don’t deserve to live looking over your shoulder. I know what that’s like. I live it every day. There’s never any peace. There’s no comfort from anywhere. It never ends.”

  “Let me be your peace,” she said vehemently, putting her hand over his. “Let me be your comfort and you can be mine. It can be you and me against the world. Can’t you see how wonderful that would be?”

  “All I can see is how hard a life like that would be on someone with such a gentle soul,” he said, turning his hand to catch her fingers and squeeze them tightly. “Go away, Felice. Go find peace and comfort somewhere else. You won’t find them here.”

  “I disagree. And maybe this isn’t about my peace and comfort. Maybe it’s about yours. Did you ever think of that? Did you ever think that maybe I’m meant to bring those things to you? Everyone deserves solace in their lives.”

  “Not me.”

  “Why not? Why not you?”

  He turned in his seat to face her. As if he couldn’t help himself he reached out and stroked a finger over her cheek. She turned into the touch, caught up his hand, and pressed a fervent kiss into the center of his palm. Then she bit down gently on the meat of it just below his thumb. Heat flared in his eyes. She was so relieved to see it. She was relieved to know that, despite everything he was saying, he still wanted her. She would even venture to say he wanted her more than anything else in the world. She didn’t think that was being egotistical at all. She had just come to know him. He may act hard and harsh, but it was clear he longed for gentler things in his life. He needed balance for all the bad things he suffered day in and day out.

  That was when she realized what it must be like for him. To have to hunt those who had once been his friends. If not friends, colleagues. He thought that if he kept everyone at a distance, he didn’t have to care about being forced to take their lives. Roth had once been a colleague. Whether he had liked him or not, dealt with him or not, it had to be hard to watch someone cross the line from law-abiding to lawless. To watch them throw away everything that they were. Everything they were meant to be.

  “I told you. I’m not a nice man,” he said softly.

  “If I wanted a nice man I wouldn’t be here! And you’re nicer than you think you are. You have a code. You obey the law. If you weren’t worthy of a good life then you would have thrown it all away and crossed over when you fed from me. But instead you fought it. Fought the high for yourself and for me. Kept yourself from taking the easy way out.”

  “You have no idea how hard that was,” he said fiercely. “Even now…even now I look at you and I wonder if I would feel the same way feeding from you now that you’re clean. In fact, it’s almost all I can think about. Biting you. Drawing sustenance from you. Feeding my starving soul. It’s dangerous. So damn dangerous.”

  “I think it’s hot,” she whispered just as fiercely. “I think of the way it felt and all I want is for you to do it to me again. I get wet just thinking about it. Just like now.”

  He groaned and suddenly gripped her head between his hands. “Stop it! Stop tempting me!”

  “No. I’ll never stop. I’ll want you, danger and all, every moment of every day. You’re just going to have to live with that. I won’t have it any other way. Even if I have to chase you down in every bar from here to Timbuktu. I swear it. I won’t let you go. I’m right about this. You’ll see.”

  “Like you were right about Michael?” he asked bitterly.

  “Stop comparing yourself to him. The two of you couldn’t be more different if you tried. Michael was evil, pure and simple. You are far from evil. Evil men don’t hunt down their friends at the cost of their soul because no one else wants to do it.”

  “I don’t have any friends,” he denied.

  “You don’t have any now. You sacrificed that so you wouldn’t have to cope with losing them. Well, you don’t have to worry about losing me. I can’t ever turn into a sycophant.”

  “Yeah, but you’ll grow old and die,” he said, stroking her lips with his thumb.

  “Planning on keeping me around that long, eh?” she asked.

  “Longer if I could,” he said, for the first time showing signs of relenting. It made her grow warm and full inside.

  “Why waste time then? If time is so finite and if you want me, why are we wasting time fighting and arguing and resisting?”

  “I don’t know,” he confessed. “It’s just that…I’ve never wanted anything this much before. And I’ve never wanted to protect someone from myself more than I want to protect you.”

  “Well then, the best way for you to do that is by keeping me close so you can head off any dangers that may come my way.”

  “That makes no sense,” he said. “If I’m the cause of the trouble isn’t it better I keep my distance?”

  “I already told you…that isn’t going to happen. So you might as well stick close and protect me as best as you are able. And knowing you the way I do, you are very able indeed.”

  “Damn it, woman, why does everything you say seem to make so much sense to you and leave me shaking my head in confusion?”

  “Do yourself a favor. Just roll with it. It’ll figure itself out as we go.”

  He suddenly pulled her in sharply, seizing her lips fiercely. He kissed her as if his life depended on it. She supposed it did. His entire future depended on that kiss giving him clarity. It must have done so because he kissed her again. The hunger of his kisses was undeniable. When he finally broke from her they were both panting for breath.

  “I’ll most likely change my mind in the morning,” he warned her.

  “Let’s take it one morning at a time,” she suggested.

  “Yes. Let’s.”

  Halo shoved her out of the booth, following immediately behind. He threw a few dollars down on the table and grabbed her hand. He led her outside to a Harley and detached two helmets. He handed her one and put on the other. She eagerly followed suit and hopped onto the bike behind him.

  They didn’t go far. He drove around the corner to a small house. They were in Queens, not too far off the boulevard. He parked the bike in the garage and led her into the house.

  “You own this?” she asked.

  “Rent. It’s good enough for my four TVs and some decent furniture.”

  She noted the furniture as he led her past it and directly up the stairs. It was nice and serviceable. When he led her in
to the bedroom she got the impression of a bed and a dresser before he was yanking her into his arms and kissing her passionately. She felt relief all the way in her soul with every gentle touch of his hands on her skin. It was so profound it left her weak. She clung to his body, using it as a frame to keep herself upright.

  Halo wasted very little time with preliminaries. He kissed her down the side of her neck, lifting her hair away, kissing her until he was closing his mouth over the back of her neck. She felt a thrill rush through her, her nipples hardening and her body tensing in glorious anticipation. He chuckled and his mouth slid away, trailing back over her collarbone.

  “It won’t be that easy, greedy girl. I want to be inside of you when I feed this time.”

  Felice felt her entire soul flame fiercely with the heat of the suggestion. She went wonderfully wet, her panties growing damp as her body curved eagerly into his.

  “Then what are you waiting for?” she demanded of him. “I want you. Now. You’ve denied me for weeks. Now it’s time to give yourself to me.”

  He pulled back the collar of her shirt, still moving slowly and purposefully. He found the red, puckered fresh scarring of the bullet wound she had suffered and kissed her there next.

  “Poor puss,” he murmured. “You’ve suffered so much because of me.”

  She frowned. “You had nothing to do with this. This was all Michael. You saved me, remember? Stop blaming yourself!”

  “Maybe this time, but what about next?” He pulled back and frowned down on her.

  Oh no. She was having none of it. He wasn’t going to pull away now. She had made too much progress to let him slip back into that way of thinking.

  She cuddled up tightly to his body, her hands traveling down the contours of his shoulders, chest, and belly. As she moved farther down she said, “You won’t let anything happen to me. I believe that with all of my heart. And even if something did happen it wouldn’t be your fault. I’m making this choice, I’m going into it with my eyes wide open. Now you can accept that or not. You decide now and then I don’t want to hear about it again. It’ll be resolved between us. No backing out.”

  She stacked the deck in her favor however. She ran a strong palm down the length of his zipper and cupped his hard member through the denim of his jeans.

  “Do you want me or not?” she asked with raspy seduction. She kissed up the side of his neck. Gently bit his ear. Breathed her hot breath against him.

  “Goddammit, Felice,” he groaned, surging against her bold palm and searching fingers. She rapidly undid his fly, reached in, and wrapped her hand around his turgid cock. She stroked him, felt his rapid breaths against her skin. Then he was suddenly stripping off her sweater, exposing her skin to the slightly chill air of the room. He was like a furnace though, more than enough heat radiating off him to keep her warm.

  “Answer me,” she breathed as his large hand boldly cupped her breast through her bra. Then he impatiently stripped down the strap, exposing her full flesh and nipple to the air. It was the side of her body where she had been shot, so they could both see the contrast of the angry spot in relation to her otherwise perfect skin. She slid her fingers aggressively into his hair and pulled him down to her nipple. All the while she kept her other hand around him, stroking him relentlessly, firing up every one of his nerves and senses. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer and she was going to do everything in her power to put this behind them once and for all.

  “I want you,” he rasped, kissing the soft, sensitive skin of her breast right above her nipple. “I’ve never wanted anything in my life as badly as I want you. And that scares me. It scares the holy hell out of me.”

  “I can work with that,” she said with a soft growl as she raised up on her toes just enough to brush her hard nipple across his lips. He accepted the invitation with a vengeance, his mouth closing over her fiercely, the suction he used almost violent. She felt it in every corner of her soul, right down to her toes, her fingers tightening around the strands of his hair convulsively. Halo cupped her breast on the opposite side briefly before his fingers blindly found the front clasp of her bra and released it with a snap. She chuckled.

  “You’re far too good at that,” she said.

  He lifted his head from her breast and smiled at her with roguish charm. “Would you prefer I was a virgin?”

  She laughed in a hard burst.

  “Were you ever a virgin? I can’t imagine it.”

  “I was…but not for very long,” he said with a wink.

  She shrugged out of her bra and released her stroking grasp on him in order to unbutton her jeans and shuck them from her body. She shivered in the chill air and he frowned.

  “Let me turn up the heat,” he said.

  “Yes. By all means. Let’s turn up the heat,” she said seductively right before she dropped to her knees before him.

  “Jesus Christ,” he swore with a gasp as she worked his pants open the rest of the way and drew them down his legs. He braced himself on her shoulder as she helped rid him of his boots and let him step out of his jeans. She then stroked thoughtful fingers over his feet, feeling their smooth warmth. She scraped her nails up through the hair on his calves. She rose up fully on her knees and continued stroking her nails up over the flesh of his thighs, her caress hungry and fierce. He wasn’t wearing any underwear and she found herself looking at his glorious, gorgeous cock. He was so hard and thick…so impressive. She had never known such a beautiful man before. She had never felt such all-consuming hunger for a man either.

  Thinking of that hunger, she took him in her hand, closing her fist around him, stroking him eagerly by running her hand from root to tip and back again. Felice could feel his cock twitching in her hand and it made her smile. She enjoyed her effect on him, loved how much he desired her—it was all so apparent in the reactions of his body. The way he tensed and surged into her caresses, the way he groaned, growled, or grunted, the way his breath quickened and his hands came to either side of her head.

  Then she opened her mouth and took him in.

  He swore fiercely, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks as she felt him tense. She knew immediately it was because he felt he needed to hold back. That he needed to be gentle with her. But she didn’t want gentle. She wanted his savagery. She wanted him to be all that he was.

  She knew the best way to encourage him to do just that was to tempt him beyond governing. To take him past his threshold of control.

  She sucked him deeply into her mouth. She kept her hand on him, wrapped snugly around the base of his cock, guiding him in and out of her mouth. She sucked and laved in concert with squeezes and caresses. It didn’t take long for him to begin thrusting against her palate in short, controlled movements. But as much as he was conscious of not hurting her he was also, in his mind, pushing her past what she was capable of. She knew he felt like he was bullying her, pressuring her to get his way. She knew it by the curses that left his mouth and the trembling in his body as he tried to restrain himself and failed miserably.

  “Enough!” he gasped at last. “I can’t take any more of you like this. Not without losing all control. I don’t want to do that. I want to have you a dozen ways before I do that.”

  She decided to allow this. She was just as desperate for him as he was for her and his desperation fueled her passion for him. She rose to her feet with his urging, her mouth clashing with his instantly. His tongue plundered and robbed her of all sense and breath. His hands slid down her body with fierce, hungry caresses. Her naked skin craved his touch, her body curving into his hands at every opportunity. She was no slouch either. Her hands still stroked him. One around his hard cock, the other traveling his body wherever she could reach. She gripped at him. Clung to him. She never wanted to let him go and she conveyed that with her touch. He was eager to be caught and held by her. He no longer sought escape. He had committed to her and like all things he committed to, she would have his undying loyalty. He did not give it lightly, but when h
e did he was all in.

  He grabbed her by both upper arms and pulled her from his mouth. She felt the manhandling through her still sore shoulder and winced ever so slightly. It was not lost on him.

  “Damn it, I’m sorry. I forgot.”

  He gentled then, bending to scoop her up in his arms and lay her along the center of his bed. Once he had her there he stood back to look at her. He shook his head, reached to grab her panties and slide them down her legs. Then he stood back once more and drank her in with hungry eyes.

  “I’ve thought of having you in my bed like this so many times. Sometimes to the point of not being able to think of anything else. And now here you are. I keep trying to tell myself to wake the fuck up. To stop tormenting myself with the impossible, as I’ve done for the past two weeks. To the point where I haven’t slept in a week, haven’t fed for days. I know,” he said at her expression of alarm, “that’s bad. But I—”

  “Bad? It’s incredibly dangerous! You said yourself that there are people out there who would exploit any weakness!”

  “Well…” He smiled and knelt on the bed, leaning over her. Caging her body with his. “What are you going to do about it?”

  A thrill rushed through her as the obvious solution presented itself. She felt her nipples tighten and her breath quicken. A savage craving etched across her every live nerve. Her hands gripped at him and pulled him down to her.

  “Please,” she invited him breathlessly. It was the only word she could form. The only plea she could make.

  “First, spread your legs for me,” he said on a growl.

  She did so eagerly. So quickly it made him chuckle. She raised a knee up on either side of his body, caging his hips between her thighs. She wrapped her calves around the backs of his thighs and drew him down.

  “Easy. Not so fast,” he said, but he was breathless as he said it.

  “I don’t want to wait,” she told him.

  He didn’t respond and she couldn’t tell if it was because he agreed with her or not. She found out the answer when he reached between her legs and settled a stirring touch against her flesh there. He was going to take his time. He would not be rushed by her impatience or his own. He had the time to enjoy her at last and he was going to take full advantage of it.